'There's no way.' I keep convincing myself.
But I can't deny the fact that what Alandra said linger in my mind. In fact, it bothers me. Marahas akong bumuga ng hininga saka pairap na tinignan si Alandra. I grimace when I saw her sleeping peacefully.
It's already dark. Nakalabas na kami ng Manila. By our speed, we might reach our hometown before midnight. Alandra's aunt provided a driver along with their car. And all this time, I thought it will be Tita Emilia that would drive.
Inalabas ko ang cellphone mula sa bag nang makapag-desisyon. Tinitigan ko muna ito ng ilang segundo bago gumalaw ang kamay ko. Binuksan ko ang contacts sa cellphone at hinahanap ang pangalan niya.
When found, I tap it and stared at his photo. It was here from the start. But only today that I am paying more attention to it. He wasn't looking at the camera. Rather it seems like a candid shot.
Kung paano nasabi ni Alandra na may resemblance siya kay Papa, I don't have any idea. They are both tall, that I know. Is it because of the eyes? Ganito ba rin ba ang mata ni Papa?
Frustrated, I closed my eyes and lean my head back on the headrest.
Perhaps Alandra is just messing with my mind. There's no way Mavin resembles my father. Because if that happens, does it make us siblings? Because I resemble my dad!
Kalaunan ay nakatulog na rin ako sa biyahe. Isang oras bago ang hating gabi nang makarating kami. We headed immediately to the wake and spend couple of hours there before retiring to our ancestral house.
Kinabukasan ay tinanghali ako ng gising. It is expected as it's already two in the morning when I slept. Marahan kong isinara ang pintuan ng guest room na inukopa namin ni Soliya at tahimik akong bumaba sa engrandeng hagdanang kahoy. My eyes unconsciously scan the place. There's nothing much that has changed in the house. It's still the same as what I remembered.
I headed towards the kitchen by relying on my instinct. Bumagal ang lakad ko nang mamataan ang ilang mga katao sa may… breakfast counter. That breakfast counter is surely new.
"Oh, Akila, sakto. Come seat with us. We're about to have breakfast," nakangiting saad ni Ate Ileana nang makita ako.
"Opo, Ate…" ani ko, sinulyapan si Tres bago inukopa ang stool sa tabi ni Alandra.
"Si Soliya, tulog pa?"
Napalingon ako kay Ate sa kalagitnaan ng pagsasalin ko ng tubig sa baso. I answered her, "yes" and proceed with I'm doing. We ate in silence. Nang matapos ay kinumusta na kami ni Ate. Sa kalagitnaan ng pag-uusap naming apat, I can't help not to notice the invisible gap. We are all so close back then. But now, one can notice the awkwardness.
Nang hapon ay pumunta na kami sa chapel kung saan ang wake ng Abuelo. We stayed there until late night. And just when the sun rose the next morning, we're already at the door of the cathedral. In white, and tears behind the sunglasses.
"The amount of pain you would feel for someone is determined by how much he or she mattered to you, don't you agree?"
My eyes move towards Alandra. Hindi ako nagsalita. Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin sa harap. They are already filling the six feet hole. The weeping died down. Only the silent sobs to be heard. I unconsciously sighed. I can't will myself to cry. And it's frustrating me.
"Akila," a gentle voice and a warm arm wraps around my shoulders.
I look over my shoulders. "Tita…" I muttered.
Ngumiti si Tita Freira at niyakap ako ng bahagya. She's Alandra's mom; wife of my mother's older brother. Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Tito Leo nang ipatong niya ang isang kamay sa ulo ko. He smiled at me.
"Ang laki na ng Akila namin, ah. Hindi daw makakauwi ang Mama mo…"
Tumango ako. "Hindi daw siya nakapag-file ng leave… Tito."
Ngumiti si Tito at bumaling kay Tita Freira. His smile doesn't reached his eyes. When I'm younger, I used to call Tita Freira, 'Mama' and Tito Leo, 'Papa'. But after years of not seeing them, I feel awkward calling them that way now.
