"Ah... mon petit frère is all grown up and going to meet the parents..." Ziggy had been teasing Amari all morning, thoroughly enjoying every reaction he could pull from the boy.
"Fuck, Zig, shut up!"
Pulling his sweater over his head, Amari's face was hot with embarrassment, frustration, anxiety - he had so much swirling inside him, he was sure he would explode before he even made it to the station.
"Uh, fuuuuck... Why'm I so nervous?"
"Who wouldn't be nervous, hein? Going to the boyfriend's house for the first time, to find out some super important secret, and meet his mother, who would probably have a heart attack if she found out you weren't actually 'just friends'. C'est magnifique!"
His friend started laughing as Amari threw anything he could find across the room at him. "Coudon, blind people shouldn't throw things, tsé? C'est dangereux."
"Fuck! Ziggy! Why're you making this so much worse?"
Amari yelled at the top of his lungs, then folded over, hands pressed to his thighs. "I made that grand speech - 'lean on me, I'll be here for you no matter what' - and now I just wanna crawl into a hole and die of anxiety."
Safe now from flying objects, Ziggy walked over and gave him a tight hug. "I'm just trying to help mon chéri get out all of those frustrations before you go."
"No, you're making it a hundred times worse... Uh, I feel nauseous."
The man laughed again and rubbed Amari's back.
"It isn't right of me to tell you Yangyang's secret, it is better that he do it himself, but I know you don't need to worry about it. Ch'te dis, moi là, I think he is panicking for no reason." Ziggy gave Amari a pat then walked to the kitchen. "So stop stressing about it. Franchement... It's Yangyang for fuck's sake. How awful could it really be, hein?"
That was the most sensible thing Amari had heard all week, and he took in a deep breath. Ziggy was right. Just because sweet, childish Yangyang thought it was something big didn't mean it would be big to him.
"Hey, old man. You actually said something helpful and comforting for once." He stood and shook off his nerves, then felt around for Ziggy's coffee to steal. "But I'm still gonna need a couple more of these to make it through this."
He chugged down the hot liquid and took a few deep breaths.
"Minute, là!" he shouted at his friend, fully processing what the man had just said. "If you knew I wouldn't care and he didn't need to panic, why didn't you just fucking tell him that months ago?"
"It is not my place, tsé? Plus, you two are très cute."
"Jesus Ziggy. I fucking hate you right now."
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The train ride seemed shorter than normal and Amari hesitated at the station exit, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He had realized so many things on the ride there, more things to worry about, and he thought maybe he had pushed Yangyang too hard. Maybe he wasn't ready for this.
Even without his unknown burden, what would his mother think of this punk kid he brought home? Brown-skinned, shaved head and barely visible mohawk, piercings in his ears and face, covered in black clothing - visually, he conjured up a combination of stereotypes that could scare anyone's mother. He thought of the customers in his aunt and uncle's shop who were intimidated by him, or who thought he was a bad kid because of his appearance and cold face. Would Yangyang's mother think that too? If she did, would they ever be able to convince her to approve of their relationship?
"What are you doing out here?" Amari let out a little cry, jumping at the deep voice. "This expression of yours... What crazy thoughts are going through that head right now?"
Yangyang rested his arm on Amari's shoulder and a wave of calm swept through him. His fears faded into the background and he smiled, shaking his head.
"Oh, I was just having a waking nightmare where your mother saw me, then immediately threw me out of the house, thinking I was a drug dealer or gang member, or something equally scary and immoral."
Yangyang laughed and reached his arm around to give him a pat. "My mother is traditional, but she isn't a terrible person. I'm a guitarist in a rock band. Do you think I've never been friends with someone who wears black and has piercings?"
With a shrug, Amari pushed those thoughts aside. "I'm just nervous she won't like me." He knew he was being ridiculous, and let out a sigh.
Yangyang switched back to leaning and chuckled. "That isn't possible," he said sweetly. "Come on, let's go. It's cold out here."
They walked a few blocks down and a couple blocks over, and Amari tried to focus on the path. He knew where the station was, and where other things were in relation to it, but he wasn't quite sure where they were headed now.
"This's..." He tried to follow the route in his mind. "Isn't there a dumpling place up here? Near the park?"
"Wow, you're good. The next block up. And the park is just across the street. How did you know?"
"I went to the park a lot." Amari could tell there was open space and the air smelled cleaner than other streets. "It was usually from the other direction, but there doesn't seem to be any buildings over there. The dumpling shop owner was always nice to me, so I ate there a lot."
He took a breath in through his nose and smiled. "Oh, we're close. I can smell it. I wonder if he's still there."
"Want to stop in? We get takeout from Lao Wang a lot, since we live so close by." Yangyang paused and Amari could hear his phone unlock. "I'll just text jie and let her know we're bringing lunch back."
Amari nodded and the two went into the shop together, the familiar smell of buns and dumplings filling the air.
"Xiao Yang!" shouted an old man's voice from across the room.
Amari could barely remember the layout, but Yangyang hadn't moved his arm since they left the station, and he was led up to the counter.
"I haven't seen Xiao Yang in a while. You brought a friend."
"Lao Wang, this is Amari," said Yangyang pleasantly, with a politeness the boy hadn't heard before. "We thought we'd stop in and pick up lunch, since we were walking by. He said he was craving your food."
"Amari..." The man tapped a finger on the counter, and after a few seconds, he cried out, "Ā málǐ? Xiao Li! How could I not have recognized you? Waaaa... It has been years!"
"Yeah... Sorry. I moved away and don't get back very often."
"Méishì, méishì. I wouldn't expect you to come see me. Hái hǎo ma? How are your aunt and uncle? Are you still playing guitar?" The man's excitement made Amari smile and he let a small, breathy laugh escape.
"I'm doing well. So are shūshu and āyí. I'll tell them to come visit you. And yeah, I'm still playing and singing. It's all I really know how to do."
Lao Wang laughed a low, hearty laugh. "Look at this. Smiling and laughing. You must have moved on to better things, huh?"
"Yeah..." Amari scratched his head timidly and Yangyang pat him on the shoulder.
"Sorry. Lao Wang is being too nosy. Happens when you're old, you know." Amari heard the man shuffle around behind the counter for a moment. "What do you boys want?"
Yangyang was quiet, so Amari tried to remember what he used to order. "How about pork, veggie, five-spice chicken, and... Oh, do you still have the spicy curry bāozi?"
"Of course. Xiao Yang loves that one."
Lao Wang took a moment and then punched the order into the register.
"Always bāozi with you. I used to think you would turn into a bāozi." Amari's face flushed as Yangyang chuckled. "So you'll need enough for yī, èr... wǔ gèrén?"
Five people? Yangyang, his sister, his mother, and me... plus someone else?
"Yes please," said Yangyang, reaching for his wallet.
They waited only a moment and a large bag was handed over, Yangyang grabbing it in his free hand. "Xièxie Lao Wang. Say hello to āyí for me."
"Dāngrán. It was great to see you again, Xiao Li. Since you're friends with Xiao Yang, make sure you come and visit sometimes."
Amari bowed to the man and Yangyang led him out of the shop and back down the sidewalk.