The whirring and rushing in my ears suddenly stopped and I felt my feet firmly hit the ground. Dizziness and nausea unexpectedly overwhelmed me for a moment. It had been a long time since I had last apparated and the sensation took me a few moments to get reacquainted with. When the feelings faded, I opened my eyes and felt my lips curve up into my first genuine smile in months. I had landed in the middle of a field that stretched as far as the eye could see, with a few soft rolling hills in the distance. It was the middle of summer and the field was full of golden crops that were growing well past my waist. In front of me, I could see the building where I had spent so many happy times. Of course, it looked a bit different to how I had remembered. The building had suffered a lot of damage in the last few years with various death eater attacks. I hadn't seen the building since Bill and Fluer's wedding the previous year. They had such a beautiful wedding and everyone was having a brilliant time. That was until the death eaters showed up and damaged large parts of the house, again. The Weasley's had been repairing it ever since.
The building that I had known had been several stories high. It had undergone many extensions and expansions throughout the years as the Weasley family had continued to grow. The house had looked a bit like a patchwork quilt full of bright colours as extra buildings and rooms has been stitched on, defying gravity as magic kept the crooked building upright.
After the building had been destroyed for the second time, the Weasley's had set about the arduous task of once again repairing their home. The building in front of me was familiar and yet inherently different. It was straighter and more symmetrical; more normal. I immediately hated it. It just didn't seem like The Burrow anymore and the unfamiliar sight did nothing to help ease my tension. So much had changed already, and I just needed something in my life to stay the same; to be familiar.
Deciding I had stayed too long just standing in the field, I charmed my case to hover just behind me as I made my way toward the building that was so foreign to me. It wasn't long until the door was flung open and I could see two figures running towards me; one with jet black hair and the other with flame red hair trailing behind her.
In no time at all, Harry and Ginny reached me. Harry immediately pulled me into a tight hug, his arms firmly around my shoulders. I sank into his arms, clinging to the t-shirt at his back. I felt at home in those arms, safe and comforted. They were familiar and after so long alone, I needed it. After the events of that morning, I still felt raw and tears started to prick at my eyes as I realised that it was the first meaningful contact that I'd had in months.
Hearing the sharp inhale of my breath, Harry pulled back and looked down at me in concern. 'Hey, what's wrong?'
I forced myself to let go of the t-shirt that I had bunched in my fists, mentally giving myself a shake. I put a smile on my face and blinked back the tears. 'I'm fine. It's just so good to see you.'
He rolled his eyes at my soppiness, but kept his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I kept my arm wrapped around his waist, not quite ready to let him go.
You've cut your hair,' I stated, looking up at the black tresses that were still as messy as ever, even if they were shorter.
Yeah, unfortunately I couldn't use my favourite hairdresser, but I had to make do.'
I gave him a nudge with my elbow but couldn't help but laugh. 'Hey, I did my best. It's surprisingly hard to cut hair.'
Hey, I wasn't complaining. If not for you, I would have had to face Voldemort with a ponytail just so that I could see what I was doing.'
I burst out laughing again, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. Harry looked down at me and I was glad to see that the tension and lines of worry that I had become so familiar with, were gone. In their place was sparkling carefree green eyes and a genuine smile that I hadn't seen in years.
Ginny I greeted each other with a quick hug and then we started making our way back to the house. We easily fell into conversation with Harry and Ginny giving me an update for our plans the following day. Although I was mainly listening, it felt undeniably good to be part of an actual conversation after so many months of silence.
As we approached the house, the good mood abruptly vanished, replaced with a sense of unease and apprehension that although not unfamiliar, was unfamiliar in this situation.
I knew that Mrs Weasley would welcome me with open arms. She was like a second mother to me after all. I wasn't afraid of her, but I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of making things worse; of saying the wrong thing.
Sensing my sudden stiffness and reluctance, Harry gave me shoulders a firm squeeze and turned to give me an encouraging smile. He would know how I was feeling. He'd have been through this himself just a few days before.
I walked into the empty kitchen and inhaled deeply, enjoying the delicious scent of mouth watering cakes. It smelled like a home.
Hello, dear,' I heard come from behind me. I whipped around at the familiar voice behind me and was immediately pulled into another warm hug. A pair of arms tightly wrapped around me, one hand reaching up to my head, gently stroking the back of my head. 'Mrs Weasley, it's so good to see you again'. Feeling so safe and secure and loved, by this woman, reminded me of my own mother. I couldn't remember the last time that she had embraced me as warmly as this.
