I am always okay.
I always says I'm okay.
Even when I'm not.
It's not because I wanna dodge to truthfully answer that question. But I find explaining why I'm not exactly okay is hard and sometimes I just can't find words to tell you how I'm not okay.
It's a meddlesome things to describe and to express how I'm not okay to others. So I had to be okay all the time . I'm fine. I'm good.
Sometimes I'm crying all night cuz there's a feelings I'm unable to describe, some sort of frustrated , regrets, painful, anxiety, and all sorts others that dancing inside my artery and my brain and I'm just lost inside all that shit.
I comes to realize I can't forget painful things anymore. My brain keeps on playing them in the back of my mind and it's unbelievably painful to remember all the darkness inside your life your past and unable to recover, do something about it or accept it.
Cuz the things that out of your hands also out of your reach for u to do something about it.
That's my lamenting of my painful past. Cuz I can't forget. and it drives me mad on every corner , nurturing me to be vulnerable to fight the negativity in my self.