No matter what Vondre' had done he was my baby brother and I'd promised Mama I would always protect him. When we were children we both endured the heartaches of being bullied, Grandma hadn't told us about the real world and Mama lived in a fantasy thinking she would be with another woman's husband and live happily ever after. Throughout school we had to wear whatever Grandma could get from Love Thy Neighbor and we ate our share of beans and cornbread. For three years I lived normally and had learned survival skills Grandma hadn't taught us, my foster mother was big on fashion and whether it was a three dollar shirt from the clearance rack at Bill's Dollar Store or a twenty-five dollar blouse she could make it look runway ready. The fashion tips she'd passed along were beneficial. "A melon top will accent your facial structure, it will look good against your dark skin," or "damaged clothes are new clothes, a few cuts and rips they won't look the same."
I'd learned to salvage the old clothes by destroying them, Grandma was probably turning over in her urn.
The heavy knock at the door startled me from my thoughts, I had given Vondre' a key so I knew it wasn't him. Through the partially closed blinds I could see the patrol unit, 3 weeks had gone by after Sandra had been killed and they had yet to find her body---and child.
Even though I'd known my brother had gone and done the ultimate we were living good now and I would do anything to protect him as I had vowed as a child so I was prepared to defend him, but was skeptical about opening the front door. The knock came again as I sat quietly on the new sofa, finally and nervously I approached the door to peep out of the hole. As if they felt my presence the knock sounded again even louder simultaneously to the beating upstairs against the floor startling me. I loosened the door chain, twisted the lock and snatched open the door for the officers, one male one female.
The male officer's service cap lay against his chest; I recalled the night they had come with news about Gayle.
Upon seeing them I could only read the female officers lips as she addressed me.
"killed around 7 a.m. this morning while sitting in the car. I'm sorry, we're doing all we can to---"
I blanked out and looked back at Jessica in the hounds tooth blouse, she hadn't told me anything!
Vondre'?
NOOOOOOOOOO!
"Mrs. Decree? Do u need medical attention?"
"Um-- MISS Nelams, I'm divorced--No, I'm fine--um, where is his body?"
They looked confused, I needed to know where my brother's body was! WHERE DO THEY CARRY THEM AFTER!?
"This about your 5 year old Ma'am, again I am sorry for your loss. She was shot and killed, your --ex-husband---I assume, Mr. Decree, had just arrived home and pulled into the driveway when the shots rang out, she was pronounced dead at the scene. A bullet struck the right side of her head, one, her right shoulder."
NEVAEH!?
I became numb and walked away from the door while they stood. I looked at Jessica, "Picture shows a lot clearer with cable."
They stood quietly at the door---waiting on me to invite them in. After I hadn't they entered at free will.
NEVAEH?
NOOOO--Couldn't be, they were lying! I TOLD THEM! MY BABY WAS ALIVE!
"I'm sorry, I really am. I have a 6 year---"
STOP APOLOGIZING BITCH! WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO TRY TO TRICK ME LIKE THAT, THEY JUST NEEDED TO STOP!! NOW!!!
"LEAVE!"
"Ma'am, were are sorry," the red head male officer repeated, why wouldn't they just leave!!!"
WHERE WAS MY BROTHER!?
They finally walked away toward the door. I slammed it and sit down on the floor against the wall, I was NUMB at the moment!
I pictured my only daughter who was born prematurely, I would sat with her daily until visiting hours were over and these---MUTHAFUCKAS had the nerve to tell me MY BABY WAS DEAD! They were soooo cruel! WHY WOULD THEY TELL ME MY BABY WAS GONE! The scream was trapped in my throat but I sat on the floor in denial for hours, I watched my phone ring on the sofa repeatedly until it went dead---WHY WERE THEY PLAYING WITH MEEEEE!
See---I knew, I knew, I knew.
~~~~~
Vondre' had come home a few days prior, he and Sheretta was at it again. I'd been watching the coverage about Sandra Warner's death on every channel taking in the details--but I loved my brother. He'd come in and I'd turned off the television right before he came in.
"Finally got a haircut huh?" I teased. Something was taking a toll on him but I just couldn't believe he would kidnap a mother and her child! Not my brother! He had a conscience!
"Yea, got a job interview."
"Oh, good. I cooked--help yourself."
"Why do u cook so much food Vonda?" He asked standing over me looking like the man Mama said was his daddy.
"U look like u been crying."
"I'm fine, it's just my weekend with the children and Darius refuses to bring them."
"Somebody need to see bout that nigga, for real Vonda---he getting to be a real problem. U need to get out the house for a little while, go to the salon or something---here, take this."
He handed me more money. "I told u I got u, u will never be without if I can help it."
"WHERE ARE U GETTING SO MUCH MONEY FROM DRE!"
"SSSSHHHHHH! Don't worry bout it!"
