Amari bowed again and waved, following Yangyang out the door and down the stairs. At the bottom step, he hesitated, then squatted, pressing his forehead into his knees.
"What's wrong?" A hand tried to pry his face free.
He shook his head, refusing to budge, but Yangyang was strong and finally pulled him up. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he desperately tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop. "Shit..."
Yangyang quickly grabbed his arm and dragged him to the back corner of the landing, under the last flight of stairs where they wouldn't be seen. Large arms wrapped tightly around his waist, pulling him close, and Amari hung himself on Yangyang's shoulders, burying his wet face in the man's chest.
The tears flowed and snot dripped, and Amari was a disgusting mess for more minutes that he could count, crying in Yangyang's arms. His chest was tight, both joy and sorrow overflowing and clashing inside. Whenever he tried to stop, he would hear a room full of music, smell the food on the dining table, and feel a little warm body on his lap and tiny hands in his. When he finally gained control, his eyes burned, his head was throbbing, and the front of Yangyang's sweater was soaked.
"Jesus... Sorry..." He tried to dry the fabric with his sleeve, but Yangyang grabbed his hand and pulled him back in. "What's wrong with me? I've gone crazy."
"Why did you cry? Then, and now?" The sweet voice was deeper than usual and clearly worried. Although he had been the one in tears, Amari rubbed the man's back to comfort him.
"It was just... nice. You have a beautiful family. It felt really warm." He put his face against Yangyang's shoulder again, muffling what came next. "I've never really had a family... I didn't know it'd feel like that."
Yangyang tightened his grasp until the boy thought he would break. "Shit. Now you're going to make me cry."
They laughed quietly together and Amari pulled away.
"We can't have someone find two grown men standing under the stairs crying. I'm okay now. I could use some fresh air."
Yangyang put an arm around his shoulders, leading him out onto the street, toward the station. They walked in silence for a few blocks - enough time for Amari to build up the courage to ask the questions weighing on his mind.
"Taitai's adorable," he said softly. "You must be a really good ba for him to be so sweet."
"Ah... I don't know about that." Yangyang kicked a rock out of the path. "He spends more time with ma than me."
"What about his mom? Is she not around?"
"No idea." There was a sigh - resigned, but not sad. "She was younger than me, barely twenty, when she got pregnant. It was one of those blind date, matchmaking relationships that parents set up. She was nice enough, and I really tried to make it work. Part of me desperately wanted it to work. But we just weren't... compatible."
Amari shifted a little closer to Yangyang's side, giving as much comfort as he could out on the open sidewalk.
"She told me she was too young to have a kid, but when she did, she didn't want it to be with me, so she was planning to get rid of it. I panicked. I promised to pay for everything and take the baby. She would never have to see us again. And that's what happened. She left as soon as he was born."
Yangyang chuckled, then sighed again. "Ma was furious. At her for abandoning her child, and at me for knocking up some girl before we were married. Such shame. A single-father raising a child."
"That's why you dropped outta college and the band went on hiatus?" Amari could understand parts of his reasoning.
"I had to work, and Taitai was more important than either of those things." Even though Yangyang said that, it was clear the decision was still an open wound for him. "Now that he's older and can go to school, do some things himself, I thought it would be nice to get the band back together. Just for fun. I can't have the schedule I had as a full-time musician and college student. Not with a young child."
Amari smiled brightly to encourage him. "Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's amazing you raised a baby like that, all by yourself. You were young too. That's a lot of responsibility."
"It's all worth it, so it doesn't matter. I'm happy and he's happy, so no regrets, yeah?"
"Yeah," said Amari firmly, reaching up to give the man's hand a squeeze. "But, there's something I don't understand."
"Huh?" They turned the corner down Canal Street and Yangyang pulled him in a little closer.
"Why's Taitai a secret? I mean, why don't you tell anyone you've got a son? Are you ashamed of him? Or worried how people'll react?"
