"I probably won't become a dad yet."
Silence. Must be checking the nano-spies' data. Chris peered at the gear's screen until it went dim.
Then, "Oh, I see."
Is that it? But no, three dots have surfaced in the left bottom corner.
"How do you feel?"
Chris sighed, listening to his body. From the very moment he woke up, he felt a little strange, as if not fully awake; although he did not go to bed so late, perhaps even a little early. He realized that it was not a cold as he had suspected, seeing the scarlet stains spreading on the floor of the cabin while he was taking a shower. Now he was just relaxing on the seat under the warm streams, awaiting wearily the further development of this new state of his body.
"Okay but strange."
"Do you want to take a day off?"
"Do I have to?"
Tau let out an amused exhale of breath as the last message flashed across the projection screen. To say that he was surprised by this morning's communication was an understatement.
"How do I know? It's not me feeling strange there."
Now Chris had to laugh. He didn't really know what to expect but he knew roughly how to take care of himself in a situation like this. It is unlikely that everything is so serious that he will have to sit out at home. In any case, if it gets worse, he can always take time off to rest or contact the medical corps.
"I'll stay in the staff room today; manage visitors"
A sticker with two letters "OK" came instead of an answer.
It was not quite usual for Chris to spend the whole morning in the office. He was more accustomed to rush between patients and madam, and patients, and back. However, such a working regime had its advantages; he leisurely completed all the documentation that was missing for several patients who applied for the surgeries, fully completing the profiles, removed them from the waiting list, and put them in the schedule. After notifying the families and single volunteers of the imminent resolution of their case, he got a lot of pleasure listening to how happy and joyous the future subjects expressed their generous gratitude as if he had just saved their lives.
If Marie hadn't come to pick him up before dinner, Chris would stay hungry for sure. On the way, she kept throwing incomprehensible glances at him; frowning at some point, clearly intending to say something but in the end, she exhaled and hid her hands in her pockets. When they almost got there, Chris thought that's enough and demanded to explain what worried her and if he could help somehow.
"Oh, Chris, what would I do without you?" The doctor's mouth broke into a wide smile. "Here I am, trying to find out if I can help you, and you, sunny boy, are worried about me!"
"Help me with what?" It wasn't entirely right to say that Chris had no idea what Dr. Marie was talking about but there were clearly not enough specifics.
"Are you alright? I mean generally?" She asked, at last, carefully looking into his eyes and lightly touching his shoulder.
Chris was silent for a second before answering, "In fact, I am, yes."
"Doesn't it hurt anywhere, or bother you? Did someone examine you?"
"Yes, I went for a scan; the results are in the database. Kaia assured me that everything was fine." Chris nodded as if confirming all he said. Marie also nodded and smiled somehow sadly, or maybe disappointed?
"Chris, do you..." she hesitated, looked away, but then looked at him again directly and openly, "you don't want to have kids at all?"
Chris widened his eyes, utterly confused. What does this have to do with it? What a strange change of topic?
"It's just... if you managed such an ovulatory wave, then, probably, it's really not your thing," Madame nodded to herself again and, without raising her eyes, went to the dispensing counter. Chris meanwhile watched her go for a whole minute, endlessly rejoicing that she had left without giving him a final glance.
Managed, yeah right. He blushed all the way from the roots of his hair to his neck, remembering how exactly he was managing his last wave. Looks like Tau quite seriously decided not to devote anyone from the top management to what happened during his first ovulation. However, Marie could not know that ... she could not send him with the lizard to the island just so that ... Or could she? Ovulation happened unpredictably, and for Madame, it was as much a shock as it was for him. Then what did it all mean? Why did she bring this up? Or is it all because she is on Shirokawa's "team", who is for taking part in everything for the sake of science? What an irony. Isn't Chris on the same team, ready to do anything for the sake of the experiment? Ready to modify his body, ready to check the interracial compatibility, ready to carry ... Damn it, yes, he was ready to carry the zirka! From ... Tau. Although it did not work out. He tried, but couldn't, the egg remained empty, did not accept the seed, and wrapped its life cycle.
Chris came to his senses with a sharp pain in his palm; silently gasping, he realized that he had gripped the tray so hard that he must have put a bruise to himself. Is it possible that Marie's right and he just didn't want to get pregnant so much that his body just coped with the task at hand?
Having decided to think about it in more detail, he wanted to sit down at the table somewhere in the corner, so that no one would disturb him. Nevertheless, with a peripheral vision, he saw Josh actively waving to him from the opposite side of the hall, from the side of the dining table, at which the top management and the teaching staff usually dined. What kind of a phenomenon is this? A little distracted from his thoughts, Chris, without looking, got himself a few dishes for lunch and hurriedly moved between the tables.
