It's like waking up from a shallow, unsatisfying sleep. The kind where you remember tossing around in your bed, trying to fall asleep, only to realise again and again that you're still awake. The difference is that usually, I don't wake up naked, cold and surrounded by bears.
I have a vague memory of being one of them. A polar bear like Torben, but I don't know exactly what I looked like. I need to ask Alis to seek out a mirror next time we shift. I'm not vain, but I want to know how big polar bear me is. And if I'm pretty. Okay, maybe I am vain.
I get up on all fours - what? Silly Isla. You're human, you don't have paws. And you walk on your legs. On two of them. Hands are not supposed to be on the ground.
Behind me, the bears are growling with laughter and I have to hide a smile myself. I must look hilarious, standing on all fours in the snow. Naked. Why do I always end up like that? But I guess it must be the same for all shifters. I wish shifting with clothes was possible. So much less embarrassing.
I get up and walk into the house - like a human - closing the door behind me. Like promised, a pile of clothes is waiting for me and I gratefully put them on. Such a good feeling to have something covering my bare skin. The guys don't seem to get that. Maybe it's because they grew up as shifters.
I open the front door and close it again immediately. They didn't wait for their shifting. And I'm not sure I wanted to see as much as I just did. I've seen Torben naked before, of course (and in all his glory), but the others...
Bonnie and Clyde are telling me to go out there and look again. And maybe touch a little. But if I do that now, I'll lose my clothes again and... and... and... I'm struggling to find good reasons why I shouldn't go out there. Torben said that bears were used to sharing their females. With the female being the one to choose who she's with. But I don't even know if they're all interested. Torben's my mate, so I know he's mine, and Finn has definitely shown that he wants me just as much as I want him. But the two brothers... maybe they just want friendship? Back at the women's house, where I tried on the dress that led to me and Torben starting the mating bond, they did look like they were interested. Hungry. But who knows if they were only interested in me physically... and that's not enough. I'm not that kind of girl.
Trust me, they're more than just interested.
How do you know that?
I have eyes, silly girl. And even before I could look through yours, I saw them. They're just waiting for the right moment. And for you to show that you're not going to reject them.
Is that really what they think?
I can't look into their minds, but it's obvious. I think if Torben hadn't made the first move on you, they would have. Although they respect their alpha a lot, so maybe they're also waiting for him to approve.
Torben isn't going to have to approve anything. I'm the one making the decision. And if I want them, I'm going to have them.
That's my girl. I think I made them pretty tired though with all the running, so you better wait until they're in better condition. You'll want them to have stamina.
I blush as she sends me some very explicit images of me sandwiched between Húnn and Ràn. That makes me think... Alis, are you interested in them as well?
There's only silence for a moment and I fear that she is. How is that supposed to work?
No, I have my own mate.
Finally! Then I notice that she's only just been born if you can say it like that. I still don't get how she was suddenly inside me. The sciency part of my brain just doesn't understand it. Even after I accepted that bear shifters exist, having one in my head makes it all a lot more real. Is she a shifter? Or a bear? A spirit?
A nymph actually, but that was long ago. I won't bore you with the history, so all you need to know is that you aren't my first human host and that I have a mate who isn't here with me, but who I will always stay true to. Now either go outside and look at their balls or go eat something. I can hear your stomach growling.
With that, she disappears, leaving an echo filled with sadness behind. Her story can't be a happy one, with a mate that isn't with her. And did she say nymph? I'm not even quite sure what that means. Greek history? Or Roman? The Drowning spoiled any chance of a good education I might have had. My general knowledge is terrible, but at least I have my medical skills.
Alis? Tell me more?
No response. I take her advice and make my way into the kitchen where I find a large plate stacked with sandwiches. Arnold and Bertrand are the perfect hosts. I just wish we could repay them somehow. They're going out of their way to keep us fed and make us feel welcome, but I'm sure their resources aren't limitless. On Salvation Island, I was useful as a healer because there were many people and someone would get injured or sick every other day. But here, it's just the seven of us. I go through my skills... not many. I can cook, but the two older bears are definitely better at it. I can write and read, I'm good with children, I can knit and sew, and living on the island also taught me some basic DIY skills. Sometimes we all had to pitch in when a house needed to be built or the community hall needed repairs. But I don't see any of these skills come in handy here.
I feel completely useless. We won't be able to stay long once they find out. I doubt they like freeloaders. Unless my four bears have any amazing skills they can bring to the table. Maybe they're better at hunting? I'm still having trouble imagining a panda run after prey. That reminds me, I now know that Alis can fish... I hope Bertrand and Arnold like fish.
I take my half-eaten sandwich and join them in the living room. Húnn is sitting by the fire, watching our hosts play chess. There's no sign of the other three.
"Do you play?" I ask him and he nods.
"Ràn is much better though, he always beats me."
I try and hide my surprise but he sees it and grins. "Most people are surprised when they hear Ràn plays chess. He reads a lot, too. You wouldn't guess that based on how little he speaks."
