Morning came and an empty cocoon woke up from his sleep. He felt heavy, unlike the chain which was still there. Now that he thought about it, he didn't even think about the chain this whole time. He was too distracted having…fun. He was having fun. But karma came back to make it all even, and for no reason he felt incredibly down the night before. Now he woke up and started making up reasons in his mind. Useless comments to himself just to justify the kid's visit and his feelings at the moment.
That kid. Miles had been seeing him for a while. For about 9 months. First time was around 3 months after the accident. When he was at his lowest too. He was in bed laying and sulking as he had for a while, sulking as if the whole world was over. He heard a voice suddenly and turned to where he heard it.
-!!!- he was startled seeing a kid. Just like previously described, the "kid" was all the same. And "he" started talking to Miles. Miles was completely silent as soon as he saw the kid, completely shocked, in dead silence and in fear.
"It hurts doesn't it?"
Miles:"———" he sat up abruptly, peeling his eyes open at the sight.
-wha….-
"It feels like nothing will ever be right again, right?"
Miles:"———"
The "kid" took a step closer. Closing the distance between the "two."
"How whole are you?"
Miles: "Who are y-"
"Answer me."
The kid interrupted taking another step closer to miles. Now just a mere 4 feet away. Miles started to feel more and more unsettled. But regardless he answered.
Miles: "Not much…" he said looking down and not at the kid. Understanding his odd question.
"You will never be whole again. When you love a person whole-heartedly, and you lose them, you will lose a part of yourself, and never be whole again. Always going to have an empty spot." He said in a calm voice, talking like the snake talked to Eve in the Garden of Eden.
Upon hearing these words Miles felt annoyed. Not because he didn't agree, but because he told him the truth. No one had told him something so cold and dry after such a tragic loss. He wanted to hear those nice words everyone else told him even though he would push those usual words away when they came to him at the speed of sound. He just wanted to be pampered by other's words. This way, he could just victimize himself and hide away from the true pain. But this "kid" showed it to him. Shoved it right in his ears without asking. Angering Miles' turbulent mind.
The kid kept on going-
"I'm starting to feel pity. I'm looking at a lost puppy. One at the edge of a cliff." He kept going as he got closer and closer to Miles who was looking at him with remorse in his eyes.
"And all he needs to do now that he's on the edge, is jump, and he won't be lost anymore."
Miles: "?!"
The kid took a step closer now in front of Miles' face.
"I'm just here to give you a push-"
Miles: "STOP!" He screeched with a broken voice as he swung at the kid right before his eyes hitting the kid on the temple. But right as he drove his fist into the kid's head his fist went right through and across.
-!!!-
The area where Miles punched faded away in a "poof" and the top part of the kid's head was gone. Leaving him with only one eye. And a tear glided down his right cheek from that one eye.
Gray dust was floating around. Its as if he punched a pile of the finest dust and all the particles were floating around. It was as if he punched something that
wasn't there.
A few seconds pass by and Miles stays in shock looking at the head of the kid with part of it being gone. Then, in a few seconds, the dust started coming back to that part of his head and healed it back up. It looked like an hour glass filling up with sand at the bottom and the sand slowly rising, filling it up. The "dust" in the air floated and flew back to the kid until he was back to normal.
Miles: "Wha-w-w-what was that ?!"
"Why didn't you keep going?" Said the kid looking straight at him.
-Ahhhhh what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck-
The kid got even closer to him. With him feeling completely dumbfounded and paranoid. He started to think more about what he was actually seeing and experiencing.
-This isn't normal. This shouldn't be happening.- he began to think. But the kid kept on talking again,
"Why didn't you keep going?"
"Go ahead, kill me."
"If you're going to hurt me keep at it. Finish what you started." The kid pressed as Miles backed off unto the wall on the other edge of his bed. The kid getting up on the bed and walking to him. Kneeling down to be face to face perfectly with him. Miles sweating more and more and his heart pounding on his chest to get out.
"If you're going to sulk so much wishing death on yourself instead of him, then do it."
Miles: "D-do what…" he questioned in between ragged breaths.
"Kill yourself."
The light glitched and the "kid" disappeared. Gone. In a single millisecond, gone.
Miles: "huff huff, ahh agghhhhhh!!!!!"
He started sobbing uncontrollably. He wasn't crying because he missed the loved one who went away, he was crying at the fact he couldn't build up the courage to act on it. Self-hatred and disgust arose in his soul once realizing how much of a coward he was. He wanted to do it, or at least he told himself over and over, but he could never act on it. He tried coming up with excuses like "mom would be sad" but it wasn't because of that. It was simply because he couldn't bring the knife down on his wrist, out of human instinct he was plain and simply scared of death. He didn't like the suffering but those feelings couldn't overcome his fear of death. He thought of it as being the only immediate way to make hin forget his misfortune.
