Sheylia's P.O.V
This morning was quite gloomy; the sky was covered with a blanket of clouds blocking the sun's rays trying to shine through.
I made my way to the bathroom but doing so I also checked to see if my bedroom door was locked. It was, luckily, so I entered the bathroom.
A few days ago, I realized that I have gained a phobia of someone coming into my room or bathroom with a horrible motive. Now I always check and make sure no one can get into my bedroom.
Feeling more safe now, I let out a sigh and grabbed my toothpaste. While brushing my teeth I woke up a bit more and it only just struck me that I attempted to kill myself last night.
I widened my eyes and paused my brushing. While looking into the mirror, I stared at myself with shock and terror written all over my face. I tried continuing my brushing but failed so I stopped and spat the toothpaste out of my mouth.
I splashed cold water on my face to get it together but when I looked up again, I was still terrified.
Why did I do that?
What made me think those thoughts?
Am I as okay as I keep telling everyone?
It's not like he full on raped me, so it shouldn't be affecting me this much, right?
Anger rose inside of me as I was just overreacting and worrying everyone. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Why am I so dramatic?
I scoff at my disgusting reflection in front of me and walk out of the bathroom. Grabbing a yellow hoodie and leggings, I strip from my old clothes. I remember during that night, Lyde said I was pretty. I'm not pretty, I'm a slut. For all those years I was basically letting him in, giving him signs. I never said no or stop. It's all my fault and I deserved every single drop of it.
I lazily move my body down the stairs. Once I hit the first floor I got my backpack and headed for the front door.
Today is another day of hell.
Hell is the only name that suits school, especially right now.
I leave my house and start my dreadful journey.
The large, tall brick building started to come into view as I got closer. As I walked through the school's entrance gates, I pulled my hood over my head. I went through the doors and in one....two....three, there's the stares. Every student and teacher sending me looks. I even hear faint whispers around me. It's like the school went mute once I entered.
I wonder how long this treatment will last. Making me feel even more like a victim as my inner voice convinces me that I deserved it.
Once at my locker Mia comes up to me. Her gentle touch on my shoulder scaring me slightly. The only person that actually treats me like one. But after last night, the thought of me being a burden to her remains in my mind as I walk to morning classes with her.
As I sit through my math, my inner voice pounces on my conscience.
No one will ever love you.
A burden, that's all you are.
You actually thought Mia cared for you, such a fool.
No one cares about you.
You could die right here, right now, and it wouldn't phase a single soul.
I got taken out of my thoughts when I felt a warm tear fall down my cheek and the voice of my math teacher, echoed.
"Sheylia! Sheylia!" He yelled. I looked up at him confused. "Class ended already, are you okay?" He questioned. I glance at the clock and see that yes, class had already ended. With that I nodded and left.
Now that it's lunch I have to find something to do for an hour. I exit the school building and head to the benches in the corner surrounded by trees.
I take a seat on the wooden bench and plop my backpack on the table in front of me. Folding my arms on the table I rest my tired head on them and close my eyes. Tears begin to stream from the barrier of lashes and fall onto the wood.
Suddenly, I feel something rub against my arm. I quickly raise my head and am met with a pair of emerald eyes. He is sitting quite close to me so I scoot back a bit. I then notice a small smirk on his lips. I smirk I have seen before, making me gulp.
"Hey," his deep voice entered my ears. Instantly wanting to block it out. "I heard you're the girl I come to if I want a little something," the larger boy said. My eyes widened. I know what he means but my ears want to hear him say it.
"What?" I finally answer. He raises a brow.
"A blowjob, what else?" The boy said like it was obvious. My heart stopped. "Do I need to pay or something?" He asked again.
Tears immediately form in my eyes, the already existent lump in my throat growing larger, starting to sting. I clench my fists on the wood and try to be as strong as possible. I can't break, not in front of this loser.
Keeping eye contact with his green eyes I rise from the bench.
"Hel-" The boy gets cut off when my hand slapped across his face. Leaving him in shock, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and walk away. Finally opening the dam and letting my tears fall. Unsure of where all that courage came from I found an empty space and sat there, now floating away in my ocean of pain.
I sit there for the rest of the day, not having a care in the world about skipping class. My heart still broken from those words.
Blowjob.
I guess the whole school thinks I'm a slut now.
Confusion and pain in my body.
I'm confused as to why I don't let others talk poorly about me, yet I allow myself to push further into the darkness.