Vondre' had come in the next night around seven smelling like whatever liquor he had consumed in all new attire, I could hear the department store bags as they'd bumped the walls; he opened each room door except for one looking for me but I'd been sitting on his mattress in a daze after thoroughly going through each message and evaluating the timelines of the phone calls---even the destinations he'd gone using the gps.
"Aw come on Sis! What u doing!?"
I still held the phone in a stupor when he'd found me and Sasha had also left a Chinese food container on the bed side table in my room, I just couldn't move and was paralyzed with shock! He snatched the phone after dropping the bags to the floor, reached for the blunt behind his ear and lit it. Really, how many had there been?
Why had he taken that woman's only son?
I could tell by the missed calls when he'd gone on the jobs, he would always leave the phone behind as he had this time, somewhere; but was it becoming easier to deal with the aftermath of it all? He didn't seem disturbed now as he had prior, following the abductions.
The calls that had come in, he hadn't answered them because he didn't have the phone which meant his movement couldn't be traced that way. I'd even moved the phone from where he'd left it, gone into his room and had even dialed numbers from the log---he'd really had a good alibi this time. He was home, with the phone.
"U do too much, count this."
He'd thrown a large amount of bills on the bed, receipts were wrapped in some.
"All this shit gone be over soon Sis, just hang tight. I know u ready to see nephew nem; u wanna hit this shit?"
There couldn't have been another one but there had to have been at least 9.
The woman's son's murder had been considered to be a random act of violence. He had been gunned down leaving the corner store, suspect drove an older model SUV---I would have never suspected and they always needed a trophy. With Sandra it had been the pendant and chain. He was working for some powerful people who had also got on a live broadcasting pleading the public for leads to solve the heinous crimes.
Holding the spliff with one hand and spreading out the bills with the other across the bare mattress I thought back to when Darius wasn't all that legal except the experience now was more frightening because I knew. My ex-husband was always too discreet but I knew he was selling dope mainly because of the street credit he'd gained; we would be out and about and certain people would greet him but he'd hint to them that it wouldn't be a good time with us in tow.
Sometimes there would be tens of thousands.
My brother nonchalantly looked at the missed calls, I'd deleted the call Cleve had returned and felt he'd already taken his flight to where ever.
Inhaling the smoke while trying to suppress the cough I noticed how calm I was at the moment before hearing movement in the adjacent room. The morning had been hectic especially during the hair cut. She just hadn't understood it all, yet.
No matter how hard I tried to not mess up she just wouldn't keep still! With it being completely bald this time it could grow back even I explained while she screamed and cried. The chicken fried rice made her feel better about it but she kept asking for Daddy Dre'. Something about the phone that morning had just kept drawing me to it and I was beginning to think Jessica was losing her iconic swag when she appeared in the rust and olive romper. She was rubbing me the wrong way and hadn't told me who had killed my baby! Also, the day before that the possum colored sweater had done me in while doing the coverage at the Christmas benefit concert. Darius and LaMona had also attended. I'd loved Jessica and she'd only make me seem like a deranged crackhead in the end!
I refused the spliff when Vondre' tried to hand it back; I stood from the mattress after hearing Sasha. I'd begun to believe she was heaven sent sometimes and couldn't imagine being separated from her now.
"Why can't I live with Daddy Dre' again?" She would ask. Even she knew he didn't live there and only had a mattress on the floor, no matter how much money he had. There were even beds in the other furnished rooms that didn't smell like throw-up.
Without counting the money I exited the room high as a kite and greeted Sasha in the kitchen.
"Where is Daddy Dre--"
"Uncle Dre. He will be out. How about cartoons!?"
Like Nevaeh had quickly become, she was burnt out on them and refused.
"I dreamed about Mommy. She can't see the road."
I headed toward the kitchen wondering whether Dre' would stay for dinner this time or not, and remembered the the day Darius left us, from that point on, time didn't move for months---I was stuck in that moment until each day became the same and I just knew he would return, he couldn't leave us!
I reenacted everything I had done that morning for weeks— everyday and hadn't known what had gone wrong, he would come back and I would do it right this time. Only if I would have done something different that day maybe he would have stayed.
A week had gone by since he'd left the phone.
He'd come inside and gone to the room but had come back out with his T-shirt pulled behind his head dabbing at the blood on the fresh tattoo on his chest and handed me more money.
"Did the trash truck come today?"
"Nah, it's Sunday. In three days. Look Sis peep this;I want u to meet somebody, this old cat I met at the Casino, looking for somebody to kick it with. Fam loaded Vonda it's somethin' in it for u too."
