I'd awakened and heard Vondre' in the guest bedroom; he had company. I hadn't even expected him to come in and had armed the home. The series of recent events had me on edge and so did Sasha's sporadic tantrums. I contributed them to the Christmas season and the fact that she'd been uprooted from the life she'd known as well as the isolatation. I too, would reach my breaking point in seclusion. Sometimes I would find myself wondering why I thought about LaMeek, the neighbor as I had but I'd more than once speculated about when he would return from wherever he'd been deployed.
Darius had called and had even left a voicemail I hadn't heard.
When I heard the woman's voice through the wall after a loud bump I became upset and knew it wasn't Sheretta, I hadn't wanted whoever she was to see Sasha! I angrily threw back the covers back and stormed toward the guestroom door prepared to beat the hinges off but decided against it all of a sudden, it was his home, right?
Right.
He paid for everything.
I couldn't stop him from living his life but why hadn't he considered Sasha?
I turned away while smelling the weed smoke seeping from the partly covered crack underneath the door and walked to the kitchen to grab the cold chicken from the refrigerator. Ashley's voice sounded as if she was near---"Why do u only eat the leftovers?"
She would have been 29 also, my Godson; 8.
It was 4:10 a.m. and I only remembered going into the bedroom to cry for Nevaeh and hadn't wanted Sasha to see. The grieving process had passed the denial stages and I was now very angry! Sasha was NOT a substitute for the little girl I'd brought into the world! I was alone even still, and no one would ever understand! Dre's words could never be encouraging enough and everyday I waited for Jessica to mention my baby! For only a total of 7 minutes and 4 seconds had she mentioned her since she'd been gone! Just fuck Nevaeh? I missed everything about her and thought about how much I had done to protect them all! I hated Darius with a passion, it was all his fault! I swear I was a good wife!
Sasha was there but she was NOT MINE! She called Vondre' Daddy Dre' and me Nannie and was confused as hell! The shit just wasn't right and I was tired of her correcting my damn vocabulary! She'd ripped apart Nevaeh's coloring book, the one she'd colored in the day before they were taken and didn't know how close to a first ass whipping ever she was! I stood eating the cold chicken fighting back the tears that stung me eyes while walking toward the window.
This time my brother had come in a black car and as if my eyes deceived me I rubbed them to get rid of the Mercedes Benz emblem on its hood. What the fuck!? And who was the skeezer he'd brought in around Sasha? I was so angry and had he driven her car!? I sat on the sofa and listened to their sexual encounters he just couldn't satisfy that bitch! I even considered calling Sheretta but she couldn't find out where I lived! He'd come from the room barefoot and shirtless with his fly hole gaped open, walked right past me and into the kitchen while I sat in the dark; I was so angry, why could he have a sex life and I couldn't! I was tired of The Rabbit and I had seriously considered fucking Caleb right before my brother fucked him. I was in the situation I was in because of him! I would learn how prominent he had been in his community when it was all said and done.
"Damn Sis, u scared the shi---"
"Who is that Dre'!"
"AW my bad Sis! That's Nala, from across the street---she cool as shit. The bitch wanted to kick it while her husband gone and didn't wanna get no room."
"Dre' why would u bring her here? What about Sasha!?"
"She good! She ain't gettin' up no time soon and Nala gotta get the fuck out before 6 anyway, just chill out, u know I got u!"
He went back to the room and closed the door behind him after getting a glass of ice and I had just figured out why older women enjoyed his company. I was becoming more and more angry with his stupid actions! Christmas without my children would be hell, and--and this was not home! I had no memories of them there in that house! I could barely sleep as it was and I kept seeing Caleb's exposed brain matter while Vondre' pretended it had never happened.
"How did it go, Sis---did that nigga pay u for ya time? Shiiid, I got mine!"
