Homecoming night was unforgettable, really. Through the rough emotional turmoil of my home life, I always looked forward to spruce up and party the night away. At least, that's what usually happens. That specific night was special to say the least and I'll tell you exactly why.
Kankri Vantas.
Ever since the first time I met him, he permanently scorched a spot in my thoughts. He, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of me in every way possible. It didn't make sense to me then, but as old as the popular saying; 'opposites attract' I could have shown it to be true. The very thought of going into the dance with the schools most academically sophisticated kid would seem off to most. Unfortunately we didn't go to the dance that night. Fate had other plans, good and bad, to further complicate an already complicated relationship.
______
A gelled hand slowly combed through parts of my hair, pushing the raven strands into place as I fiddled with the white collar of my blank tux. The only color that was showing was the black sleeves of my buttoned down shirt and a neatly placed violet tie sticking out from the plain white vest. I made a pose, giving my best smile while forming my hands into pretend guns. The ladies will not know what to do with themselves once I walk in there.
"Nice." I spoke aloud to no one in particular as I glanced at the fashionably classy lad that was staring back at me from the bathroom mirror.
"C'mon! W-Why do you always have t-to hog the damn bathroom in the most inconvenient times Cro, I have to f-fuckin' piss!"
The voice of my brother caught me off guard, making me turn in question at the little angry grunt. "It's not my fault there's only one bathroom in this shitty house, so I'll take as much time as I wvant to. M'kay?" I glowered down at the purple strip haired kid as he gave an exasperated sigh. He then leaned onto the doorframe with crossed arms.
"Wh-W-Why are you gettin' dressed up anyways? Goin' on a date wa-with a whore or somethin'?" I watched as an eyebrow raised and a small smirk formed on his smug features.
With a roll of my eyes, I directed my attention back to the handsome guy in the mirror again. I couldn't help my fidgety hands always going back up to my hair. It seems to not want to cooperate tonight of all nights, especially since I'm picking up Kankri as soon as I'm done. "It's homecomin' squirt, an' wvhat's wvith that mouth of yours tonight? Like a salty sailor you're actin'." I laughed a bit, trying to ease Eridan's rising frustrations.
It worked as I planned it would, he too rolling his eyes as he pushed at my shoulder in a playful manner. "You've been leavin' me at home with dad too much, that's what. Now mooove!" He squished himself against the door, practically pushing me out of the way with all of his strength. I stumbled a bit out of the way and before I could even protest, the door was slammed shut.
I frowned at what he said as it replayed in my winding thoughts. Eridan wasn't lying when he said that, which was something that really hit home. I've been so distracted with my friends and extra curricular these couple months that my brother might be feeling a little... Lonely. At least, that's what I think he meant by that. Maybe tomorrow I could spend some well due quality time with him or something to ease this unwanted tension.
Regrettably, I walked towards the strong stench of alcohol in the living room just to almost trip over an empty beer bottle that was tossed onto the floor. "Wvhat that fuck pops?!" Escaped my lips so fast that I couldn't even process he was still conscious on the couch, oblivious to what just happened nor didn't even care to glance back at his son. His head was tilted back onto the couch as his eyes closed once more, ignoring my presence altogether.
Steadying myself, I sputtered out a few more curses under my breath as I rolled up my sleeves and bent down to collect a few glasses scattered about just like the one I almost tripped on. Might as well be the maturing young adult and clean up after someone twice my age without hesitation. Though, smashing one of these bottles against the back of his head would be the ideal situation. Sadly, I don't really want to deal with another 'Ampora Breakdown' as to what the local boy's in blue say, especially on Homecoming night. This is what I hate most about my only parent, his alcoholism. If only he could control his urges to drink his pain away, maybe the two of us would get along more. Maybe he would be the father I used to have before everything went to shit in our lives.
As I traveled towards the kitchen to drop off the generous collection of beer bottles my father left, in the trash, my phone vibrated through my white dress pants. I quickly retrieved the gadget, after washing my hands in the sink, to see a few missed messages as well as the one I just received.
Meenah Piexes messaged you on FakeBooK.
Tunafish messaged you.
Tunafish messaged you.
