"Háizimen, gāi xǐ gè zǎole, yīn wéi yǐjīng shì shēnyèle, míngtiān nín réngrán kěyǐ shàngkè. (Children, it's time to take a shower, because it is late at night and you will still have class tomorrow.)"
Sabi ko sa dalawang anak ko,
Tumingin lang sakin si Yue at ngumiti, habang si Thorn naman ay humiga sa sahig at nagtulog tulogan.
Thorn always like that,
He hate taking a shower at night dahil malamig daw ang tubig,pero alam ko namang palusot lang yun.
"Thorn get up now,...Yue, take care of your brother, and later, once I entered the room,Both of you should finished taking a bath and ready to sleep,alright?"
Nakanguso namang tumayo si Thorn at tumakbo papunta sa kwarto habang si Yue naman napailing iling ito habang sinusundan ng tingin ang nakababatang kaaptid at sabay ang bahagya nitong pag irap sa huli na tumakbo sa kwarto,
Binalingan ako ng tingin ni Yue at ngumiti ng tipid.
"Hǎo de, māmā (Ok mom)"
She says and run after Thorn in the room and I heared she called his brother name,
Napangiti nalang ako sa isipang may dalawa akong anak na sobrang importante sa buhay ko.
They are my life.Kung noon ay sobra na ang takot na napagdaanan ko dahil sa nangyari kay Yue 5 years ago,Mas lalo na ngayon na dalawa na sila sa buhay ko.
I can't bear to haven't them in my side.
I can't afford to lose one of them, I can't lose them, not now.not forever.
"As I remember,When Yue was 4 she love always talk and play around with the other kids in your neighborhood,"
I heared Rhys talk behind me while I am washing the dishes.
Yeah,
I remember dati when Yue was a little bit younger than now,she is also bubbly like Thorn but changes was come in her and hit her.
One day she just came home,crying at may sugat sa ulo,I was so scared that time,Akala ko mangyayari na naman ang nagyari sakanya noon,
She told me that her friend hit her with a shoes and tease her being adopted.
Halos lukubin na ang buong pagkatao ko ng galit na nararamdaman ko,I was so mad that time.I want to hurt that kid who hurt my daughter.
How dare them to tell my daughter that she is adopted?!
I'm her mother for fucking sake.
She is from me.Iniluwal ko siya,Pinaghirapan ko siyang ilabas at sasabihin nilang ampon ang anak ko?!
I ask Yue the detail and she told me that she was tease because of her curly twirly hair.Sabi pa niya ay baka raw totoong ampon talaga siya kasi hindi raw kami magkatulad ng buhok pati na ang kay Thorn.
I feel so hurt for my daughter, it was just a simple and not make sense reason, but it has questioned herself for being my daughter.
I tell her that there should nothing to worry about because she's my daughter at totoo naman talaga.
After that incident I found the changes in her,
Ayaw niya ng makipaglaro sa iba liban nalang saakin,kay Thorn at Rhys.I also found out na hindi na siya gaanong nagsasalita at habang tumatagal ay mas pinag tutuonan niya ng mas malaking pansin ang pag aaral simula ng tumuntong siya ng preschool.As usual she doesn't make friends at school,but she always Excell in her studies that I was so proud of.She really did a great job.And she is doing more.She's a smart and mature thinker for her young age.
"Xena,I'm sorry about what I told about Thorn"
Yeah,about the toy na sinabi niyang bigay daw ng tatay nila.
"I am sorry for that,nangungulit kasi tuwing babalik ako ng Pilipinas na dalhin ko daw si kuya dito sa Hongkong kasi gusto raw niyang makita ang dad niya.And for God sake, alam ko namang hindi yun mangyayari kaya, I do a trick,I buy him a toy bago ako lumipad papunta rito at sinabi ko kay Thorn na bigay sakanya yun ng dad niya."
Napabuntong hininga nalang ako at binalingan ng tingin si Rhys.
"I really want to sue you right now Rhys B-but I understand you,....alam kong ginawa mo lang ang tama ,ang ayoko lang ay ang umasa ang mga anak ko na may tatay sila na makikita K-kasi hindi ko kayang gawin yun Rhys."
I can't be with Axl again.
