Kankri never called me back that day, nor the next and the next after that. He went missing, ignoring my pleas through text and calls. I was begining to feel desperate for help, almost to the point of going to his house and checking up on him. It was only a week though. One stupid week and I went crazy thinking the unimaginable over the boy that stole a permanent place in my head and unknowingly my heart.
- C.A.
______
Days pass by then turns into a whole week without a response from Kankri. He wasn't answering his phone nor ever came back to school after that homecoming night. This was making me nervous, no, worried for his safety. This certainly wasn't like the Kankri I knew, but then again I didn't know he was attracted to me to begin with. I debated on just visiting his house, though I must admit to possibly driving past there quite a few times already, but I didn't want to intrude on anything too personal. Plus, now that I know of his troubling home life, it might not be a good idea to meet the man that hurt Kankri in the first place.
Watching my speech teacher drone on about a mind numbing slide show was my treat right now. As I try to focus on writing down a few notes, I give a small sigh and place the pencil down beside the hefty notebook. I can't focus in class like this, it was too hard with everything on my mind.
Raising my hand, I asked politely for a bathroom pass with a pretty smile afterwards. That granted me the pass very quickly, but with a stern expression from the female teacher herself to hurry up. I nodded my head and exited the boring classroom with a relieving stretch of my limbs. "Finally." I spoke aloud as I traveled down the empty hall and into the nearest bathroom.
Making my way to the mirror, I clasped the sides of the porcelain and stared at my reflection. I was a little taken back at how tired and drained I looked, but still good looking none the less. This was starting to effect my physical state, let alone the mental and emotional toll. Why? Why was this such a big deal? Maybe because he just... Disappeared off the face of the earth and left me with a large variety of unanswered questions. Yeah, that's probably the gist of it. He could be hurt, or worse, lost. I did take him to a woodsy part of town to begin with.
"Cronus-"
That voice, that familiar sweet tone snapped me out of my frustrated daze as I quickly turned to see the one I can't seem to get out of my head. Am I really imagining him standing in the bathroom with me right now? Though no words were being spoken between the two of us, every time I blinked, he was still there. I wasn't going crazy, this was him. Every horrible thought slipped away as I was overwhelmed with emotion and relief, stepping over to the sheepish looking boy and wrapping my arms around his skinny frame. "Kanny-! It's you!" I exclaimed as I felt a small chuckle come from the other body, his arms also briefly hugging back.
"In the flesh." He spoke as I pulled back to get another glance at him. Dark circles around his eyes as normal, but more severe and the bruises on his Carmel skin seems to be healing nicely into his complexion. His cheeks flushed with what it seems to be embarrassment or uncomfortableness. I backed away to give him more space before speaking up again.
"I've been tryin' to get ahold of ya for a while. You were startin' to worry me!"
He haphazardly laughed again as he glanced around cautiously, walking up and down the bathroom stalls to check if they were empty. He then turned to face me with a more serious expression than before. "I apologize for not contacting you..." He paused as he folded his arms across the chest of his red turtleneck. "What were you worried for anyways? I can take care of myself."
"Well-... Ya knowv, goin' from seein' ya almost evwery damn day to ya ghostin' me for a wveek kinda makes a guy wvorry."
"You have a point." The curly haired boy smiled a bit as he stared at me with an unreadable expression before his lips dropped. "Cronus, if you'd like, we can meet at that playground near my house after school. I do have some things to discuss with you, privately if you wouldn't mind."
I nodded, a crooked smile forming on my features as I thought of the idea of meeting Kankri alone. "Cool, then it's a date."
"Wh- No. It's not a date." His brown eyes narrowed as he consorted back, "It's serious."
"Ooo~ Okay. A serious date, got it." I watched in amusement as his dark skin flushed with a tint of red. God how I love the reactions he has towards my comments. Even though they were more joking around than anything.
"I'm done taking to you." He quickly stated after my last come back towards him, turning around on his heels as he walks to the exit.
"Kanny- WVait." Kankri had stopped momentarily, looking over his shoulder at me with a 'hmm?' leaving his mouth. "I'm glad you're okay."
Even though I could barely see it from afar, I knew the heat on his features returned with full force from my words. He gave a brief nod and smiled back before leaving me alone in the bathroom once more.