"Gusto mo bang mag-overnight sa bahay, Akila? Kayo ni Soliya…" suhestiyon bigla ni Tita Freira.
Wala sa sarili kong sinulyapan si Alandra na nanatiling nakatayo sa tabi ko. She jerked her brows, telling me to agree. So I said yes. I think I made the right choice, because the couple seems to be happy after that. Hinayaan ko sina Tito Leo na magsabi kay Tita Emilia. Wala namang naging problema kay Tita. But when we're about to go, Soliya decided to stay behind. Tuloy, ako lamang ang sumama sa kanila.
On the way to Burgos, kung saan sila nakatira at ang hometown ni Papa, ay nanatili sa labas ng bintana ang mga mata ko. The town's the same. May ilan lang atang nagbago. Well… I'm not really sure.
When we're approaching the familiar road where the two-storey modern house lies, my heart began to beat faster. Naiwan ang mata ko doon kahit na noong nalampasan na namin ito.
"Gusto mo bang bisitahin iyong bahay niyo?" biglang pagkausap sa akin ni Alandra.
Gulat ko siyang nilingon. So she's watching me this whole time?
Bigla naman siyang ngumisi. "Si Nana Sita ang nagke-caretaker."
Napatitig ako sa kaniya habang iniisip ang nalaman. Nana Sita is one of their house helps. I thought ipinagbili na ang bahay?
Umiling ako at ibinalik ang tingin sa labas. "No... Nevermind..."
Isang liko pa at nakarating na kami sa bahay nila. Naguluhan ako nang imbes na ang ancestral house ng mga de Silva ang makita ay isang hindi pa tapos na contemporary mansion ang bumungad sa amin. I looked at Alandra questioningly. Lumabi naman siya at nagkibit-balikat. Nagtataka man, sumunod na rin ako sa kanila papasok sa bahay.
"Dalaga ka na Akila," nakangising bati sa akin ng lola ni Alandra nang makita ako pagkatapos yakapin ang apo.
Ngumiti ako at kinuha ang isang kamay niya at nag-mano. Ganoon rin ang ginawa ko sa lolo ni Alandra. I am warmly welcomed in the de Silva's household. I suddenly remember that I used to play at their old house back then.
I basically grow up with these people. Remembering those memories feels nostalgic. Halos makalimutan ko na may mga ganoon pala akong memorya. Because over the years, when I think of this town, all I could remember is my father's betrayal. Burying those memories I used to treasure back then.
Siguro nga ganoon talaga. One rotten tomato, when placed in a basket of good tomatoes, would turn all the good tomatoes bad.
Mavin Jaranillo:
How's your day?
I compose a reply. Kakabasa ko lamang ng text message ni Mavin. It's already past dinner time. Kanina pang bago bumaba ang araw niya ito naisend.
Ako:
I'm fine. Kaninang umaga ang libing ng Abuelo. Ikaw? How are you?
This should be fine. I tap the upward arrow button. Nang ma-sent ay umalis na ako sa pagkakahilig sa column ng balkonahe. At least the balcony is good as done. Kulang nalang ng pintura.
"Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?"
Halos matapilok ako nang may biglang nagsalita.
"What the hell?" naibulalas ko nang pumunta sa may ilaw si Alandra. Sinimaan ko siya ng tingin. "Aren't you aware that you're being a creep right now?"
Nagkibit-balikat siya at humilig sa may railings. "So, Mavin Jaranillo… Sino siya sa 'yo kung hindi boyfriend?"
My lips twitched. Didn't they say that those people with higher IQ has the higher chance of being a psycho?
Nilapitan ko ang rattan armchair at inukopa ang isa. Ipinatong ko ang isang siko sa kamay nito at pumangalumbaba.
"Why are you so invested in him?" I asked her.
Umaayos siya ng pagkakatayo at humalukipkip. "I'm intrigued. Sa ating tatlo, ako, ikaw at si Ate Ileana, mas maaga akong nakuryuso sa pagbo-boyfriend. It feels new… And because I am kind of obsess to prove that I'm not the black sheep of the family."