Tama nayung nangyari noon na sobra na akong nasaktan at nakasakit.I still remember his unborn child.
That innocent child of Monet na nadamay sa kagagahan ko.
"Ayoko nang tangkain pa uli na pumasok ulit sa buhay Niya,Kasi sa tuwing nandiyan siya,nakikita ko siyang nasasaktan sa presensya ko at ganun din ako.Ayoko nang ulitin pa ang mga nangyari dati.Kasi nagkakasakitan lang kami.Nasasaktan ko siya at ganun din siya sakin.I don't want to ruin him again.Like I was used to be."
Ayoko nang muling maramdaman na naman yung paghihirap at sakit na galing sakanya.
Dahil sa tuwing nandiyan siya palaging may nangyayaring hindi kaaya aya.
Ayoko mang aminin pero may galit sa puso ko para sakanya.Pero wala naman kasi akong karapatan kasi ako din naman ang may kasalanan.
After Yue recovery from that accident,I take cared for her more.Kasi ayoko nang maulit pa uli iyon.Rhys always by my side.He take cared of Yue.
And me, trying to forget all about what happened at isa nadoon si Axl.But fate really amazed me.
After a month I was pregnant again.Axl got me pregnant again for the second time.
I don't know what to feel,
I feel so sorry for the another child inside of me.He or she was made by the same mistake again.
I am really so Doom.
I am thinking of getting rid of the baby for the good,K-kasi ayokong maramdaman niya ang nararamdaman ng ate niya.
Ayokong may batang Inosente na naman ang mahirapan.
But I don't want an additional sin again.I don't want to be a murderer again.I don't want to rid my own child.I can't .
Bakit ko ba naisipang tanggalin at hindi bigyan ng pagkakataon ang isang inosenteng batang mabuhay sa mundo?
Ang nasa isip ko nalang ay 'Bahala na'
Bahala na kung ano ang kalalabasan at kahahantungan ko sa pagiging ina sa dalawang bunga ng sobrang pagmamahal ko kay Axl.
Bahala na kung ano ang mangyayari,I would face the consequences anyway,Ngayon paba ako susuko kung nasimulan ko na?
Magiging matapang at mas magiging matatag ako bilang isang ina para sa mga anak ko.
I'll do my best to provide all of their needs I'll try my very best to be a good woman for both of them.
"You were not ruining him.He was the one who ruined your life Xena,...If you were thinking about the child of Monet again,...Don't think about it,Hindi mo naman kasalanan yun,Ni hindi mo nga dinapo ang mga kamay mo kay Monet that time,so wala kang kasalanan sa pagkawala nung bata,"
I really want to believe him, but now.
I can't,....Hindi man literal na pinatay ko ang anak ni Monet pero kasalanan ko parin kung bakit nawala yung baby,Kasalanan ko kung dahil naging immature ako pagdating kay Axl-,nagiging tanga ako pag siya ang topic.
And I am really sorry for her lost,It's me the one who must blame for her misery.
"I am going back to Philippines tomorrow morning,babalik uli ako next week,maybe I'll stay here for a longer period of time.Maybe 1 week?."
Rhys always do that tiring set up.
Uuwi ito dito sa Hongkong every month para makita ang mga bata for 2 or 3 days,at ang pinakamahaba ay 1 week.
He make sure na nakakabisita siya dito every month for Yue and Thorn.
Nagtayo nga ito ng restaurant sa Tsuen Wan new town na malapit lapit sa apartment namin.
Ewan ko ba kay Rhys,....As I know he don't handle businesses from his family lalo na ang pag handle ng hotels,resorts and restaurants.
Then he tell me that it is for the good,palusot kung baga.
He really meant that so that he could make excuses to his parents every time he goes to Hong Kong, He will say that he will visit the branch there or otherwise he will say there is a business problem especially if he will be lost in the Philippines for awhile.
Hindi man ako ang bumabyahe pero ako ang napapagod sa pinag gagawa niya.
I really appreciate the effort he makes for the kids.I am really thankful to him.He also gaved me a work in the restaurant,gusto pa nga niya na ako nalang muna daw ang magpatakbo niyon pero tumanggi ako.
I don't want him to think that I am abusing his kindness in my children's lives.
He has helped me a lot, if you think about it,it was too much.