I wanted to ask more, I wanted to say so many things to him, but I didn't want to push it. Even though I was joking with him, I kinda realized the seriousness in his voice as he spoke, the hint of sadness. Hopefully I'm just overthinking and everything will be okay in the end, as it always does. But one thing is for sure, I have a date with destiny and this time I'll be able to put my scrambled mind to rest. I'm just happy to have him back in my sight of range, knowing he was okay.
●◉◎◈◎◉●
"Look, I'm sorry but I promised a friend to meet up wvith him after school." I tried to explain as an overdramatic brother stood in front of me in protest. A few others, Mituna and his girlfriend, was also there to watch the embarrassing spectacle.
"I can come along! Please Cro, just let me h-hang wa-with you and your friend!" His voice sounded desperate, which raised more questions to ask.
"WVell, ya havwe to tell me wvhy." I stated simply, knowing just like before what his answer was going to be. I can't bring him though, Kankri wanted this to be a private conversation. This was certainly a minor setback.
"No!" His foot stomped onto the ground as he gritted his teeth in anger. For someone so short and scrawny, he sure can blow his top and mean it.
"Well, Mituna and I can walk him home for you Cronus. It really wouldn't be a problem. Right, hun?" Latula spoke as she clasped their fingers together.
The burnett quickly returned the favor before giving a brief nod of his own. "Yeah, we can take him home if he really doesn't want to go by himself. I'm literally right down the street from you guys, plus, Tulip is coming over to hang with me anyways."
"If you wvould, that wvill help wvonders. I really need to get goin'." My expression was probably a little more than pleading at this point and I knew Mituna was in the loop to who specifically I was meeting up with today.
A small smirk formed on his pale features as he gave a wink my way, thankfully unknowingly with the other two around. "No prob dude, come on little man."
With a slight huff, Eridan complied as if his satisfaction with the decision was decent. "Fine." He then grabbed at the backpack that was laying beside his feet and started off the usual way home with the other two following hand in hand behind him.
"Finally." I muttered to myself before slinging my bag over my shoulder to start walking the other way. What was Eridan's problem anyways? It couldn't be just to want and hang out with me. He truly hasn't wanted anything to do with me recently, which was odd by itself, but why was he so demanding this time?
I needed more time to ponder the possibilities, but right now wasn't. Right now, I'm meeting up with a potentially pleasant individual that may or may not need my help as well. He was wanting to discuss something important to me, probably dealing with us in general. I'm hoping this won't be him trying to push me away after what we did together. I still consider him a good friend, even after certain circumstances.
As the time passed, the weather chilled into a more cloudy day. Storm clouds, to be more specific, dark and rolling. It didn't concern me the slightest; I love storms. The heavy breeze was warm and inviting like a hot tub in the winter, the fresh ozone smell once it clears up, but the way it felt on my skin was the most enjoyable thing about it. Sadly, fall was right around the corner, so these summer storms will be dying down drastically and in comes the snow.
I admired the sky a bit more before spotting a red figure in the distance. The closer I got, the more it resembled Kankri. He still had his bright red turtleneck with black jeans, along with those boots he always wears. It was cute how almost all of his wardrobe consisted of red and black, on rare occasions he wore a gray polo to school. His curls fluttered to the side as a guest of wind blew, exposing his tanned features. One of my hands shot up to wave as he did as well, making his way to meet me in the middle of the walk.
"You're early." He said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
"You said this was important, so I didn't wvant to keep ya wvaitin'." We started down the park path towards the swings, walking side by side.
"I see." There was hesitance in his voice, "I guess it's time for me to explain myself more better. This is personal, Cronus, I'm trusting you with confidence. Can I do that?"
I nodded, raising an eyebrow in question. "Of course... Did ya murder somebody? Cause you're actin' like ya committed a crime."
"No, nothing like that." We reached the swings and Kankri motioned for me to follow him towards them. The gravel crunched with each of our steps, I taking ahold of the cold metal before sitting down on the rubber seat. I waited patiently as the curly haired burnett made himself comfortable on the other swing right beside me. His boots kicked from underneath, sending the swing in a light motion. "I... I'm not too sure how to say this out loud..." He spoke before continuing, his head hung a bit down as he stared at the moving ground under him. "That night, when we... Spent some time together... It- It was nice and unexpected, but there was an ulterior motive at play."
