{tw:// suicidal thoughts/attempt.}
[National Suicide Prevention Lifeline #: 1-800-273-8255]
♛♛♛
It is snowing outside.
I watched as the snow fell silently on the ground, painting it white.
Everything was white.
My hair had turned white.
My clothes...white.
The temperature is below zero.
It's approximately forty degrees below zero.
I'm freezing.
I'm freezing so much.
I'm freezing but I'm so warm.
It's the kind of warmth that feels like acid.
The kind of warmth that gives you intoxicating pain.
My skin is burning.
My limbs are on fire.
I don't think I can feel my fingers anymore.
I don't think I can feel my body anymore.
It hurts.
My snow-white lips are trembling.
I shouldn't have gone outside on a simple t-shirt and shorts.
I shouldn't have.
But I did.
It is rumoured that the heat can kill us.
The Inks.
Truth is, the cold consists of heavier bullets.
The cold can burn you alive.
But the heat can't freeze you.
"Canton, come inside. There's someone I want you to meet."
My father's authoritative voice echoed through my head.
It felt distant.
Far away.
I took a deep breath.
And then exhaled.
Slowly.
I walked inside just as slowly.
Maybe my heart will stop beating in the process.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
It didn't.
I glanced at my father and then at the stranger that was standing in front of me.
I blinked.
"You could have walked faster." My father mumbled.
I heard it.
I always hear what he's trying to say under his breath.
Maybe he's not trying enough.
And if he saw the clothes I was wearing and my now blue skin, he didn't comment on it.
He never does.
I turned my attention to the stranger.
Confident.
The first thing I noticed.
"This man right here is now our greatest weapon."
The man is smirking at me.
My face is blank.
"Excellent scientist, immensely intelligent."
I shuddered.
"Creator of the human robots, while human himself..."
I gulped inaudibly.
"Meet Tristian Valder. Our newest investment."
Tristian Valder kept that smirk on his face when he bowed to me.
"Greetings, your highness. What a pleasure to finally meet you" He said.
I couldn't not notice that strange glint on his eyes and how my heart skipped a beat after almost a century of inertia and dreams of eternal sleep.
I couldn't not notice how he kept talking but I couldn't hear anything he was saying.
I saw his lips moving.
I swear I did.
I blinked.
The man in front of me started getting blurry.
I blinked.
I realised I forgot his name.
I can't remember his name.
I blinked.
He's getting drenched in black blood.
His clothes.
His face.
His hair.
His body.
Black blood.
Black.
He is black and I'm white.
I blinked.
I can't see if his lips are moving anymore.
I blinked.
I can't see anything.
Why can't I see anything.
I tried to blink again.
I tried.
I tried but I collapsed.
ERROT
That library is slowly becoming my favourite place in the entire castle.
It's the warmest room in this damn fridge, even if it's still quite cold.
It holds all of their secrets.
All of the awful things that have happened in Ink Blood.
All of his past, the past that I know nothing about, is hidden between these walls.
Inside all those books.
I looked at Canton.
He didn't seem to notice at first.
He looks distracted.
"Yeah, no excuses today. Start." He dragged all of his words but remained cold.
I frowned. He looked feverish.
Extremely tired.
Too serene.
Like he was struggling to sit.
Like he would collapse any minute now.
But the elves can't get sick.
My frown deepened.
He sighed slowly. "What?"
I realised I've been staring at him the whole time.
"Uh..sorry for the.. what you saw."
What am I even saying?
Why am I apologizing.
I guess I felt the need to do that, in a way.
It's the kind of feeling that you know you've messed up but the other person isn't punishing you, they just look disappointed in you.
Which is very weird. Knowing him, I would have been slaughtered by now.
I figured he's not feeling himself today.
He took his time answering me. "Apologising? Where's the attitude."
He looked like talking alone exhausted him.
"I guess I kind of know when to shut up sometimes."
Canton let out a small, inaudible scoff and it seemed like it took great effort to do that.
"Should I go get someone? Like a medic? Elvina?"
I am happy I'm seeing him like this.
I am.
But if he dies in here, the only person they are gonna blame for his death is me.
"You should search for notes and letters."
I noticed how sweaty he's becoming second by second.
How he's slightly trembling.
And then..it hit me.
My eyes widened.
"Hey... don't freak out but I think you've been poisoned... I'm gonna call Adan, okay? "
I searched for my phone messily, trying to find it mid panicking.
I found it the moment I heard him chuckling lowly, with extreme difficulty.
Chuckling.
My eyes widened more at that.
He's definitely poisoned.
Shit.
Shitshitshit.
I unlocked it and went through my contacts.
"Merlot."
"H-Hold on, I'm calling him" my voice broke a bit.
"Merlot" He repeated, his tone firmer this time.
I looked at him, the panic showing.
"I know I've been poisoned. I poisoned myself." He mumbled, still trembling a bit.
I froze. "What?"
He took a breath, the action slow and difficult. "Mithridatism. Been doing that for years."
"mith- what?"
"Mith do what I asked you to do." He took another breath. "Unfortunately for you, I'm not dying today." His head is now laying gently on his arms against the desk, his eyes closed.
I watched as he kept breathing heavily, his body trembling once in a while.
He's been poisoning his own self for years.
But if he's been doing that for so long, why does it still affects him so much?
I glanced at him with a frown on my face, the shock fading away.
That way, he won't be able to notice that I have no intention of searching for anything.
I redirected my attention at the bookshelf from last night.
I don't think I'm ready to see that picture again.
I decided to go for another book.
I grabbed a random one from the bottom shelf, searched for any hidden notes.
There weren't any.
I begun flipping through the pages.
Another picture.
Canton.
He's still young.
And naked.
And tied to a wall.