The teachers' table, or rather, several tables in this part of the dining hall, resembled a three-sided square and could have accommodated, probably, the entire management staff of the Research Institute, although its members dined at different times, so now there were hardly ten people sitting here.
Chris froze in a half-step, only for a fraction of a second, noticing that Erzketau was also having lunch there, sitting with his back to him. Approaching, he quietly wished bon appetite to those who saw him approaching. To the Grinch, Thakur, Sintri, Rangira, and other specialists, he just nodded, coming around their side of the table to get to the place that his friend had taken for him.
Sitting down, Chris took on two bites of the pie and chewed on them thoughtfully without looking up at anyone, and then quietly asked Josh, "What does this all mean? Why on earth are we eating here?"
"Just eat. Can thank me later." The friend answered in a muffled voice and at the same moment switched to his most cheerful and enthusiastic tone, starting praising his department up and down and everything they do.
After Josh defended his diploma, he ended up in the Flora Monitoring Department. The specialists of this department were busy keeping records of the percentage of the greening of the planet, making sure that forest areas would not overgrow, but at the same time maintaining an effective area given over to parks, reserves, and forests. If the Coalition needed to clear some piece of land from plantings for development, they had to coordinate this action with the agency representing the interests of Josh's department. Then his department calculated how much future losses needed to be replanted, and in which part of the world to do it.
Josh ran his mouth for most of the meal. Chris first sat and looked at him with bulging eyes, not understanding what had happened to his friend. This guy only recently stopped flinching and stutter when he was near the zirks or someone else from the top management. Now, all of a sudden he was hyped up, shining his experience and knowledge, actively gesticulating while glancing strangely in the same direction as Chris himself. But Chris closely watched Tau: his facial expressions, behavior, tried to hear what he was answering to his interlocutors, and gritted his teeth because the zirka paid zero attention to Chris. Josh's gaze, although it was often directed to the same side of their table, drifted a little to the right of the Grinch, to where Rangira and Sintri sat, quietly talking, and further sat Josh's direct boss, Mr. Kaufman. Hmm, maybe he wants to impress his superior?
Fortunately, Chris realized that Josh didn't need his feedback to the chatter as much as just show off his talents, and therefore he easily got off with a chuckle, a nod, and an inarticulate assent, while his thoughts were occupied with something completely different. Chris was thinking that he would give a lot to know what was on Erzketau's mind. Does he regret everything that happened? Could so many people be wrong that the greenie has a thing for Chris? Several times Chris looked either at him point-blank or somewhere near his head, shoulders, arms, but was not honored with a single return glance. Except this, Tau behaved in the most usual way, asking things, putting the tips of his fingers together listening to Professor Thakur, grinning back with the very edge of his lips, slowly eating his lunch, putting the appliances aside while he chewed.
Oh! He looked up! So briefly, just for a split second, and slipped away again. Why does he pretend nothing happened? Is he afraid for his reputation? For Chris's reputation? Regretted everything? Disappointed? Realized that it was foolish to think about a relationship with a human? Or did he lose interest when he got what he wanted? Lost interest when couldn't get what he expected to? How likely was Chris to get pregnant from him?
Gosh, how to stop this neurotic flow!? He will not achieve anything by running his guesses round and round in his head. But they will definitely not be able to have a normal dialogue here. How can they talk in a more relaxed environment? Okay, in the meantime, he needs to figure out what is the life cycle of an unfertilized egg in the zirks.
Forgetting about his food, Chris fished out a tab, opened the folder with Madame's research file, and typed "Zirkaazte reproductive system" into the search bar. The fact that all the personnel involved in M-estrogen already knew about the structure of the main reproductive organ of the alien race almost as much as the zirks themselves did not mean that they were taught about reproductive cycles in the classroom. Everything turned out to be quite simple, if, of course, everything will follow the given algorithm in his body.
The bleeding in the shower was supposed to be the initial and final stage of the external manifestations of the fact that conception did not occur. Since ovulation was not cyclical, but a spontaneous phenomenon in zirks and nature did not give much time for fertilization, then from the moment the egg leaves the follicle, there weren't many prerequisites to grow too much of endometrium. The layer that had time to form was removed mostly by internal pathways, with the help of lymphatic drainage – in other words, it was resolved. Thus, nothing prevented him from returning to his usual engagements tomorrow, if suddenly it does not get worse, but this is possible in the event of the development of pathology, and that's totally another topic.
Chris repressed a laugh considering how many conflict situations he had already resolved with the teacher, although now the transplantologist was a colleague to him, in the gym! Maybe it's got a good feng shui?
The diners began to disperse little by little, some just walking away, some throwing a farewell "bon appetite" or "see you" to those who stayed. With Chris, Josh, and Dr. Kamal sitting at the table, sitting far enough not to overhear their conversation, Chris finally snapped out of his thoughts and demanded:
"Now spill, what's this all about?"
