After the incident with A-O, I've finally realized what my problem was. My problem was nothing more than my inability to realize or know what it's like to feel love or to be loved. My whole life I've spent searching for the answer to this strange feeling that occurred every time I came across A-O, the feeling that made my heart skip a beat the feeling that gave me a sense of security every time I was around her. That feeling that I despised so very much, the feeling that I was willing to get rid of at all costs even if it meant pushing away the people closest to me I would be willing to do it without hesitation. So why? Why do I feel this pain deep within my chest, deep within my soul? Why do I feel this pain now that I have obtained what I called happiness? With each passing hour, my mind floods with more and more thoughts spinning and racing around my head until finally, it comes to a halt. Then that's when I realized it, I realized that I was in love. I was in love with A-O this entire time I was in love with A-O! So why, Why did I reject this feeling? Why did I push away my only chance of being with the girl I loved most? That's when a second realization fell upon me like a vision from the heavens it was clear as day for the reason I pushed this feeling away was that I was afraid. I was afraid that my selfish feelings, my selfish desires would ruin the relationship I had built with her up to this point but most of all I was afraid to love. For deep inside of me wasn't a man but a boy. A boy with no real clue of what his purpose was for me was nothing more than a lamb in need of guidance. A lamb trapped within the trials of love and life. But who will step up to guide me? Who will have the strength to help fight against my demons besides me? Then came the third part of my realization the person who will accompany me through this journey called life would be the one I loved most it would be A-O. For this is what man and woman are made for this is our true purpose in life was to stand strong beside each other and become one and make my demons our demons to make my journey our journey and to make my story our story.
I woke up the next morning exhausted I barely got a wink of sleep last night since I was busy sorting out my thoughts. As I walked through the kitchen I saw a note neatly folded on the table, It was from mom. I picked it up and read it apparently she left with my father on a business trip to Germany and won't be back for a couple of months.
"Finally!" this was the moment I've been waiting for! For the past couple of weeks I've been looking for the moment I would finally have the entire house to myself and nobody would be here to bother me! " Hahahahahah!" I laughed as I danced around the kitchen like a fool.
"What are you doing?"
I froze in fear slowly turning around to see who was there
"huh?.." it was my sister " Yuuki! What are you doing down here so early!" I asked in a shaky embarrassed tone freezing in my tracks once again by the sight of her phone's camera pointing directly at me. "W-what are you doing? Weren't you supposed to go with dad to Germany?"
"Well that was the plan but mom told me to keep an eye on you you have no idea how disappointing that was to hear?! But don't worry your adorable little sister will watch over and care for you!"
"I don't know about the adorable part but sure."
" Ok now give your cute little sister a kiss right here!" she said pointing at her cheek.
" No, I'm ok," I said as I walked away.
"I said give me kisses!" she said flinging herself towards me
"NO!!"
"Why not!?"
"Because its weird now get off of me!" pushing her face away from me
"It's not weird if I'm your sister!"
" It is weird!"
" Why are you being so difficult!"
"Because its weird! Plus were not little kids anymore so there is no way in hell I'm going to kiss you!"
"Oh! But there is!" she said as she smiled suspiciously from ear to ear.
" well if there is a way then explain because I am positive there is nothing you can do to make me give you a kiss."
"Oh! But I don't need to explain!" she said smiling as she pulled out her phone playing the video of me laughing in the kitchen from earlier. "Hahaha!" she laughed maniacally. "You were so busy doing your weird skit that you didn't even realize that you fell into my trap already!"
"Just what do you plan to do with that?!"
" Oh nothing much mabey just upload it to every streaming website I know including the schools' news page."
" You wouldn't dare!"
"Oh but I would! And there is nothing you can do to stop me!" She laughed
" Please don't upload it! I'll do anything you say just don't do it!" I begged her
"You see I knew we could come to an agreement." "thank you, thank you very much!" "However! I can't just forgive you for not giving me a kiss I so kindly asked for from you! So get on your knees and beg for permission to kiss me!"
"What! There's no way I'll do one thing so degrading!"
"Oh well, I guess everybody is going to see this video of you then." she said as she pulled her phone out of her pocket
"fine I'll do it!"
"That's a good boy!" she said as I got on my knees but as I lowered my head onto the ground it was followed by a sharp pain in my back. She was stepping on me!
" Ha, your such a loser bowing down to your sister your so pathetic! Now bark like the pathetic dog you are and beg !"
"What!"
"I'm pretty sure dogs don't speak English now bark!"
"No way! This embarrassing enough as it is!"
"Oh! So I guess there's no problem if I upload this ."
"Fine! I'll do it!" and gathering all my strength preparing my self for great embarrassment i barked
"Pft! just kidding" she said under her breath.
"What!" I yelled as I looked up to the sight of her recording me!
" Wow I didn't think you would actually do it!" she said bursting in laughter
"What!"
"you're such a loser!"
"But you told me to say that!"
" You didn't have to do it though couldn't you tell I was joking!" barely able to speak because of how much she was laughing.
"Y-Your such a loser!" she said falling to the floor laughing.
" a joke." I mumbled to myself as I felt all of my pride drain away from myself. I then began to head towards the bathroom to get ready remembering that I needed to speak to A-O. but how was I going to face her? How would I be able to go face her after everything that I have said? Mabey I shouldn't after all, or Mabey I was being insecure. Mabey I did have to see her but just didn't have the balls to do it. I was a coward, after all I was nothing more than a weak cowardly child. A child with no remorse for those around him. A child who fed himself lies to keep himself away from the harsh and cruel realities of life, and if the truth was so cruel then that meant that lies must be kind. Lies were the only thing keeping me from giving up all hope in this cold dark world. Or so I thought turns out the thing that really kept me going was nothing more than a mix of raw emotions.
"I'll be heading out Yuuki!" I said calling her from the hall.
" where ya going?"
"To fix what i started." I said as I opened the door the cold breeze hitting my face. As headed out realizing that I didn't hate A-O but was madly in love with her, and wished for nothing more than to be with her. But did I deserve such a thing? Did I deserve to be loved by someone who has done nothing more than love me but got paid with hatred? Mabey it didn't matter at all for when you are truly in love there is no such thing as flaws or grudges just memories. Some good some bad but in the end when you are not sure whether or not you have found the one right for you, you will know by the soothing sound of laughter. Not laughter that is caused by the comedy found in one's actions but by the memories created during those actions. That is when you know you have truly found the one just for you.