He'd handed me almost fifteen hundred dollars and stood before me in designer jeans with a Medusa head pendant on a chain around his neck.
"DRE! Oh who did u rob--I can't take this! I still have mon--!"
"Just take it!"
He walked to the kitchen, picked up a chicken leg and left back out. I could smell liquor and weed but it wasn't the same cheap beer smell he usually reeked of. "I'll be back," he said before walking out. I looked out of the window to see the muffler lacking Caprice drive away.
~~~~~
As the front room darkened and the street lights popped on, I could hear the teenagers gathered around the stairs periodically trying to muffle their coughs while smoking beside my cracked front room window. My baby was not gone! It had to be a mistake I said rubbing my raw eyelids.
I couldn't call my only friend, besides Jessica had a life of her own and had achieved success, I understood but I saw her everyday like real friends did, so didn't that mean she was my friend? My god damned best friend at that! THE BITCH HAD SAID NOTHING ABOUT NEVAEH DECREE BEING KILLED! MY BABY WAS NOT DEAD! Had I been dreaming?
I got up and walked to the kitchen, I needed to cook just in case Vondre' came home and as the thought occurred I heard a car door. I needed to feed my baby brother, he was hungry.
He opened the unlocked door, "VONDA! WHY U AIN'T ANSWERING THE PHONE!"
Where was his car, I hadn't heard it!
"It's dead Dre'."
"Vonda, Sis---Nevaeh gone, I been trying to call. It's all over the news!"
"U ate."
"SIS! NEVAEH IS DEAD, SHE GOT SHOT WITH A 9MM!"
He couldn't just come in and tell my my baby was dead like they had, what the fuck was rong with him?! I refused to listen to what he had to say, I covered my ears!
"SIS, PLEASE! U GOTTA GO TO THE MORGUE---THEY NEED U! U BEING CHILDISH!"
"I'm about to cook, Dre'. Are u turning against me too?!"
"WHAT? VONDA, JUST COME ON!"
"DO U THINK I WANNA HEAR MY BABY IS DEAD! SHE JUST GONE, THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL! GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEET OUUUUUUUT! SHE'S JUST GONE, DARIUS TOOK HER FROM MEEEEEE! I REMEMBER HIM TAKING HER! I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM, REMEMBER!?"
Dre' walked toward me and grabbed me by the shoulders where I stood beside the electric stove, he just needed to leave! I filled the pot with water for the rice and put the frozen meat in the sink.
He couldn't tell me shit!
I'd removed the roast from the freezer, I had to cook for my family and who the fuck needed a phone? When I was happy we didn't have cell phones! Cell phones were sad!
He left out and I was fine with it, he'd done enough, I watched him drive away in a new blue car.
"Vonda, u need to snap back!" he said before slamming the door upon exiting.
I watched as the frost disappeared from the meat package before I went back to my spot beside the window and sat; the baby roach played in front of the sofa. When the black smoke from the bone dry pot marked the kitchen ceiling, I got up when just as the bottom turned red. The smoke detectors chimed but I was holding my daughter, she was a baby again and I had refused to let her ride in the car seat on her way home from the hospital for the first time, I sat arguing with Darius' sister as I had that day. When they were taken I'd been teaching her how to tie her shoes so I began her being 4 years old her shoe strings were loose after she'd grown in my arms.
I'd named her Heaven spelled backwards, had that been a mistake I wondered with a heavy chest? I'd dozed off when the detectors quieted, she now sat in my lap-- but only to wake up a few minutes later wishing Jessica would hurry the fuck up! She was the friend I always had to wait on! No matter how much news aired I only watched her.
When she came on, I still sat in the same spot against the wall with a numb ass and heavy bladder. Her choice of blouse that day was mauve and her natural nails were freshly manicured. She paused for a moment after being introduced---
"Thanks Blake. Tragedy struck about 7 a.m yesterday morning and ended the life of a 5 year old in the Musgrove Hill community leaving a family shattered. Witnesses stated that as the owner of this house u see behind me was arriving home from a trip, bullets rang out. The homeowner Darius Decree and his wife LaMona turned into the driveway with their three children when shots were fired striking the small child twice, and the father once in the hand. Details about the weapon used are underway."
I saw the yellow bullet markers and watched her tell me about my baby girl in disbelief!
"Neighbors reported seeing a blue sedan which believed to be a late model Honda flee the scene after the shots rang out hitting the innocent 5 year old ending her life. Aren't many details about the murder but this event has left the quiet neighborhood of Musgrove Hill in turmoil. The victim, Nevaeh Decree attended Rosa Parks Elementary where counseling is available for the other students as they remember the bright Kindergartener in grief. There is no more information to be released to the public about the shooting, but an investigation is underway. This recent tragedy is only one of many that has affected the city. If u have any leads to solving this horrendous crime---"
In the hand?
