Christa's POV
"How dare you? You asshole! I curse you! I curse you!" I shouted into the midnight sky, as I pointed my half-empty bottle of wine up into the air.
"You thought you're the most gorgeous man alive that every woman would worship at your feet, well, I'm not one of them. I won't bow to you even if you have the hottest body in the whole planet!" and I gulped the rest of the bottle. Then, drowned in liquor, I closed my eyes and laid down on the sand.
Tears formed in my eyes as I remember all the pain that I felt. I felt like a fool crying over nothing. I knew from the start that he would never be mine and yet, I allowed myself to fall in love with him over and over.
We had good times together, Chander and I. We met in a book event in college. I was a shy girl with big round eyeglasses and was a huge fan of his work. Yes, he was a famous author and his romance novels had me wishing he was mine.
Perhaps I was obsessed not only to his novels, but also to him that it intrigues me to finally meet him in person. Nervously, I went there not knowing that from that first meeting we would eventually end up as a couple.
But now, he was gone....
I tried to sit up but my whole body was so heavy like my heart burdened by so much pain.
It was suffocating me.
I did not know this was how it felt like... to be left alone with questions of why. Why did he leave? Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough?
I knew he had big dreams and he wanted to be known also in abroad. I was a huge supporter of them, but I did not expect him to not include me.
"I'm sorry, Christa. I don't love you anymore... my dreams... my career. That's what is important to me now... I don't think I could ever be what you dreamt to be... a family."
I knew from the start it was bound to happen but I still allowed it. Perhaps it was because I thought that he would somehow fight for me... that he loved me enough to let me stay with him.
But I was wrong.
"I'm so stupid!" I wailed. All the tears that I bottled up inside me poured out freely from my eyes and my cries echoed through the night. The pain that was left in my heart was so great that I don't even know how I was able to breathe... and why I was still breathing.
I just wanted to stop breathing at that moment so the pain would go away. Perhaps if I go to the sea and-
"Can you please be quiet? You're too loud!" commented a male voice from a few distance away from me.
I opened my eyes and sat up, wanting to snap on this guy for the sudden interruption, but when I turned I was surprised to see someone I knew so well.
Someone who had been chasing me most of my high school life was now at the beach where I was crying my eyes out.
"The hell you doing here, Lucas?!" I yelled as he turned towards me. He had at least three beers surrounding him and looked like he had been sitting there for a while.
"What? Are you the only one allowed to be in this beach, huh? My cousin owns this beach house."
"I came here first. How come you're here? I'm supposed to be alone here. Are you stalking me again?"
He suddenly burst out laughing.
"Wow! You really think I was not over you, huh? Dream on, girl!"
"Then why are you here?"
"I wanted to be alone and this is the best place to be."
"You need to leave," I demanded and stood up abruptly. The whole place span around me and I swayed walking towards him. As soon as I reached him, I grabbed the collar of his opened shirt but lost balance. Soon, I ended up on top of him. Though my vision was blurry, I could still see his face a bit clearly, and for the first time, I realized something.
Lucas is handsome.
How did I not look at him like this before? Was he ever been so handsome like this?
I gazed at his emerald eyes, the chiseled chin, the slightly pointed nose... and I found myself touching his face. He glanced at my hand as I traced his jaw and I could see his breath quickened. I smiled. It seems like I still have an effect on him.
I touched his lips... it was soft... and I found myself drawn to it. I wondered why he did not push me away when he should be hating me.
It's been years since I actually had a good look at him. He used to be chubby and annoying. He would always follow me around in high school and if he was not Jasmine's cousin, I would never give a damn about him.
Jasmine knew I never liked him and yet, we could never avoid each other as well. We were neighbors and oftentimes I would see him hovering around my house, waiting for me to come out.
I never appreciated him back then and I even rejected all his advances.
"I don't like you, Lucas! Just leave me alone," I told him once and even stomped on the flowers he took from their garden.
I knew I was mean to him and after that day, I never saw him as much anymore. He avoided me in parties Jasmine's family would host, and in some way, I forgot about him.
