The silence is driving me crazy. Nobody is speaking, everyone is staring into the flames or onto the floor. I'm no longer cold, in fact, I'm hot enough to be almost feverish. I roll up my sleeves but with the fire warming the room, it won't make much difference. I could probably be sitting here naked and still feel hot.
I agreed to come back to Arnold and Bertrands' house. We all need to talk. Which is why it's weird that nobody is saying anything. I don't want to be the first to speak, though. Yes, I have about a thousand questions, but maybe Torben or the others should go first.
Good girl. Let the alpha talk first. Important rule. Unless you're more dominant than the alpha. Then you begin.
Just when I thought I got rid of the voice in my head, she's back. Maybe I am running a fever? Hallucinations? Again?
Stop the charade. You know who I am.
No, I don't. Leave me alone.
Suddenly, everyone is staring at me. Did I say that aloud? Ooops.
"I was just telling her to... never mind," I mutter, remembering that I probably shouldn't admit to hearing voices. I may be surrounded by bear shifters, but that doesn't mean that they won't know crazy when they see it.
"So it has started," Arnold says softly. Not at all ominous. Yeah, right.
"It's too fast," his partner murmurs with a frown. "Her bear shouldn't appear just before it's too late. The last warning sign. But she's not at that stage yet."
My bear.
What. The. Fuck.
I should have known. They told me I wasn't turning into a bear. Instead, I've got a bear parasite inside of me. Alis.
Hey sweetie. You finally got it.
I want to throw her out of my brain. Except that might not be where she is. How does this work? How is she inside of me? Do I suddenly have two minds? Two souls? And when my claws appear, is that her doing?
Yup, that's me. I don't have much control yet, but claws are easy.
I shake my head.
"No. This isn't happening. Get her out of me."
Húnn gently puts a hand on my shoulder but I shake him off. I wrap my arms around my knees and bury my face on my legs. I don't want to see any of them. They've done this to me. I've never wanted to be anything but human. Even when I met the bears, I didn't want to be one of them. I'm Isla, just Isla, the human girl from Salvation Island. I am not a bear shifter.
"That isn't possible, honey," Finn says softly. I hate him for using that nickname. It's a thing of the past. I'm so done with all of them.
"The moment you drank Torben's blood-"
"Wait, I drank his blood?!" I'm on my feet in a flash, prowling towards Torben.
"I wouldn't do that. Why would I do that?"
Bertrand clears his throat. "When a male bear is aroused, he releases pheromones that have an effect on the female. It makes her ready to take him and if she's his mate, ready to conceive. Women respond in different ways to it. For female bears, it gives her more energy and pleasure. In humans, it's not very well researched. Most bears stay amongst themselves and don't interact much with humans. But for you... well, you bit Torben's shoulder and began to drink his blood."
"No, that can't be..." I stand in the middle of the room, not sure what to say or do. His eyes are telling the truth, and I dimly remember a strange taste in my mouth. But... no.
"Why didn't he stop me?" I ask Bertrand, ignoring Torben.
"His bear had taken over. That can happen when they meet their... mate. He didn't have enough control to stop you."
"Please tell me you didn't say 'mate' just now," I mumble, feeling a little faint. It's too much.
Torben sighs. "I wasn't sure before. I didn't think it would happen the first time, otherwise, I would have never let us get that far. Usually, it takes a few times for mates to recognise each other. And even then, the bear gives some warning. But in our case it was different. Maybe it's because you're human. I don't know anyone who's been mated to a human before."
"I do," Arnold says and everyone turns to him. He's grabbing his partner's hand and it looks like he's nervous. "I was mated to a human man once, a long time ago. I didn't realise we belonged together until our third... encounter. My bear warned me and I managed to keep the man from biting me. We mated but in a controlled way. It's hard if you want them to stay human as you always need to be in perfect control. But I respected his wishes, even though it was hard sometimes."
A solitary tear is running down his cheek.
"What happened to him?" I ask gently and he gives me a sad smile.
"He died in a traffic accident. Shortly afterwards, I met Bertie. I'm honoured to have found two mates in my lifetime. Some people never even find one."
I'm tempted to go over and give him a hug. He looks so sad, but then he turns to Bertrand and smiles. Their love is real and it warms my heart to see it. But they are both shifters. They don't have the problem I have with Torben.
"So what happens now?" I ask, hugging myself. My anger has lessened and a deep sadness has taken hold. I think I'm saying goodbye to my old life. I know it's over.
"What did you learn from reading the book?" Bertrand asks.
I frown. Surely he's read it himself?
"When Torben slept with me, he started the bonding process. The bond changes both partners and makes them more compatible with each other. In my case, it's the extra strength and better senses." I look at my fingers. "And the claws, I guess. Not sure what's changed for Torben. But the bond is hungry and needs energy to do its work. If it isn't completed, the female dies."
