It had been 3 long miserable days without my voice and Jackson took advantage of it, his constant chatter was getting to me, he even stayed at my house and helped me out, but his unstoppable chatter ruined the sweet sincerity of it.
We were currently at the doctor's office, waiting for me to get checked, to see if I could use my voice again.
I could see that his excessive talking was getting to the other patients nerves their constant irritated looks was my first hint.
I grabbed his hand to get his attention than kissed his cheek to stun him, than I put my pointer finger on my mouth to indicate quiet.
His eyes widened in shock since I never kissed him even out of sibling love, He than nodded than looked around.
An older lady than looked at her husband and said, "young couples these days are so cute with their affection these day's, Yobo I want a kiss too."
The man than looked at us with a deep blush and kissed his wife on the cheek his blush was apparent across room.
She smiled widely as if she just won a noble peace prize, I gave her thumbs up and smiled at her old people love was so hard warming and cute.
Jackson was going to correct her but I put my hand on his to stop him, and shook my head no,He gave me a funny look than just sat in his chair in deep thought.
My name was called by the slender young nurse who blushed when Jackson flashed his cheeky smile while walking past her.
I rolled my eyes and than followed him in the the exam room. Sitting on the very uncomfortable exam table I waited patiently for the doctor.
Then in came a doctor his name tag displays Dr. Joo Sun, he had medium height, medium build, an average looks. He was a person if you saw him the street, you would not think twice about looking at him. He was just average, Plain would be another word to describe him.
He smiled than introduced himself than got to work checking to make sure I was okay to speak let alone sing.
He than smiled at me and asked "can you try singing for me?" what would a few mars hurt other than my ego.
I look at Jackson than started to sing our song hey brother. He sang with me until it came to the duet part.
The doctor gave an eye smile and than said, "I would call that wonderfully healed voice. You may go back to work. my daughters by the way in love with you both and I would make father of the year if I could get your autographs."
I smiled and asked "how many daughters do you have?"
He gave a fatherly smile that lit up when he said, "two Jae-se and Jae-ah twin girls age 10 they want to be kind and strong like you. Your their role model. "
I than took out two of my photographs that I carry in my purse and signed them with a personal note to each of them. I give it to their father I than said, "if you want we can take a picture with you for your wall."
Jackson had just finished his autographs on his photographs that he made me carry the past 3 days, when he said, "its cool with me."
We than took a few pictures with him than left I didn't want to be caught by a mob of fans that would get the wrong impression.
As we headed to the car a quiet Jackson exploded asking, "why did you kiss me back there? Than stopped me from telling that older couple that we were just friends?"
I smiled and said, "it was the only thing I could think of to get you to stop talking. I didn't want to upset such a cute older couple she was using us as an excuse to openly ask her husband for affection. I didn't want to upset her it didn't harm us to make them happy with a misunderstanding."
He looked at me and asked, "so, you didn't feel it did the fluttering in your chest? you weren't thinking about it the whole time in there?"
I looked up at him slightly confused and asked, "is that what happened to you? Can we take this some where less crowed like home? I think its time we have some serious talk..."
We got into his large black hummer h2 that I gave him as a present for getting his license. The car ride was quiet as we where both lost in thought.
Did I like Jackson more than a brother? I have always felt the most comfortable with him in the company I thought I always treated him as a older brother. Yes. He is handsome and kind he knows how to comfort a person without even trying... Do I act too familiar with him? Am I giving him mixed signals? I wish I knew myself as well as other people... am I just fooling myself thinking that I am worthy of his attention and love even if its brotherly love? What if he just is using me like the others and doesn't even care if I end up in a ditch somewhere...
We just arrived home and I couldn't get out of my seat belt or the hummer fast enough. Stumbling out I scrambled to the front door and not stopping until I reached my room.
I hated when my thoughts went to the dark place of self loathing and doubt, the constant felling unworthiness.
I shucked my clothes and got into the shower and curled into a ball on ground letting the water hit me as I cried thinking its not real this little bit of happy that I am having with my adopted family is just a sham they don't love me, they need me I provide them a money with my work for the company.
Their lives must be difficult with me here. Maybe I should just end their misery by ending it all I guess I proved time and again life is wasted on a whore like me.
My thoughts where interrupted. By a loud knock and Jackson yelling "Anna are you ok? You have been in there for an hour and a half! Please talk to me. I am sorry if I upset you."
I pulled myself off the now ice cold floor and shut the water off. wrapping a towel around me I open the door to a very worried and upset Jackson.
He hugged me in a tight hug worry etched into his face, than yelled, "your so cold lets warm you up your lips are blue!"
He than took his shirt off and put it over my head helping me wear it
He than sat me in my bed and covered me with a blanket while taking my towel to dry my hair. He sat behind me massaged dry my hair dry when he was done back hugged me and said, "please don't leave me or scare me like that I... I Thought... I caused you to hurt yourself again and this time for good. If you ever leave me what would I do with out you? Your a big part of my world."
He than hugged me tighter and started to cry into my shoulder my body reacted and I turned in his arms and hugged him back taking one hand to Stroke his hair.
He lifted his head and looked deep In my eyes, his unshed tears brimming making my cold heart melt.
I took his face into my hands and kissed his cheek and then said, "Oppa I wouldn't dare leave you. Even if I did die before you, I would haunt you just so I could pull pranks and make you smile."
He hugged me tightly again as if I would disappear but this time saying, "you do love me don't you. I love you to Anna."
My heart started to flutter when he said that to me and my face started to heat up so I quickly buried my face into his shoulder to hide my face.
