When a soul breaks
It doesn't make any sound
But an echo of silence
Inbetween walls of emotions,
Hangs itself
With a rope of numbness
Previously..|
As I'm pulling up my hood and scanning the room my eyes connect with icy blue ones and my only though was
oh shit I'm on the list
fuck my life...
_____
There's one other reason I hate eye contact and that is because I have two different eye colors, one is a forest green and the other is a deep dark blue you would think was brown unless you were close enough. People used to love to point my eyes out like I was some zoo attraction. He was still staring. So you know what I did, I got the hell out of there. I got all my stuff together and ran out the cafeteria faster then Barry Allen and walked down the hallways toward my safe haven. The library. The populars in this school barely know how to read so there's no reason they should ever be in a library. There's a couch next to the window that no one knows about where I like to read. As I sit down with my stuff all I can do is pray that Damien will forget he ever saw me. I take out my favorite book The Lovely Bones.
By the time I'm in the middle of the book the bell rang to go to my last class. Lucky for me I have a free period. I exit the library and go to the front doors to leave. I must have been stupid because the bad boys love to go out and smoke at the front of the school. I open the front doors and fast walk towards my car. Next thing I know I'm being pushed up against the wall and staring into icy blue eyes again. He pulls my hood down and stares at me like I know I'm ugly my guy but please don't stare.
He caresses my cheek and whispers "Who are you?" All I do is look at him confused because I have rights and he's really invading my personal space. I break out of the trance I was in and try to push him back. This guy doesn't move an inch and continues to stare. I clear my throat and say "excuse me but what the hell do you think your doing.?" And you know what he says back "Your right eye is blue" So I gasp and say "No way how could I not realize that its not like I look in the mirror everyday." I'm seriously worried about his IQ level because what the hell. He just chuckles huskily.
"Could you let me go now?" I ask and he moves away barely. I furrow my brows and stare at him wondering why the hell he's talking to me. "Your name" he say and I just stare confused. "What's your name?" So you know what I do, I say "None of your fucking business" and duck under his arm and walk away like a bad bitch. I hop in my car and pull off not once looking back. I pull up to my house and just sit there. My house is normal not to big not to small and looks like any other house you might drive by. This house holds no good memories, whenever i think about this house all I see is me alone in my room crying. My uncle doesn't care about me and sometimes I even think he hates me and for good reason. I was the only one to survive the fire and sometimes I wish I hadn't. No one knows what I saw in there and I hope they never find out. I still get nightmares and they make sure I remember every detail about that night.
Flashback|
"Mama hurry up its bedtime you have to tuck me in." I yell
"I'm coming bumblebee just let me finish talking to Papa." she yells back.
I jump into my princess bed and get under the covers and wait. Mama comes and its next to me and pats the covers down to make sure I'm all snuggled in. "Mama will you sing to me tonight?" I ask. "Of course my love" she whispers back.
"Follow me down to the shore
We could cast our sail and grab the oars, we could float away and not come back
Darling, if you'd just take my hand
Your fingertips can brush the waves
Feel the salt in the air against your face
Freedom is as far as we can see
Darling, if you just come with me
Darling, if you just come with me
Here is where we decide, by the setting sun and rising tide
If we stay and fade or test our reach
Darling, if you just come with me
Darling, if you just come with me
Leave our note in the old oak tree
Carve it deep so they all can read
The only thing that's left behind
Are the words we left there in those few lines" Mama finishes softly and my eyelids start to flutter closed.
__
I wake up to screams jump out of bed. All I can smell is smoke and it's getting hard to breath. "Mama, Papa where are you?" I start to sob when I get no response. I open my door to fire and start to choke. I run down the stairs yelling my parents names. I make my way to the kitchen to see my parents under wood from the ceiling dead. Their bodies are burnt and almost unrecognizable and I almost throw up at the sight. I make my way to the front door and try to open it but the doorknob it to hot to hold. There was no other way out but the window so I jumped. Right through the glass onto the lawn. I was now cut up and glass was everywhere. Firefighters are already on the street trying to put out the fire that only seems to grow stronger. One of them picks me up off the grass and covers me up in a blanket. I don't hear or feel anything I just feel numb. My parents, my everything are gone and I'm alive alone.
The fire is now out and I'm taken to the back of an ambulance where my cuts are checked out. Apparently I should be thankful that no glass got in them. A firefighter comes over and whispers to me "I'm so sorry but your parents didn't make it out the fire made the ceiling collapse and your parents couldn't get out." I knew that. I saw that.
Right now I don't need a sorry I just need someone to hold me and not try to tell me ill be fine or whisper sweet nothings to me. I just need someone to hold me silently while I cry. But no one did. And I learned that day that only I would be there to hold myself while I cry.
______
Flashback over|
I open the car door and walk up the driveway to the porch. I open the door to an empty house as always. My uncle makes it his life's mission to avoid me so he stays out all doing god knows what and comes home in the middle of the night drunk.
I walk up the stairs to my room and convince myself to do the homework due in two days. When I finish that I scroll through Instagram until I get tired and my eyelids fall shut.