"And so does the male," Ràn says quietly. I look at him in surprise. He's been quiet all this time. And the male... no wonder Torben is looking that ill.
"But it didn't say that in the book," I stammer, feeling like someone punched me in the gut. Torben is dying. I can't let that happen. "But I feel better now... shouldn't he be better as well?"
"The bond is now getting all the energy from me," Torben mutters. His skin has taken on a sickly pallor and there's a slight tremor in his limbs. My heart goes out to him but my mind stops it. It's his own fault.
He needs your help. Alis sounds sad. Now that I know she isn't a figment of my imagination, I notice how she has her own distinct voice. And she's definitely got a personality that's different from my own. I kind of want to get to know her better - and tell her to get out of my body afterwards. It's mine. My ovaries, my boobs, my body.
"How can we stop it?" I ask before Alis can prod me further.
Torben looks at me in surprise. "The only way is to complete the bond. But I don't want to force you to do it. I got us into this mess, so I should be the one to deal with the consequences."
I laugh hysterically. "I wouldn't call dying 'deal with the consequences. The book didn't say anything about how to complete the bond. In fact, it said that if it wasn't completed during... sex," I swallow before I say that word, I'm still not quite used to that kind of language, "that I'd die. End of."
"What kind of book did you give her?" Finn asks angrily and our hosts look a little uncomfortable.
"It does say it in the next chapter," Bertrand mumbles. "What she read is written to scare teenagers into never having sex unless they're sure about it. Then in the chapter after, it tells them how to rectify it."
I stare at him. "So nobody needs to die?"
Arnold snickers until he sees how serious I am. "Unless you try to kill yourself again or refuse to complete the bond, nobody is going to die."
"So how do we complete that stupid bond?"
You know that already, Alis whispers and she's right. I just don't want to believe it.
"You... ehm... have to sleep together," Bertrand explains, blushing slightly. "You passed out last time so the bond didn't get a chance to form. And I assume that this time, Torben will have to drink some of your blood."
"Not going to do it," I say automatically. I have no idea what I was thinking when I bit Torben, but at least I can blame it on his pheromones. I was in a frenzy and only half-conscious. There, I've got a good excuse.
Torben gets up on his feet, swaying slightly. Húnn moves to help him, but the alpha shakes his head. He's too proud.
It kills me to see him like that.
You love him.
For once, Alis may be right. Now that he's standing in front of me, the suffering clear in his face, I know that he's doing this for me. That he really is sorry. That it was an accident. That it could have - no, should have been a beautiful moment between us two, not a mating went wrong. All I wanted was to be with him. Give myself to him. Except that it went a bit too far.
Yes, becoming a bear shifter is maybe a bit more than you bargained for.
"What happens if we complete the bond?" I whisper and a flicker of hope lights up in Torben's eyes. "Will I become human again? Or a full bear shifter?"
"I don't know," Torben says just as quietly. "It's not always the same when humans are involved. If your bear is strong, she'll come to the surface and you'll be a shifter just like us. If not, you'll stay as you are now, human on the outside and a little bit of bear on the inside."
I can't resist a smile when he mentions my bear's strength. Oh yes, she's certainly that. I wouldn't be surprised if she was stronger than any of them.
You bet. More dominant, too. We're going to show them.
Did you just say 'we'?
She's quiet for a moment. Maybe she just misspoke? I don't know enough about shifters and their relationships with their bears. Somehow I always assumed they'd just take on the form of a bear, maybe a bit of the mental state as well, but not have an actual bear live inside them. Like Alis. How did that even work?
Later. I think you should say something, Torben is looking close to keeling over.
She's right. He's swaying more than ever. I take a step forward and put my arms around his waist, steadying him in the disguise of a hug. I don't want him to look weak in front of his friends.
"She is strong," I confirm. "So all we need to do is have sex and drink blood?"
Finn chuckles behind me, breaking the tension a little.
"Yes, pretty much." Torben's expression has lightened a bit, but the tension around his eyes is still there. His pain must be getting worse. I feel guilty that I'm now strong and healthy again.
"How did you even do it?" I blurt out and he looks at me in confusion.
"Do what?"
"Make the bond stop taking my energy? Making it just take yours?"
He grimaces. "My bear told me how to do it. He's feeling just as guilty about it all as I am."
I frown. "You've never talked about your bear like that before."
"We don't usually do that. When we're shifted, our bears talk to each other and we humans go into the background. Right now, it's the opposite. We respect that and don't talk much about our other selves."
"So you see him as part of yourself? Just split apart?"
"I guess. There are many theories of how it works, but of course, nobody really knows. Science doesn't really explain shifting."
