Raven looks over at Sin to see that he is already looking at her. Turning her body to face him, she takes a deep breath before talking.
"I know I have to explain to you why I was ignoring and evading you, along with everyone else I'm close with." Raven looks down at her twiddling thumbs, nervous about how the conversation would turn out.
"When I was 12, my parents had taken me to a doctor because they said I was sick." Raven's voice slightly trembled at the memory of when her parents were alive. She looked into Sin's eyes, for a few minutes, before starting.
"The doctor told my parents that I was physically healthy. My parents were relieved for just a moment before they had realized the doctor only said physically. When my mom caught on, she said that a 12-year-old child can't be depressed, that I was only doing it for attention."
Sin, seeing how it was hard for Raven, took her hand into his to keep it from shaking. He didn't say anything, only nodding his head for her to continue and that he was listening.
"My dad was silent the whole time he was driving. Mom, on the other hand, was displeased and disappointed with the news. I had my earbuds in, pretending that music was playing. In reality, I wanted to hear what my mother had to say."
Raven could feel a cry stuck in her throat. She never liked crying in front of anyone. Her mother had told her that crying was a weakness and that people would take advantage of her if they saw her cry. She took a couple of seconds to get her trembling breathing steady before continuing.
Sin never let her hand go. He continued grazing his thumb across her hand, hoping it'd help her to keep moving forward. He could tell that she wanted to cry. Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't let them fall. Sin saw how strong Raven was. He didn't see any sign of weakness in Raven. The fact that she was willing to tell him her story, even though it hurt her just talking about it, was strength in his eyes.
Before Raven continued, she cleared her throat. "I remember what she said like it was just a couple of seconds ago. She said that if I had depression, then I should have killed myself. But I'm still alive, so that means it's all for attention. My dad shushed her and scolded her for saying what she said. All mom said, "It's the truth." Like she did not have a single care in the world."
After hearing the words that Raven's mother had said boiled Sin's blood. What kind of parent says that about their child? The anger and disgust he felt towards her mother, wishing he could yell at her. Who, in the right mind, thinks it is ok to invalidate a person's mental health? Especially when it is your child?
"Raven," he looked at her with so much care. "know that whatever it is you feel, you can come to me, and I will listen." He meant what he said. If she felt lost or alone, he wanted her to know that he would be right next to her. Sin wanted Raven to know she could count on him, no matter what the situation was.
Raven, for an unknown reason, felt warm. Like her heart was glowing and radiated the warmth throughout her whole chest. She couldn't describe what she was feeling, other than thankful and relieved.
"Ever since then, I've had a hard time opening up to my parents. I felt like I couldn't go to them. They decided to "fix" me. I went through four to six different counselors and psychiatrists. The results were the same. So we stopped seeing them. Every day felt like a battle was going on inside of me. My parents thought I was finally ok and back to my giddy self, but it was all just a mask to hide the battles I fight inside."
"How are you now?" Sin was curious and concerned about how she was feeling at the moment. He didn't want her to feel like she had to do the same charade with him as she did with her parents.
"Right now?" she thought about it for a couple of minutes. "I feel...safe." her cheeks warmed at what she said. Safe.
Sin was ecstatic with her response. He had a strong urge to hug her but chose against it. Now would not be the right time for that.
"I have to be honest," Raven looked down at their hands intertwined. "it feels like a weight has lifted from my shoulders."
Sin watched as Raven played with their hands that were intertwined. A smile plastered on her lips. He cupped Raven's face with his free hand and caressed her flushed cheek. He stared at her lips for a few seconds before looking into her beautiful honey brown eyes. Her eyes looked back and forth from his lips to his eyes. Sin couldn't help himself from swiping his thumb across her lips. They leaned in until the tips of their nose touched. Raven's eyes were closed, and her lips slightly parted. Sin brushed his lips on Raven's. He wanted to savor this moment.
The moment Sin wanted to savor was ruined when Raven's phone rang. Raven moved back into her seat while she apologized. Sin looked at the clock in his car, 6:59 am. He turned off his car and waited for Raven to finish her phone call.
"That was Scarlett." Raven cleared her throat, not knowing what to do because of the "kiss that almost happened."
"Did she need anything?" Sin asked, curiously wanting to know why her best friend had such horrible timing.
Raven tucked her phone back into her front pocket, "Scar wanted to know where I was because I wasn't at home when she dropped by. I told her that I was with you."
They both decided to exit the car and enter the high school building. Students were already inside Redwood High having their first or second period. Atlas had texted Sin that he was on his way to school and to wait for him. Sin held Raven's hand the whole time they walked to her locker.
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Raven's POV
Sin didn't let my hand go the entire time we walked to my locker. I didn't mind it at all. I felt safe with him. He waited for me to put away my things and get my book and notebooks for the first period. After we went to his locker, we met up with Atlas and Scarlett.
The whole day, it felt like I was on autopilot. I was in my head thinking about that tiny moment we had in his car. Honestly, it was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. It was breathtaking because he was a tease. Terrifying because that was going to be my first kiss.
I bet it sounds pathetic finding out that a 17-year-old girl hasn't had her first kiss yet. The reason is that the first guy I kiss, I want to be sure, is my boyfriend. My parents were each other's first and last. I hope to have something like that someday and make it my own. The closest "action" I ever get is from reading.
My thoughts get interrupted upon hearing the last school bell ring.
"Raven?" Scarletts face was full of concern.
"I'm sorry, I was in my head all day."
"How's it going in there?"
"For now, a bit better than usual." I give her a small smile to reassure her.
"You know, if you ever want to talk, I'm right here." She says as she engulfs me in her arms.
"I know and, I'll always be thankful for it." her vanilla scent fills my senses.
Ever since Scarlett and I have been friends, she was used to me always being in my head. Before Sin, I would always confide in her. She's very patient and waits until I come out of my thoughts. It was relieving when the Banes family understood what I was going through and helped in every way possible. They also understood that I did not want them to see me as something fragile, having to always walk on eggshells around me. I didn't understand why they understood and did their best to help, but my parents thought the opposite.
After a day of class, Sin said he'd take me home. Scarlett and Atlas went ahead. Throughout the whole car ride, it was silent, a good quiet. Sin's hand kept fidgetting on the steering wheel the entire drive. When we arrived at my place, I decided to take his hand into mine and hold it for a few minutes. I thank him for the ride home and, especially, for listening to what I said in the morning.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Sin." I exit his car and head inside my house. For my first day back, better than I had expected.
For the rest of the night, it went by as usual. I did my homework for a few hours. I ordered take-out since Sean wasn't going to come until tomorrow afternoon. I watched a little bit of an anime series before getting ready for bed. I turned off my phone before charging it. Finally slipping underneath my favorite sheets, I drift off into another night of dreamless slumber, waiting for a new day to begin.