"Yeah, thanks." I nod to Coach as a goodbye then move into my room.
Tonight fight was tough, a good match. It's been awhile that I've left the fight dripping in sweaty and pushes to the limit.
For a second, I thought the guy had the upper hand but in the end I won, like always. My limps definitely deserve a nice bubble bath. After I close my door I stare at it long and hard then sigh.
"Why are you in here?" His soft chuckle bounces through the walls and irritates my ears.
"Came to see my favorite cross-dresser." Rolling my eyes, I face Leon with crossed arms.
"Don't you have a home to go to, a job to be at?" God, this is frustrating.
First, I'm forced to spend time with him at school and now this. How did my life become like this?
"Actually, lil' missy, I have some questions for ya." My ears perk up as I stand a little straighter.
"What?" I keep my indifferent attitude and tone as I try not to have a mental panic attack.
"Well, Nevy, you said you were 18, yes?" I grip my arm tightly as I lick my lips.
Dammit, Kahlil!
"Yeah, so what?" I spat, trying to keep in character. His eyes wonder, tracing me and I'm suddenly thankful for my choice of clothing. I bite back my anger as I avert my gaze.
Those damn eyes!
"That means you're still a high school student, correct?" I try to hold onto the anger as it slips through my fingertips, I need to leave.. I can't be near him, not now. I'm out of steam and too weary to deal with those piercing orbs of dark beauty. My nails dig into my skin.
And here I thought, they were one of a kind, special... I know he was— no! I need to go home.
"I don't have time for your little interrogation, Leon. I'm tired and I'm going home." I move towards my dresser to gather my things but he got in my way.
"Whoa, why so feisty? Got something to hide?" His eyes pierce me and I make the regrettable mistake of giving them attention. My widen as I stare into them from under my hoodie.
Suspicion, Curiosity, Mischief, all balled into two lovely irises. My chest jerks as my heart fights against its constricted cage. The same ones that claimed to hold love in them for me... yet the love was dark, twisted and manipulative: formally known as lust. And I stared into those lust-filled eyes thinking they were my warm, inviting home.. a little safe haven from reality.
I look away.
Oh, how eyes lie. 'Whatever.' I don't let him say anything else as I leave my room empty handed and drowning in broken memories.
⚀ ⚀ ⚀ ⚀
I blow the smoke pass my lips as the slight burning of my throat causes a short cough.
The clouded air whirls around me as I breathe some of it back in. The chemicals calm and relax my nerves, allowing me to lazily glance at the things in my room.
My gaze slowly shifts to my door when I hear knocking.
After a sigh, I take a long drag of the blunt before putting it out and waving my hands to get rid of the smoke.
"Nevy?" Standing up, I clear my throat.
"It's open." I turn on my fan just as the opens. I smile.
"Hi, Sammy." He smiles softly.
"Hey." He walks more into my room, closing the door behind him.
"So what brings you?" He glances up at me the furrows his eyebrows.
"Have you been smoking?" I move my head back.
"What! No. What would make you think that?" Sammy moves closer to me as I put my hands in the air.
"You're eyes are red and it smells like smoke." I stare at him then pout, putting my arms down.
"Fine! I was."
"Nevaeh!"
"What!" I raise my arms as I stare wide eyed at him.
"It helps me relax."
He frowns, looking away from me.
"You don't need weed, I can help you relax." I sigh, rubbing my face.
"Samuel—" He looks at me with sad eyes.
"Why won't you ever talk to me? You'll always doing everything by yourself. Don't you ever get lonely?" No, to get lonely means that it occasionally leaves, my loneliness stays with me.
"Sammy, I'm fine. I pro—"
"I swear if you lie to me." I move back, startled by his aggression.
"I may only be in middle school but I'm not a baby anymore, Nevaeh." I go to touch him to try to calm him down but he just moves away. Pain rips through me as my high comes crashing down.
"Sammy." He ignores my pleading looks.
"I gotta go finish my homework, sorry for bothering you." With that he leaves me, and I'm alone again. As soon as the door shuts my knees buckle as I come crashing down onto the floor.
"Samuel." I'm sorry.
"I'm such a mess." I can't let you worry or care for me.
"Your heart's too big." I hurt you, I'm the reason you're in pain.
"You deserve better." I want to be better.
"But I couldn't and I still can't." I'm such a failure.
I hug my pillow to my chest as I try not to cry. He doesn't understand, my burdens aren't his to bare.
I'm only trying to help my family. If I allowed him see me the real, broken coward underneath then I'd truly lose everything.
I'm only trying to keep him safe. Sammy doesn't deserve pain or suffering: never did, never will. I bite my lip as I place a hand over my heart.
Each pulse hurts more than the last, I want none of it. I glance at the place in my closet where I usually hide my weed. I frown turning away from my closet.
I can't, I already hurt Sammy enough, but... the pain, aching, throbbing.. please stop.
My breathing becomes heavier as sweat coats my body. Memories begin to flood my mind. Memory after another flowing through my lids, flashing the past of a broken porcelain doll.
Screaming. Flash.
Pleading. Flash.
Wishing. Flash.
... flatline...
I jolt up in my bed, snapping open the eyes I didn't realize I'd close. With shaken hands, I grab for my phone.
Scrolling through my contacts, I click on a number and slowly put the phone to my ear.
When the call gets connected I release a shaky breath before clearing my head.
I
Need
Relief.
"Can I come over?"