He trembles and I grip him tighter, enjoying the closeness. Inside, I'm still a little torn over it all. I was so angry, why am I so quick to forgive? Shouldn't I be harder on him? On the others?
Maybe I'm just tired of the conflict. And I can't stand here and watch him suffer. I'm a healer, for goodness sake.
"Out, everybody," I command loudly and strangely enough, they leave without a word. I'm glad, it could have been a lot more embarrassing.
"Sit down," I tell Torben and help him lower himself to the floor. He's shaking all over and I don't know what to do. I've only been with a man - this man - once, so me taking the initiative is not really making sense. Oh well. Bonnie and Clyde will guide me.
Alis, if I do this, I want you to stay out of my mind, okay? It's hard enough to deal with it all without having a snarky bear doing a running commentary.
Okay, but I want a full report later. And some time with Torben's bear. He smells delicious.
I give her a mental nod and put a pillow under Torben's head. He offers me a weak smile in response.
"What do we do now?" I ask, trying to hide my unease.
"Kiss me."
It's a command, and despite the weakness in his voice, I can see his inner strength coming through. I lie on the ground beside him and gently nudge him to turn his head until we're looking at each other. His face looks a little healthier now, even though we haven't even started. Good. I could do with him being a bit more energetic. More in control.
I kiss him, placing my lips on his, hoping that he'll respond. They're chapped and colder than before, but he smells like himself. I take a deep breath. Now I know what Alis was talking about. His scent fills my nose and I open my mouth in response, covering his, sucking on his bottom lip. He groans and finally returns the kiss in the same rough, claiming way as before.
He puts an arm around me and pulls me closer until our bodies are pressed together, my warmth meeting his coldness. I hope he's getting warmer soon, this can't be a healthy temperature. The fire is still burning strongly and I'm almost sweaty, so he really shouldn't be this cold. Maybe some more kissing will do the trick.
I playfully nudge him with my tongue and he responds in kind until we're dancing together. Never leaving my lips, he slides up my jumper until my bra is out in the open. Only then does he end the kiss and moves back a little to look at me.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks, just as out of breath as I am.
"Yes. Regardless of what happened, I want you. And not just because my bear is horny as hell."
I'm so glad Alis seems to be keeping her promise and isn't listening in.
He chuckles, moves my arms up and pulls my jumper over my head. I sigh as I feel some air on my skin. So good. I was starting to boil. Not that I'm feeling any cooler, on the contrary. There's some heat pooling between my legs that aches for attention. Torben's attention, preferably.
"I'd love to do some foreplay but the bond is impatient," he groans as he lifts himself up. He looks slightly better than before and isn't swaying as much while he takes off his shoes and jeans.
And yes, he's aroused. Lots. Yummy. Drool. Did I mention that he's not wearing anything under the jeans? He's naked. Very naked. And I want to jump up and jump him.
Without him having to say anything, I take off my own trousers and throw them aside. I'm ready for him, despite the lack of anything more than a bit of kissing.
I spread my legs to invite him in, but he lies on his back next to me instead and nudges me to climb on top of him. A bit unsure, I do as he asks. It can't be that difficult, right? I just have to guide him to my entrance and then lower myself down and... ahhhh. He feels bigger than I remember, but last time my mind was clouded with overactive pheromones. This time, I am fully myself, taking in every sensation as I rock up and down on him. He lets me set the pace and I take full advantage of that, starting slow. I'm still getting used to his girth, but the slight pain only adds to the pleasure building deep within me.
When I'm fully adjusted, he puts his hands on my hips and begins to take control, directing me at the pace he wants to. The rougher he gets, the healthier he looks. His eyes are turning bright blue again and his gaze locks mine in place. He's back, my strong Torben is back.
He's leading me closer towards my climax and judging from his groans, he's not far away from his either.
Then he stops and I look at him in confusion. Is there something wrong?
"Isla, I need to bite you," he whispers. I'm torn between lust and principles. Surely any self-respecting woman wouldn't let someone drink her blood? Then I remember that I did the same to him and ignore the nagging voice inside my head. Not Alis, this time, just my own subconscious.
"Do it," I moan, lying down on top of him so my neck is within reach. He's not a vampire, but I bit him there, so maybe he wants to do the same?
He gently kisses the nape of my neck and I shiver in anticipation.
"Ready?" he whispers hoarsely. All I can do is nod.
He thrusts into me at the same time as his teeth break my skin and my thoughts are taken over by nothing but bliss and pleasure. I can feel him gently sucking on my neck but the main sensation is him moving in me, bringing me to the edge. We fall over it together, our sweaty bodies united in one movement.
This time, I stay conscious and get to experience it all. The elation, the force of my core contracting, the feeling of him spilling his seed within me. We stay in the same position, holding each other tight, his mouth still on my neck, licking up the trickle of blood pouring from my skin.
We are one, we are mates.