I could not begin to fathom what my father was mumbling about. Maybe because I was really confused, not about what he was currently going through, but about his only and apparently 'best' solution to his problem.
I never once would have pictured myself as that solution. He wanted to sell me, to sell my soul to the highest bidder and he didn't care. All he wanted was for his debt to vanish. His debt! Not mine, or my mother's, his very own debt. He put himself in this precarious position and expected other people to take the fall with or for him. It made no sense on my end. It would make no sense on anyone's end, believe me.
"Anna Sue, it will only last a few weeks my love. Three months at most. You just need to keep him preoccupied and happy. He loves how you make him look, and I think that may work to our advantage." My father pondered yet again trying to describe the supposedly simple position he was putting me in.
"Dad, you mean sell myself?" I asked him showing I meant it in the tone of my voice. "I will have to sit my his side, walk around with him, pretend to care about his welfare. Father I will not do that, not for you nor for myself."
"Oh come on Sue! It's not that big of a deal. You are a grown woman with charisma, this will take nothing for you. It will eat away a few months of your free time but it won't take away who you are." He sounded so convincing, like he was just trying to get me to eat a cookie of a flavor I did not like.
"You're ridiculous dad. And I'm telling mum!" I warned.
"The hell you are! Your mother is fragile, she would never be okay with it. She would never make her peace with it."
"Well she shouldn't because this is absolutely absurd! I am not for sale. Not to you or any of your useless gambler friends." I shouted now getting angry at every suggestion my father made. "This is not a movie father! I will not marry a man your age and be okay with it. I would rather die!"
"Well honey, technically you are marrying his son." He defended.
I swore in my head that if he was not my father, I would punch him in the face just to wake him up from this terrible illusion in his head. "I don't care." I dragged through the words to make it clear.
"What do you care anyway, you have no one in your life. A few months with this man's son may not do you bad. And just remember, you are trying to help your father, not some strange man. I am your father honey. And I need this Sue, I do."
As ridiculous as his idea was, he looked like he was in despair. He was at his last and he didn't have any other option but this. He had spent all his money paying back his other debts, which of course were not as great as this one, but were owed to at least ten other gamblers. Paying ten men would ease the weight off his shoulder, but he was still in turmoil with this last and vast debt.
I stormed out of our large tea room walking right out to the back of our house where the large swimming pool seemed to be looking right at me. I was ready to jump in for five minutes in hopes that when I got out of it, this problem would be solved.
I stood staring beyond our backyard, looking further down to the long trees and hills surrounding our villa, along with a few of the other villa's I could see from here. The day's physic was bright, but my day was as dull as they come. It was as dull as a grey sky waiting on a rain storm.
My boyfriend was thousands of miles away from here now and he was going to be gone for a half year. I loved him so, but I did not tell anyone about him. Not my mum, not my best friend, no one. One could say I don't love him enough, but for me the world not knowing about my relationship was how I knew I love him enough. He didn't agree, but that was okay.
Shane Coppler was his name. A small time photographer so deep in the world of art that he was not even bothered that he had the chance of being a recognized artist. It made me think little of him sometimes, and sometimes it made me appreciate him. But his lack of love for making his life great made it hard for me to even let my parents know about him. I had worked hard for years, but along with my parent's recognition in the world of 'the rich', it was easier for me to have a stepping stone into my fashion career. By now, I was so great that I was dressing up every rich person I could possibly think of. This was my target, because I grew up rich, I planned to always stay rich.
Shane's decision to go to a small coastal island called Toran had me and him at odds with each other up until he left. I did not want him to leave, but he thought it was the 'right' thing to do. To take beautiful pictures of the loss the island had suffered after the tornado hit it. This was all for him to have a deeper understanding of loss and suffering. These being things I honestly, did not care about. I may come off as a spoilt rich girl who only cares about herself, yes. But that's because I am a spoilt rich girl who only cares about herself. However, I care very deeply about Shane too, and that's why I was in a relationship with him, despite our complete different beliefs about the world and our ways of living.
I stood outside for two hours, pondering over how important it was to help my father. My only problem was that, it was at the cost of my life and my relationship. So was this worth it?
I finally walked into the house and found my father sitting on his favorite armchair, as if he had been waiting for an answer from me. I was tempted to grab my bags and leave this house, after all I could afford to. But I had my mother to think of. She was sweet and fragile and so used to the good life that she would marry the next bidder at no cost. Just at the cost of herself. I admired her stature to stay rich and glamorous. I guess that's where I got it from.
"What is the agreement exactly?" I asked my father sitting in the closest couch but not catching eye contact with him.
He sat up, looking like he was beaming with hope that I would actually do this. "Well, the want an actual marriage on paper, appearances with him to wherever his goes, and you to acknowledge to anyone and everyone that you are his."
I cringed at the thought of the word 'his'. I was not his, and I was never going to be his, and yet here I was considering these terms to get my father out of his jam.
"But I won't be his." I said in a low tone while rolling my eyes.
"None of that is in the agreement honey. You will stay in separate rooms every night and you will have your own space in the home, except at meal time because you will have to be there with him, as his wife." My father explained.
It all sounded ridiculous, even more ridiculous than when he first told me. I was terrible confused but simply trying to get him out of this jam. I thought about what I would say to my friends or my mother. That I was going on vacation? That I was going on a trip to work? I really had no idea.
But the truth of the matter is, the news would break out. If I was obligated to do public appearances and go everywhere with him, the news of our marriage would be out in no time.
I was afraid. I was confused. And I was disappointed that it took me two hours to make such a drastic decision for the sake of my very selfish father. Yet, here I was taking up this useless task on his behalf.
"Fine, I will marry him. But on the condition that when all this is over, I will marry the man I love and you will not object to it."
Because I knew that on a normal day, my father would never accept Shane as my husband. Not for as long as he lived.