-When you're asleep, you can't think of your pains or worries, so eternal sleep is the best answer.- was his reasoning. But the actual act turned his train of thought away.
But back to the present.
It's a Tuesday morning. He went running but he was out of it. Thoughts were empty and negative. He just came back and got ready for school and started heading there. The presentation was done for English class but it didn't fit how he felt anymore. The presentation was much more positive. It promised he would have a brighter future but now he felt though his smiles and everyone else's were just wolves in sheep's clothing. Waiting for a moment where he drops his guard and pounce on him, and drive their teeth on his flesh.
At school, as he was walking by through the multitude of people, he saw her. Jessica. She was with her best friend and some other guys. Smiling with them laughing. Having fun with them. Her smile being the same as when she was with him. This wouldn't be a problem for anyone in a proper mindset. But he was walking on a thin rope and he was naturally easily influenced by anything and everything. So Miles's heartbeat skipped a beat at this image. It sunk low down to his stomach as he felt the chain get lighter yet again. The pattern was becoming visible to him. And he walked away putting his hoodie on and eyes down. Realizing her smile wasn't different when she was around his. Making sense to the kid's reasoning, his smile would betray him.
Walking into his classroom again, early as always, he put his head down on the desk. Thinking that every time he builds a foundation for happiness, something will come along and break it down. Break it down over and over. He thought he was building a Tower of Babel to his heaven but some devil would come and break it down. As if the rainbow didn't come after the rain. Mr.Barbick noticed the worry in his aura but didn't say anything this time. The bell rang and everyone flowed in to class. He he heard a couple steps behind him someone flicked his head, he lifted up his head and saw Jessica.
-Don't do that.- thought he. -You probably just wanted someone to help you or something.-
He had his hand on his desk and just lifted them in a wave like form, saying hello discretely as she walked past him looking back at him with the same smile she always had then turning back seeing his hand respond.
Mr.Barbick: "Alright class, settle down. We are going to start the presentations."
Everyone gave a clear sound of boredom and annoyance as always.
Mr.Barbick: "Well, who wants to go first?"
Jessica raised her hand.
Mr.Barbick: "Alright then, come on up Jessica."
Miles' ear twitched hearing her name. And he raised his head from his desk. She went up and they set up her presentation. It was inevitable that he was actually going to pay attention. She started presenting and it sounded like the usual writing anyone would make for this this of personal question. Obviously, in her tone there was a trace of self-centeredness but what could anyone expect. The movement of her lips and the tone of her voice obviously enticed Miles to pay attention. But she mentioned nothing important. She got a great score.
Other students went up and presented. Then Kate presented. Her tone was much more dead than her bestfriend. Specifically as she started to talk about the past. It seemed rushed as if she wanted to get through with it as fast as possible. Her voice broke at one point. But regardless she kept going and received her positive feedback from the teacher. After a few more people went up, Miles was called out.
Mr.Barbick: "Miles…MILES." He said louder. It was only until he was called twice that he responded with a quick and sudden "yes." He heard a couple people giggling and he started to get nervous. But regardless he went up. He felt more careless about his surroundings than usual. Like he didn't care about what was going on around him.
His presentation was up. -What now- he thought. He received the green light from the teacher to go ahead and start. He started to read the "Who was I?" part of the presentation. He began-
"Who was I? Well, I was like many, a dumb little kid back then. I couldn't think for myself…" and he went ahead and read off who he was. He said no loe in who he was back then. He described who he was a kid, and frankly, he remembered pure good memories of being a kid and it was nostalgic to him and relatable to many people. Everything was going well.
That said until he remembered the visitor he had the night before. At about the time he remembered the kid, he got to the "Who am I?" part. Now he didn't know what to say.
Miles: "Now, I am grown up and…"
His words faded away. He wrote what he thought he was pure bullshit. He wrote those positive words up on the screen when he was high on her smile. But now he felt idiotic when he looked at himself presently from other's point of view. In half a second he thought.
-fuck am I, stupid? I keep imagining her and I all the time. She's a person I just met. I have this stupid chain on my foot. I have no idea what it leads to still. I have no idea if what I see is real anymore."
A small epiphany. He never looked at himself objectively. From a third person point of view. But now that he did, he thought he had no reason to read the "Who do I want to be?" It was full of even more happy-happy Miles shit. So he decided to not do it. Get out of course. He kept reading-
Miles: "I'm the same I guess." He continued. "Who do i want to be?" He said then.