New message from Kankri V.
Ignoring the first two people, I unlocked my phone and tapped on the new notification to see what Kankri had sent.
Kankri V: Is it too late to take back my promise?
I smiled a little knowing he was referring to tonight as I replied.
You: You made it this far, no turning back now!!!
You: I will be VERY upset 🥺
Kankri V: Now that's VERY tempting...
Kankri V: Well, I'm ready when you are.
I nodded my head, though obviously Kankri couldn't see that I was doing so. Better get going before he changes his mind and refuse to leave his house. I checked to see if I had my wallet in my pocket before sprinting down the hall to intentionally borrow my dad's truck for tonight. He probably will mind once he notices, but I really don't care at this moment. Tonight is all about me. No one else, no problems, no drama, just having a good time with my friends until the peak of dawn. The consequences of borrowing my dad's truck will be dealt with tomorrow. Besides, what is he going to use it for? He's off of work on the weekends, there's enough booze to hold him until morning, so there's practically nothing to worry about.
Before I forgot, I checked on the message from my best friend, still ignoring the FakeBooK notification.
Tunafish: Hey fishdick
Tunafish: text me when you get here so we can meet up dude!
You: Got it tunafish
Tunafish: that better not be my nickname on your phone again I swear to god
I snickered at how fast Mituna's response was, knowing how much that name bothered him. Though, it was more of an inside joke the two of us shared because of my love for the water and his name spelling 'tuna'. The irony that we became friends in the first place is hilarious in itself, but I'm entirely grateful to have a level headed individual around to keep me in check. Yeah, the others are okay but damn can they do some stupid shit.
An anxious feeling took over my body as I said my final goodbyes to an irritable brother before rushing out the door with the keys jingling in my hand. I entered the blue truck and ignited the engine to life, my lungs filling up with the familiar smell of exhaust. Kankri had already sent his address a few days before hand, so I had it already typed up into the GPS system on my phone to find the house faster.
As I traveled down the familiar town roads, I noticed that it was leading to the new branch of neighborhood that still had some construction going on. The houses were small, normally for a single family, but were quite nicer compared to the old ones across town. I squinted towards one specific house that had a curly haired boy running frantically towards the truck. Bewildered at the sight, I hit the brakes and the truck screeched to a stop as the other male slowed down his pace into a brisk walk. I could see another figure standing at the door, older and taller screaming something in an incoherent language before retreating back into the house. What the hell is going on?
The bright red tie of Kankri's black attire stood out as he straitened his posture to stand in front of the truck, now out of breath. A cautious smile took over my features as I unlocked the door to let him in, but quickly faded away at the sight of Kankri himself. Though he looked quite nice in his buttoned down shirt and tie, there were multiple bruises on and around his face, his curly hair more of a mess than usual, and a part of his dress shirt was ripped on the shoulder. As Kankri let himself into the truck, practically climbing into it with his small frame and settling down with a few heavy breaths.
"Hello Cronus, sorry you had to witness that." He spoke with more of a forced smile as he tried to catch his breath, though I knew something was definitely up. Considering he looked as if he just came from a brutal bar fight, following the concerning hand marks around his neck.
"Kankri, wvhat the fuck happened?" I exclaimed with wide eyes trained towards him in disbelief. The bruises looked out of place on his caramel skin and made my stomach twist into furious knots of anger that leaked out of my voice as I spoke. "WVho did this to you?!"
There was a bit of silence as his emotionless features stared off away from my hard gaze. "Let's just go-"
I thought for a moment before it immediately clicked. "That man at the door... He did this, didn't he? WVas that your old man?"
"I don't want to talk about it, okay?! Please, just drop it and go to the stupid fucking dance. I just... I just need out of that house for a night- just one night of peace is all I ask." His voice cracked with emotion as I sat there and watched Kankri slowly start to break down in front of me for the first time. Silent tears trickled down his tanned flesh. "Please..."
