Sheylia's P.O.V
"Sheylia, come down for dinner!!" My mom called. I sigh, not wanting to eat anything. I push my big fluffy blankets off my warm body and lazily slide off my bed, shivering as the warmth quickly changed to coldness.
It's summer but I still get cold very easily so I grab a hoody and pull it over my head as I slowly leave my safe place, entering the danger zone.
Almost to the kitchen and I hear the sound of metal cutlery clashing with the glass plates. Their voices chatting amongst each other instantly disappeared once I entered. I thought my family wouldn't change when they found out about what happened, but I was proven wrong.
Once I stepped foot into the kitchen every single sound went quiet, even the clashing between plates and cutlery died down. It was as if the dishes also knew what happened and decided not to make a single noise.
I served myself a small spoonful of white rice and grabbed a little bit of chicken.
I haven't been eating much, not because I feel like I need to lose weight again. But because I'm just never hungry, I never feel the urge to eat. I know it's not the best but I just can't force myself to eat.
Everyone has their heads down as I sit down next to my sister, who didn't even spare me a single glace. After coming to terms with the fact that this is how it's going to be for awhile, I finally began to eat my food.
Suddenly my dad broke the silence.
"How's school?" He asked in a very monotone voice. He's probably only asking me this to seem like he's interested or concerned.
"Fine, the whole school knows but it's fine...I guess," I say mumbling the last part. Making sure no one heard it.
"I'm sure it will all blow over soon and everyone will forget about it," he said with his mouth full. I cringe at the smacking sounds that come from his mouth.
"But will I forget about it....." I barely whisper.
"What was that?" I guess my dad noticed that I said something.
"Nothing," I said while shaking my head.
When I was younger my dad was always involved with me and what was happening around me. But as I got older, the more distant and cold he got. He would always give feedback on my outfits and if I looked good or not. Now, because something has happened to me and this family, it's made a huge effect on everything. It's his job to make sure everything is going smoothly, so he has finally decided to check up on me, or at least seem to, instead of criticizing me.
"How have you been feeling lately, dear?" My dad asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I looked at him. He hasn't asked me that question in years nor has he referred to me as dear.
"Fine," I say, still quite surprised by his words.
"Are you sure Sheylia?" He asked again.
"I'm sure," I nodded.
Not wanting to continue this conversation any longer, I raise from my chair and place my dirty dishes into the empty dishwasher. I rush to the exit.
"Sheylia," my mom calls, stopping my attempt at escaping. I turn around. "Sit back down please."
I slowly walk to my chair and plop myself back down, now with my arms crossed.
"Yes?" I ask, my eyes bouncing between my parents. My mom glanced at my dad motioning him to start speaking. He clears his throat.
"You seem quieter than usual and you have lost a lot of weight, do you need anyone to talk to?" My dad asked.
"No like I said, I'm fine so don't worry about me," I replied. My parents both let out a sigh.
"Sheylia dear, we know you're not doing well so stop being stubborn and let us help you," my mom pleads.
Just because I got assaulted, now they care about me?
It really make no sense and to be honest I am fine. I'm not sad, or anxious, I just don't feel anything I guess.
"Please tell us how we can help you, how are you feeling?" My mom asks. I just sit there trying to think of a different answer other than I'm fine, but nothing comes.
"There is nothing I need help with, I am fine and I'm not being stubborn, I'm being honest I'm okay," I say looking at them. My parents frown. "Are we done? I'm tired," I sit there a few more seconds before making my second attempt at escaping. I succeeded and ran up the stairs. Finally back in my safe place.
I look at the floral calendar hanging above my desk. Court is in a few days, I wonder what that will be like. I don't think it's like what the movies show you but I don't know for sure.
I go up to my mirror and look at myself. The beautiful sapphire necklace resting on my chest is the first thing that comes to my eyes. My parents said that I lost a lot of weight so I pull my hoodie up and look at my stomach; it looks the same to me. My legs, arms, butt, it all looks the same.
Quickly losing interest in my reflection, I make my way to my bathroom and begin my skin routine. No shower tonight because I don't want to revisit the memories. Once my skincare is done I crawl back into my comfy bed, not bothering to change my clothes.
I lay there in silence.
You deserved it.
That thought that sometimes appears in my mind came back again.
It's your fault.
My inner voice is always so cruel to me.
You're to blame, not him.
I grab my pillow and press it onto my face, holding my breath, I squeeze my eyes shut.
You're a burden.
The urge to breathe was getting more urgent.
Even Mia thinks you're a burden.
My chest began to hurt. My lungs screaming for air.
You should just die, your not worth it.
A tear emerged from my eye and immediately got absorbed into the pillow as my lips trembled. Am I really worth it? What happens when you die? Where do you go?
Just die already.
My muscles tensed for the need of oxygen.
I can't do it.
I quickly pushed the pillow off me and took in a deep breath, finally satisfying my bodies needs. I would hurt Lara if I left her, wouldn't I?
That thought stayed in my head for the whole night, as I couldn't fall asleep for the next day.