I blinked, waiting for him to explain more because right now I was a little confused. He noticed the expression on my face as he straitened his back and stopped the movement of the swing, placing his feet firmly on the ground. His chocolate eyes seemed sad yet still invitingly pleasant to look into. I didn't have a good feeling about what he was going to say next and I didn't like it.
"When you kissed me that second time, I was still fairly angry at my father. He... Disapproves of certain actions if they specify with the same gender. So, I had an idea..."
Realization hit me to what he was trying to avoid saying. I was shocked to say the least, the words tasted a bit bitter as they left my mouth. "Ya only slept wvith me to get back at your dad?"
His head shifted back towards the ground before answering, "You seem like a really nice guy Cronus, I just... I was angry, scared, and wanted someone to care about me for just one night. You were there, so... I decided to take a chance. I- I was not meaning to hurt you or use you, at least, I did not plan for anything like that to happen."
My budding frustrations quickly vanished, feeling more sorry for Kankri than anything else. His home life was not the greatest and he found another way to rebel against his father without the physical consequences. I looked him over, trying to spot any more colorfully violent marks painted on his caramel skin, but spotted no new bruises. The ones from Homecoming night was already healing up and fading away thankfully. Maybe that's why he never showed up to school last week, to let everything heal.
"So..." I began as other questions popped into mind. "What about not contactin' me? An' school, aren't ya goin' to get in some trouble for missin' so much?"
A nervous laugh escaped his lips as his brown eyes looked up at me in haste. "My father premeditated the consequences as usual. To ensure no one would question him about my... Physical state, he would always use my health as an excuse towards my attendance. Which, is half true. I've just been uhm- I've been living my... Punishment. And my phone was broken in the process, so I couldn't contact anyone."
"Punishment?" Those words left a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't want to think about what kind of hell he was living in, besides being a human punching bag for a piece of shit. I couldn't imagine meeting that man and accepting he abuses his kid like that. How could anyone stomach someone doing that to him? As far as I know, Kankri is intelligent, really intelligent and amazing at anything that involves school. He's a good kid, stays out of trouble, even keeps to himself most of the time. So why? Why resort to that?
As I was lost in thought, I heard the boy beside me speak up and throw myself back into reality. "If you hate me, resent me for my actions, and want nothing to do with me," His voice trembled with uncertainty, lightly fading away into a whisper as he kept talking, "Then I would understand." Was he crying?
I watched as his body shook slightly as silent tears made their way down his cheek. It felt a bit awkward to just sit there and watch him like that, hell, I want to walk over there and hold him. Why am I being so hesitant on comforting him? My chest hurts, aches from seeing him like this and I just don't understand it. All I can do now is to use my words, since my body seems to be broken.
"I don't hate ya, Kanny. Honestly, I don't think I ever could. This ain't a big deal for me, really. I could care less if ya just wanted to get with me, but getting back at that bastard is much more satisfying to hear."
"You're not mad? Or upset?" His head shot up with a discomposed expression on his features. "I used you Cronus! I- I did it for my own selfish desires yet you sit there all calm and not bothered by the fact that I was irresponsible, reckless, and undignified!"
I flinched at the sudden raise of his normally collective voice, "Hey, why don't ya calm down a bit so we can talk this out-"
"No! You should be angry at me! You need to be angry at me!" He stood off the swing set as his fists clench to his sides. His eyebrows knitted together in a fit of rage as he turned on his heels and started off towards the trail again.
"Where are ya goin'?!" I called out before jumping up to collect my stuff and jogging the rest of the way towards the fired up individual. He really has a short fuse, at least that's what I have noticed, but not like this. This was something else, something buried inside of him and finally getting out. He was trying to take it all out on me. "Kanny- WVait!"
One of my hands reached out to grab at Kankri's arm, but as soon as my fingertips touched the fabric of his sweater, he yanked back to turn and face me. His face was flushed with red as he spat out, "Don't touch me, I'm going home!"
"Why do ya persist I should be mad at ya?!" I shot back right before he was turning around to go. This stopped him as his chest heaved through his sweater. I didn't mean to raise my voice as well, but this needed to be solved fairly quickly before it got out of hand.
"Because, I am not a good person Cronus. Like I said before, I will drag you down into the hell I have to endure every single day! I don't want that! You're too good, too kind, too... You." His voice cracked again as his anger started to fizzle down, a sound of thunder rumbled through the sky. "Hate me. Hate me like your life depended on it, please."