"What this?" Josh asked, narrowing his eyes.
"The hell did we eat here?" Putting the 'do I look like an idiot' mask on the face, Chris asked.
"But why not? I thought you'd be pleased too, no?" Innocently bringing the edge of the house went to the defense of a friend.
"Too? In what sense too?" Chris did not think to retreat. "As pleased as you too you mean? What's in it to you anyway?"
And then something happened that made Chris speechless – Josh blushed.
"Okay," Chris put the tab on the table defiantly, turning his eyes and all his attention to his friend. "Come on, speak out the whole truth. I thought you'd have to be planning to impress your super but it turns out like you, scoundrel, have the idea to shake some feathers in front of someone?"
Josh dropped his head in embarrassment, covering the lower half of his face with his hand.
"Was it too pathetic?"
"It was...," Chris thought for a bit and answered honestly, "no, not pathetic. Honestly, I didn't always follow the word-stream but overall it was fine."
"You won't believe it," Josh began with a sly squint, and Chris knew immediately that his friend was just bursting to share.
"Try me," Chris encouraged.
"She doesn't leave my head, – Sintri."
"Come again? Who?" Chris asked with genuine amazement.
"Well, the physio–"
"I know who she is! She!? So you ... She?"
"Yeah, why? So what? You can go for a greenie, but I can't?" The friend played with his eyebrows, finishing his tea. "She doesn't even look at me, and you know how that challenges to go head-first?"
"I think I do," Chris grunted, still not knowing what to think about Josh's infatuation. "But I don't mean that it's odd you decided to hit on the zirka, but that she is a she… you know, a female."
"So?"
Chris shrugged. Josh raised his eyebrows and grinned, "And such a cu-u-utie."
Chris giggled. "Well, then I can only wish you a great deal of luck and titanic patience, my friend!"
***
With a slightly depressed mood, Chris studied Erzketau's schedule and realized that the zirka most likely abandoned training, because, with such a busy timetable, there was no time even to sleep properly. Maybe he's working off his vacation? But when, then, will the grid of surgeries and lectures look more relaxed?
On the way to his new studio in the first residential building, where he moved, or rather, was forcibly transported on the very first day after returning to the research center, ostensibly for security purposes, Chris pondered how he could call the Grinch out for a talk. Maybe he should just wait for Tau to return from work on his floor? He could sit under the very door of his if he had to. No, it was too intrusive, and it was worth giving the manager a space backlash, so to speak, a chance to get rid of the unwanted guest and, if anything, talk in the hallway.
Chris sighed as he stepped into the elevator, trying to assess how he was feeling after a day at work. Everything seemed to be alright. The blood tests and other physiological indicators did not signal anything critical; the body was returning to the normal state in which he was going to Australia. On leaving the elevator, he involuntarily recalled a little correspondence in the morning in the shower. Hmm... What if?.. No, it's too childish to solve such major issues by texting. Then it's better to call. But when is the best time to?
Good evening, kri! I didn't mean to bother you but I need to talk to you. Better face to face, but if that's not possible...
Chris frowned at the keyboard.
Too wordy, he'll be able to explain everything in detail during the conversation. He deleted the typed characters, thought for a minute, and typed the message again.
Kri, how do you do? I need to talk to you. Please call me as soon as you can.
Before he had time to unlock his apartment's door, the bracelet vibrated with an incoming call. Chris swiped it in, and Tau's worried voice sounded in his ears.
"Chris? What's the matter? Has something happened?"
Chris unconsciously raised his hand to smooth the hairs that stood on end on the back of his head.
"Did something bad have to happen so I had to ask for an audience?"
"Are you okay?"
"Me – yes, but ... you, I think, not so much, and this is what I would like to talk about. Face-to-face would be preferable but if now is not the right time, then at least like this."
"I don't quite understand what you mean but if you need a detailed talk, we'll have to postpone. I won't be released until after 10 PM today. I don't think it will be…"
"That'd be perfect!" Chris blurted out. "This is very important, so any time will do."
Chris thought he heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line. He's not trying to ditch it, is he?
"Alright. I'll text you when I'm in the residential. If you're still awake, then I'll come by."
"Deal," Chris answered and rang off.
This is even better than he expected.
No expectation was more difficult for Chris than this one. Though, even if he wanted to sleep, he simply could not. He just couldn't sit still; he ran around the kitchen, not knowing what he wanted to cook, then, when he decided upon a few dishes, he was mixing wrong, dropped them, tried to fix them, but in the end, he just gave up on the idea, realizing that everything was hopelessly oversalted.
Then he decided to practice a little, but it didn't work either. He hurried to start exercises with weight and realized that hadn't warmed up enough when something twisted painfully in his shoulder. Leaving the weight behind, he returned to stretching, but at that moment he realized that he had already overworked the muscles.
