My feet slosh around uncomfortably inside my soaked shoes as we walk back. Lola seems to know where we're going but I and Nayan took a different way to the base and I only vaguely recognize the area.
We walk in the center of the forever empty road. Streetlamps that wouldn't have been lit in this time of day even years ago tower over us. While the fog dulls out most of the sunlight, It still lurks over us and makes the grey haze somewhat lighter, and warms my cold body.
We've walked a block or so, to only the sound of our own footsteps, and droplets of water dripping off our clothing.
Walking beside me, Lola looks like a mix of emotions that I couldn't describe as one if I tried. Even if I could make a straight guess, It'd probably be wrong. She looks like a strange cross between pissed, tired, confused, but more than anything, generally hurt.
"When did you guys leave?" She asks in a nutereal way with a barely noticable angry undertone, If I didn't know her so well I don't know if I would've noticed. But the undertone doesn't seem unintentional, as if she's making us uncomfortable just to screw with us.
A part of me doesn't really know what to expect from her. I've seen her scared for our lives, and I've seen her scared in a panicky way where there are no answers.
But we've never had a real fight. We're siblings, and all siblings regardless of how close they are have their squabbles, but never anything that is serious. Our most serious argument was probably about who got to pick a movie or gets the last toaster waffle.
Not that I think this situation will turn into a fight, it's just that I and Lola have never had much all too serious to talk about before. There was her telling me that I shouldn't go explore the red light, which was probably in the top five of our most serious conversations.
Lola doesn't hate too many things to an extreme. People who don't knock on doors and organizing are pretty high up there, but she absolutely despises a conversation where she can't crack a joke. In times like that she typically tries to get her point across and then either physically leaves, or changes the topic.
This is unless she is REALLY interested.
"Sometime in the middle of the night," I say, "When did you find my note?"
"When I got up to get some water," she says bitterly.
"How did you find us?"
"Did you think I wasn't listening when you kept on trying to find that damn light?" She says with a tired anger, "You gave me a good idea of where it was, the rest was just dumb, fucking luck."
I press my lips together uncomfortably, unsure of what to say next. Nayan looks at me as if hoping I know what to say, hoping that because she's my sister I could find a way to explain this in a way that doesn't sound like us ditching her.
I shrug at him, something I'm sure Lola notices, but she does nothing.
Nayan's uncertain gaze at the pavement lights up, like a small lightbulb going off in his head.
"I'm sorry that you had to get up so early and help us-"
"I probably got like two hours of sleep," she sneers.
"But," His tone becomes more optimistic, and becuase of it Lola finally looks up, "We did figure some stuff out."
Lola dramatically dulls down her excitement, at this point possibly only putting on a show to prove the point that what we did wasn't cool. Though it's easy to tell that she's dying to hear what he has to say. He starts from when we first got there, from the garage to the agents there, the base itself, but he goes further into what happened during the meeting.
As we pass a playground he tells her about Whittle, and how he is in command at some level, but I make sure to butt in that I doubt anyone too high up would be stuck here.
"Sounds like a dick," she mutters.
"Yeah, he called us-well, possibly not you," I correct, "Avexian scum,"
I still can't figure out why they hate us. I mean, really? As far as I know, the only major difference between us is the fact that we get to have two lives, like in a video game. I guess temporary immortality is a pretty big deal, but not something worth hating us for.
Maybe if I had known about it before I was being stabbed to what should've been dead, It would've piqued my interest more. But immediately after this I was a bit sidetracked with confusion, relief, and avoiding getting- you know, kidnapped.
After the fact wasn't much different, I was sidetracked then too. At this point, I wasn't too concerned about being killed again. Lola reassured me that if they wanted us dead, they would have had nothing stopping them from finishing what they started.
Even after I could safely assume they wouldn't kill us, I was more worried about surviving than what would happen if I died. After just a few weeks Lola found some kid's biology project which cleared up what would happen if I was killed again.
She looks at us as if waiting for a further answer to whatever questions may be running through her head. "No shit, It was a given he hated us," She says, "What did you guys find out?"
"Months," Nayan draws out as If the word hurts to say, "They are closing the portal in months."
Lola stops walking abruptly, a gape falls over her. I and Nayan stop a few steps ahead of her, a gust of wind chills my clothes but I'm too overcome with anticipation for her response to care.
"Months?" She continues walking and we follow.
"Yes," I say solemnly.
"So I'm right? We'll actually be stuck here forever?" While these words would typically be accompanied by a smirk, she looks mortified now with heavy breaths and wide eyes.
Nayan looks at the ground as if thinking the same thing.
Lola and Nayan have always swatted away my hopes for getting back home. But maybe somewhere deep down they really did think that this wouldn't be the end.
Maybe they just didn't want to get their hopes up, for exactly the reason Lola told me I shouldn't go find the red light. False hope. But from the looks of it, neither of them we're able to keep it away as they tried.
I'm no idiot, I knew all along that reasoning was not in our favor. I knew the odds of someone helping us was slim, let alone someone even knowing we're here that wasn't a part of putting us here in the first place.
Still, I thought that somehow the bad luck that got us here would come back around with good luck.