When she finally released me, she looked me up and down, smiling softly as she did so. 'Hermione, dear, you look so grown up. All of you do.' There was a sadness behind her eyes, and I knew just what she was thinking of. Mrs Weasley looked so different from the last time I saw her. She looked paler, older and thinner than I had ever seen her. There was a tiredness to her demeanour, a sadness in her eyes that was still visible even behind her smiles. As she busied herself around the kitchen preparing tea and cake for everyone, I noticed that her eyes kept darting to the clock that was on the wall, her eyes scanning around its face, checking on the status of her family. Checking that all hands were safe pointing away from mortal peril. I felt a pang in my chest as I counted the hands on the clock. Eight. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to Fred's hand. Had they removed it; had it fallen off or had it simply disappeared forever.
I saw how Ginny eyes followed her mum carefully, offering her more food and watching to make sure that she actually ate. Ginny kept the conversation flowing, chatting about Quidditch, summer, dinner that night; anything to try and keep her mum occupied. Whenever she saw her mum's attention waver, Ginny would throw a question at her to pull her back. I couldn't help but admire how strong she was. How she kept her own emotions firmly pushed down, to be strong and be a support for her mother.
When there was a slight lull in the conversation, I took the opportunity to ask the question that I had been wanting to ask ever since I set foot in the house.
So where is everyone else? Where's Ron? I thought he would be here,' I asked trying to sound as casual as possible, although I couldn't quite meet anyone's eyes as I said it and even more annoyingly I could feel my cheeks becoming hotter, turning that tell-tale pink that would always give me away. Perfect timing as always.
Oh he's at George's store. He's been working there over the summer, helping George out a bit,' Ginny answered. 'It keeps him busy.'
Oh right,' I said simply, hearing the hurt in my voice seep through. 'I didn't know.'
Did Ron not tell you?' Harry asked.
Nope. I haven't really heard from him.' I could see the surprise on Harry's face. That he had assumed that Ron would have been writing to me just like he had. 'You know how he is,' I shrugged, working hard to keep my voice light and the pain from my face. Harry gave me a tight lipped smile of agreement but I could see the confused look that he shot to Ginny.
When we had finished eating, Ginny helped her mum to tidy up, whilst Harry helped me to take my trunk upstairs. Ginny's old room had been on the first floor, but her new room was nearer to the top, so we had to climb up four flights of stairs before we got there. Harry put my trunk in the corner of the room and as I turned around to look at him, I realised that this was the first time that we had been alone since the war had ended. We stood side by side in silence, before either of us could think of a way to actually begin the conversation that was so inevitable. Harry found the right words first, pulling me down onto the bed so that I was sitting beside him.
So how are you? How have you been?' he asked.
I had been writing to him most of the summer, usually a letter once a week or so, but they were generally more a recount of the things we'd up to. Mine had been somewhat abridged and embellished to try and not seem quite as pathetic as I felt. Usually I just commented about the things that he was doing. Asking how Teddy and Andromeda were. Somehow we'd always avoided talking about our past and what we'd been through. It hadn't felt quite right putting the words down on a page. How could you sum up everything that we'd been through in just a few pages?
I thought of Harry's question. How was I? Even I didn't know the answer to that one. I had been trying so hard to suppress my feelings all summer that the word that came straight to mind was empty. But then I thought of Mrs Weasley just a few floors below who had lost a child. A mother who was grieving and suddenly my problems seemed very small. So in the end I settled for a rather generic, 'I'm fine.'
Harry shot me a look, with one eyebrow raised. 'Seriously Hermione, this is me you're talking to. How are you really?'
I let out a long slow breath, thinking of my nightmares, of the mess I'd made of everything with my parents; of whatever the hell was happening with Ron. I tried to think of the words to explain, but even if I wanted to tell him, I wasn't even sure of where I would begin.
Instead I continued the charade. 'Things are fine. Honestly', I insisted, but when his gaze remained sceptical, I tried a different tactic. Diversion and distraction. 'So how are things with you? How's Teddy? How are things with Ginny?'
He gave me a look, that told me knew what I doing it, but I was relieved when he went along with it anyway. 'Teddy's great. He's getting so big. Everything he touches goes straight into his mouth. I've nearly lost a few fingers and he rather likes latching onto my nose. For no teeth, it's surprisingly sore,' he said, absent-mindedly giving his nose a rub.' I laughed, somehow unable to see Harry in a paternal role. He was barely able to remember to change his socks without being reminded, never mind look after another human being. However, the adoration in his eyes, told me that he had enjoyed every single minute of it. That being around the new-born orphan, had probably helped to heal him after the horrors he had endured. I was glad he's had that to focus on over the summer.
Before he could tell me about Ginny, the girl herself walked into the room. As she closed the door behind her, her entire body instantly slumped and a pained look appeared on her face. Harry beckoned her to him, and she sat down beside him, placing her head on his shoulder.
'How is she?' Harry asked, gently stroking Ginny's hair.