Until one day, I saw him again on Jasmine and Philip's wedding. I was a maid of honor and he was a groomsman. He was dashing in his suit and yet, that time I could not care less since I was so blindly in love with Chander.
He didn't speak to me but I could feel his eyes following my every move. We both brought our partners. I assumed it was his girlfriend by the way the woman wrapped her hand around his arm.
I thought I didn't care but somehow, that day, I watched him closely and suddenly felt that I missed him. Part of me just wanted him to still have eyes for me but I knew I would be selfish if I did that. He deserved to be happy and I thought I was happy, too, with Chander...
Until now...
"Christa..."
The way he whispered my name was music to my ears and suddenly, I felt like I was a teenager again.
Though I wanted to deny it, aside from Chander, he was the only one who actually liked me for who I was.
Without a warning, he cupped my face and kissed me. It was a soft, sweet kiss... I knew he was testing and waiting how I would respond.
I didn't think or perhaps it was the alcohol speaking and soon, I found myself clinging on to him. I opened my mouth as he took that opportunity to delve his tongue inside of it, simultaneously wrapping his arm around my neck to pull me close.
I never knew he was a good kisser and I went along with him. He pulled me closer and rolled on top of me. Heat covered my cheeks as my heart beat faster than normal. Time flew as we kissed passionately there in the sand, under the summer night sky.
Could we have this one summer night?
I was so desperate to forget the pain that somehow he let me feel that.
That I am still desired and worthy to be held... To be kissed... But then...
He let go of my lips as we breathlessly gaze at each other's eyes.
"L-Lucas..." I stuttered. I could see lust in his eyes but I knew he wanted to know if I wanted it too.
"Christa... I... Do you want to do this?" he asked. His whole face red full of passion and his eyes looked glassy. His breathing was quick...
Do I want this? I am not sure, but my body longs for it.
Why? I wondered. Did I have feelings for him in some way or was it just lust?
I knew I miss him but I did not know I wanted him... So bad...
"Shit!" he cursed and pulled himself away from me. I suddenly felt chilly as our bodies separate despite having clothes on. He shoved his hand through his hair. Folding his legs, he buried his face in his arms that were resting on his knees.
"I'm sorry, Christa... " he murmured. "I shouldn't have done that."
"It-It's okay," I answered. I'm getting confused on what should I really feel. I suddenly felt dumb for even considering that something might happen.
"I didn't mean to... I mean..." and he lifted his head to look at me. "Why do you have to look so damn hot tonight?"
I looked down on my outfit. I was wearing nothing but a white silky nightslip in which I purposedly picked thinking I'm the only one in that beach.
I covered my whole body with my two arms in embarassment.
"Well, how 'bout you? Do you really have to flaunt your hard muscles like that?" I commented.
Lucas chuckled. "So you think I'm hot, too, huh?"
"Well, you're body definitely changed... I mean...." and then my eyes widened in shock. Did he really think I'm checking him out?
Shit!
I felt my cheeks getting hot again. I knew my hands itched to touch his chest the moment he was near. The reason, I don't know. For some reason, I suddenly felt the sexual tension was too high and I had not expected it that way... especially to him.
It was not as if this was even my first time to do it with a guy. Chander had been my first and I thought I'd never desired anyone after him. Maybe I would but not immediately as this... and most especially to Lucas.
But there was really something and I could never deny the attraction we had. Even now that he was a feet away from me, I could still feel his soft lips on mine. Could it be possible that I had feelings for him somehow? But how? When did that happen?
"Ohmigod!" and now it was my turn to feel embarassed. I buried my face with my hands. I could not believe I felt something for Lucas even if it was just lust.
Suddenly, I felt movement and when I took off my hands, I saw Lucas right in front of me. Once again, I was drawn to those emerald eyes as he knelt before me. He leaned forward as my breath hitched.
"You cannot deny it, Christa. I saw it. You wanted me, too," he said as his eyes fell on my lips.
I gulped down the sudden dryness on my throat.
"So, if you're up for it..." and he leaned closer till our lips were only inches apart. "Let's do it."
My mind fogged with desires and without another thought, I pulled his neck and gave in to the heat inside me.