Two more weeks pass and I barely see anyone but Jimmie, who I see daily, spending most of my time alone, planning how to tell their story as a whole, but also giving them all equal copy and their own independent voices. I want the world to see them as 5 young men with many different interests, habits and pasts?!
I'm taking this role as official biographer very seriously. I've already been out into town and talked to the public, getting quotes and opinions of the boys. Some people were not very complimentary, mainly middle aged men funnily enough, but most were fans. Not one person I spoke to didn't know who they were. From young children, up through the ages to some very elderly people, EVERYONE I spoke to knew of them. They are without a doubt, the most famous group in the world!
I've had one to one 'on the record' conversations with Teddi, Parker and Noah, just chatting generally, getting to know them. I'm evaluating their opinions to get an idea of their personality types. I ask for their views on world events, environmental issues, crime, racism and also gender equality, discrimination and the biggie... love!
I'm surprised by how informed they are, how passionate and opinionated too, but also at how differently they view things. For example, when discussing discrimination with Teddi he tells me he experienced very little prejudice as a young gay man, telling me he knew from a young age he was not like most of the boys in his class, preferring the arts over sports, attending a show over a football match, and only ever getting aroused by male bodies, having no interest whatsoever in groping boobs or kissing girls, but drawing a naked man in art class or helping the football team wash their backs after a game, he was there like a wasp on jam!
He told his parents who assured him they already knew and loved him just the same. His only experience of prejudice was being continuously advised to 'be straight' to boost his appeal with young girls who make up most of any groups fan base. He worried about his opportunity to perform passing him by because of his refusal to do so, unwilling to turn his back on himself that way, knowing absolutely who he was and what he wanted to stand for, trusting his talent would get him to his career destination.
By contrast, Parker grew up in a very homophobic home environment, his father often beating him, telling him it's to 'knock the fairy out of you', his mother refusing to acknowledge his sexuality in any way, insisting on arranging for him to date her friends daughters in the misguided hope of a marriage and grandchildren. What she described to him as 'a normal, proper life'. He twice had roles he had been cast for taken from him after the casting directors discovered he was gay, although obviously it was never cited as the reason in the press, clashes with scheduling was blamed in both cases. His only positive experience was when he auditioned for his place in 5EX, the management unconcerned by his sexual preferences, instead focussing on and trusting in his talent.
Very different early experiences and continuing difficulties has lead both men to be outspoken and supportive members of the LGBTQ+ community, striving for equality for all. Their hope, to connect with those people who are still hiding their true selves due to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of violence and fear of failure, based purely on their sexuality, something beyond control. They hope to show all those people chasing a dream that talent and determination to succeed are the only requirements to pursue your dreams, citing their own situations as inspiration. They are both very empathetic and intelligent men, clearly very passionate about subjects that matter to them, and hugely interesting. I'm going to enjoy speaking with them both further.
I'm getting some sun in the garden and typing furiously on my laptop, desperately trying to get my current thoughts recorded before I forget something, when Yanni sits opposite me and invites me to his studio for our first 'on the record' conversation. Im taken aback by this approach as I was expecting id have to chase him for some of his time, so I hastily accept, collect up my things and follow behind him, hopeful that well directed questions will alleviate any awkward silences or hostile words.
Ive only exchanged words with him 3 times in the last fortnight so I'm unsure if it is as a result of our fledgling truce or due to lack of contact between us, but we have had no unpleasantness since that night. Our meetings have been brief, but casually polite, comments on our workloads or that old favourite, the weather, occupying the entirety of any conversation between us. Eloise was with him on one occasion where we all arrived in the kitchen together and she actually smiled and said Good morning to me. I'm not sure if I returned the greeting such was my surprise, my brain struggling to process this unfamiliar situation.
Its been reasonably comfortable, but we have barely seen each other.
Maybe there will still be some emotional tension? I really hope not! I've been physically tense around him since I first met him almost a month ago now. I need to relax, my muscles are tense 100% of the time, my body aches continuously as a result. He makes me anxious and nervous, he is unpredictable and seems to cycle through emotions rapidly, cuddling up romantically with Eloise when they are together, but when he and I are alone and he thinks I can't see him he watches me, like a hungry cat looks at a tiny mouse, unnerving and exciting me in equal measure.
Yanni indicates I sit on the small couch in his studio and begins telling me what every piece of equipment does, his enthusiasm for his art evident. His entire aura has changed, he looks happy and the weight of apprehension I am feeling lessens somewhat. His shoulders look relaxed, his posture suggests comfort in this environment, there is a spring in his step, he sounds excited, his pitch higher than usual, the speed with which he is talking making me wonder if he's under the influence of something, and most surprisingly of all..... he has a smile on his face. A genuine, wide, toothy smile splits his face, extending up into his eyes which are sparkling like stars. He looks more alive than I've ever seen him, undeniably in his element..... undoubtedly where he belongs!
I haven't asked a single question so far, but I have already learned more about Yanni in the past ten minutes than I expected to get in ten weeks. Immediately suspicious of his motives I begin to wonder what's up with that? Why is he being so accommodating and friendly? I thought it was weird he approached me, am I being played somehow? Is this some stunt to embarrass me, or maybe a pack of lies to test my investigative skills?