Without saying another word, I started to drive away from Kankri's house and towards the school. Tension was thick inside the car and it started not to feel right bringing him to the dance a hot mess like this. That wouldn't look good to other people and teachers. Even if I tried to explain myself, the while situation could start some nasty rumors. All of those judgemental eyes would be trained on me as the culprit of bullying or even worse, Kankri is still underage... The police could remove him from the town. I sighed to myself, glancing between the road and the broken boy in the passenger seat. What am I going to do now?
With that one question in mind, an idea popped into my head and a small smile formed on my lips. "Hey... Howv about wve skip the dance an' I'll take ya somewvhere else to let off some steam instead?"
I watched in the corner of my eye as the curly haired kid finally lifted his head and stared at me in disbelief. His eyebrows furrowed as his puffy flushed face gave an unclear expression. "Cronus, no. You don't need to m-miss the dance because of me." He sniffed a bit, wiping away his tears with the end of his cuffed sleeve. "It's your senior year..."
"Kankri," I spoke in a reassuring tone, "Do you trust me?"
I could practically feel his brown gaze my way as he contemplated how he wanted to answer. With a bit of hesitance, Kankri gave a winded sigh before speaking. "I trust you."
"Then stop wvorryin' an' wve'll be at our destination shortly." I said, giving the other male a smile before returning to the road to make a u-turn. This wasn't planned to take Kankri to a very sacred place that I only knew existed, but it seemed right at that moment. With all of the tension and stress in the air, I wouldn't enjoy going to the dance even if I really wanted to. Even the slight thought if Kankri being beaten at home ruined the partying mood instantly. Taking care of my distressed friend is more of a priority than going to something I've already experienced three times by now. It does get a little boring after all the hype of meeting up with everyone dies down the first hour there. So in all honesty, Mituna, Rufioh, and the gang might be missing me, but I have something more important to do.
As we traveled down into the old part of town, I turned down onto a dirt road that looked as if no one used it at all. Overgrown plants and wild grass covered both sides of the rusty vehicle like an imaginary shield, making the wilderness creep in as if it was reaching for us. The path wrapped around a small hill, traveling upwards and disappearing into the collective foliage. The field itself was covered with weeds and yellow wild flowers that lead to the top of a cliff where a large willow tree stood proud. I had parked the truck a few yards away from the tree and twisted the keys from the ignition. Nightfall had already took over the sunset as the dark clear sky blanketed the small town. Stars were freckled in every nook and corner, painting a sight that only displayed itself in the movies, except tonight.
"I loved comin' here wvhen I wvas a kid." I spoke up through the silence and looked over at the smaller male. "It wvas like my owvn secret hideout wvhen things at home got tough. My owvn little slice of paradise in this small towvn."
As we both exited the car, I made my way over to meet Kankri, which was slowly taking in his surroundings before finally training his eyes in me. "This is..."
"Amazin'? Beautiful? I knowv." I gave a light chuckle as Kankri nodded his head vigorously before walking towards the tree's perk on the cliff.
When he reached the top, I watched as his expression lit up even more as he looked down at the little town below us now. The twinkle of street lights and cars wandering throughout the darkness created a sight that he apparently enjoyed as much as I did. "You can see everything from here..." He spoke after a good moment of silence as he made himself a spot in the grass, not taking his eyes off of the lights down below. I, for one, couldn't take my eyes off of him. It brought an overwhelming sense of joy to see his face in awe, something that I did for him. "For a second there, I thought you were taking me out into the woods to murder me. This is much more enjoyable."
"That was a bit sketchy wvasn't it." I laughed as one of my hands came up to comb through the gelled mess awkwardly. "My bad, Kanny, I swear I didn't bring you up here to kill ya."
"Well, that's a relief." The smaller male trained his attention towards me as an eyebrow raised. "Kanny...?"
That name slipped out from my lips so casually that I didn't even consider it it would offend him or not. Making a spot near Kankri, I quickly placed my hands up in defense, shaking my head a few times. "I'm sorry 'bout that, it just came out wvithout me even thinkin'. I'm tryin' not to upset ya more than you already are wvith everythin'..."
