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No matter how much I tried to forget. No matter how much I tried... I could never forget this moment.
It would always come back.
In nightmares.
In fevers.
It would come back when ever it could to remind me how I would never be able to live among others.
Winter had finally arrived at the camp I stayed with Addie, Gus, and Dixie. The cold bitter air didn't bother me much, nor did the bare and ugly trees as they usually did. I only felt satisfaction. I felt content. I felt peace.
"Do it again! Do it again!" Dixie cried.
Following her repeated pleas, I raised my hands and closed my eyes. In my head, I held the memory of snow falling down from the sky. It was light, and pure. The snow fell down with grace and elegance, touching the ground as a blessing.
When Dixie giggled, I opened my eyes to the same sight as my mind.
Snow fell gracefully from a small portion of the sky.
Dixie rolled on the ground, making snow angels at every available space.
My eyes glanced at the other children that watched Dixie jealously.
She had noticed as well and after contemplating for a while, she waved them over happily.
They came without hesitance, each of them discovering a new white world. A little boy grabbed the snow with his bare hands and watched it melt with amazement in his palm. Dixie was already teaching another little girl how to make snow angels and snowmen.
I watched with a smile on my face. This was no doubt a result of my hard work and effort. I was only glad it was beginning to pay off.
"Soon you'll be able to make ice." Addie sat beside me, smiling at the sight before us.
"Really?"
She hummed to confirm her statement.
I glance at my hands with a smile.
Being able to control my powers felt nice.
"For someone who's barely learning to use their powers, you're learning very quickly. My son was barely able to lit a fire the size of a match after months and months of practice." She laughed.
My eyes sparkled at the new information of her son. "How is he doing now?"
"Oh he's a lot better, but he has a long way to go."
A sudden pang of guilt hit my heart.
Addie and Gus were supposed to go home after finding and capturing Captain Levite, however, due to my hesitance to leave the camp, they decided to stay until I was ready. It had been more than a month since they had last seen their beloved son. I only knew they were constantly writing letters.
"I'm sure Mike's teaching him well." She smiled.
"Donny! Get over here!" A woman shouted, effectively grabbing our attention. "How many times have I told you not to stay around them!"
"Uh oh." Addie stood up.
The little boy in question begrudgingly waddled to his mother, who forcefully dragged him off the the arm while waving her finger angrily at him.
Even though I had been here for a while, people still treated me like I was going to kill them in a fit of rage. And Dixie, as consequence to hanging on me like a koala, people avoided her even more than before.
Addie looked at me. "I guess we better clean up, before calvary comes."
I nodded and focused on the sky again. In my head, I tried to imagine a clear blue sky but it would often get interrupted by the gray cloudy one I was so used to seeing. After failing once again, Addie jumped in.
"Instead of thinking about the past, why don't we try thinking about the future?"
My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.
She pointed at the sky. "Instead of instantly trying to get rid of the cloud, try imagining what it would look like as it got smaller and smaller. Until it's eventually gone and out of snow."
Understanding her explanation, I closed my eyes once again and did as she instructed.
In no time, the snow had stopped coming down and only remained on the ground.
Addie patted my back. "It seems we still have to work on retracting your powers but otherwise you did well. Good job."
I beamed at her complement.
"Well, I guess I should get this cleaned up." She muttered.
While I watched with awe, she lifted her arm and snapped her fingers.
A ball of fire appeared in the sky, she waved her hands and it spread out into a long thin sheet that covered the area of snow.
The kids gasped as the warmth quickly warmed up their soaked clothes.
The snow quickly melted, leaving small puddles that eventually evaporated as well.
Addie quickly and effortlessly snapped the fire away. As if on cue, more mothers came to scold and drag away their children not hesitating to send me a glare on their way. Of course, their stares went away when they saw Addie next to me.
"Snow!"
Dixie came running up to me and hugged my legs.
"Was it fun?" I asked, wiping the sweat away with my sleeve.
She nodded and hummed in agreement. "Next time, I'll make a huge snowman! Bigger than Gus!"
Addie laughed beside me. "Bigger than Gus? I'd have to give you a prize if you do!"
"Really?!"
"Only if you make it bigger than Gus!"
Dixie shot out her hand, her eyes glowing with determination. "Deal!"
Addie shook her hand in amusement.
At that moment, Addie's walkie went off.
"Addie, some letters have arrived." It was Gus who called to her.
A grin appeared on her lips as she responded with a quick 'okay'. She looked over at us, reaching over to adjust Dixie's hat. "I have to go now. If you guys want to keep playing you can, I'll meet the both of you back at camp. Bye!"
The two of us watched as Addie ran off, clearly brimming with joy at the news of letters.
There was a moment of silence before Dixie slipped her hand into mine. The mittens made it hard to distinguish her small fingers, but they were there. We walked back to camp slowly, making sure to take our time so that we didn't bump into anyone.
"She probably misses him a lot." Dixie mumbled.
I nodded, knowing she was referring to Addie's son. "Have you ever met him?"
"Nope."
She remained quiet, then asked a heart-breaking question.
"Do you think my mommy and daddy miss me too?"
There was no hesitance in my answer. "Of course they do. What parents don't miss their children?"
Dixie didn't respond, only kicking pebbles on the ground.
"They're probably even desperately looking for you."
"Desperately?" Her head tilted.
"Desperately. It means a lot."
In truth, my explanation was over simplified. Desperation was something more than 'a lot'. Desperation was a heavy yearning. It was painful and a heavy sadness. But in a weird way, it also was hope. To be desperate meant that one had hope of obtaining the object of their desperation.
I'm sure they're desperately looking for her.
Why- Why wouldn't they?
"Are your parents desperately looking for you?"
Her question brought forth my insecurities.
I was desperately longing for my parents, but were they doing everything they could to find me?
Internally shaking my head, I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head.
"Of course they are."
"I hope we find them soon. That way we can be as happy as all the other families here."
I swallowed the knot in my throat and nodded. "We'll find them one day."
We continued to walk back to the camp as Dixie talked about her favorite animal, butterflies, with conviction. However, near the edge of the camp, the sky grew into a light clouded grey and snow fluttered down from the ground.
"Yes!" Dixie giggled as she played with the snow.
My eyebrows crinkled.
Am I doing this?
"You!"
...