Miles: "————"
Miles: "Mr, I'm going to the restroom."
He said with the whole presentation in the back. And he just walked out and went to the hall. And headed to the restroom. In class, people were laughing a bit and were dumbfounded at him just doing that. Saying things like "typical edgy kid." Difference is this time he knew what they were saying without outright hearing it. He became more self-aware. Back in class Jessica was confused. But mad. She felt like he was being ungrateful. She spent time with him and yet he decided to go back into his little depressed cocoon.
He went into the restroom, as he walked in, the only kid walked out. So he was alone. He just washed his face. And thought about how stupid he was being. His mind was running wild in the forest, not knowing where to go. But one thing was for sure, he just wouldn't be able to find the place because he didn't know what he was looking for. He was essentially once again a "lost puppy." Just a lost puppy running around with nothing and no one and going nowhere. A small knot tied up in his throat. Not because he was down, he just felt confused, he really was a frightened pup.
-what am i doing?"
Miles: "HEY WHAT THE-"
???: "SHHHHH"
Jessica entered the restroom in the most casual way and shut him up.
Jessica: "I told Mr.Barbick I was coming to ghe restroom for 'girl issues' and he obviously bought it. But either way, what was that, you just walked away, the whole presentation was there. Your lucky he's nice and didn't call the office. You should've at least ditched instead of making a fool, you left all your shit in there too, now you have to go back anyways."
She was scolding him. Just like a mom or big sister would. She was showing care for him. But why should she even care. In such a short amount of time, she could genuinely care about him? That's not how it should work. Most people take ages to care for someone. When they care about a certain person too much too quick its just blind attachment. A bond that can be broken with little effort. A bond that will eventually break. He was looking at her with an empty look, sure he was confused, but most of all he thought -you don't care.-
Jessica: "Will you say anything???"
Miles: "You don't care." He said with immature distrust and disdain in his face.
Jessica: "How do you know?" Said she staring straight into his eyes.
Miles: "You've barely known me 2 weeks, how would you care about me so quickly?"
Was his reply which made sense. There's no reason for him to believe such a beauty could take a liking to him and in such a short amount of time.
But she held her ground.
Jessica: "Is there a requirement of time needed to care for someone?"
Miles: "——" he had no answer.
Jessica: "There's no reason for you to act like this, your not alone, you don't even know what it's like to be alone-"
Miles: "And how would know?!" Raising his voice.
She blankly started at him. Frowned, then she rolled up her sleeve. Slowly showing him, by tracing her fingers along them, the deep longways scars on her arm. One by one she traced them without diverting her eyes from his face, while he stared at her arms with guilt and a great stupidity. He didn't know what caused them, but he knew if it pushed her to the edge to do "that" which he never had the courage to do so, if something made her choose physical pain over anything else, then he knew she suffered just as much as him or more, and he had no reason to interrupt her.
Jessica: "Come on let's get out out of here she said grabbing his hand and walking out discretely.
But then they heard some chattering coming from the hall and they knew it was a security. Quickly they rushed into a room right next to the restroom. And they managed to close the door and hide before they passed. It was a dusty dark storage room. Tight with little spaced the two broken teens were pressed together close. Her sleeved was rolled up and he slowly traced his fingers along them. Feeling the little hills that marked every misfortune she went through. And he felt idiotic and foolish, he felt he wanted to be there for her. But he was clueless as to how to help.
So she interrupted his thoughts-
Jessica: "Hey, how about we make a deal." She said softly looking at him with her blue eyes and a mischievous smirk.
Jessica: "How about we lean on each other. Like two birds, both missing one wing. I'll be your crutches and you be my wall lean on." She proposed as she got closer and closer. Inch by inch. Centimeter by centimeter to his stunned face and still body. Entrancing him with every twitch of her body and lips and with her eyes blue like the Atlantic hypnotizing his. Leaving him still like stone and she being Medusa.
"We'll be 2 lost dogs in the forest, licking each other's wounds…" she said as her smirk disappeared and her fragile finger touched his face, her eyes closing making his close right after her lips grazed his, once, then again to reach deeper into his soul. With that kiss marking his destiny, branding his body, claiming him hers. And he fell subject to her words and her touch. For good or bad he'd fallen for her for reals this time.
She finished the sincere kiss and smiled at him, with her fangs showing and Miles still not knowing what he was to do. She took the lead and grabbed his hand, opened the door and they ran out.
Jessica: "Come on! let's get to class quickly!!" She said looking back at him and smiling, and he smiled back.
While far back at the end of the hall, a light was twitching.
And a small silhouette showed.
He said all the way from over there where Miles couldn't hear…
"Run, lost puppy."