Maybe it still could.
"No, you're not right," They both give me a what-the-hell-are you-talking-about look, "There is still three months, what do we have to lose?"
"A lot, actually," Nayan says sarcastically, "A little something called our lives."
"Yeah Cass, We all could've been killed and you really think it's a good idea to to back there?"
"No offense to you guys," I say passionately, "But being stuck here for an eternity isn't a life! Nayan, you should know this better than either of us! You've lived here for four years, most of which by yourself. Both of you should know that being here is nothing more than a life half lived!"
They shamefully watch me.
"I want to go home! I want to be around more than just two other people every day for forever. I want to see my parents again. Hell, I want to be able to eat more than just crappy rice and starfruit!"
They pass eachother nutreal looks.
"I couldn't live with myself if I watched our last chance slip away because we're scared."
Done speaking, I'm left with a sense of pride for my monologue. I don't know where the words came from, but It's the most honest thing I've ever said.
"We were in the same run for our lives fifteen minutes ago, right?" Nayan says, "Apologies for not wanting to do that again."
Lola sighs, "Nayan, I think she's right. I see what you mean with not wanting to be that close to being shot again, but I don't want to be here forever."
"I don't want to either," He whispers almost too quiet to hear.
He looks so pained to say it, and I can't help but feel bad. I know well that my overly cautious best friend isn't the type to jump into things, but I thought that this would come as an exception. I'm left a bit surprised that he isn't willing to take the risk in order to get back home.
"Does that mean that you'll go with us?" My question is stretched out optimistically.
He looks at us both sadly in a debate with himself, like in cartoons with the little devil and angel over someone's shoulder, "Ok."
Over the next twenty or so minutes, I and Nayan finish explaining everything from the meeting to Lola. We tell her how there are only three more of us that they intend to capture, and one of them, the one they are currently hunting down, Is in Norway.
As well as the fact that there are 84 people already here, just hearing it out loud again sounds so weird. I still can't believe that they kidnapped so many people and stranded them here, and that there are so many of us and we haven't found anyone else.
Within the last block, we explain that they are waiting to close the portal until everyone is inside, so our window of escape is three people. We decide to go back to the base in a few days. This plan seems to put Nayan in some unease but he agrees to it anyway.
***
I watch Nayan walk down the street by himself, and slowly thinning line of water that drips from his clothing trailing behind. The door to the house hangs open and for a moment I'm put in a bit of panic that one of the other 82 or 81 (depending on if they count Lola) raided us.
Lola must see the hint of panic, "I left it open, understandably so, I was in a bit of a hurry."
My cheeks flush red, somewhere along the lines it slipped my mind that if it weren't for Lola we'd be either dead or captured.
"Oh, yeah," I mumble guilted, "Sorry about that-"
"For the better," she cuts in, "Not like anyone got seriously hurt."
Her eyes travel down to my nose that somehow I got distracted from. Now that I'm aware of it again, a noticeable pulse thrums away from the bruise.
I'm about to walk inside when Lola steps into the doorway. Not in a rude way of just trying to get ahead. She turns and the playful smile on her face clarifies this.
"So as your sister, AKA, your protector from the other gender-"
I roll my eyes at her.
"I'm being serious!" She says with a giggle that tells the exact opposite, "You guys we're alone for what? An hour or two, anything happen?"
She subtly leans forward with excitement.
I think back to when we were hiding behind the door in the closet. In movies, they show little flashbacks sometimes when a little snippet of a memory flashes through your mind with perfect clarity.
Just like in the movies, the sight comes over me. Pushed together in a dead silence shoulder to shoulder, my finger inches toward his as if not a part of me, but instead has a mind of its own. But just millimeters away I gain control again and shrink back.
And a feeling was gone.
What feeling was it?
I was surely scared, that's what it was. Nothing more than being scared. It's very reasonable to be sacred in that situation.
"No," I force a fun laugh through my messy thoughts, I'm sure it isn't near convincing, "We are just friends, Nothing more. Do you need me to say it louder?"
She laughs, just the same as she does every time I reject her theories, "Really? Sneaking around in the dark by candlelight I assume, that's super romantic."
I shake my head, "Nothing. Happened. If anything did, you'd be the first person I'd go to."
"You're no fun."
She turns to walk inside, her eyes caught on me a moment longer like she's trying to find some sign that I'm lying. Once she fully turns away I hope this is her giving up on prodding about my nonexistent relationship with Nayan, at least for now.
Even when we were back at home, she dated a lot, while I have never gone on a single date. Sure, I've had my crushes but I think that I've always seen dating as something that gets in the way of stuff I needed to do. Where my sister has been dating for as long as our parents have been ok with it, though I do think they've had some hangups about it.
After she first met Nayan, which was an hour or so after did, the first thing she asked me was if I had a crush on him.
"What? No," I said, "I'm honestly surprised that you aren't crushing on him already! It's been months since you've gone on a date."
She laughed far louder than necessary as if my comment was the most incorrect thing she'd ever heard, "You obviously don't know my type, but I see you guys together!" she teased.
I groaned loudly, knowing damn well that Lola would never let this go.
To no surprise, she didn't.