Sheylia's P.O.V
Its been a week now. Basically my whole school knows and I'm always getting these sympathetic looks from people when I walk down the hallways. Even the teachers are staring at me.
I'm not a loud person and I never usually talked much, but a few days ago I was sent to the student services for therapy because I was being really quiet. I only think they did this because now I have this whole label above my head saying, oh I'm the girl who got sexually assaulted by my cousin. Before no one really noticed me but now the whole school somehow knows everything about me.
I never really liked school in the first place but now I definitely hate it.
Lyde really screwed up my life.
Stay strong
Sheylia
I closed my journal and placed it on my nightstand. Its been a while since I last wrote in my journal but it feels good after I let my thoughts and feelings out of my system.
It's currently 4:12pm and I've done nothing but lay in my bed all day. I've finished all my projects and homework so I can't do that, and I cleaned my bedroom yesterday. I guess I will just stay under my blankets for now. The feeling of slight pressure surrounding my body from my blanket calms me, it feels like a warm hug.
The sky outside my window is still a clear blue. The bright sun still watching over us, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.
Every night when I lay in my bed, I wonder why he did what he did. Sure he loved me, but why and when? What's so great about me that made my cousin "fall in love?" My brain still can't understand and maybe I never will. But for now all I do is wonder and wonder and just keep wondering.
It's probably not even a big deal but at the same time it is. The scenes on repeat in my head. I change the ending up a bit each time; a strong confident version of myself always comes to my rescue. She's fearless, she knows her worth and knows how to protect herself from predators. She always fought back, never letting him lay a single finger on her body.
But, sometimes when I'm in a lower state of mind my head refuses to create a hero and instead it replays every little thing that happened in that bathroom, every little detail. I feel his touches on me as I lay in bed, my comfort zone invaded.
Every time that happens I stay in the shower for a very very long time. My parents or my siblings might be knocking on my door when this happens, but I never hear them. All I hear is his voice and the horrible noises I made.
People say I'm being overdramatic. I probably am, but I can't help to feel the way that I feel or think the way that I think.
Those people wouldn't understand anyway. If it happened to them they wouldn't be calling me overdramatic. Some even say I'm a slut for doing it with my cousin.
Fun fact, we never did it.
It's funny when you get to see how everyone reacts the same when stuff like this happens around them. Each person creating a whole scenrario in their minds then they spread it across the school. Each person adding in their own details until it becomes this story that people created.
No one knows what really happened and some of the stories I've heard made me glad they didn't happen to me.