He gave himself a mental slap for restlessness. Why does everything get mixed in his head when he thinks of who is about to drop in for a visit?
Chris went to the shower, changed his clothes, sat down on the couch, crossed his legs, and rubbed his face hard with his hands. Taking a few deep breaths, he checked the time: twenty-three minutes past ten. The bracelet vibrated to indicate an incoming message.
Chris, I'm going up.
I'm waiting, typed Chris hastily.
"Good evening," Tau greeted as Chris opened the door.
He didn't look tired, although Chris had no idea if Zirkaazte could develop bruises under their eyes, sunken cheeks, or wrinkles, for that matter. The friendly race people were getting old too, of course, but the impression was that it happened somewhere not on Earth, while all the time that they spent here, collaborating with humanity on the Biospheres, each zirka was in their prime. There was, however, something in Tau's posture, suggesting that rest would not hurt him. And it was also clear that he was glad to see Chris. A soft smile played on his lips almost imperceptibly, but it was impossible to confuse it with anything for the reason that the same emotion was reflected in his eyes.
"Evening," Chris stepped aside, letting Tau in, pursing his lips with force trying not to just laugh with relief.
Tau hesitated on the doorstep, taking an extra second to ponder that until this evening he had never personally been in any room that in one way or another belonged to Chris, and this thought tickled his mind with a novelty feeling. As he entered, he looked around; noting that the move and unpacking were complete and with a slight difference in the arrangement of the furniture, the studio was very similar to the one Chris lived in during his student days.
"How did you settle?" He asked, returning his gaze to the owner of the studio.
"Everything is fine, thanks." Having mastered somehow his emotions, Chris locked the door, went straight to the kitchenette, hoping that Tau would not stomp at the entrance and would understand the hint to follow the lead. "Would you like something to eat? He pointed to the cooking device; no way in hell will he offer the zirka his today's cooking.
Tau thought for a moment as he sat on the high stool and asked for a Smoothie # 68. Chris laughed softly; what a hare food lover! When the machine finished cooking, Chris put the smoothie glass on the kitchen island, pushed in the spices and napkins, and sat down opposite the zirka.
"What's with the shoulder?" Zirka asked, having sipped a bit. Lowering the glass, he left his palms on the table, on either side of his "supper".
Chris looked into his eyes in surprise, but then his lips folded into a dumb sound "o" when it came to the understanding that right now he was sitting and involuntarily massaging a muscle, and also that this was not the first time Tau came over when he reached out to rub it.
"Um… nothing serious. Just a pull. No worries."
Tau nodded. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to apologize to you." Chris started with the simplest because it was the most correct thing to do. As he thought, Tau raised his eyebrows in surprise, not knowing where this came from. "Forgive me for so long pretending to be who knows what, shutting myself up from everything that is happening around. It hurts me even to think how often and how much I hurt you with my blindness and emotional underdevelopment." Chris paused, finally raising his eyes full of regret to the zirka. "It must be foolish of me but I did not know, did not see. And I practically made you go through so much in Australia."
"Chris!" Tau bent down to grab Chris's arms, hurrying to interrupt him. "Stop eating your brain out, do you hear me?!" He spoke with pressure and quickly continued, "Everything is not at all as you have imagined and there is no reason to make a tragedy out of what happened. We shared a sexual experience, nothing more. This shouldn't cause any problems. I forbid you to worry about this. It's not like that. You needed it, it cost me nothing to help, and let's stop there."
"It cost nothing!? I acted so carelessly, wounding you with inattention!" Chris almost screamed as if he had been abused, and he came to make retribution. "How can you behave so calmly?"
"I think you are confused, Chris. It's all right, what nonsense are you saying?" Tau let go of his hands abruptly and got up from the table.
"But..." Shocked, Chris watched as the zirka retreated to the front door, struggling to speak, to stop him, and could not bring himself to jump and rush to cut his way out. What's with "nothing more" and "it's not like that" but like what!?
"What's really important is to fix your deltoid or check if it's something deeper. I advise you to show that shoulder of yours to Rangira," as if feeling that Chris was confused, and trying to take advantage of his state, Tau inevitably reached the exit, waved him goodbye, even said something approximately polite completely in his repertoire, although Chris did not catch what it was, and was off.
What the…? Stop! I haven't finished yet... I never said that... Frozen with his hand outstretched as if he was going to grab the zirka, Chris did not know what he wanted more: to scream, laugh, or run out, catch Tau and strangle him on the spot.
"Me too. You, stupid lizard," Chris muttered to the empty room.
Might he has no doubts, he'll stop by at Rangira's, oh sure he will. But not just for the sake of the shoulder to be fixed!