His laugh started as a rumble than ended as a full out belly roll. Getting annoyed I started to tickle him forgetting that I was only wearing his shirt with nothing underneath.
I remember what I was wearing when I ended up straddling him and a my bare flesh landed on his jean zipper and my hands on his nicely sculpted bare chest.
My face heated up with a fiery passion and I scrambled off of him and ran to my closet slamming my door behind me.
My heart was running a mile a minute that adrenaline hit me hard then I hurried and pulled on some panties and short shorts I pulled off his shirt and replaced it with a sports bra and tank top.
When I left the closet with his shirt in hand he was still laying on my now rumpled bed, he was in a daze.
I noticed his shirt was wet from my body so I figured I would get him one of RM's shirts since they where about the same size.
When I came back from the boys closet he was still unmoving. So, I crawled on to my California king bed than pounced on top of him than kissed his cheek again saying "let go see Mr. Lee and work out Oppa, or do you have plans tonight?"
He just looked at me and asked, "what are you doing to me? One minute I see you as a sweet cute and cuddly little sister. The next minute you are a sexy goddess that I feel I should be worshiping with my mouth and hands all over you in the effort to make you mine. Princess I know I love you I am just confused on if I love you as a sister or as a woman. Can you help me?"
I layed my head on his chest and mumbled, "I can't help you I am facing the same problem. Maybe we should not see each other for a few days until we figure out our feelings?"
He hugged me and agreed and said, "in a week Got7's world tour starts with my solo debut, and your concerts starts in three days for the Angles and your solo debut what if by that time we still haven't figured it out what then? I won't be back in Korea for a year....."
I than at that moment decided to kiss him full on without restraint my tears streaming down my face. I knew this was one man I would have to let go of if not for my own good but for his I wasn't worthy of such a man with a heart of gold. I wasn't even worthy of the three men I was sleeping with they where all amazing and wonderful. Maybe I should let them all go and just be alone let them have happy and healthy relationships.
When we finished our kiss Jackson was on top of me his eyes showing pure lust and desire I haven't ever seen before. He was waiting for me to let him continue but I shook no my head letting a tear fall I than said, "I am not worthy of you I don't want you to get hurt or ruined by me. I am tainted and no good."
"What do you mean your no good? Your the kindest most loving person I know, your always thinking of others before yourself, even if it mean your heart will be hurt in the process. I know your sleeping with Xuimin Rap Monster Deasung and until recently Mark that's ok with me I love you despite that. Mark has told me you refuse to date anyone. That you think your protecting them and yourself from future hurts... Please just give me a chance to figure out if this is just lust or me wanting more of you than your body like the others..." he said this with a sad desperation in his voice.
I was stunned my tears flowing like a river down my face I know I will regret letting him in, Will my heart be able to handle him its already having problems with the other three.
I gently touched his still bare chest feeling the divots and ripples of his muscles there wasn't anything soft to his muscles, the other than the smooth skin that cover them.
He shivered to my touch I was giving him goose bumps with every cress. He let out a low moan not being able to take it any longer, he captured my mouth with his than slowly trailed them to my collar bone he than sucked on it with a mixture of pleasure and pain.
Wrapping my legs around his waist I rubbed my now needy heat onto his very large bulge. I started to work at his belt to free him when he flipped us and put me on top of him helping free his large member. He than ripped my top and bra off of me freeing my breast for him.
He than went to work on my shorts and panties tearing them to shreds like a man possessed with lust, loved it physical attraction was not an issue for us both that was for sure.
When I was finally unwrapped for him, he laid me gently on the bed and started to kiss my body caressing it memorizing it with his touch.
When he got to my already pulsing clit, my body responded to his touch with the arching of my back for him to have easier access.
I let out a small wimpier of need, I need him more and more with every touch could feel myself get wet with want.
He than started to kiss my inner thighs after he started to suck on my clit inserting two fingers. To loosen me up with every suck I could feel myself coming undone.
My moans got louder and louder until I was screaming his name pleading with him to fuck me.
Begging him until with one last suck he entered me with an earth shattering force that had me clinging to him as if it was the last time I would ever see him.
The ball in my stomach got tighter and tighter with every thrust. I held onto it not letting myself the release until he was ready.
He was moaning my name as I was for him our Rhythm in sync with one another his back muscles was rippling beneath my hands I could not believe I was with this sexy god like man.
Finally the ball was so large that I started moaning I need him to cum with me he understood he came inside me with such force I could feel it dripping out of me mingling with my sweat. Every time he shifted he would set off a series of euphoric wave that contained another orgasm.
I just wanted him to stay inside of me forever, I snuggled close to him when he collapsed on the bed still inside of me, I was tiered so with one last kiss on his collarbone I fell asleep in his arms happily.
I held on to Anna for dear life not wanting to let go of this beautiful angel that came into my life.
How anyone could hurt her or want to put her threw hell that she has been threw is beyond me.
I know I love her, I want her to be the mother of my children. But, she will not want a relationship she has been hurt too many times by men that where suppose to be her friends her support line.
I almost died the day she tried to kill herself I read the notes she left for those three idiots they broke my heart. I new she was unquestionably in love with Taehyun everyone knew it he didn't until Jimin and Baekhyan told him. The Alien was oblivious to things like that.
I almost killed them for what they did to her I wanted to kill Ji for being the one that finally broke her and changed her to someone that hid their heart away.
I really need to talk to the guys I know Rap Monster and Xuimin are in love with her also Deasung I really don't know if he is, we don't talk much.
But for right now I have heaven on earth in my arms and it all mine for the time being.
He than fell asleep never letting his love go.