"You're kidding right? Sasha has a loose tooth and DJs old shoes are getting too small for her."
"Sis, this nigga breaded—Mississippi ass nigga in a Benz, I know u got me right?"
I didn't even understand what he wanted me to do!?
"What about Sash—Taylor?!"
"She good! U got me though? Just comb ya hair, put on some makeup and wear something tight! I GOT U! U gotta live again Sis! Pleeeaaase? Here, let's smoke."
I looked at Vondre' before taking the blunt from his hand and remembered when Mama had brought him home from the hospital, I fell in love with him and kissed him until he developed hives. There was something about his eyes! I knew he used them to get what he wanted from the women, "Couple hours, that's it. I'll call the taxi at 7:15."
Finally, I agreed and could use the company.
"Don't tell School ya real name, I got Sasha...we'll watch cartoons or something."
That night I'd gone to the Casino hotel, room 714. I almost felt free, I'd worn the stilettos and too tight mini skirt with the eggshell white, one shoulder blouse, Jessica would have loved it I said noticing how tight it had gotten. The hat and trench had only been to accessorize. I did in fact feel free.
Caleb had greeted me at the door with a smile and expected me. I prefer to remember him that way and not with his brain matter in my nappy pinned up bun, face blown off.
He gave up everything but pleaded to keep the gold wedding band on the chain, it had belonged to his father.
"Bitch, if u wanna live, shut the fuck up!"
I knew those eyes, anywhere—and they meant business.
"Aiite old man, keep the ring."
He snatched the chain, the ring fell to the floor, his body on top. The silencer prevented the fired shots from being heard and as soon as Caleb West opened the door the barrel was in his chest, slowly he'd backed away from the door and the gunman followed him inside. I'd seen the masked man and dropped to my knees before crawling to the corner. Even after he'd shot. Him he searched the room before finding what he was looking for in his robe. Minutes had passed, I was too paralyzed to move, too paranoid to leave. Finally I went inside of the bathroom and wiped away the blood the best I could from my face. I picked up the long wool coat and felt hat, put it on and left out.
When I made it out of the hotel entrance, I ran! I'd run past the taxis out front and to the train station, there I hopped in Taxi Number 105.
I remembered that cab, afterward.
The murder had happened 6 years before I got the shoplifting charge, until then they didn't have my fingerprints.
*****
Most times the day Darius left would remain vivid, the therapist had said it was normal but I had refrained from gone into full detail.
It would replay over and over because I'd done everything by the book, where had I gone wrong!? 6:55 the clock had read as usual when I opened my eyes as if on cue, it faced the bed at a 45 degree angle, the robe belts were evenly hung on their individual hooks behind the door, the volume on the television was 22. I'd even offered him sex before climbing out of bed, he refused but masturbated during the shower. As usual his toothbrush had laid exactly one inch from the edge of his sink, and both sinks were dry—I'd wiped them to make sure before he entered!
The children were up before 7 a.m. ... his slippers were perfectly aligned at the toes and 8 inches away from the bed skirt, 36 inches away from the wall—-was it the Irish Creme Latte? WE WERE OUT OF THE CINNAMON! I just couldn't figure it out!
First Ashley! He knew I was fragile and made mockery of it!
He preferred the cinnamon lattes. Sometimes I consider it all, and I'd tried so damn hard when it was said and done but my brother loved me right, at least I had him, I did what was morally right!? The tension between them would be indescribable, once I walked in on Darius threatening to whip Dre' with a belt while snatching it from his loops---"Tell that nigga he ain't my fuckin' daddy Sis! Ima kill this...!" Darius tried to discipline him and it eventually turned into bullying, but Dre' hadn't let the fact that Darius was 12 years his elder intimidate him.
I just couldn't stand the bickering like—-kids especially Vondre' had lost the job Darius claimed he stuck his neck out to get him, he couldn't stay awake!
The day of the first physical altercation between them I had gone to Ashley's house even thought it wasn't Sunday. Dre' had left the car a mess the night before and I hadn't taken the children to school that morning---nor Nevaeh to the daycare, Julia had so I hadn't known the condition it was in. I got inside, Vondre' had also smoked in there. I prayed Darius never found out he would take the car and I'd asked him not to and couldn't hide the keys. The Febreeze can was in the cup holder, he'd sprayed the car but it hadn't even proven effective and as always the scent was still loud, but pleasurable. I rolled down the windows and headed toward Ashley's, first calling and waking her up. In the background I could hear Shiloh and had forgot he was home for the Summer. I looked forward to DJ seeing him. Still asleep when I called at 10 a.m. I scolded Ashley when she answered the second call, "We will never go into business for ourselves at this rate---it's ten fucking A.M., get up!"
