I witness the exact moment his jaw dropped.
"W-What?" he said, his lips quivering and eyes wide open.
"Bakla ka ba?" I repeated while looking directly into his eyes.
"H-Hindi, A-Akila."
Right then I saw how his eyes began to water. The moment I saw tears pooling on his eyes, I immediately regret what I said. Bago tuluyang bumagsak ang luha niya ay agad na siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at tinalikuran ako.
"Hala! Akila, pinaiyak mo siya!" sabi ng isang kaibigan niya.
Then his friends began to flock him. Nakiusyoso rin ang ibang kaklase namin. Some of them even glare at me. I tried to reach for him but I stop midway. Bumuntong-hininga ako at hinayaan silang daluhan siya.
They flocked around him. Some are trying to console Kyle and some are just fishing some information. He's just beside me but it felt like there's already a huge barrier that have come between us.
"Anong nangyayari?" bigla akong dinagsa ng kaba nang marinig ang boses ng class adviser namin.
"Sir, si Akila po pinaiyak si Kyle!" someone in the class answered.
Nahigit ako ang aking hininga nang nahanap ni Sir ang mata ko. "Is it true, Miss Tresvalles?"
Then there's a sudden silence. The coldness in his eyes seeped through my soul. Nanlamig ako.
What now?
Will I be thrown to the Disciplinary Office? Mapupunta ba ako sa Guidance?
I chewed my lower lip and take a deep breathe.
"Yes, Sir. It's my fault," I admit because I'm already cornered.
I'm being a hypocrite because a second ago, I can't entertain the thought that it's my fault that he cried. I just want to clarify some things! Kasalanan ko ba na mababaw pala ang luha niya?
Oo. Kasalanan ko.
Because in order to satisfy my curiosity, I am became so insensitive of his feelings.
Hindi agad nakapagsalita si Sir. So I took that opportunity to face Kyle. His back is facing me but it didn't stop me.
"I'm sorry, Kyle." I sincerely apologize. "I didn't really mean what I said…" Though I did, I regret it now.
Inasahan ko na hindi ako makakatanggap ng sagot mula sa kaniya kaya naman hindi ko inaasahan ang pagsasalita niya.
"Walang kasalanan si Akila, Sir. Naging sensitive lang ako masyado," agap niya habang nakatalikod pa rin sa akin.
Sa sinabi niya'y mas lalo lang akong nakaramdam ng guilt. Why I am insensitive?
Matapos magsalita ni Kyle ay pinaayos na kami ni Sir para sa discussion. Nanatili sa tabi ko si Kyle but I can sense a wall between us. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi siya tignan minu-minuto dahil inuusig ako ng konsensya ko. I want to talk to him pero naduduwag ako.
I'm afraid I could inflict more pain if I open my mouth.
"Sa dami ng pwede mong sabihin, bakit iyon pa?"
Pairap kong nilingon si Joaquin. Now that Kyle is not here between us, he's now about to speak his mind. Well, I think it's better than glaring at me and not saying anything.
"Like I said, I was insensitive." I explained in a controlled tone. "Hindi ko masyadong pinag-isipan ang sasabihin."
"Talaga? Kailan mo sinabi?" he sarcastically replied.
Inirapan ko na siya ng tuluyan. I got nothing to tell him kaya hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Ibinaling ko ang atensyon sa mga nakasulat na salita sa whiteboard.
Due to some reasons, our next subject teacher can't attend her class with us today. At kinuha naman ni Kyle at ng mga kaibigan niya ang pagkakataong ito upang makalayo sa akin. I'm not sure if I should feel relieve or bothered by it.
"Sayang, gustong-gusto ka naman niya." Muli akong napairap sa ere. He's really picking with me.
"Don't you know? You're totally his type. Tall… beautiful and smart. Kind pa sana… pero hindi pala."
Alam kung ngumisi siya pagkatapos magsalita. His last sentence was obviously him mocking me. Masyado na nga akong nilalamon ng guiltiness tapos pinapalala pa niya. I was about to rebut but I froze on my place when my eyes met those familiar orbs.