Arnold gets up and rummages in a cupboard close to the fireplace. "We've got a second board somewhere... ah, here it is."
He passes me a beautiful wooden case and I take it gingerly. The black and white squares are made of something cool and polished, porcelain maybe. Inside the box are intricately carved chess pieces, each of them a work of art. I set up the board, admiring each piece in turn.
"Who made them?" I ask and the two older shifters smile at each other.
"A craftsman in China, in the village where my family came from. We went there about twenty years ago, back to the roots and all that. People thought pandas were endangered back then, but nothing could be further from the truth. There were whole villages with not a single human. All just panda shifters. It was incredible, I learned so much about our heritage. They were a bit confused though that I didn't speak Chinese."
He chuckles. "It's strange to suddenly come to a foreign place and find hundreds of relatives living there. I was adopted and brought up in the UK and never knew if I had any living family. Turns out I have more than enough. Now, let me see how good you two are at chess."
Under their scrutiny, Húnn and I start our match. It's clear that he's a lot better than me. He seems to be able to plan his moves far in advance, while I go along with whatever challenge he sets me. I can see the others cringe at some of the moves I make.
Just when Húnn tells me "checkmate", the other guys join us. No idea where they've been all this time, but having them close makes me feel happy. Like I missed them before - which of course is crazy. You don't miss someone who's only been gone for half an hour.
"Did you lose, honey?" Finn asks and I smile at him. He hasn't used that pet name in a while. "Do you need cheering up?"
"Depends on what that entails," I hedge, hoping that kissing might be involved. Or getting to sit on his lap, I remember that being very comfortable. A girl can dream.
"Want to play against me? I always lose," he says instead and to my great disappointment.
"No, I want to see Ràn beat his brother." When they all look at me incredulously, I add, "At chess. Not with fists."
"Ràn doesn't play chess," Torben says, confusion on his face.
I frown. "But Húnn said..."
Ràn sits down next to me and stares at the board. "I play. Haven't done it in a while, that's all."
I find it strange that the others don't know about that but don't ask. Instead, I snuggle against him as he puts the chess pieces back into their starting position.
When the board is set, he picks me up and puts me on his lap, held in place by his legs. I'm a little surprised, but then it was me who instigated it by putting my head on his shoulder. Again, I'm wondering if this is friends-cuddling or more-than-friends-cuddling.
The latter, Alis pipes up in my head. If you lean back a little, you'll feel it.
Without trying to arouse suspicion, I wiggle backwards until my bum is against his.... ehm, yes, it's more than friends. Unless he reacts like that to his friends. But that was would be a little worrying. Or unless he's permanently aroused...
Stop it. He wants you, but with you being the alpha's, he won't make a move. It's for you to tell him what you want.
How do I do that?
Alis groans. Are all humans this stupid? Just kiss him, or put your hand on him, or tell him to fuck you, I don't care.
Watch your language. You're in my head, we talk properly in here. No swearing.
You do it all the time.
Yes, but it's my head. Now be quiet, I want to watch the match.
Húnn has made the first move and it's Ràn's turn now. He has to reach around me to move his pawn and his bicep gently brushes against my side. And my breast, a little. My skin tingles where I felt his touch. I want more. When he does the next move, I twist my body so his arm has to touch even more of me. I don't know if he notices, but on his third move, he groans as it becomes clear what I'm doing.
"Isla, I can't concentrate like this."
I want to tell him that I know, that I can feel the evidence of his distraction press against my bum, but I just smile innocently at Húnn, who's watching me with amusement.
"You said your brother always wins? Let's see if he wins this time."
The guys laugh and even Ràn chuckles, making his chest vibrate softly. Whenever he makes a move, I twist so he brushes my boobs, or wiggle my bum against his erection. I'm having great fun, and so are the others. Húnn winks at me when Ràn starts to curse. Looks like the game is not going like he'd planned. Poor bear. Maybe I need to console him later. I can think of a few ways how to do that.
You're doing well, Alis praises me. Almost as sneaky as I would have done it.
I wouldn't call it sneaky. It's obvious what I'm doing. I carefully look at Torben to see if there's any jealousy in his eyes, but he's laughing at my antics just like the others. Alis was right. As the female, I make the decisions about who I want to be with.
And right now, I've got my eyes set on Ràn. Is that greedy, knowing that I already have a mate and have kissed another guy in this room? Perhaps. Maybe it's the bear in me who's wanting more than one man.
Don't blame it all on me, little human. You wanted them long before I joined you.
Yes, maybe. But I didn't have the courage to act on it before. Now I have a bear inside me...
You flatter me.
I do? Wasn't my intention.
I give Ràn a break and watch them play. Still, his erection isn't disappearing, despite me stopping my wiggling around. Maybe my theory about him being always aroused was correct...
Oh, stop it. Kiss him or do something else, but stop whining and doubting yourself.
