Each time we comes to forget something or a feeling, the next time it comes visit us , it brings along hurricane of that feelings like storming and ravaging your inside.
And out off all feelings I hate the most is pain.
Yes. Pain.
The pain of losing something or someone dear to us. The pain of having to cope with stressfully surrounding. The pain of being alive and having to live a pathetic life. Too much pain in your life? And when it's too much for u to handle, you are drove to be over the edge. Or sometimes something inside you just snap. And u can't feel anything. Not a single thing.
Basically pain gives us a reality check , a hard knock on the head and heart. No fun but a lesson to be learned.
But human never learns.
I realized something inside me changes today. I am too numb to feel the pains ... Sometimes I just surrender to the guilts and my sins. It's been killing me slowly. I cried and cried to the point I can't even cry anymore.
I'm feeling numbs and terrible.
Cuz I'm such a horrible and cruel person like what others saying. Maybe they are somewhat true. Of all things I've done before , I rarely feel remorse. Just a bit of guilt. Now I feels numb.
But my sins are too heavy and I'm afraid to die. But they are waiting for me down there. Somewhere in the darkness. Told ya I loves a pathetic life. I hate to live but I wanna live so bad. I want to start afresh but I have nothing to start off. I wanna be happy but pains keep numbing me down. I am in utter despair in here. Sometimes I wished I was capable of changing things to better . But a normal human being like me isn't strong and powerful enough for all that fairytale stuff .
Bitter laugh.
My name is Annabelle.
And I am breaking down.