He threw me a stack of hundred dollar bills, I didn't even count when he came in two days after the murder, they remained spread across the bed and eventually landed on the floor. All I knew about Caleb at the time was that he'd come from Biloxi and loved his two grandchildren. He'd been hospitable regardless of what he'd expected from me and just hadn't known how free I felt but of course, Dre' fucked that up too!
Also I'd become so obsessed with finding out who Cleve really was and had found everything I could about him including his home phone number and address. At times I wish I had the courage to drive. I was borderline insane as it was and my brother contributed to it each time he'd come around. I had no fight against it because if I did, losing my family would be in vain and I refused to ever acknowledge I was wrong for loving my brother! He'd been through a lot, I remembered it all! Even the shit that he couldn't! I'd even told Grandma---she just didn't listen. I had to always protect him, like Mama said!
The day we graduated from high school Ashley and I spent our graduation night trying to find the address that I'd gotten for him six months prior. I'd heard through someone else that he lived in a foster home by the chemical plant 18 miles away and I had begged Ashley since she had her mother's car that night to help me find him instead of going to the party. I don't even know my intentions, I just missed him so much and wanted to see his face and I had graduation money. It was 11:30 and we'd finally found the house, it had been destroyed by fire. We got lost trying to find the highway and had run out of gas. On foot and in the clothes we walked across the stage in we struck out along the highway in search of help, the night had only gotten worse and I hadn't found my 12 year old brother, only heard about him.
Ashley was angry for a while, we were robbed and she had no choice except call her father after daybreak.
Before Vondre' and his company had finally come from the bedroom my emotions had taken over, when I heard his belt buckle when he picked up his jeans I tried to pull myself together, the spit in my mouth was thick and my nose was running, I'd cried for over an hour. The idea had surfaced that I was neglecting my Nevaeh still by interacting with Sasha! She interfered with my grieving time, I wanted to grieve, she wanted to play —-fucking UNO!
Noooo! I couldn't, I couldn't continue pretending it was OK! I needed somebody!
"I remember u, u going back to the same neighborhood? U a long way from home aintcha?"
The taxi driver from the mall had recognized me, I had got inside and slid to the far side of the back seat and sat behind him to prevent him from looking in my face this time and said very little because I had just witnessed my first murder—Ashley didn't count! I had no choice except get out at home this time, before we'd been let out at the gate so I could snatch Sasha's ass the whole way home. Tracy was her mother's aunt, her grandmother's sister and the middle aged woman saw us. I don't think she would have recognized Sasha, but she'd heard her loud and clear. However, Jessica hadn't mentioned that incident but just kept mentioning Sasha, for 16 minutes and 11 seconds to be exact and kept showing her little ugly pictures! They had even conducted a search and said her disappearance had effected the whole community—but Nevaeh's murder hadn't? That wide nose bitch had rubbed me the wrong way on the 19th and the Rudolph sweater and ears were hideous, my patience was running real thin with her! At least Sasha was alive, for fuck's sake!!!
I still sat on the loveseat by the window when they come from the room, seething with steam coming from my ears. Caleb's murder taunted me, I couldn't I see the look as he pleaded! I looked at the short sleeved shirt he had on and the uncomfortable bitch he'd had the nerve to try to impress and knew he wouldn't be too going far.
"Sis! U cooking today?"
"Yea."
Was Vondre' eating dinner with us? I would feel so much better...
"Nothing special though, just roast with carrots and potatoes, rice, yams, collard gree—"
"See! I told u! Come on. I'll be back Sis!"
They laughed.
Told her what!?!
I hadn't heard the car doors but she had in fact lived across the street. After Vondre' walked her halfway he came back inside shaking dramatically from the cold.
"SIS! WHY U UP?"
What?
"Couldn't sleep, thinking about—-"
"Peep game, ole girl work at the bank, she got a lick! We bout to get the fuck from round here on Mama— Lil Bro done got that bag like I said I would. See my new whip?"
"It's nice."
"Wanna drive it?"
"Vondre' u know damn well I don't want to drive your car!"