Surprisingly, out of character, Kankri laughed. Not like a little chuckle or shy snicker like he's always done, but full on joyful sounding laughter. His nose scrunched up as he bared his teeth in an open grin and closed eyes, far from the opposite attitude in the truck. I blinked and watched as he continued and shook his head. "Cronus, don't apologize over a nickname! You're too thoughtful and kind sometimes... After you get past that ego." He tilted his head back to look up at the sky, his light brown eyes sparkled with the help of the lights above. His voice lowered, but you could still hear what he said. "Besides, I like it."
Heat formed onto my cheeks at his compliment, but thankfully the darkness masked my embarrassing blush. Why am I even blushing? I get compliments all the time, but when he does it, it feels different. As if I was an introvert struggling to hold a conversation with my crush... Do I...? I swallowed hard as I took my lip in between my teeth to try and calm down the racing realization of what might be happening to me.
I stood up abruptly, making the other male jump from the sudden movement. His face twisted into confusion, "... Are you-"
"Yeah! I uh- I just remembered that I got some beer in the truck, if you're interested?" Even though that was the truth, I still was panicking inside. My heart was racing as moments of Kankri laughing, smiling, and looking up at me with those coffee brown eyes flashed through my thoughts. I needed to step away and recollect myself, and maybe down a few drinks to take this rising tension away.
As Kankri gave a slight nod, I took off towards the truck in a light jog before reaching the passenger side. Opening the door to make sure the other male didn't see me, I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration and smacked a hand down on the leather seat of the vehicle. "C'mon Cro... Don't be like this, don't complicate things!" I harshly whispered to myself before searching under the seat to find my dad's stash of cheap whiskey. I took one of the bottles and popped the lid off, taking a swig and another just for the hell of it all. A burning sensation filled my senses as the alcohol ran down the back of my throat. Before leaving, I reached behind and grabbed a grey plaid blanket that the pops also keeps in here for the times he's too hung over to even get out of the vehicle and sleeps in it instead.
With the two items tucked under my forearm and the opened bottle in the other, I carefully made my way back, making sure I didn't trip on any tangled grass. "Here," I spoke up as the blanket was spread down on top of the prickly grass, beside Kankri, which then scooted his position onto the fleece material.
I then placed the beer in between us and settled down on the blanket as well, laying down to look up at the sky and trying to suppress these new developing feelings. Hearing the other male open a bottle, I chuckled to myself with the irony at play here. Kankri is such a picky person sometimes, careful with his words and very punctuality correct. Yet, here he is now, the other side of the innocent boy who cusses and isn't afraid to say yes to some liquor like a regular rebellious teenager.
The silence between us seemed comfortable, peering out below the quiet town as the crickets play a melody only they could understand. On the other hand, I was perplexed and battling inside my own head. My mind kept wandering to the question I'm consistently asking myself. I can't be. It doesn't make sense, but it makes perfect sense. I'm disgusted at the very thought of my feelings, but yet I have no problem with the idea of us here; now. I brought him to a place I've never even showed my best friend, I had gotten defensive after finding out the harsh reality he's living in, I've been practically obsessing over him since the first day I saw him. As if it was...
"Hey... Cronus, Can I... Can I ask you something?" I turned my head to face the boy who had his knees tucked up towards his chest as an uncertain expression plagued his soft features. His hands wrapped around his legs as an empty bottle was being gently swung from his finger tips. I hadn't realized that Kankri himself was working on the last bottle, finishing more than half by his own as I worked on my second. He was upset, of course he would turn to the burning liquid to calm his nerves, but he was still bothered by something.
I leaned forward a bit and propped myself up with my elbows, trying to focus on what Kankri had to say. "Hmm?"
He took that has a cue as he started to speak in a haphazardly tone, not facing my sight of vision. "I'm... Appreciative... For everything you've done for me recently. I just... I have to ask-" He hesitated before continuing, his voice barely over a whisper this time. "Why?"
... Why? I don't know, maybe because I'm slightly overly obsessed with his curly locks and carmel skin, even now his coffee-like eyes consume me like a drug. All I want to do is cure the sadness and doubt left lingering in his features. "WVell, if ya wvant the truth..." Not too much truth, "I'vwe kinda alwvays been drawvn towvards ya, from the vwery first time I sawv ya wvalk into class. It sounds wveird sayin' it out loud..."