Tumaas ang kilay ko. Rather than black sheep, isn't it supposed to be the 'brightest sheep'? And I'll be the lost sheep.
Kinalas ko ang pagkaka-pangalumbaba at isinandal ang katawan sa upuan. "Mavin…" pagsisimula ko. And a pause. Inabot na ako ng ilang segundo pero wala pa rin akong maidugtong. Ano nga ba siya sa akin?
Nag-angat ako ng tingin at tinitigan ang pinsan. She stared back. But the way she look at me feels weird. Para niya akong binabasa o 'di kaya'y pinag-aaralan.
"...Kaibigan," sa huli'y nasabi ko.
Alandra raised a brow. "Kaibigan…" ulit niya.
Tumango ako. Mavin is a friend. I think he's like that to me.
"I also have guy friends… but they don't text me unless they need something from me."
Natahimik ako.
"What are you trying to say?" I finally voiced out after the uncomfortable staring contest with her.
Again, she shrug.
"Just saying…" at tinalikuran niya ako. Her back facing me as she stare at the darkness.
"What you are trying to imply is impossible, Alandra Mazariegos." I seriously said after a minute of silence.
"Bakit impossible?" tamad niya namang saad.
Nagbaba ako ng tingin at pinag-isipan kung bakit nga ba impossible. Pero kahit anong isip ko ay wala akong ibang maisip kung hindi ang 'impossible'.
Mavin Jaranillo is like another Kaiden Gomez. Hard to reach. Out of my league.
Maybe it's inferiority complex… But I'll be an hypocrite if I would say that I never once thought of the chances that they would into me.
Especially, Sebastieno Mavin Jaranillo.
I find it weird how casual he is with me. And… My gut is telling me that there's hidden meaning on his every action towards me. So sometimes I can't help not to assume. But like I said, he's still the Mavin Jaranillo.
"Oo nga pala… What made you say that Mavin is resembling Papa?" pag-iiba ko sa usapan.
Alandra look over her shoulder. "His air…"
I frowned. "His air?"
Pero doon na natapos ang usapan namin ni Alandra sa gabing iyon dahil biglang dumating si Tita Freira sa balkonahe at sinabihan na kaming matulog. Dahil na rin siguro sa pagod sa araw na ito ay agad naman akong nakatulog. Kinabukasan ay maaga kaming tumulak pabalik sa hometown ng mga Mazariegos. At bago pa tumirik ang araw ay nasa daan na kami pabalik ng Manila. Alas diez naman ng gabi ay nakabalik na kami ng Lucena.
Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama ko pagkatapos makapaglinis ng katawan. Kahit na puro tulog lamang naman ang ginawa ko sa biyahe ay inaantok pa rin ako. I lazily reach for the night lamp. Napakurap-kurap ako nang bahagyang magliwanag ang paligid.
Kinapa-kapa ko ang cellphone ko na itinapon ko kanina sa kama ko bago pumasok ng banyo. When found, I immediately open it and go to the messages. I read our older exchange of text messages before reading the newest one.
Mavin Jaranillo:
You shouldn't stay up too late. If I remember it right, the students can choose the day and time to take the test.
Napanguso ako. Dahil natulugan ko siya kahapon, I only got the chance to reply to him this morning. I didn't expect him to reply, but he did. Kaya naman throughout the long drive, we exchange text messages. Of course Alandra didn't let me go off the hook when she knew it. But I just ignored her.
Ako:
I'm done taking a shower. I'm already in my bed.
Inabot ko ang isa kong unan at niyakap ito habang naghihintay ng reply niya. Gising pa kaya siya? It's already quarter to midnight…
Naalerto ako nang mag-vibrate ang cellphone ko.
Mavin Jaranillo:
I'm already in bed too.
My phone vibrated again.
Napakurap-kurap ako nang ma-load na ang sinend niyang picture.
Napaupo ako at inabot ang switch ng cove light. When satisfied, I lay back in my bed and also took a photo.
Ako:
Let's sleep then. Good night
And I attached the photo.