Well, I've been thinking that maybe being brought into this world was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Happiness feels like a rare gem in my life. I lost my father to testicular cancer when I was just 12 years old, and I never even had the chance to say goodbye properly. As if that wasn't enough, the love of my life, Ethan, died on the day of our wedding. He was found in our storeroom, lying in a pool of blood after a heavy metal fell on his head.
The incident was a shock that shattered my world. I could never have imagined losing someone like that—especially not Ethan. I had known him since childhood, and we confessed our feelings for each other when we were just 15. That day was etched in my memory; we chose it as our wedding date—March 15. Now, that date is filled with pain, a painful reminder of the love I lost. I miss him so much.
"Stacy, you can't stay locked up in your room forever. We're all grieving the loss of Ethan. It hasn't been easy on any of us," my mom called gently from the other side of the door. They don't truly understand what I'm going through; Ethan was my entire world. But I know he wouldn't want me to remain in this state of despair.
After gathering my thoughts, I finally decided to open the door for my mom. She looked at me, her eyes filled with concern, and immediately wrapped me in a big hug.
Unable to hold back my emotions any longer, I broke down in her arms. She held me close, caressing my back until she spoke softly, "Please don't punish yourself anymore, Stacy. I love you so much; you are all I have."
Hearing her words struck a chord within me. I realized I had been inconsiderate, failing to recognize her pain. She had witnessed Ethan's death just like I had, and I knew she must be suffering too. "I'm so sorry, Mom," I whispered, my voice trembling.
Instead of leading me back to my room, Mom took me to hers, sitting me down before enveloping me in another hug. She whispered sweet nothings, and eventually, I drifted off to sleep in her comforting embrace.
When I awoke, I noticed my mom was no longer by my side. I guessed she must have left while I was asleep. Looking out the window, I realized it was already afternoon.
Wow! I had actually slept, which was a relief after the exhausting days filled with grief. Since Ethan's passing, I hadn't had a moment of rest. But after my mom's visit yesterday, I felt a renewed sense of purpose. I never want to be the reason for my mother's tears.
Determined to move forward, I decided to get up and find something to eat before contemplating my next steps. Life goes on, and I was ready to embrace that.
"Life Goes On" reminded me of a song I had heard while in the car with Ethan. We were grocery shopping that day, and I had asked, "How can you understand or sing along with a song that's not in English?" Ethan rolled his eyes playfully and replied, "The song doesn't have to be in English for me to enjoy it! Besides, it's by my favorite boy band, BTS."
Sometimes, I wondered if Ethan might be bisexual because of his unusual obsession with BTS. I never quite understood it, but I had to admit that even though the song was in Korean, it was beautiful. Ethan had made me read the lyrics, and I could see why he loved it so much.
Those memories brought a smile to my face, but the ache of missing Ethan remained. Still, I knew I had to keep moving forward with my life. As I made my way to the living room, I found my mom watching her favorite show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I never quite understood why she enjoyed it—after all, it was just a show about a bunch of girls, maybe a boy or two. Honestly, I didn't care much.
Mom finally noticed me and looked surprised, likely because I hadn't left my room since Ethan's death two days ago. She stood up and wrapped me in another tight hug. "It's going to be okay," she kept repeating, almost like a mantra.
When I felt the embrace was becoming too overwhelming, I gently pulled away and said, "I'm fine, Mom. Well, maybe I'm not, but I promise I'm going to be." The smile she gave me in response was something I always wanted to see, and I would do my best to make sure it remained.
She was all I had right now. Clearing my thoughts, I asked her what she had made for breakfast. Her smile widened as she replied, "Spaghetti and meatballs, do you want it right now?" she asked, and I nodded eagerly. She left for the kitchen to fetch it.
I took a seat at the dining table, and after a minute, she returned with a steaming plate of spaghetti and meatballs that smelled heavenly. I had missed my mother's cooking; it was one of the reasons I strived to keep going.
The sight and aroma made my mouth water, and as soon as she placed it on the table, I devoured it like a lion attacking its prey. Within minutes, I had finished and asked for more. My mom complied, bringing me another bowl.
After five bowls, I finally felt satisfied. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten like this. Perhaps it was because I had gone several days without food. I promised myself I would never let that happen again, especially seeing the smile on my mom's face.
"Mom, can I maybe go back to work tomorrow?" I asked, unsure if it was a good idea. She looked at me, shaking her head gently. "I'm not saying you shouldn't work, but you need to take things one step at a time, okay? Maybe you can start working next week. How about that?"
I smiled at her response. She truly was the best, and I honestly didn't know what I would have done without her. I nodded in agreement, and her smile brightened even more. After our brief conversation, I decided to head back to bed for some more much-needed rest.