Change. The one thing that's guaranteed, something I have been very familiar with.
The times I thought was the best in my life never lasted long enough. Something would throw me in the deep end, and I'd have to fight my way back. During the fight, I'd have my husbands voice in my head.
Accept it.
Don't waste your tears on something you can't control.
Be stronger, do better.
So, that's exactly what I do.
Eight months ago, life once again threw something our way, my husband, Adam, got a job offer in Scotland, of course he wanted to accept. I did have my doubts, moving away from my home, friends and everything I love. I didn't want to leave my safe life in here so he can get a better paycheque. I like my life, I like my friends. I like being close to the memories which made me smile the most. If I left, I fear those memories would be too far away, and I would forget. Adam understood, for all of 10 minutes. Then proceeded to tell me the real reason for him wanting to move. Which ended with tears, fighting and me packing my bags and hiding out at my friend's house for a week. But we made up, we always do.
I spent the week with my best friend, Sophie. We met in primary school, after she stole my milk and I pulled her hair. After a good telling off, we were tide at the hip. We were known as the dynamic duo, no one was allowed in our group, until we met Shay.
That's a story for another time.
I ran to Sophie's house after leaving Adam, I was welcomed with open arms, and a number of a divorce lawyer and three bottles of wine.
We talked, I cried, and really put away more wine than any human should consume.
After a week had past, Sophie told me it was time to make a decision, and I wasn't going to give up on my marriage, so I went back, and I apologised.
Also, I agreed to leave my life behind, and start a new one.
In Melrose.
Weeks later the day has finally and I've just finished packing the last box in our bedroom. As I tape it up it hits me that this will be the last time I'll be in this room. I grew up here, I had every first experience in this house. Some more awkward than others.
I rebelled in this room, snuck out after my 10pm curfew, smoked my first cigarette, lost my virginity, every event being caught red handed by my mum.
It also saw the moments I hate to remember.
I cried for hours on this floor after my father walked out on me.
I screamed bloody murder when Adam refused to go to prom with me.
I locked myself away for weeks after my mum died.
Maybe getting out of here wouldn't be such a terrible thing after all.
'Hey, Robbie.' Sophie and Shay stand in my doorway, arms folded tightly over their chests, eyes bloodshot, but still smiling.
'This is it.' I sigh. 'The last box.'
'It's not too late.' Sophie pulls out a box cutter from her back pocket. 'We can unpack and you can just stay here forever with us. Fuck husbands, who needs them?'
'I'll be back to visit all the time.' I reassure them. 'When things are settled and...'
'You're really going through with this.'
'You've known about this for weeks, Sophie.' And for weeks she believed I would back out, stay in England with her and end my marriage.
'I'm not talking about just moving to Scotland, we all know why Adam wants to go there, and it's not only for that job of his.'
'Okay, we can sit here and talk about this again, or you can accept that it's our last few minutes together for a while, and you can just pretend to support me.' From day one, Sophie treated Adam as if he were shit on her shoe. She called him names I dare not repeat, put bugs in his school bag, and worst of all, she tried to sabotage his exam results, which didn't work. When we got older, she became more violent with her words, only this time, so did Adam.
Shay on the other hand, has not got a bad word to say about anyone.
Personally, I think Shay is the one who keeps Sophie calm.
'Of course we support you.' Shay pipes up, taking the box cutter from Sophie's grip. 'Let me take the box for you.'
'Thanks.' As we walk through the house I take one last look, until I get to it. My mother's bedroom. I haven't been in there for a while, and I won't let anyone use it if they stay over. 'Girls, I'll meet you downstairs. I just need to...'
'We know, take your time.'
Waiting until they're out of sight, I enter her room, to find it's exactly how I remember it. Pink walls, a poster of Take That, which she burdened me with growing up. I chuckle the memories of her dancing in the kitchen come flooding back, her wailing to the music still rings in my ears. I'll never recover from her taking me shopping to buy every new album that was coming out and making me go to all their concerts.
Our faces were known to security.
I guess it wasn't all bad, it's something we got to do together. And I'd give anything to have that again. I take down the poster, which crumpled the moment I touched it. Going through the drawer, I find a photo of me and her from when I was a baby. I don't recall ever seeing this one before now.
She looks how I always remember her, eyes gleaming, a wide smile and her protective nature over me. No matter how old I got, she always held me the same way.
I can't believe I almost left it here.
Wondering if there was something else I have missed, I take another look around the room.
After getting rid of mostly junk, I take another glance.
I never knew saying goodbye to this house would be this painful.
But, as Adam always says:
Letting go is a part of life, you just have to do it and know you'll never forget the times you shared.
He talks utter bollocks sometimes.
'Bye, Mum.' I sigh deeply before leaving her room, the thought of another family living here is strange, but they seem okay. A married couple, both doctors, two children.
Everything Adam wants.
I wish he would just let me get a dog.
'Robbie!' Adam, clearly eager to hit the road. As if leaving wasn't bad enough, we're moving to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere.
'I'm coming.' I walk downstairs, Adam stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
'Don't forget to leave your key.'
'It's in the kitchen.'
'What's this?' Noticing the photo under my arm, he reaches out taking it from me. His eyes trace over the picture.
'I found it in my mum's room, it's me and her.'
'It doesn't look like you.' He cocks his eyebrow.
'Of course, it's me, Adam.' I laugh. 'Who else would it be?'
'A secret love child?' I take the picture back, looking closely at the baby. I see the hair is darker than my natural blonde, it looks a shade of ginger, like my mother.
'It's just the lighting.'
'I'll put it in the car, you should say your goodbyes.'
'Right.' I trail behind him, outside Sophie is by our car, unpacking the boxes one by one. Shay stands a fair few feet away, hiding her face behind her hand.
After turning around, Sophie and Adam glare at each other for a silent minute.
'She's a different kind of special.' Adam breaks the silence, finally.
He scoffs as he walks over to the car, ripping the box from Sophie's arms.
She mouths something to him.
What? I don't know.
However the redness in Adam's face speaks many words.
He brushes her away, luckily Shay swoops in to pull them apart.
'Can't blame a girl for trying.' Sophie chuckles. 'This is my last chance to try and make you stay, tell me what I can do and I'll do it.'
'Sophie.'
'I'm really going to miss you.' She hugs me. 'Just call me every night.'
'That's too much of a commitment.'
'It's happening, get used to it.' I look up and see Shay with tears in her eyes; she quickly wipes them away hoping I didn't see. 'Soph, you're hugging me too tight.'
'Just showing how much I love you.'
'I have to go.' She loosens and tightens her hold of me a few times, before slowly backing away.
'My turn.' Shay hugs me quickly, not one for prolonging the sadness.
'Keep an eye on her, you never know what she could do if left unattended.'
'Point taken. I got you.'
'Thanks, I'll see you soon, yeah?'
'Absolutely, it's not so far, I'll be back all the time.'
'I know, and I hear Scotland is just stunning, we'll come and visit too.'
'I'd love that.' I look over at Adam who points to his watch. 'Okay, I should go.'
'Have a safe trip.'
'Yeah, we will.' The girls hesitantly get in their cars and drive away, I watch until I can no longer see them in sight. Adam waits for me patiently, but I can't prolong this anymore.
'Are you ready?' He wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my forehead.
'I'm ready.'