The smaller male gave a glance back towards me now, his cheeks glistening with fresh tears slowly dropping down. "Someone like me... I'm nothing special Cronus. You? You have everything, you're perfect in every way and I just can't accept your kindness and compassion. I'm just going to drag you down, hold you back."
I was sitting up now and slouched forward beside Kankri. How could he say all these things about himself? With the short amount of time I've known him, every moment has been enjoyable. With a deep breath, I let it out slowly and tried to think of a way to not give myself away too easily. That was the hard part, I couldn't contain it, the words just started to tumble out on their own without me thinking."Don't say that, you're somethin' to me. You're special to me! I don't knowv wvhy or evwen howv, but I-... I wvant to be there for ya an' make sure no one hurts ya. I wvanna smile an' laugh an' wvith ya... See you smile at my cheesy jokes an' just be happy in general because you deserve to be. I care for ya Kanny, I just wvant ya to nevwer forget that." My voice raised in frustration, though I didn't mean to sound so harsh in the begining.
Kankri didn't say anything in return nor did he move. He just sat there and looked into my eyes as I studied his up close just like time and time again. It's as if I had broken him in a way, his facial features blank and lacking emotion. The fresh bruises still looked out of place, but that didn't take away from his attractive features.
Then in a quick movement, his lips pressed against mine. It caught me by surprise as I tensed up, the heat of his face radiated a faint blush as I too felt color rise. The sensation of his soft lips ignited something unfamiliar inside of my body, an electric feel that only drove me to lean forward more, but it ended much more quickly as it came. He withdrew himself in a flash before retreating into his hands as if he was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say or do, he had just kissed me and I didn't refuse. We were now sitting in silence as I struggled to even comprehend the event. Thankfully, his quiet and quivering voice spoke through the tension between us, "You can hate me all you want, I just wanted to do that at least once..."
_____
... And there it was. Our first kiss on that unforgettable night, homecoming night of our senior year. This was the ending of a friendship as I watched it crash and burn in a terrible fire, but the birth of something I couldn't quite put into words myself at that moment.
______
I hesitated on what to say, but the words ended up flowing out as if this was a casual affair. "WVhat if... There wvas a second time?" Kankri's head shot up as a bewildered expression covered his features. Before he could even respond, I closed the close gap between us once again in a spontaneous 'fuck it' moment. My hand came up to place itself on other others cheek as I felt him sink into my touch. There it was again, that exciting spark that makes my heart pound, all for him, for Kankri.
It seemed as if the world itself stood still just for the two of us to have this moment. Just us and the moon shining brightly above as the stars danced through the night sky with the heavy emotional turmoil of both sides. There was a lustful feel to everything happening, which helped set the mood to how far Kankri wanted to take this. One thing was on my mind and by the way his body moved, fingers nimbly working at the buttons of my tux, and the lustful way his eyes ate at me when we pulled away made a nonverbal mutual understanding.
As one of his cold hands touched the heat of my cheek, I felt his body shift onto my lap and remove the tux in one swift movement. His legs straddled my waist as I glide my hands down at the small of his back and onto his rolling hips, planting light kisses up his jawline. The smaller male let out a light sigh before roughly connecting out lips again which pushed my back against the blanket covered ground.
My head hit the grass a bit harshly, but how could I focus on the pain when the soft and innocent features of this curly headed boy hypnotizes me into submission? I couldn't get enough of the sweet taste of his light brown skin, the smell of slight vanilla and sweat filling my senses, and the numbing intoxication of the alcohol settling in to make things a lot more enjoyable than regrettable. This was happening whether the voice in my head screamed otherwise, but one things for sure; Kankri Vantas was not what I expected him to be.
______
Obviously I wasn't planning on making love to him, hell, I wasn't even planning on kissing him that night. This was all Kankri as I instigated the whole thing to go further than he probably was going to, the start of a complicated desire... Of love or of lust, I would never have thought of a guy in a sexual way until he came along and changed everything I knew about myself. Now that I think about it... I wish I could have held onto that memory longer, hold him longer, cherish that moment longer than I did. I guess that's the cruel fate of the world, to never be able to go back on what your past mistakes were.
- C.A.