Not good. She's trying to be strong for us all, but she won't ever stop. She's always cleaning or cooking and she's not eating or sleeping properly. I don't know how she'll cope when we all leave tomorrow. I'm so worried that she'll just break down.'
Ginny started sobbing quietly into Harry's shoulder and I could think of nothing to say to comfort her. All I could do was to sit quietly and watch as Harry held her close. Although I wasn't jealous of Ginny, I was jealous of what they both had with each other. I wanted somebody like that who would always be there and comfort me, but for me that person had been Ron.
We stayed upstairs for about another hour, until Mrs Weasley's voice shouted up the stairs to ask for our help with dinner. Harry and I helped to set the table, whilst Ginny helped her mum with the finishing touches to dinner.
We were nearly finished, when a crackling noise behind told us that someone was coming through the Floo network. I took a deep breath as my stomach fluttered in nervous anticipation. It had been so long since I had last seen Ron. For the last year it had seemed we had been getting closer to each other. He knew that I liked him. He must have done. I hadn't done a very good job of hiding it when he had been going out with Lavender. For a while I had thought he had been starting to like me too. So many nights we would fall asleep, her hands clasped together. He had even kissed me. And then there was just nothing. We'd all been through so much, that I was giving him some space and time, but after nearly three months of silence, I could admit that the rejection stung.
As the green flames crackled and roared to life, two tall red heads stepped out of the fire one after the other and I felt my whole body tense and stiffen as my eyes found the one that I had been waiting for all summer.
I hovered slightly at the table, not wanting to seem too eager and then pushed my stupid pride away and walked over to him smiling a little more shyly than I intended.
He stopped when he saw me and immediately lowered his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. My heart immediately dropped; he only did that when he was uncomfortable. Since when did I make him uncomfortable? We stood awkwardly in front of each other before I hesitantly put my arms out for a hug. We awkwardly put our arms around each other, but I couldn't fail to notice how he kept a very firm distance from me, patting me on the back with the very tips of his fingers, like you would do to a dog that you were afraid of.
I pulled back, trying to keep the look of hurt and confusion out of my eyes. I pushed back the disappointment. It was fine I told myself. It was awkward here in front of everyone and he was probably just feeling unsure, nervous. I just had to give him time and everything would be fine.
I was glad when I was given the distraction of saying hi to George and I was finally able to turn away from Ron. Shortly after Mr Weasley came home and almost straight away Mrs Weasley called us all to the dinner table and so we all filed into the kitchen. We sat down at the table and I was both glad when I ended up sitting beside Ron. At least I might finally be able to get to talk to him. Even if he didn't have feelings for me, he was still one of my best friends and I missed him.
Trying to strike up a conversation, I asked him how his summer had been, but he just mumbled 'yeah, fine,' before turning back to speak to Ginny on his other side.
I blinked, stunned. I swallowed deeply and stared intently at the tablecloth, trying to get rid of the stinging in my eyes. When I looked up, I caught George's eye and was mortified to see him give me concerned glance before he looked to Ron. I plastered a smile on my face, turning to Mr. Weasley who was on my other side and spent the rest of the meal, trying to act like everything was fine, resolutely ignoring the wizard to my right.
After dinner, we moved through to the living room and I made sure that I was as far away from Ron as I could possibly be. The more he talked, laughed, joked and spoke to everyone and anyone but me, the harder it was to keep up the smile I had plastered to me face. After spending weeks wishing for friends and family, I now wanted nothing more than to be alone, so I could cry about how stupid I had been to once again believe that there was any possibility of Ron Weasley seeing me as anything other than his bookish friend.
My gaze fell onto Harry and Ginny, who were currently sitting on the couch opposite me. Harry had his arm around Ginny's shoulder and was running his thumb back and forth along her skin in a comforting gesture. They were such a perfect match for each other. Sub consciously they would both always lean towards one another. If Ginny was walking around the room, Harry's eyes would follow her. Harry would occasionally take Ginny's hand in his and she would place her head on his shoulder. They were so in- sync with each other. I felt a longing inside of me to have someone beside me, to have someone look at me with that longing in their eyes.
We spent the rest of the night just talking and catching up. Despite my heart aching, it felt good to be surrounded by people again and I was more than happy to just watch and listen to everyone. It felt just like old times. Mr Weasley was busy talking to Harry about his job at the ministry and all the latest muggle inventions that he'd discovered.
It's quite amazing really. Look at what it does.' He pressed one of the buttons on the toy and watched in amazement as it lit up and made a buzzing sound. 'I mean we wizards give muggles far too little credit.'
Harry and I exchanged a short glance, and both moved to hide our small smiles. Mr Weasley had never changed. After the war, the Ministry had offered him many promotions, but he had been more than happy to stay in his current position, where he could play with muggle objects all day. He continued on for a good ten minutes more, about the amazing toys, powered with little cylinders that contained power.