This is the third time. Kung iyong naunang dalawa ay walang laman ang tingin niya, ngayon nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang may nagawa ako na hindi niya nagustuhan. Dahil doon ay halos hindi ako makatulog kinagabihan.
With Kyle's tear-stained face, Joaquin's sarcastic smile, and Alaric Gomez' cold gaze constantly playing on my memory, I am staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open.
Inaasahan ko na ang pagkapuyat ko kinabukasan. I am too sleepy to do anything. Muntikan na rin akong ma-late. But when I saw Kyle seated on his old seat, I felt a small pinch on my heart.
He treated me nicely but what did I do in return?
Malungkot akong pumunta sa upuan ko. Hindi pa nakatulong na makulimlim ang panahon. Natuwa ako nang makitang nakaupo pa rin si Joaquin sa upuan niya, at hindi bumalik sa dati niyang upuan. But the sadness I'm feeling is greater kaya ang munting kasiyahan ay walang nagawa.
"Nagdala ka ba ng payong? Mukhang uulan…"
Alam ko na ako ang kinakausap ni Joaquin, pero dahil wala ako sa mood ay hindi ako sumagot. Ganoon ang scenario buong maghapon. He opens a topic randomly and ask me questions. Minsan sinasagot ko siya pero kadalasan ay hindi. But I am grateful of Joaquin for that. At least I didn't feel that I'm alone.
Sa sumunod na araw ay mas bumuti na ang pakiramdam ko. Kyle continued ignoring me. And from time to time, I feel the urge to talk to him. Joaquin on the other hand seems to be acting more friendlier that he has before. Sinasamahan niya akong kumain sa loob ng classroom at nakikipag-usap sa akin tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay.
Napaayos ako ng upo nang biglang pumasok si Sir Arevalo sa classroom, kalagitnaan ng klase namin para sa third period.
"May I take some of your time, Ma'am?" aniya sa subject teacher namin. "May biglaang announcement kasi at urgent."
"Oh, no problem, Sir." at agad na pumagilid ang subject teacher.
"Thank you, Ma'am." Bumaling na sa amin si Sir. "Class, here with me is the class adviser of the specialized section. Nandito siya upang manghikayat ng mga estudyanteng gustong lumipat sa klase niya. Sir, you may now have the floor…"
At sinabi na ng teacher ang sadya niya. He's actually from the Maritime School, but because of the new partnership between the school and his school, a specialized section was created for our batch.
"Anyone who's interested to enroll in the specialized section is very much welcome. So anyone interested in the class?"
Agad akong napatingin sa paligid. For the first minutes, no one was raising a hand. But when someone bravely raise a hand, others raised their hands seconds after. One of them is Kyle.
Hindi ko maialis ang mata ko sa likod niya. Iisa lang naiisip kong dahilan sa paglipat niya. It's because of me. Isn't it obvious? He's doing just fine in this class, not until the day I made him cry.
"Okay, lahat ng nagtaas ng kamay, pwede na kayong sumama sa akin," the class advise of specialized section declared.
Naalarma ako nang agad na kumilos si Kyle para sa pag-alis. I want to ask him his reason for transferring to that section. I want to know if he's really interested in Maritime or it's only because of me. Pero sa huli'y hindi ko nagawa.
Bago siya umalis ay nagkatingin pa muna kami. He smiled at me but his eyes say otherwise. Muli, nakaramdam na naman ako ng lungkot.
"Ano ang kursong kukunin mo pagdating ng kolehiyo?" pagbubukas ng topic ni Joaquin.
He's acting like this since that day. After acting hostile towards me, he's now treating me nicely.
"Ikaw?" sinulyapan ko siya.
Bahagya naman siyang napaisip. Sa pag-iisip niya ay napagmasdan ko siya. Joaquin is moreno. He got a clean cut hair that's always waxed. Itim na itim ng buhok niya gano'n na din ang kilay niya. He got a pointed nose and pretty eyes. He also smell good at malinis sa katawan.
