When I was younger I remember admiring and looking up to fictional heroes character in Disney's and Marvel cartoon. I remember feeling all excited and happy everytime the series aired on that old small rectangular television that my family possessed.
We weren't rich at all but we still got a TV so we could see things going on at the far away land.
I loved Batman and his Gotham city story, also I love Superman .. I just don't get why the hell all superheroes wore their underwear outside . Maybe that's what differs these superheroes from another ? Has the villain ever wore underwear outside too? I dunno I don't remember well.
But as I grew older ,I started to see misfits, wrong things and a dysfunctional in my family and society. Half of the newspaper filled with gossips and crimes , dead people ,wars, massacres and everything dark. Sometimes I hate to read newspaper cuz some stuff just too gore for me to read.
So when I started being able to perceive my surroundings people's weaknesses,let's call it weakness,I started to develop a complicated feelings inside my heart and head, and it is unpleasant, cuz it's a foundation for hate, miserable , loathing, and everything in between.
It might due to teenagers age act out of me , but I find myself unable to accept people around me and the situation I'm in with.
A flower can't choose where it's gonna grow. So does a child. We can't choose our parents. We can't choose our family. Even if it's hurt like hell and you'd rather die, you've got to endure it till the end . And get our of that circle.
Because living in pain is something that makes up a villain.
And there's Joker the 🤡.
I started to understand that Joker before he started doing all bad things ,and you know all of it, was just an ordinary person. He got a simple life and a family member, and a job. Villain are originally a normal person like us, they didn't start off becoming a villain right after birth. That would be crazy lol.
He's struggling with low pays work, unable to provide more, living in a very bottom society, people makes fun of him and all. But he's got to take care of his mom, so that responsibility turns into burden. He's just had enough of pain and numbness. Joker before he become a villain ,he can't laugh . Only after he become Joker, he was able to laugh to his heart content.
Their surrounding, the people around them , the situation ,their financial status , their everyday struggles is what bend them into who they are.
Sometimes when we unable to cope with our everyday struggles and pain, we may become a villain like Joker too. And this is not a joke. It's a reality that could've happens to anyone. Sometimes I wished I'd be like Joker,cuz when people turns blind eye on your pain, and just trample on you , I'd really like to jam the hammer on their head and mushed up their brain. Cuz the pains I've been enduring and trying to heal myself are things that kills me again and again. My heart is like breaking and I am breaking down.
Honestly this isn't a good story cuz it's all my darkest and weakness I rant on and on cuz I'm trying to cut down my craziness and trying to hold back from becoming a series killer or a villain.
I am Annabelle.
And I just wanna live my life the way I want and with the people I want.