First, when Yue was hospitalized, I had no money, but he paid the bills in the hospital, the second time when I got pregnant of Thorn. He helped me a lot,cared for me a lot.As if he was the father of my children.
When I gave birth to Thorn, He still paid my bills. After that he offered and planned to a bought a house or condo for me and my children but I refused.Sobra sobra na Kasi ang tulong niya sakin.
He helped me a lot, and now He wanted me to handle his restaurant but I refused it again but He still forced me. So I did nothing but give in to him but I said I would just work as waitress there.
Sikat na ang restaurant niya kaya lumalaki narin iyon at nadaragdagan na ang mga trabahador sa restaurant,at malaki rin siya magpasahod kaya sobrang saya ng mga katrabaho ko.
"Rhys,hindi mo naman kailangang mapagod pabalik balik sa Pilipinas at Hongkong,...The children's would understand anyway,"
Sabi ko rito,Nagulat ako ng hawakan niya ako sa magkabilang balikat at pinaharap sakanya,
Bahagya itong yumuko para magpantay kami kaya bahagya rin akong napatingala pero nadidistract ako sa pwesto namin kaya bahagya akong lumayo at tumingin sakanya.
"Ang hilig mo talagang magdidikit sakin noh?"
Yamot na sabi ko sakanya ngunit tumawa lang ito.
"Ang hot mo kasi eh,"
Napasimangot ako at binato sakanya ang hand towel na nasa tabi ko at naiwasan Niya naman yun.
"Ang halay mo talaga eh no?,mabuti pa umalis kana,"
Siya naman ang napasimangot sa sinabi ko kaya napangiti ako ng bahagya.
"Why you always throw me away huh?Tawagin ko kaya sina Curly twirly hair at Thorn para maging mabait ka naman sakin"
Nagtatampong sabi nito kaya napahalakhak ako at tinuloy ang paghuhugas ng pinggan.
"Ang arte mo noh?mana sayo ang pamangkin mong matigas ang ulo"
I was referring to Thorn.He is such a naughty cutie boy.
"Sometimes I really think of that you know?mas magkaugali kami ni Thorn at si Yue naman ay kay kuya,...Xena,"
Tawag nito sakin kaya nilinigon ko siya sandali at tinaasan ng kulay,He was with those smirk in his face.And I Really annoyed by it.
"Are you sure na si kuya talaga ang tatay ni Thorn?you know.....baka nagkamali kalang at ako talaga ang nakasex mo that time right?"
He joked.
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at pinakita sa kanya ang hawak kong babasaging plato na ano mang oras ay willing kong ibato sakanya.
"Really?,Why don't you plan about your death huh Rhys?...that's cool"
Inis na sabi ko sakanya pero tumawa lang ang Gago.
"Ehhh,You really want kuya to be the father of your childrens aren't you?..."
Naiinis na talaga ako sa pinagsasabi ni Rhys kaya hindi ko nalang siya pinansin at mabilis na tinapos ang paghuhugas ng pinggan para mapuntahan at patulugin na ang dalawa.
"But sadly,He wouldn't know.Cause kuya is a fucking Jerk"
Napailing nalang ako.
Ganyan talaga si Rhys,pagkatapos akong asarin sa kuya niya ay babanat din naman ito sa huli ng'But sadly he wouldn't know,Cause kuya is a fucking Jerk' na sobrang totoo naman talaga.
Minsan naiisip ko nalang na paggising ko ay mamumulat ako sa katotohanang hindi naman talaga siya ang tatay ng mga anak ko pero malabong mangyari yun.Makikita at makikilala mo palang sa mga mata ni Yue and Thorn,
They got the same eyes of a Gauthreaux.
A blood of a Gauthreaux.Hindi maipagkakaila iyon kaya nga pagnakikita ko si Thorn,He always remind me of Axl dahil magkamukha sila at mabuti nalang hindi niya namana ang pagiging masungit ng tatay niya pero ang ugali Naman ni Axl ang namana ni Yue,from being a quite type of person at minsan ay pagiging masungit nito.She really got those from his dad.
But all of those,I am so thankful being them as my child.Kahit wala Naman talagang kwenta ang ugok na tatay nila.
I am so thankful for having a amazing daughter and a son.
BlackG7