When I was fifteen years old my pastor at the time in Manchester was going divorce, I did not know why he and his wife then broke up. I can tell you he was a man God anointed to preach the gospel, he would preach and many come to acknowledge God as saviour.
During the Easter holiday in this same year another young church sister was going to help him to straighten up his house and asked me to go with her. I honestly didn't want to go, but the lady I was living with at the time said I should.
Well I went and we wash clean and while we were sitting in one of the room watching TV he send the next girl to shop and while she was gone he held me down and force me to have sex with me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn't. I told I was going to talk what he done, he told me no one would believe that he would done something like that because he is the pastor. I was so hurt because he is the one who should be looking after the sheep that God have place him to watch over instead he is hurt and killing them.
I cried and said God is you place him in my life, God you let him hurt me like this, God he is supposed to be my pastor so why you did not stop it, why you allow this to happen and you God know hat have happen before you know I was broken and hurt from pass experiences and pain. God he is the one that baptised me three years ago, so why God.
Whenever I went to church and see him preaching as if nothing happen makes me mad more and more until I couldn't take it no more, until I prayed and ask God to kill him.
A few months later he met in a car accident where he broke some bones. Everyone at church was so cut up about it but for me I said to myself serve him right he got what he deserves. I pretend for some time as if I cared, I even shed a few tears to let it seems real. They prayed for me and then they asked me to pray I didn't at first but they keep say you got to pray,
You got to pray.
I started to cry and said God me real have to pray fi him when him violate me, when he took sex from me that I didn't give to him, God you always bring men in my life that just took it without permission, what is it about me that I have been in this over and over and all you do is just sit on your throne watching.
I eventually pray, he was all right, which cause me to be so fed you with God and the whole church thing.
For I was angry and bitter for years I blamed God for allowing this to happen. I was so angry at the point whenever I hear his name I got angry and upset. I didn't speak to him, I don't ask about him. I pretend that he never exists. I never talk about what happen on that Easter Monday.
But I thank God today I got over this hurdle. 2015 at Youth retreat where I broke down and talk about what have happen and I was able to let go and let God fix my broken heart. I final forgive him for hurting me the way he did, for broken my trust.
Numbers 14:18- The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty.
In other words God will handle those who have wronged us, for He does not let the guilty go unpunished
Daniel 9:9 The Lord our God is a merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him
I thank God that I am able to let go of this pain and hurt and to move on with my life.
I can say like the Psalm 51:8-make me to hear joy and gladness let the bones which you have broken rejoice.