His eyes are closed shut.
I brought the book closer to my face.
It seems that he's been crying.
I looked at the caption.
"Prince Canton, 10 years old, five seconds before his chest is burned with acid. (Punishment Nº 94) "
Acid?
Acid?!
My eyes snapped at the king.
How is he not dead already?
How did he even survive that?
At just ten years old.
Ten years old.
Ten years old and that was his 94th punishment.
What could a ten year old possibly do to deserve 94 punishments and one of them so incredibly brutal.
Who even knows what the rest of them were?
My mind went to that picture from yesterday.
I never got to read the caption but I don't really have to.
I can imagine what was written underneath it.
My heart is pounding.
I glanced at this ten year old prince about to experience immense pain.
This helpless and hopeless little kid.
Tied down.
His eyes closed, waiting.
He had no other choice but to wait and endure.
I covered my mouth with my palm, too shocked to turn the page yet.
I turned to look at Canton, still astonished to say the least.
But his eyes are open and he's looking straight at me.
I flinched and dropped the book on the floor.
My lips parted but no sound came out of my mouth.
His gaze fell to the book.
I'm so lucky these days that it remained open at the same page I dropped it at.
His worn out eyes examined the picture for a few seconds and then he exhaled.
I finally got my body to work so I grabbed the book and placed it back. I took another one and pretended to inspect it. "There's nothing in those books, king Canton. I'll keep looking"
I avoided his gaze at all costs.
"It was the acid, wasn't it?" He mumbled slowly, still sick from the poison.
I gulped. I remained silent.
I just nodded without looking at him.
"Tomas.." he trailed. "I was taken to Tomas that night... Moccassin Blood" He kept muttering on his own pace.
I assume Tomas was Elian's father.
I didn't question him.
My head was lowered down but I was listening closely.
"It took weeks to heal me...the pain was.. excruciating."
"It took weeks? Even for a healer?" I asked more to myself and briefly glanced at his face.
He nodded.
"You were only ten." It was then that I realised my fist was clenched.
I unclenched it.
"Didn't matter to my father." He said.
I almost gasped out loud. "Your father?"
He didn't say anything.
"Your father did this to you?"
He nodded just once, his face strained by the poison but still cold enough.
No, I'm gonna stop.
I need to stop.
I need to stop asking, he needs to stop talking.
I can't hear it anymore.
Your father is supposed to be the person you run to when the world fucks you over.
Not the person you run from.
He's supposed to protect you, to care for you.
Not torture you.
My father gave his life for me.
Canton's tried to take it away.
His own son.
"You should rest."
Canton took another deep breath. "Was that an order, love." He struggled to ask.
If he didn't look like death right now, I would have been scared.
But he is completely harmless.
"Assuming that it was, what will you do about it, your highness"
I dared to smirk just a bit.
Canton closed his eyes and then opened them again. "Did you like the isolation room that much." He mumbled coolly and I forgot all about the empathy that I shouldn't have felt in the first place.
My smirk fell. "Good thing it wasn't an order then." I mumbled back.
ODA
Elvina woke up from her nap craving something with chocolate.
Literally. Those were her exact words. "I'm craving something with chocolate"
So now I'm supposed to go to the castle's kitchen to find 'something with chocolate'.
God knows where the castle's kitchen is.
I feel like I've been wandering around these halls for hours when it's only a few minutes.
Just I was about to curl into a ball and cry in hopes of someone helping me, a voice made me turn around.
"Lost?"
"My god, yes I-"
Why.
Why her.
"Oda, wasn't it?" Nerissa asked and crossed her arms against her chest.
I frowned. "How do you know my name?"
"I'm literally a spy. Wasn't hard."
"Right.. I'm busy, I should go."
In which direction, I don't know.
"So you're Elvina's new toy?"
Toy.
"I'm a person, not a toy" I already dislike this woman.
"You're a sex slave, aren't you? Same thing."
"Look, I don't have time for this."
She clicked her tongue. "They told you about me. Elvina's crazy ex girlfriend that betrayed the king and wants her brother destroyed? Is this what they keep spreading around?"
Elvina's what..
"Oh you didn't know?"
Did I really just say that out loud.
"Elvina and I were in a relationship for years. So in love. I don't think she ever got over me."
I don't know why but that girl's attitude is getting on my nerves.
I almost rolled my eyes at her.
"I don't know what you're trying to do, Nerissa, I'm just looking for the kitchen."
I managed to say.
"Me? I'm not trying to do anything. I was just talking to you. But you know what they say. Whoever smelt it, dealt it." She smiled at me.
I clenched my fists. I turned my back on her and started walking away.
"Oda?"
I stopped.
"What?" I said through gritted teeth.
"The kitchen is the other way." Her smile widened.
I turned to face her.
She stepped closer to me. "I would know. I lived here for years."
And just like that, she left me all alone.
ELVINA
"She's gone. You can reveal yourself."
The shadow on the floor suddenly took it's usual form.
Santos was staring at me, his back leaning against the wall.
I smirked. "You almost scared me, before."
"Did you really think I would leave you without saying goodbye?"
"You never really left in the first place, did you?"
Santos' face remained unreadable as always.
"It was all Canton's idea. He doesn't trust Nerissa. He wants to see if she's still working under the Lytteltons and you know..." He trailed and looked at me.
"Cress." My jaw clenched.
Santos nodded. "I actually didn't know about the plan until I started packing. He wrote me a note. "
"Yeah, that's Canton for you. He probably wanted our reactions to be as real as possible."
"And he succeeded."
"Yup." I looked down.
"I'm gonna expose her, Elvina. You can count on me." He stated confidently.
"Never doubted you for a second, Sant." I smirked at him.
And this one time only, he gave me a fainted smirk back.
♛