Raven's POV
Tuesday
After Sean came to pick me up yesterday, he didn't speak to me the whole car ride home. He hasn't said anything to me since we left the principal's office and now I'm getting worried. It's been a while since he's been this mad at me. The last time was when he found out I was fooling around with a dude who was 3 years older than me. It was during my freshmen year, I was 13 at the time, and I was exploring my "sexual desires". I never planned on going all the way with the dude. It still ended with disappointment, regret, and Sean enrolling me in this homeschool program near our place.
When we got home, neither of us spoke to each other. We both went into our rooms and stayed there the whole night. I'm going to say sorry once Sean gets back from work…and tell him what happened yesterday. I get why he's pissed – he's the silent type when mad – it was my first day yesterday and I had already beaten up Redwood High's so-called "Prince". Getting in trouble isn't new to me at all, ever since I was a little girl I would cause so much trouble that everyone back…home…labeled me as "The Troubled McClain" or "The Dangerous/Cursed McClain". My reputation spread around school fast. Students who've known me since elementary started getting wary, but respected me out of fear. The new kinds stayed clear of me, not wanting to get on my bad side. In the end, I became a loner. Being a loner wasn't that bad after a year, it was better that way.
I get up from my bed and head towards my bathroom. After doing my business and wash my hands, I look at myself in the mirror.
"Raven…get a hold of yourself…" I whisper stupidly hoping it'd work. Stupid me. I look at my chocolate brown eyes, the same brown eyes my mother had. My eyes were the favorite part of my whole self, but ever since…ever since that night, I started hating my eyes. It was only a reminder of who I lost. Mom and Dad said that my eyes were the most beautiful features I've had since I was a baby.
I quickly turn away from the mirror hating what I see in the mirror. I put on an oversized sweater and head towards Sean's room.
"Sean?" I lightly knock on his door. I hear movement behind the door and I step back when the door opens.
"Raven?" he sounded tired and surprised, probably thought I would be at school right now.
"Can we talk?" I look up at my big brother, "it's about what happened yesterday." I look down waiting for his reply, instead, I see his feet move to the side to let me in. I enter his room and sit on his bed. He has the family picture on his nightstand. It was a family picture we took at the beach. We look so happy…if I only knew that was the last time I had with them, I would've-
"What happened yesterday, Raven?" I snap back to reality and turn my head to look at Sean. He looks a lot like dad, especially around the eyes when he laughs and smiles.
"Raven," his voice brings me back from my thoughts, "what happened yesterday?" his face had a mix of worry and a hint of distress.
"I beat Jackson during free period…"
"Yeah, I know about that. I got a call during my meeting about you beating up a student. What I want to know is why."
At least he isn't as mad as he was yesterday.
"Raven, we moved here to have a better life. I don't want to have to move again because you keep getting into trouble. If mom and dad-"
"DO NOT BRING THEM UP!" I get up and look up at my brother, anger and hurt written all over my face. "THE ONLY REASON JACKSON GOT HIS ASS WHOOPED BY ME IS BECAUSE HE BROUGHT UP MOM AND DAD WHEN HE HAD NO RIGHT TO!" my voice breaking at the end. Fucking hell, I hate crying.
"Raven…" Sean reaches out to hold me but I back up a little. He slides his hands down his face letting them rest behind his neck and looks at me. "The reason Jackson even knew about mom and dad was that-"
"I know…how he knows…" I say quietly, cutting him off. "Jackson told me that you told him what happened to our parents." I sit back down on the edge of the bed and Sean sits next to me. I put my face into my hands and quietly sob.
"It wasn't your fault, Raven." Sean pulls me into his arms and rubs my back. "It wasn't your fault."
I can feel my heartbreak at the words. If it wasn't my fault, then why does this guilt inside me keep weighing me down?
We don't say anything for a couple of minutes, his arms still around me in a comforting hug. If you only knew what I'd done, you wouldn't be comforting me the way you are right now. I take in a few breaths before wrapping my arms around him.
"I'm sorry…" I say into his shirt. Sean kisses the top of my head and rests his cheek on top after.
"I'm sorry, too, little bird. It's just-" he lets out a small sigh before continuing, "I know you can hold your own, but you need to remember you aren't the only one hurting. You're not alone either. I'm here for you always and I promise you I'm not going anywhere."
I nod my head into his chest and hold him a little tighter like if I loosened just a tiny bit, he'd disappear too.
"I know…and I know that you miss the old me." I feel him tense up a tiny bit. "Jackson told me that you missed the little sister you had before …the accident." I let him go and look up at him, giving him a tiny smile.
"It's still me, Sean. Even when you think that version of me disappeared, that person you're looking for is still here. She just needs more time to heal." I grasp his hand in mine giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm still your little bird"
"My little bird." he presses his forehead against mine and lets out a satisfied sigh.
After that little moment, everything went back to normal and now we were in the living room having a movie marathon with some Mexican takeout. Sean kept bugging me to tell him what Jackson said that got me to beat his ass – he was very proud about me beating a dude who was a whole foot taller than me – I didn't tell him what Jackson said because I knew he would beat the poor kid once he saw him. When he finally let the subject go, we talked about his job and how Ronan wanted to come over and visit us so that his sister, Scarlett, would quit threatening him about cutting his balls off and shoving each one up his ass and down his throat.
Ronan and Sean have known each other since they were in diapers, the same with Scarlett and me. The McClain and Banes have been best friends…forever, at least that was how they explained it. So it didn't surprise them that their kids would also be best friends.
My mom and Scarlett's dad, Uncle Niel – his real name is Daniel, but he goes by Niel –, are childhood friends. Their family tried setting them up together thinking they were destined together, but they were into different people. My dad and Uncle Niel met in middle school, then around freshmen year, Aunt Janice transferred to their high school. Mom and Aunt Janice were on the volleyball team together and became best friends upon their first meeting. She introduced Aunt Janice to Uncle Dan during lunch one day and turns out that he was "love struck" when he saw her during the girl's volleyball home game. They ended up dating the summer before sophomore year. Mom and Dad had a rough start because Dad would bully mom and say it was because she "frustrates him to the max". Uncle Niel could tell that they liked each other but was just too stupid to admit it. Around junior year, Mom started dating this dude and that was when Dad realized what he felt towards Mom. After junior year, mom broke up with the dude because she found out he was dared to. Dad and Mom dated after graduating high school. The rest is history.
Ronan Banes works at his dad's business company and my brother is his partner. I don't exactly know what kind of business it is but I know that the job makes my brother happy and pays well. Ronan is the type of person that can switch from being a kid in a man's body to a professional worker to "big brother" mode in a matter of seconds. The same can be said with Scarlett. Just like her brother, she is also very well organized with everything in her life, she has brains and beauty. In general, Scarlett is someone I think everyone would be happy to have in their life. I know I am.
When Sean and I were going through the loss of our parents, the Banes took us in and helped us get back on our feet. They even helped us move here to Redwood Hills and get settled into our new home.
"Raven? You ok?" Sean looked at me with a bit of worry, I guess I zoned out for a while.
"Yea, I was just remembering the time when Aunt Janice and Uncle Daniel took care of us…and how Scarlett had only the shell of me…"
"Hey, it wasn't your fault…" taking my hands into his, "you were just lost after what happened. Don't think about that from now on, ok?" I look at Sean and give him a forced smile.
The rest of the night we finished our movie marathon and got ready for bed. We said our goodnights before heading into our rooms and went to bed.