Entry No: 270
I am scared to sleep.
Very scared.
I just didn't know why.
It wasn't the monsters underneath my bed. Surely not. We were good friend friends.
Then why?
I would read and read until the moment my body gave up and my brain just stopped.
I just didn't want to think.
I was afraid of the quiet that my brain would use this time to remind me of today and tomorrow.
Of present and the future.
Of my loans and debts.
Of my weight and acne.
Of my nicotine addiction.
Of everything that I gave up and was giving up every single day.
Just to do the one thing I loved to do but I was slowly losing passion for it too.
I wish something would change. Someone would come. I don't need saving.
I just wanted to survive.
All this is quite depressing writing every day giving myself some time.
But it is good at least I realized why I am scared every night to go to bed.
Writing helps.
Thankfully.
But honestly, this dastardly year shouldn't get any worse than this, right? What else can go wrong?
I really want to learn to play the violin. Every note just pierces my heart.
[Listen to Binesh Babu: Tu Hi Re (YouTube)]
It's really hard to write more than 200 words for a daily diary and I laughingly gave myself a goal of 500 words.
Ha..Ha..Ha...
Here comes my rambling.
It's been almost a year since the world came to a halt because of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the last year of my college, I started the longest vacation before I stepped into the world and my longest vacation period.
I reached home on March 20. And ever since nothing has been right.
I gained nearly 20 kg. So, now I proudly weigh nearly 150kg.
[What can be worse than weighing that much?[Heart]
Well, I am also unemployed. And this semester is almost over.[Brain]
[Oh, but you will have chances throughout the next semester.[Heart]
About that, more than 50 companies came to my college for placement.[Brain]
[Wow, that's great. Wait…don't tell me. How the hell did you screw up that much?? >_<][Heart]
Actually, I was given opportunities in only three companies. I failed in a subject which I was supposed to make up for in May. But…you know. Hehehe.[Brain].
[Nothing you can do about that then.][Heart][So, what about the three companies.]
Umm…
>_<
Rejected from the first.
O_o
I gave every test and technical interview only to get rejected in the HR Interview because I was not eligible.
[Are you shitting me right now?]
^o^
[What about the third company?]
Waiting for the result of the interview.
[Finally a hope. You are so useless.]
Ditto.
^_^
[You moron].
Good night.
Date: 14th December 2020.
Signed: Vardhaman Srivastava
Time: 23:56
Location: India