Why does he make me so paranoid?! Why do I immediately look for reasons to distrust him? Am I being harsh judging him so soon? Maybe I should allow him a second chance to make his first impression?
I quietly observe him as he does some work, playing notes on a tiny keyboard, scribbling on a pad and tapping keys on a computer, humming melodies, and occasionally singing a few words. It's definitely a love song of sorts, although it sounds like it's going to be upbeat and happy, how I think a love song should be. I'm not keen on those about suffering and pain, unrequited or lost love, I find it depressing. I'm a little shocked at his subject matter, expecting that the more angry and aggressive messages in their lyrics would be his. I am thoroughly entertained just watching him work and over an hour passes by, neither of us feeling the need for words. There is something mesmerising and fascinating about watching him create music. It hasn't escaped my notice over the past month that he is a constant hummer and tapper! I first noticed it because I found it incredibly irritating. I'm not fond of unnecessary noise so it bothered me immediately. It gave me another reason to dislike him, a further weapon to add to my armoury. I feel like I need to protect myself from developing feelings other than those of dislike and disdain for this man, who has, let's not forget, admitted his desire to ruin me, but is almost as satisfied with twelve months to torment me instead.
He does it all the time, the drumming, tapping his nails on any available hard surface whilst humming. I soon realised it is part of his process, presumably finding the beat and melody to set the pace and tone of the song he's working on, which I'll admit does make it slightly less annoying, but it also seems to serve some other purpose for him too. Sitting here now I watch him closely, taking note of all the expressions that cross his face, his relaxed body language. He appears calm, almost serene, eyes closed, head back, a small smile on his perfect mouth as he drums rhythmically on the edge of his desk. He looks very relaxed, happy and fulfilled. I feel that way watching him until a huge burst of energy suddenly hits him and he leaves his chair so swiftly it makes me jump back in mine. He moves rapidly between computer screens, his fingers dancing over his keyboards, the iMac absorbing the words flowing from his mind, the Kawai digital piano giving life to the humming. It is a beautifully uplifting melody unlike anything I would have expected from him, this song must have meaning to him, he's too passionate about it for it to just be an album filler song. I hope to hear it completed soon, it has great bones. He certainly does seem like the genius he describes himself as, but I won't tell him that! Smug git!
Jimmie pops his head around the door and reminds Yanni that they have dance practice shortly. He seems shocked to see me there but I'm not surprised by that, Yanni and I haven't exactly been best buds! He grins at me, blows a kiss and theatrically spins on the spot, suggesting I come and watch them rehearse before dancing elegantly away. I turn to Yanni and shrug my shoulders, my mouth turned down into a questioning frown. He again shocks me by agreeing that I should watch them practice, to experience first hand how hard they have to work to be the best.
Watching him dance is another level hot entirely. It takes my mind to places it hasn't visited in a very long time! The promise of all the pleasures a body able to move like his does could bring ignites the flames of need, my body responding strongly to him, nerves I was unaware of begin to fire, sensations I don't believe I've ever felt begin to overwhelm me. I squirm in my chair, unable to find a comfortable seated position, feeling swollen and tender due to his proximity and inherent magnetism.
Phew, is it getting hotter in here, or is that just me?
Seeing him breathing hard, his chest heaving, a sheen of moisture appearing on his flushed skin while he drives his body to perform the challenging moves of this routine, something resembling determination on his face. Oh god..... this is bad!
Yannis solo part begins and he is now front and centre, directly before me, that beautiful mint coloured hair bounces fluidly around his face as he rolls his neck and shoulders, strands of his fringe remain clinging to his brow as if they can't bear to break contact with his skin. His voice is melodic but gruff, I can hear the smirk in his voice and see it replicated on his face as he sings. He has a particular way of breathing which gives him a unique style of rapping that I have never heard before. I'm not even sure what words he is singing right now, they could be Romanian or Korean for all I know, I can't focus on them. I can hear the music but it's muffled, as if I'm hearing it from another room, or from underwater. I feel like I'm going deaf, the music becoming more faint as I sit watching them.... correction..... watching him.... perform.
I may not be able to hear what he is singing but I can feel it. His tone is deep and rich, his words trailing kisses over my skin as they dance around me like embers around a fire. I feel every hair on my body stand up as he continues to sing his part, the speed with which he delivers his lyrics speaks of a very strong tongue... oh no, no, no..... don't think about what he could do with his tongue Sydney!
Oh shit, I'm thinking about it!!
I find it incredibly sexy that he punctuates his sentences with an almost imperceptible husky growl and touches the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. Holy shit, it tinkles my tingle button everytime, but my ultimate undoing is when he grabs his belt buckle, raises his right leg to almost 90 degrees and aggressively executes 3 strong hip thrusts, less than a metre from my gawping jaw!
Our eyes meet and fix intensely on one another, I observe a smirk in his.... I pray he can't see the lust in mine and shrink down in my seat.
I've no idea what thoughts, if any, other than his lyrics are circling in his mind, but I know I can't afford to look at any other part of his body right now because of mine!
I'm in terrible danger here!
This particular section of their choreography is as sexually charged as any dance can be, and I'm terrified I might actually throw myself at him if I have to endure watching him roll those shoulders or thrust those hips, whilst having all these erotic thoughts and images assault my imagination.
Fuck!!
I have had ACTUAL SEX that hasn't made me this wet!
God help me!!