"No." I stated as I took a few steps forward, keeping a small gap between us. "I can't because I have no reason to be mad, to hate, or anythin'. I'm sorry if that upsets ya, but that's just me! Please don't go, stay for a bit and let's talk."
One more shock of thunder as lightning lit up the sky, the rain started to pour down on us from all angles. Thick, heavy drops that soaked everything in it's path. The violent storm erupted out of nowhere, and even caught me off guard. I saw Kankri tense up as he looked up into the angry sky, then back towards me. I searched around for some shelter from the rain and spotted a playground dome a few yards away. I wasn't going to continue talking in the middle of the rain, so I pointed towards the dry spot and spoke up, "The playground!"
We both darted towards the area, ducking underneath the metal and plastic playground structure from the rain. I laid my backpack on the shredded tar pieces that made up of the ground and shook off the now sopping wet jacket. My hair drooped to the side and into my face a bit as I leaned onto the structure and faced the red sweater kid. "Look, I can't promise that anything will be okay, but right now... I am at the park while it's stormin', soakin' wet and stuck underneath a playground, with an intellegent, carin', and most interestin' person I've ever known. I wouldn't want to change any of that."
A sigh escaped his lips as he combed through the wet mess his hair has become. He then looked up at me with that same, unreadable expression that night before. "I just don't understand."
"Understand this." As the thunder roared once more, I closed the gap between us and kissed him. I could taste the saltiness of his tears as our mouths danced in sync, Kankri never resisting in the process. My hand came up and rested on his cheek as the other propped up against the plastic of the playground wall behind us, pushing the other back against it. That electrifying sensation returned with vengeance as we basked in this moment together. Every time I touch his soft skin, kiss his lips, look into his eyes, I feel as if I could rule the world.
"Mmfh-" The curly burnett broke away from my lips as both of his hands pushed against my chest. "Cronus, I... I want you to know that I'm not really looking to begin a relationship with anyone. This- Whatever this is- it has to stop here."
"Do ya not wvant to continue?" I questioned, pouting a bit at him as I watched in amusement as panic flickered in his eyes.
"N-No! I like this! It's just... Complicated." He blandly stated while trying to sneak out of my arms, but I stopped him by placing both of my hands beside his head, pressing against the plastic dome around us.
I, obviously, wasn't satisfied with that conclusion. Why does this have to end in the first place? I especially don't want us to burn out just like that when the fun had just begun. There wasn't enough time, enough of anything to comprehend the amount of pleasure I'm getting out of just being here with Kankri. There was one more thing I could ask for, since I'm not interested in a relationship either. "WVell, lemme suggest this. We're enjoying ourselves. Yeah? WVhy should it stop? Ya don't have to be in a serious relationship just to have a little fun~" As I leaned in again, I could feel Kankri's body tense up. His ear brushed against my lips as I purred into it. "I knowv ya wvanna."
"I-... I don't know..." A jolt of lightning shot through the sky as Kankri jumped in surprise, burying his head into my chest and clenching the white fabric of my tank top. The breeze started to get a little chilly as the storm was slowly calming down into a light rain. He shifted away a bit and looked me over before questioning. "Are you cold? You barely have anything to keep you warm."
I shrugged with the boy still wrapped in my arms, "I havwe you, I think that's hot enough."
"C-Cronus!" He pushed at my chest once more as I started to laugh for the first time in our conversation, he too even cracked that lovely smile of his. The heat on his cheeks were clear as day as he tried to hide his face in the palm of his hands.
"What?" I chuckled and raised an eyebrow at the sight. Though right now, I just want to pin him up against the dome again and taste his sweet mouth upon my own again.
The red sweater boy crossed his arms after uncovering his face, "I'm just not used to someone being so... Forward with their feelings and wants before."
"Then get used to it doll, cause I'm not goin' nowhere."
______
-and I wish I would've kept that promise to him. He deserved the most out of anyone I knew, but I was so arrogant and full of myself then. I never knew what was to become of the future.
But at that moment, we shared that shelter together. I watched him smile, laugh, and fall peacefully to sleep in my arms, not knowing what might've come of tomorrow. As I sat there and thought of my consequences of staying away from home late, I would take a look down at his cute face and everything would be okay. We were just two kids trying to find our place in this fucked up world. Two kids that found solace in each other's arms rather than our homes. Two young, dumb, and though neither of us knew yet, in love kids.
- C.A.