"Long night---Syd is in town," she said dryly while yawning, my god son was asking for waffles.
I laughed and knew what that indicated.
She'd had come out when I arrived, I often remember her that day because she wore the butterfly earrings I'd bought her for her birthday and the sun had gleamed on the ruby stones while she came down the steps. I'd only wanted to apologize to Darius with a cinnamon latte' for my behavior the night before—I mean, hell---that had to have been the problem but I just wasn't ready yet when he asked, the miscarriage was still fresh! Maybe I was wrong though I concluded after I calmed down, his insensitivity had pissed me off!
Sarcastically, he'd said before picking up the IPad "Apparently u are fucking ya brother, u don't need me I see."
I snapped that day!
Ashley and I had gone to Starbucks and I'd taken it home but found him gone...
"Where's Darius? I'd asked my brother before seeing his swollen eye.
I found out about the missing money later on down the line, Vondre' had taken the proceeds from the Earth Day fundraiser. Instantly I became defensive, pressed send on Darius' number, MY BROTHER HAD BEEN ABUSED ENOUGH!
He didn't answer but I still gave him a piece of my mind! I told him to stay with the bitch he'd been coming home smelling like! He never even mentioned the voicemail when he returned, but undressed, grabbed the IPad and went to the bathroom.
Looking back, there were signs.
A week prior to the Caleb incident Sasha had stood with the boys sweats on I'd bought DJ when he was 5 looking at the decorations drawing on the window. I'd begun to sympathize for the child but noticed how she'd gotten bigger; she'd been fed shit like asparagus and veal since she'd been eating table food. I'd given her the Hot Pockets her uncle had brought and she'd never seen one, let alone had them. They had been Nevaeh's favorite.
After so long she would sneak the food and eat it.
Jessica had told me about the arrest, they had also found out about Franklin's mistresses... but still no Sandra. Also the lovely home they'd owned was being foreclosed on. How bad had he needed that money?
Christmas was approaching, and Ashley's last had been in Vegas where she'd met Sydney.
The shopping center was in walking distance from home, perhaps it would be safe to walk there after dark and take the child— we would bundle up against the frigid temperatures and enjoy the fresh air, also she could witness the festivities. It was only about a ten minute walk during the extended holiday shopping hours and honestly I was beginning to not feel like a good mommy. We hadn't left the home in months—since we'd moved in, and we knew no one in the area. Who would recognize us? About halfway there she had begun to complain about being tired, she wore a beanie and I had tightened the drawstring in the hood of Darion's coat, it covered her face, also she was dressed in boy clothes. We would shop quickly and make it back home in no time, besides I hadn't expected Dre'. I picked up the whining child and sped up, but had had second thoughts when the city bus passed at 40 mph, it was too cold. I promised her heat and cookies when we arrived at the mall.
The navy blue and lime green coat fit her perfectly, I had even hid the light blue polish she had begged me to paint her nails with, the coat had mittens to match. She had complained about the shoes being too small so I'd made my mind up to buy her some since I had destroyed hers months before. She would ask for them, I would explain they were now too small. After arriving we shopped while I watched over my shoulder with the $500 I had brought along. Her excitement caused her to run around, once she'd gotten lost in Old Navy, I called out to her, "Taylor!"
Where was she?
Frantically I searched for 15 minutes!
I'd panicked but spotted the coat right before she made it to the employee. Wrestling with the bags from the first two stores I ran to where she was, snatched her by the arm and headed toward the door dropping the boys jumper at the entrance! I picked her up while she kicked and screamed, causing a scene! Heading toward the rear entrance by Macy's I spotted the idle taxi at the curb, but as I ran she spotted someone she recognized in Sephora, "AUUNT TRAACYY!"
I ran faster but caught glimpse of the woman who stood in the checkout line. She'd pushed through the people in line ahead of her and ran to the door to get a better look.
"Sasha?!"
I'd almost knocked the automatic doors down trying to get out! I threw Sasha in the back seat when I finally made it to the cab before getting in, which was about 50 feet from the exit door, but looked back to see the woman from Sephora running toward the exit holding the phone to her ear.
We wouldn't be leaving home for a while I had decided, but my brother convinced me to.