Kung tutuosin, there's a high chance na magustohan ko siya. We also live in the same subdivision. Minsan na kaming nagkasabay sa sinakyang jeep pauwi kaya nalaman ko 'yon.
"I'm yet to discover my dream," aniya sabay kindat.
I sneered at him jokingly that earned a chuckle from him. Natawa rin ako. And just like that, nakalimutan ko na malungkot pala ako.
Nag-roll call si Sir Arevalo isang linggo matapos mabuo ang specialized section. Our total number decreased by almost twenty percent. With some of our classmates gone, there are now a lot of vacant seats.
"Alaric Kaiden Gomez…"
Silence.
I unconsciously looked for him just like the others. Nang makitang walang nakaupo sa pwesto niya, may nabuo nang konklusyon ang isipan ko.
Ah, he also transferred to that section.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ang bote ng bago kong paboritong inumin. It was so close to my face na nilayo ko pa ang ulo ko upang mas makita ito ng mabuti.
"Muchas gracias!" I happily said as snatch it from his hand.
Binuksan ko ang Mogu-Mogu at agad uminom dito. Sa gilid ng mata ko ay nakita ko ang pag-upo ni Joaquin sa bench na inuupuan ko, ilang pulgada ang layo mula sa akin.
"Bakit gustong-gusto mo 'yang inuming 'yan?" tanong niya matapos uminom sa inumin niya.
I eyed his drink. "E ikaw? Why do you always drink Gatorade?"
His brow shot up as he glance at the bottle on his left hand. "Basketball. Mamaya."
"Ah," Oo nga pala.
I look away. Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa basketball court sa harap. Break time ng afternoon class at gaya noong nagdaang mga araw, nandito kami sa benches sa ilalim ng mga puno ng mahogany sa gilid ng school. It's quite here and kind of windy.
"The sky is clear today," I said out loud when I looked up at the sky.
"Mmm…" he seconded.
Napangiti ako. I am really grateful for Joaquin for sticking with me and not judging me just like the others. Somehow with him around, I figured becoming an outcast in the class wasn't that bad after all.
I just need someone to stick with me whatever happens.
Dinampot ko ang cellphone nang tumunog ito. I am in the middle of doing our home works, Saturday evening. When I saw Joaquin's name on the screen, I immediately click it and it directed me into our conversation.
Joaquin Hidalgo:
Delete my number now in your contacts.
I stared at my screen.
Ano itong sinasabi niya? I detached the charger's cord and leaned on my seat. Agad akong nag-scroll up at binasa ang mga nauna naming conversations.
Joaquin Hidalgo:
Kumain ka na? I'm done taking a shower.
Ako:
Tapos na. I'm doing our home works.
Ayos naman ang mga palitan namin ng text messages, ah? Confusion taking over me, I compose a text message.
Ako:
What do you mean? Anong delete?
Hindi ako mapakali habang naghihintay ng reply mula sa kaniya. I check my phone every now and then to see if there are new messages pero ilang oras na ang lumipas ay wala pa rin akong natanggap.
The logo flashed on the screen for the umpteenth time today. Inisip ko na lahat ng probable reasons kung bakit iyon nasabi ni Joaquin but nothing seems to be plausible. He wants me to delete his number because…? At least he should have provided me his reason!
Kaya naman nang mag-Lunes ay nagmadali ako sa pagpasok. Ito na siguro ang pinakamaaga kong pasok sa tatlong linggo. I am waiting patiently on my seat. Joaquin always come to school on time kaya any minute now ay darating na siya.
Or so I thought. Palingon-lingon ako sa paligid habang nasa linya nang mag-flag ceremony. Nang pabalik na kami sa classroom, nagsimula na akong panghinaan ng loob.
Is he absent? May nangyari kaya?
Of course there is. Because before the day ends, I found out that he transferred to the specialized section.
"Nagpalipat si Mr. Hidalgo sa Maritime. So… your total number now is forty. Kung may nagbabalak pa d'yang lumipat, magsabi na."
I didn't know what kind of face I showed at that moment. Siguro nakakaawa? Because someone in the class approach me.