JOYS OF SPRING
14 September 1999, Tuesday
My sister called up on landline, "Samaira, find out your best pictures from your album and if you can't find any then go to studio immediately and get your photographs clicked but wear your best suit. Listen, wear pink color only."
I asked, "hold on, what happened? Why do you need my photo? I look beautiful in every color so why would I wear pink color only?" I giggled. Sania replied, "Listen to me, do as what I said and give phone to mummy".
"Mumma, Sania is on line, come fast". "How's my darling Simran, I am dying to meet her" I asked as I am really missing my niece, my princess.
"She's fine and sleeping right now, you give phone to mummy", she says as she is eager to give some news to Mumma. Mumma takes phone from me and gets busy in phone call. I come back to my room and trying to concentrate in my studies. I am pursuing M.A. English and preparing for the last semester. After half an hour Mumma sits near me and staring at me with admiration. "What?" I get confused though I've some idea what she is going to say. "Leave everything, find out your best photo or I'll do". I know Mumma has a severe back pain since she met with an accident so I don't want to bother her for searching out in drawers. I get up and give three best photographs to Mumma.
"Looking gorgeous, my sweetheart", she kisses my photographs and me. "You didn't ask why do we need your photos?" Mumma smiled at me.
"I know, Sania wants to show my photographs to someone for my marriage", I replied uninteresting as I am not interested in getting married yet but Mumma wants to get free from the last responsibility, at least she feels so. Frankly speaking, she is right in a way as after daddy's death she shoulders her every responsibility without any support and I am her last liability, I feel so. She assures me, "Don't worry, I'll not fix your marriage until you complete your education and to gain some professional qualification too so that you'll get a desirable job or at least have something to fall back on if needed.
My best photographs, I and my family think, are chosen once again when my brother Sammy returns from his office. He posted the photographs to the address given by my sister. We all cross our fingers!!!!
Although I don't want to get married, waiting for the response as though want to see if I am rejected or selected, it is, after all, about my ego. I don't want my ego to get hurt. I know I am beautiful and I have got several proposals of friendship in my college though I refused all including marriage offers from relatives. But this time I have not a single idea who is going to see my photographs???
It's almost two weeks passed since we posted photographs, we haven't yet got any response. We give up the hope of getting any reply from the other side. Pinched me but I don't want to show and assuage myself that I am not interested in marriage and it's good that they have not replied.
28 September 1999
I return from my college and as going to ring my door bell, Mumma opens the door before it as she was already standing there, as I enter Mumma hugs me, I look at her.
"Good news for you. They have seen your photograph and approved it, liked it, they want to see you personally at our house" Mumma said in the same breath. "I knew this, no one can reject me", I replied proudly (thanks to God to keep my self-pride). After a while Sania called up and told Mumma that they want to come the next day. The news of their coming to see me has made my mom so excitable that I've to make her calm. "You go to parlor immediately and get your eyebrows in shape" she orders me. I really hate going parlor and threading is so tormenting. I avert visiting parlor whenever Mumma forces me, but this time I don't know why I feel a need to look perfect.
I rush to parlor as it's already evening and they will be visiting next evening, I'll have to choose something to wear. What to wear, I know I'll have to wear something traditional only, no second option. As I enter the parlor, I ignore the astounded beautician who knows how much I am allergic to this place and specially threading. After screaming and screeching I finally able to get my eyebrows in shape...OMG! Why a woman has to undergo all the pain to make her man happy.... waxing to look beautiful, wear high heels to impress others, to get pregnant and bear the pain in delivering a baby.... .... OMG! I am so engrossed in my thoughts that I forget about everything. I hurried home and rush to the kitchen where Mumma is singing and cooking food. "Mammu, am I looking beautiful? See my eyebrows, are they in shape? I excitedly asked. Mumma gets delighted and surprised to see my excitement but she hides her feeling though gets failed. "Go to your room and try your dress for tomorrow, wear pink or purple", she orders me. Like an obedient child I follow my darling Mumma's instructions.
For me, my wardrobe is the most alluring and secret treasure for me, I know what's in my wardrobe but still I get excited whenever I open it as though something enticing will always be there to wear. I am not like those girls who says that they've nothing to wear even though their wardrobe is brimming with clothes. I have decent collection of dresses and suits but today I am looking for something special, extraordinary, exclusive which can captivate HIM. Why am I being so bothered about HIM whom I've not seen yet. Another subject attracted my thoughts and occupied some share of my thoughts. I sit on the floor and start thinking about a person whom I haven't seen yet. How would he look like? Is he handsome and good-looking? If he'll not be handsome...? I can reject him I know that. My family will never pressurize me but I don't know why this time I am keen to meet HIM, to get married (I think so).
"Sammu (Mumma calls me Sammu at home), have you selected something or not?" Mumma asked. Ohhh shittt! I stand up and start searching for pink or purple suit as Mumma suggested. Finally, I pick two suits as it is 'mandatory' to wear suit. "Mumma, leave everything and come to my room immediately", I shouted from my beautiful room. Mumma, as usual, wants to get the dinner ready before my brother reaches home. But she left her cooking instantly and enters my room. "yes, my bebu, what happened" she asks me. Why am I eager to get married, I'll have to leave my mom? Would I be able to live without her or like every girl I'll get used to sleep without her and make my husband and kids the first priority and she the second? "Sammu.
Where have you lost?" mom's voice takes me out of my thoughts. "Mom, these are two suits I've selected so you guide me which should I wear" I show her the suits. "Go and try one by one, I want to see that in which you look more gorgeous though I know my doll looks dazzling in everything she wears", mom pats on my back, as usual. I try both the suits one by one and Mumma selects pink one with decent pink embroidery on it.
One of my favorite suits! Now Mom is thinking about the hairstyle. I usually do braid or ponytail as I am blessed with long hair! Since I'll have to look simple and decent so a simple braid is the hairstyle get finalized for the special day.
The doorbell rings and I rush to open the door as it's my favorite job at home to open the door specifically for my brother. He is home. Mom is excited to give the good news to my brother but she waits him to get freshen up and come to dining hall for dinner. Sammy, like always, hugs me and kisses me on my forehead. I rush to the kitchen and serve dinner. On the dinner table we three are sitting and having dinner. Mom has cooked egg curry with rice as its Sammy's favorite. After waiting for a while Mom breaks the silence, "I've good news. The photographs sent have been liked by the family and they want to see Sammu so are visiting tomorrow".
"This is really great", Sammy stops eating and looks at me. I don't know how to react or how to act, just get embarrassed or look shy. "I'll take a half day or come early to get snacks for them", Sammy says, "get the list ready, I'll try to get everything while coming from office", he adds. After finishing supper, we all get up, I am busy in keeping everything in the kitchen and clearing the table, Sammy comes towards me and hugs me, "My chhotu will get married now ", he gets emotional as he has an emotive temperament- a glance at his affectionate eyes proves it. I hug him tightly. After Daddy's death we four have suffered a lot but just because of the strong and unshakable determination we have come out of the arduous days. I know Daddy is still with us, I feel his presence, in fact, everybody in the family feel his presence.
It's 11.30 at night and I am unable to sleep, I want to write my journal tonight as I am in habit of pen down my feelings when something unusual happens with me, but don't want to disturb Mumma who's fallen into a slumber after finishing her household chores. She never takes rest in a day so let her have a sound sleep now. After thinking for a while about tomorrow's special day I fell asleep, and dreams of warmth and scents lulled me in my slumber.