"U still lettin that Ashley shit fuck with u? Let that shit go! Saaaay, I had promised myself I wasn't gone eem much tell u, but check it— Ole Boy Boy was dickin' ya best friend down."
Ole Boy Boy could have been anybody, he referred to a lot of niggas by that name, and—-so what."
"Yea..."
"Fa real, fa real Sis! Why u think they mad at u— who u think she was pregnant by? Why the fuck u ain't never seen Sydney?"
"Sydney? He lived in Vegas!"
"Yea, aiiite. That nigga ain't spend Christmas at home!"
I just refused to ask who!
"U can't make up excuses for her death! It's your fault! I had told u a million times not to take the car, let alone smoke in it! The Febreeze can rolled under the brake! I COULD NOT STOP!"
"U dumb as fuck, u just like Mama. Oh and ask Darius how much the policy was on Nevaeh. Anyway I got a hunnit stacks to find out who did it but u need to wake the fuck up! Ima fillet Bro on set Sis."
He walked away and I tried to dismiss his dumb ass theories, but he came back a few minutes later and handed me the blunt, I gladly accepted it, at that point it wasn't strong enough.
"If u wanna take some online classes I'll pay for them, u to finish that law shit Sis — u gotta have my back when I need u."
I inhaled the smoke after hitting the spliff and relaxed but was ripped apart because I knew who without asking and had suspected for a couple of years.
The charges on the statement was the amount on the receipt from the abortion clinic.
Hadn't I always done right by people? I continued to smoke the weed until Vondre' had to ask for it back; I determined I needed my own.
How could I be mad at him for telling me the truth?
"When is Sheretta's baby due Vondre'"?
"May—Sis, Ion want that bitch to have my baby! Might not even be mine!"
Whatever—
"I'm thinking bout knocking her top off, ON GRANDMA! I just need u to start back driving real soon, ok? How long has it been?"
"Three years Vondre'"
"I know u ain't forgot how."
"I wanna drive the blue car—l like it and I'll be comfortable driving it."
"Aiite, it's put away but Ima see what's up. I know u got me—right?
Right. Whether I knew it or not.
He went back to the bedroom, got his glock, coat and keys and started the car from where he stood in front of me.
"Where do u live Dre'?"
"U don't need to know all that— I live here. That shit some gas ain't it! Tell my baby I'll see her tomorrow."
"What's today?"
"Saturday."
Fucking lies—-all of it!
He'd gone and as he drove away in the C250 I looked at the decorated homes, ours was not. It couldn't have felt like Christmas to the child.
Until the sun came up I sat on the love seat laughing and crying at my thoughts while scrolling through the photos in the phone.
Cleve—weighed my thoughts. How long would my brother have ties with him?
I downloaded the text app again and dialed the number I'd memorized. It was 7 a.m. and I waited for Jessica so I could give her a piece of my mind! The hotel surveillance camera had shown the suspects in Calebs murder, but said I could fit the description of a man or a woman! And so could her Mama! I knew for sure it wasn't Saturday, the bitch didn't work on weekends!
I just hadn't been able to keep track and Jessica had helped me early on.I would show my brother I was no sickly bitch like he thought! I NEEDED THAT BLUE CAR and didn't care about the others only NEVAEH! Blood may have been thicker than water but sometimes blood was thicker than blood!
"Hello?"
I remained quiet while the Jimmy Dean commercial played—
"Hello—who is this?"
I still didn't reply. While I held the phone I hadn't heard Sasha come out but she had.
"Nannie! I had a dream!"
I covered the phone speaker and motioned for her to leave out—she instantly started crying but obeyed.
"Where are u?"
I hesitated and hadn't even known my intentions.
"Abshire. I need to see u."
"Who are u?"
"A person of interest."
"And how is that?"
"U will see. I can meet u at the Abshire Hills Mall—at about ten?"
"Is this a hoax?"
"Only if u make it one, I'm serious if u are."
"How did u get this number!?"