I noticed that George was sitting on the floor at the edge of the living room, just watching everyone as I was. It was odd to see him so quiet. He was usually the life and soul of the party, but I guess he was missing his partner in crime.
I shuffled over so that I was sitting beside him and asked him how he was. He shrugged his shoulders in reply and looked away from me. I knew what he must be thinking, and I could have kicked myself for asking such a stupid question. Of course, he wasn't okay. He had lost his twin brother, the other part of himself.
Oh George, I'm so sorry. That was a really stupid question,' I said quietly to him, hoping that the others wouldn't hear our conversation.
Don't worry about it, Hermione,' he said turning back towards me, although his eyes turned towards his mother. He continued to sit in silence and I thought that our conversation had finished, until he sighed deeply and continued.
You know sometimes she can't even look at me,' he said in a voice so full of pain that it broke my heart to hear it. 'It's like every time she sees me it's just a reminder of Fred,' he continued, never taking his eyes off of his mother. 'A reminder of what happened. I don't even know what to say to her and I don't think she knows what to say to me. Sometimes she goes to talk to me, and I swear she was going to call me Fred. Some days I don't even want to come home. I just stay at the shop for as long as I can. I miss him so much. I can't believe that I'll never speak to him again. I'm going to make our business a success for him. I'm going to make sure that I don't let him down.' He continued to stare off into the distance but sighed deeply as if in relief. I wondered if he had been desperate to get those things off of his chest. He had obviously been thinking about them.
I put my hand gently on his arm, trying to comfort him and let him know that I was there for him. 'You've let nobody down George, least of all Fred. You're doing amazingly well and as for your mum it will just take time. You're both grieving. Please don't shut yourself out of the family. You'll only feel worse,' I said, speaking from personal experience. I knew very well how much a person needed their family to be around them.
Yeah, I know. It's just hard,' he said, his voice cracking at the end.
'I know but it will get easier, or so I'm told.'
We sat in silence for a while, I was half listening to the conversations going on around me, but I could tell that George was deep in thought.
Eventually I asked him how his business was going, trying to distract him from wherever his thoughts were taking him. He smiled when I asked the question and he launched into a big explanation of how Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was a huge success. He talked so animatedly and passionately about his work that for the first time, he sounded like the George that I used to know.
'So what's the latest in the joke world? What should I be on the look out for this year? Anymore objects that I should be wary of giving me a black eye?'
'I've not really been making stuff for the joke shop,' he shrugged. 'Things just don't seem so funny anymore.' He stared into the distance before, seeming to catch himself. 'I've been working on the WonderWitch line of beauty products. The pimple vanisher was selling really well, so we're adding a few more lines. Clear skin, long lasting tan, no chip nail polish and stuff for hair, like curling and straightening cream and stuff like that. Hey, I could give you some of it.'
I turned to him with a raised eyebrow and gave him a whack on the arm. 'Gee thanks George. Nice to know that you think I need to be using beauty products. You had better to be talking about the hair stuff and not the zit cream or I swear I'll hex you right now,' I laughed, only mildly offended.
His eyes had briefly looked panicked at insulting me, but upon seeing my smile, answered, 'of course not Hermione, your skin is fine, I mean great, fantastic, the best ever, but if my hair serum can make even yours straight then I'll know that I've cracked it. '
I pondered this briefly, wondering how soon I should let him off the hook. 'Oh well, when you put it like that', I answered with my voice dripping with sarcasm and rolling my eyes. 'Just so you know, for that little comment, I am expecting a large amount of products to try, on the house of course.'
Deal,' he said, giving me a broad smile that I couldn't help but return. I glanced around the room to find Ron glowering at me from across the room and my smile instantly fell. I knew George had seen it when he followed my gaze and his smile turned into a scowl. 'My brother is an idiot.'
What do you mean?'
'If he can't see what is right in front of him, if he won't stop being a bloody coward and fight for what he wants, then he's a bloody idiot.'
I briefly thought about trying to pretend that I didn't know what he was talking about, but I didn't see the point. 'Ron and I are just friends, George,' I said, fighting to keep the pain from my voice, because despite what I may have thought, despite what I may have wanted, perhaps that was all we were ever meant to be.
George gave me a thoughtful look before he pushed himself up and surprised me by giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. 'He doesn't deserve you, Hermione. He never did. You're far too good for him. One day he'll look up and actually open his eyes and realise just what he's lost out on.'
He stood up fully, said night to everyone before heading up the staircase. It wasn't long later when we all followed him to bed, ready for an early start to go back to Hogwarts. As I was drifting off to sleep, I could just about convince myself that it couldn't possibly be that bad. As long as we were all together, I knew that we would all be just fine.