I should listen to my inner bear. She says she's old, and maybe that means she's wise. I turn around and surprise Ràn by gently pressing my lips against his. He groans and immediately pulls me closer, deepening the kiss and taking over from my tentative attempts. Húnn clears his throat, probably annoyed at me for disrupting their game, but I couldn't care less. Ràn tastes amazing, like dark chocolate and cinnamon, slightly earthy, very male. I kiss him as if I'm starving, clinging to him like a monkey. Or a koala bear.
He runs his hands over my back and a shiver runs through my body. I want him so much. Our tongues dance but he is the one to lead, he sets the pace. I go with it, letting me drift on this stream of desire. Ràn is an expert at this and he knows how to make me feel good. I wrap my legs around his waist and feel his erection against my belly. If there weren't other people in the room, I'd rip his trousers off without a moment's hesitation.
"We'll excuse ourselves," Arnold says with a chuckle and a second later, the door opens and closes. Our hosts have left, sparing me the embarrassment of making out in front of them like a bear in heat. But how could I resist Ràn? He smells, tastes, feels amazing. Different from Torben, different from Finn, unique in his own, alluring way.
I run my hands through his short hair, wishing it was longer so I could grip it properly. I feel like I need him even closer, even though our bodies are already pressed together and our tongues are entwined.
"Do you want us to leave?" Húnn asks softly. I'm busy kissing, I can't respond, so I try and shake my head but that goes awfully wrong. I bite Ràn's lip while moving my head and he groans and kisses me even harder. Did he take it as encouragement? Hell, I should bite him more often. He seems to like it.
Húnn must have understood my clumsy gesture because none of the guys move from their seats. They must be watching us, and in my mind, I imagine feeling their stares on my back, but I don't care. On the contrary, I like that they're here. I want them to watch as I give myself to Ràn.
A warm breath reaches the back of my neck, followed by soft lips a second later. Tentative kisses are pressed on my skin and I moan against Ràn's mouth. Encouraged, Húnn moves along my shoulder, sliding my top down as far as he can. He leaves trails of kisses all over my collarbone before settling on the nape of my neck. The side where Torben bit me. I checked in the mirror this morning, there was no trace of a bite left. Either I heal faster now that I'm a shifter, or there was something special about that bite. Either or, I enjoyed the pain of it. The elation, the bond. I want Húnn to do it. I want him to taste my blood, take a piece of me within himself. And then for Ràn to do the same. I want to merge with the two brothers and be with them at the same time.
I like your thinking!
"Alis!" I shout, noticing too late that it didn't just happen in my mind.
Ràn licks his swollen lips. "What did she say?"
I feel my cheeks warm and know that I must be blushing. I had hoped that turning into a bear shifter would get rid of that embarrassing habit my body has acquired over the years. Blushing is for teenagers, not for grown women.
Torben gets up and prowls towards me. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my head until I'm looking straight into his pale blue eyes. They're piercing as ever.
"Did she tell you to stop?"
"No," I whisper, my embarrassment reaching new levels. How can I be so confident on the inside, but as soon as I'm confronted about my sexual desires I turn red-faced and shy? Get a grip, Isla. Now's your chance.
He smiles. "Did she encourage you?"
I nod, still not finding my voice.
"Isla, we should have probably talked about this before... now, but bear females aren't bound to one male. They-"
"I know," I interrupt him. "Alis told me."
His smile grows into something different. Less humorous, more desiring. Like he's getting close to the end of his hunt and his prey is in sight.
"And what do you think about that?"
It takes me a moment to get my thoughts in order. This is not a conversation I was planning on having any time soon. Cringe.
"I like it. I like you all. I more-than-like you all. And right now, I'd like some more kisses, please. From all of you."
Torben chuckles and bends down, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"Like this?"
I growl at him and he laughs even more.
"Don't make me angry. Kiss me. Properly. Hard. Now."
"That's more like it." The next thing I know, his lips are on mine and he kisses me like there's no tomorrow. I'm still on Ràn's lap, whose hands are slipping under my top. Húnn's mouth is back on my shoulder, gently nibbling on my skin. And Finn, he's there as well, kissing my right breast through the fabric of my shirt. My nipples are swollen and hard and his ministrations only make them more sensitive.
A moment later, my clothes are gone and discarded on the floor. I moan as their hands roam over my body, all the sensations are making me dizzy. In a good way, a very good way. I let go and enjoy their attention as they bring me closer and closer to the point of no return. I lose track of time and space; their touch is all that matters. I start to stroke their bodies, returning the favour, but my focus lies on that twitchy feeling inside of me which is promising fulfilment.
When Ràn finally glides into me, I explode at his first thrust, screaming in ecstasy. They all get their turn, though, each of them marking me with their scent. Now that I'm a shifter, I have a new awareness of how being close to them changes me. Other bears will be able to smell them on me, and I will proudly wear that scent, showing that I not only have one but four mates. I am insatiable, and my heart is big enough for them all.