Superman Announces the Formation of The Justice League
By: Clark Kent and Lois Lane
Sample Paragraph of aforementioned article: Superman said, "The starting members of the Justice League are as follows: Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Green Arrow, Cyborg, Watchtower, and The Writer. Our member's identities will be protected. We are currently working on coordinating our members and figuring out our group dynamics. We will be recruiting for additional members of the Justice League. If you are a hero or you are interested in making a difference with your abilities, please contact the Justice League. I and a few members of the team will audition for new members. We have a website. Eventually, we will be creating a location called the Hall of Justice which will be a public venue that contains memorabilia from members of our team. It will be a way for the public to engage with our heroes, view examples of our past successes, and it will be a conduit for League operations concerning the public. It will be open for public tours. When a location is determined, we will let you know more.
Superman Offers Business Opportunities to Help the World
By: Clark Kent and Lois Lane
Section from Story: We received a statement from Superman regarding financial opportunities he will engage in to fund the formation of the Justice League. He stated, "I would like to preface any financial opportunities myself or the rest of the League may undergo with a very simple credo: A true hero does not perform good deeds because he expects payment or credit for the deeds he or she performs. I must state clearly that I am not a hero for hire, and I am not a mercenary. However, I would be remiss if I ignored the economic realities of the world in which we live. As much as I would like to refuse any money-making ventures, the fate of this world is dependent on having the proper funds to achieve our goals for the betterment of humanity. The Justice League will have numerous costs which include things like opening the Hall of Justice, providing equipment for members for operations, research and development, outfitting our headquarters, food and lodging, settling potential lawsuits, and many other possible financial burdens. In order to help fund the Justice League, I personally will be offering the following services:
Nuclear Waste Removal: Nuclear waste is a problem that takes many years to not only properly cool the nuclear waste products, but to properly store them, which is controversial because no communities want nuclear waste near them for fear of impacting the environment and potentially leaking into their groundwater or numerous other concerns. Working with governments foreign and domestic, we will determine the best place to take the nuclear waste. I will personally carry the nuclear waste into outer space so we don't have any concerns with the nuclear waste impacting Earth. You can choose a location you want me to place the nuclear waste. Whether that be on Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto, the Sun, or if you just want me to throw it into the outer reaches beyond this galaxy, I can do that as well. Just pick a location for dumping your nuclear waste, and I will gladly accomplish this for you.
Satellite Launches: Satellite launches are expensive and rockets can sometimes fail and are wasteful because they aren't reusable. It costs an incredible amount of money and fuel to launch satellites into space. I will personally carry the satellites into space for a fraction of the cost for satellite launch via rockets. You just have to pick the particular orbit location, and I'll do the rest. We can coordinate with your engineers who developed the satellite, and if you'd like input from NASA or any other space organization, they can certainly assist with satellite launch operations, which would just be me dragging the satellite by hand into space.
Building Demolitions: There are many dangerous, condemned buildings in major cities. They present a hazard to residents and oftentimes, municipal governments can't afford to have them taken down. I can safely take down the buildings that need to be demolished. I can move at superspeed to keep any debris from leaving the area around the building, protecting residents and viable properties. Because demolition teams are a part of the economy, I don't wish to displace currently employed people that work in demolition by undercutting their contract or bidding prices. In other words, I don't want to be responsible for people losing their jobs. However, I will assess on a case by case basis which municipal governments can afford the demolition and which cannot. For a modest fee and an identified location with which to dispose of the building and all discarded materials, I will demolish the building. So for a fraction of the cost, you can be rid of dangerous, condemned buildings - you only need to find what money you can afford to a lot from your government's operating budget and we can work together to find a solution.
Infrastructure Work: Infrastructure is always aging. A lot of buildings, bridges, and other parts of the world's infrastructure are very old. Sometimes they get refurbished, but problems can still occur. With my x-ray, microscopic, telescopic vision, and other senses, I can find any faults in them that can't be detected normally. Ever seen a news story where a bridge collapses spontaneously while dozens or hundreds of cars are just doing their daily commute? This can be avoided with my analysis of the structures using my senses. Not only will we save lives by avoiding collapsing infrastructure from injuring or possibly killing your citizens, but we will save your city's governments lawsuits from the people hurt. A side benefit is this is preventative. I could rescue people from a collapsing bridge, or I could analyze the bridge prior to collapse to identify the weak points or areas that need repairs to prevent the injuries or deaths in the first place. If a structure is really bad, I can use my heat vision as a "band aid" if there are faults in the metal, just to buy enough time in the structure in question to be closed and repaired.
Asteroid mining: Is there a rare metal out there in an asteroid or a spent comet? Or have you exhausted resources in your particular area? In need of platinum, gold, or other metals that could be found in an asteroid? Hard rock minerals could be in some asteroids. All you need to do is identify which asteroid or spent comet you would like me to retrieve from space, and I can bring it back to a location of your choosing. A fee will be determined based on the distance from Earth. It will be reasonable for a mining company to be able to afford. In addition, a percentage of the proceeds from the mining of the asteroid or comet will need to be assessed. A contract will be made guaranteeing the Justice League gets a portion of the recovered materials and funds from the mining venture. The League will obviously get a smaller portion, so it will still be an affordable venture for companies interested in this course of action.
Mining on other planets: Are you interested in a particular planet for their resources? Are you aware there is a helium shortage and Earth will eventually run out? Helium gas is used to inflate blimps, scientific balloons and party balloons. Helium is used as an inert shield for arc welding, to pressurize the fuel tanks of liquid fueled rockets and in supersonic wind tunnels. Helium is used in MRI magnets, in mixtures for respiratory treatments, in mobile phone, computer, and tablet chips, computer hard drives, in microscopes, in airbags, and countless other uses. What will we do when we run out of helium? Thankfully, helium is common in gas-giant planets such as Jupiter and Saturn. Now, this is just one example of a resource that we could address. Think about all the other rare metals, minerals, or gases that could be accessed by mining on other planets. All the Justice League will require is to be assessed a percentage of the mining venture. I will also need a suitable vessel or device for capturing the requested gases, minerals, or metals.
Assistance in space exploration: Do you need help getting your astronauts to Mars to set up a space station and the budget doesn't allow it? Does a team of scientists want to set up a lab or require a sample from some planet in the universe? Do you want a space probe placed near venus? I can transport a chosen vessel to a planet of your choice. I can also acquire samples or help set up laboratories on a chosen planet. Rather than spending a fortune on launches for space probes, rovers, or other technology, I could personally deliver them to a location of your choosing. This could save NASA and other space organizations money from their budget to spend on other ventures. With a donation to the Justice League, I can help accomplish your goals in space.
While I wouldn't mind doing a lot of this work for free to help the world, the Justice League will require funding to do the good work we plan to do. If we resort to getting funding from billionaires or special interests, you can imagine they will want something for their investment. Do you really want oligarchs to have a team of superheroes on payroll? What if they were to ask us to do something which conflicts with your values? I'd prefer to avoid the potential conflict of interest by skipping wealthy donors funding the League.
Why these particular ventures and not doing personal appearances or performing at rich people's birthday parties? All of these ventures have been determined to help the world in some manner. So we will simultaneously be making money in order to fund our hero work and improve the world at the same time. By participating in this manner, we help stimulate the economy, have government oversight (the government will likely review most or all of these deals considering that's where most of the money is coming from), and providing a solution to problems in an organized, controlled manner.
Please go to the Justice League's website to engage in these business opportunities. Thank you."