"More at 6, Blake back to u."
"BITCH!"
I---I just, couldn't continue to be her damn FRIEND! Hell naw! She couldn't tell me shit!
When Vondre' walked inside the apartment I didn't know if I was going or coming. Finally I decided to go to the morgue, I had to see for myself. I demandeR
I was met by a solemn woman who inquired about who I'd come for, she looked confused and while she asked questions I walked to the morgue calling Nevaeh's name. The woman whispered something to a younger woman behind the desk and ran behind me. I walked toward the mortuary drawers preparing to look at the tags in the slots, there were so many.
"WHERE IS NEVAEH!"
"WHO ARE U?"
As I turned around saw a small child's body on a gurney covered up with white sheets I demanded to see the face! I needed to see her dead if she was really fucking dead!
"O.k. but Ma'am, she hasn't been prepped but its your choice. Who are u?"
"PLEASE! JUST LET ME SEE!"
The undertaker sighed before agreeing. She pulled back the sheet and half of my babies face was GONE! I reached back for Vondre' but he had decided not to follow me inside, why hadn't he come in? I NEEDED HIIIIIM! MY BABY! HIS NEICE!
"WHYYY! WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THIS!"
"MA'AM A 9MM DOES DAMAGE, ESPECIALLY TO A VICTIM SO YOUNG! I'M SO SORRY! WHO ARE U?"
I stormed out! My baby was gone! I recognized my precious baby and she was gone! She was safe with meeeee!
The doors to the mortuary flung open as I ran through them disregarding their presence!
Jessica! I needed to know! Who'd killed my baby!!!! She was so precious! I sat on the sidewalk, and from a distance I could hear Vondre'.
I'd blanked out but felt him pick me up and put me inside the car, I fought him and hadn't known why.
Jessica. She was my friend, I only needed my friend because she would tell me more than anybody else ever would! No one ever told the truth except JESSICA!
I hadn't wanted to become the obsessed fan they labeled me as, but they just hadn't understood! I'd been lied to all my life and she'd been the only one to ever tell me the truth!
They buried my baby on a Saturday not far from the apartment. I waited on Vondre' but he hadn't shown up. I waited in the stairs in the Melon blouse, purple slacks and red shoes. My eyes were swollen and I hadn't been outside since I'd come from the morgue.
I looked at the time, her funeral was at 11, by 11:30 Vondre' still hadn't arrived and he'd only been back once during the week. I walked to Darius' mother's church and sat on the back row. I watched Darius and LaMona hugged up on the front row through the spaced out crowd, my two sons were not present at all. I returned home on foot as I had gone like I couldn't afford a taxi. When Vondre' had come in I noticed the ring on his pinky finger.
"U didn't cook Sis?" It was three days after the funeral.
After I sat unresponsively putting the rice for the roast in the burnt pot one by one he just said---"Fuck this, I'm out."
She'd been cremated.
All I could do was wait on Jessica Oliver. It was her who made me realize that the make of the murder weapon hadn't been released to the public when Vondre' had come in and told me what my baby had been killed with.
In a daze I remained, my phone was still not powered on. I just wanted to wait on Jessica, she had all the answers I needed I thought until my baby brother returned at 3 a.m. early Tuesday morning.
Only had I decided to go to bed the night before and when Vondre' beat on my bedroom window I'd finally managed to doze off about 45 minutes prior, I'd awakened and begun to cry like always after the brief naps, my mind wouldn't allow me to sleep. Wiping at the tears I walked out of the bedroom and to the front door to remove the chain.
He'd gone back to the car he was driving and opened the back door.
I turned away but as he'd come inside I noticed he carried---a small child!
"WHOSE BABY!?"
"SSSSSSHHHHHHH! YOURS!"
"WHAT!"
He came inside and closed the door behind him.
"Tomorrow, we moving ok? I got us a house in Abshire."
"DRE, WHOSE BABY!"
He removed the blanket from the child's head, I looked in the face of a little girl---about 4 years old. Her curly hair was uncombed and her clothes were filthy! OH MY GOD!
"I don't know her name, name her what u want to. Pack your bags, don't worry about this raggedy ass furniture, I got u somewhere nice."
He sat he baby girl on the couch, surely she could talk!
"I'll be back Sis," he kissed me on the cheek, I was confused---whose baby was he leaving?"
I was just as mysterious to the child as she was too me, "What's your name sweetie?"
"Sasha. Well I have a new name, Daddy Dre' calls me Heaven."
"Ok, so who is your Mommy?"
"Well, I have a new Mommy too, my old one was Sandra but she left me in the car and Daddy Dre' came and got me. He has lots of toys! Oh and I can tie my shoes!"
She hopped up from the sofa and said, "We both rrrreeally need our hair combed, u do mine and I'll do yours."
That day my whole life changed---but I still wasn't too sure whether blood was thicker than water.