"An associate— I've heard so much about u. Is it true? I wanna find out."
"I don't have time for shenani—"
"Is it as big as Sandra claimed?"
"How do u know—?"
"Be careful Cleve, because I would really love to find out...we don't need any complications. Do we meet or not? Did u receive the pictures? Are u enjoying them?"
I heard him close the door to the room he was in and hadn't heard the Mrs.
"Play with it and tell me if it's true."
"Who are u?"
"Infatuated. Can't u picture us? I can make u leave her—mmmm u want it? It gets wetter than that—"
"Cut the bullshit! This is a trap!"
"Nah—the election is over, u lost already."
"I will notify the police—"
"Not with a hard dick. Let me see it— in person, I haven't had sex in a while and I can see my legs around your neck."
He became quiet while the time accumulated on the screen, I continued to take the chin down photos sending them to his phone, with his voice almost trapped in his throat he swallowed the lump and said, "The Hilton Garden, room 608–eleven sharp."
I agreed and ended the call. While laughing I deleted the app and hadn't known what the art of seduction was at time but the lust induced urges made me consider meeting the forty—something year old man, I preferred them at that age, and older.
Naaah!
My mission was accomplished.
I went to the kitchen for orange juice, the cotton mouth was nauseating! Sasha still whined, I pulled myself together and closed the robe I'd opened to take the pictures before offering her Fruity Pebbles, but as always she wanted the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and cinnamon was a no-no in my house! My research on LaMeek hadn't turned up anything, I wondered why. I watched the clock waiting for Jessica but half ass contemplating fucking the daylights out of Cleveland even though it had just been a game—as he suspected. I wondered who he initially thought I was.
Time passed and then came Jessica. Blake had introduced that bitch in a Plum blouse with a peach collar and white buttons! I hadn't seen her pants lately, they would only show the upper, upper half and I was very displeased with the fashion screw ups she was making! I was this close to untwinning that bitch!
"Earlier this month we covered the story of Nevaeh Decree, the 5 year old little girl that was murdered. Her family is pleading with the public for any leads for the gunman responsible for this horrible crime. Crime Stoppers is offering a $100,000 reward for any information leading to the arrest of her killer. The number is across the bottom of the screen if u have any tips concerning the innocent girls murder, 555-TIPS— again that's 555–"
At certain angles the blouse was cute I guess, I hadn't seen the wide peach cuffs on the sleeves.
With confidence I got up from my seat and walked toward the bathroom to turn on the shower, I had no discipline when it came to The Rabbit but now I was in marijuana induced suspense about Cleveland and couldn't help but go to the hotel if only to pass by the door.
I got dressed and changed my mind a few times, but I couldn't leave Sasha! She played on the floor with the toys Vondre' had brought her, he had spoiled the child instead of killing her, that said a lot but I couldn't trust him! I just didn't know!
Around 10:20 she had fallen asleep unexpectedly, which further influenced me to leave. I left her where she was, slid on the tight black velvet dress, and gathered and pinned my natural hair. I sprayed the glitter body spray on my dark skin and applied the lip gloss high as a Georgia Pine. By the time I slid on the red knee boots the taxi had arrived at the gate, Sasha was still asleep! I would have never guessed she could get out. Picking up the red clutch I left out deciding against setting the alarm.
As he had before Keyno the taxi driver flirted but asked, "Did u cut yourself before? U left a little blood on the seat."
"It was menstrual."
We both laughed, I felt good and he waited for another explanation which tickeled me more.
"U smoke I see—but who doesn't. Where to?"
I told him my destination and was glad I had taken his card, I had his personal number.
After arriving fifteen minutes later he agreed to stay in the area. I don't know what I expected but had gone up to the 6th floor. Upon exiting the elevator I looked at the index on the wall, the room was to my left, two doors down on the right.
I walked slowly toward it but before I could pass by the door opened, it was 11 sharp and the older man stood at the door in gym clothes.