There was quiet for many moments and Amari worried he had screwed up and said the wrong thing. Finally, the man let out a short breath.
"I would never be ashamed of him, but I guess... The music world and people who work in that world are messy. And we're not very famous, but we still have fans. I don't need my son's life spread around on social media."
"I get it, I think..." Amari nodded, then paused, scratching at the side of his head. "But, I also think maybe you underestimate your son and the people around you. You don't need to take him everywhere, but don't you think he'd wanna see his dad doing what he loves? And don't you wanna show him off a little? You don't need to separate your world into little boxes."
Yangyang rubbed Amari's head with force and then chuckled. "Everything is so easy for you, isn't it?"
"Easy?" He shrugged. "Not really. I just thought, if my dad was like you, I'd wanna spend every minute I could with him, and see him doing what makes him happy." Realizing he had been lecturing Yangyang on things he knew nothing about, Amari paused again, his cheeks turning pink. "Sorry. I don't know why my mouth keeps running today. It's not my place to tell you how to raise your son."
"Is it not? Were you planning on just hanging around for fun?" The man gasped dramatically. "Maybe you just wanted to use me for my hot body?"
"Shut up," Amari grumbled, punching him in the side. "I just mean I've never had a family. I met your son an hour ago, and now I'm lecturing you. Jesus... Why do I always talk so much around you? It's fucking embarrassing."
Yangyang only chuckled, giving Amari's shoulders a tight squeeze. Suddenly, the boy leaned his head back and groaned loudly.
"What?"
"Everything I told your mother just came back to me." He covered his face in shame. "'Hi ma'am. I'm your son's blind, orphan, homeless-drifter friend, who dropped outta high school and now lives with some random man and works at his club for free. Thanks for letting me into your home. I promise I'm not dangerous, but if you wanna hide the jewelry, I understand.'" He groaned again. "Fuck."
Yangyang snorted, then laughed loudly, putting his hand on the boy's head. "It really was fucking hilarious."
"Thanks. That makes me feel so much better."
"I wish you could have seen the look on her face," the man continued, still laughing. "Every question she asked, you had some tragic backstory response. And you said it so casually, it just cut her right off. It really was great."
"Yeah. I'm glad you were enjoying yourself." Amari smirked at him. "You won't be happy when she asks me about girlfriends or marriage, and I bluntly tell her I'm gay."
He meant it as a joke, knowing even he wouldn't make such a mistake, but Yangyang's entire body tensed up, so he pat him reassuringly on the arm.
"Of course I'm not gonna say that," he said softly. "I was just kidding."
The man loosened a little, then halted. "Ah. We're here."
In no time, they were standing at the corner across from the station, and Amari frowned hearing it was time to part.
"Maybe we should just go back and tell her everything." He felt Yangyang's hold tighten around his shoulders. "Taitai and I can come live with you when we get kicked out."
Amari smiled warmly, but removed the large arm and stepped away. "I wouldn't do that to your family. There's plenty of time. We'll figure it out."
"I really want to kiss you right now," said Yangyang under his breath, and Amari punched him the chest. "Alright, alright. Sorry, but it's been so long..." The man groaned and slouched over. "You said we'd be together again after I told you my secret."
His whiney, childish tone was back, and Amari couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Jesus, you're so clingy... Do you have rehearsal Wednesday night?"
Yangyang poked at the boy's hand with his fingers. "Yeah..."
"Then let's make a trade," he said with a smirk. "You bring Taitai to rehearsal, then come home with me after. Yin jie can take Taitai back with her."
"Yeah?" The man grabbed his hand and shook it enthusiastically. "It's a deal."
With a giggle, Amari slipped out from Yangyang's grip, giving him a little wave. "Then I'm leaving. Go figure out what your ma thinks of me and report back."
The walk sign made a noise as it turned green and he started across the street, continually looking behind until Yangyang disappeared from view. After a long exhale, pushing out the remaining nerves and subsequent relief, he flowed with the crowd into the subway station.