I found it nice to see Lukas surprising me as he waited to see me. He's so silly, I love that from him. He's just so cute. Being with him is so calming and fun. When he left I smiled as I went back upstairs to my room as i let myself fall on my bed. As I just stared into the ceiling as my heart started to feel heavy for some reason.. why? I had Lukas with me, I should be happy.. but why is that it's you I think about again. I thought you left my mind forever now.. but showing up again outta nowhere just like that.
I wonder how he's doing... how his family is..
I felt so stupid and selfish that I needed to clear up my mind, but how Vale is at work most of the time.. 420, which is Mau is probably doing some type of business somewhere. And Omar and the guys... I'm not sure. But I know that I need yo do something. I hope he didn't change his number..as i picked up my phone I felt my heart sink and hurt. I started to put in his number and head the rings. "Hello?" He picked up I felt so happy and scared.. "Hey, it's me. I need to talk to you." His voice sounded surprised when he gasped it scared me, I thought he was going to hang up but I was wrong. "Yeah.. I need to talk to you to." I kept biting my lip feeling the blood come out slowly. "Can we see each other at the old tree?" I asked as I felt scared outta my life. As I waited for his response I felt my anxiety rise up. "Yeah, actually do you wanna go eat somewhere? We can go to this new cafe near there." His voice sounded a little happy I felt weird and unsure of myself. "Yeah, sure I could go for a bite." "Cool I'll see you there around 3?" He said as I think he looked at the clock. "I'll see you then David." I hanged up quick feeling my heart pound like a drum. "What the fuck did I just do.."
After a few minutes of panicking I quickly got up and thought, this Is my moment to shine and show the truth. "Alright let's do this." I got up and truned on my straightener quick and got out my makeup pouch. I quickly ran to my closest digging into my old locked drawer. I got out a silky black romper with spaghetti straps around the back. I put it on seeing that it still fit me just a tad tight around my ass, but good enough. I straightened my hair quick then fixing my lashes with a bit of mascara and a lolita colored lipstick. I then grabbed my black shoes to go with it. I saw I had a few minutes left to be 3. I grabbed my keys and called a taxi to take me, I thought it would be better than taking my motor, since I don't know what might happen. I went their getting a few minutes early, as I went inside I saw that a man got up and walked towards me. As I felt someone's hands cover my eyes. "Guess who~" I new this voice very well and these big hands warm and soft. "David." He took his hands away and smiled as I truned to see him. His hair looks more darker than last time and his curls look the same as always. He smiled at me happily.. that smile. That smile made me fall even more in love with him. It was everything to me. him being by my side and loving me...
"Come on, I already got us a table. I know that you like to be early so I called for a table." He remembered that... his gentle smile seemed to kill me somehow, he walked in front of me as I followed seeing that he had picked a table for us outside near the pretty shade next a few flower bushes. "You look very sexy as always girl." He smirked as he scanned me from head to toe. "And your still a big pervert." I sat down as I looked around. "Come on, you loved .e either way. What did you called me? Silly pervert that I love right?" He chuckled as he picked up his menu. As he kept his sexy smirk. "Yes it was, you would always change my nickname while I just kept calling you my love." As I did the same I could feel that something was going to happen today. As we talked about your old love and how things been. "So.. are you dating someone?" David said as he looked at me as if I were to find or lie. "There's no reason for you to know. How the girl and your son?" I asked as I took a sip of my coffee. "Well 2 years with her, to tell me that she lied and said that the kid wasn't mine, and manipulated the DNA test when I took it. So.. I've been alone just having fun around." I felt my heart sank.. the time we spent together so that girl would lie.. take the love of my life away. "I know your still hurt, I can see it easily. And.. I'm sorry." He grabbed my hand gently as I felt tears start falling. "Th-that's not fair.." I couldn't help it anymore I needed to cry I took my hand away as I got up fast. "That's not fair anymore.." David stayed seated as he looked at me cry. "I'm sorry I broke your heart 4 years ago but please.." my heart started to take more action and I felt as I felt my tears fall. When I made it outside, David grabbed my hand as I pulled back. "Its not fair that you get to come into my life like nothing happened.. like you never did anything wrong." I kept crying I felt this big knot in my throat that hurted. "I'm sorry, i didnt know this was going to be this way. Let's give It another chance being together. Like before." David said as he pulled me close to me his hands on my waist as I tryed to whipe my tears. "Come one... one last try it's going to be like before. Just you and me everything will be the same." He started to kiss my forehead. "Everything will be the same..?" I asked as I looked up at him as tears started to slowly disappear. His hand slowly went up to my cheek as we slowly made eye contact as we were about to kiss.
"Then nothing's going to change after all.." I looked away as I slowly pushed him away. "What does that mean..?" He looked at me with a disappointing and angry look. "It means that your still going to lie, your going yo keep breaking your promises and cheat on me! It means that I'm done.. I'm done crying over you. I've noticed that I cry more than I found myself loving you, it's not fair that I had to suffer more, that I had to be the one you always came for when you were done playing with other girls. When did you ever tell me the truth! You lied about everything ....did you lie that you loved me? Did you? Did you ever really love me did you mean anything, did I EVEN MATTER TO YOU AT ALL?!" As I yelled out I felt my heart kept pounding faster and faster. "Of course you mattered to me! You always did, I'm sorry that I hurt I even told I didn't mean to, I didn't know that she had a baby. I love you.. I always loved you as much as I tryed to feel the same way I did with you with someone else... theres just no one like you.." he looked as me as he ran out of breath and reached for my hand. "You were always on my mind..no matter what, I always kept you in my heart even if we weren't close." He kept trying to get closer to me as I stepped back feeling a tree to my back. "That's a lie.. you say shit like that and nothing ever changes. You keep making false promises and-" I felt his lips on mines as I could feel his tears.. for the first time I felt him crying with me. Why.. is my heart acing for you, you broke my heart and broke me into little pieces. How can I forgive you.. I don't want.. but at the same time I do. I felt me kissing back for a little bit as I realized Lukas came to mind, his smile and his goofiness. I pushes him back.
"I know.. that I haven't been the best boyfriend to you.. and that I've been just the worst. I was your first boyfriend and first love like you were to me." David had said as I felt my heart cry even more. "No.. David I'm done, with this and you. I've wasted so much time thinking and giving up my energy for you. When you never tryed for me. I'm done.. with you. I loved you and yes.. I still feel something for you but it's not the same anymore. So please.. stop trying now, were was this when I tryed my whole heart for you. When I gave you everything!" I felt more and more tears go down my warm cheeks.
"You were my world.. but I guess I wasn't yours."
I couldn't help but keep crying as I gave him a last simple kiss on the cheek.. I left as I did... i could feel that David was crying as well. I rember when he barely had come out of the military and he had found me. The way he looked at me.. was something i could never forget. And out first kiss. I loved you because you made everything feel better when i was in a bad spot. He made me feel safe.. made me feel happy again. I found myself loving him unconditionally. I didnt want to ever lose him I never thought that I would be the one to end him like this. Because I still love him.. i need to leave him. So many years overthinking and with him on my mind. I wanted to be with him forever. Forever seemed short.. but I was happy with him, I enjoyed him I loved him while i had him. The smile i will keep in my heart forever. Theres nowhere i wouldn't want to be without him. I always wished to tell him everything.. but I never could, but if I got another chance I want to keep him to myself. I never thought that I would stop loving him. I never thought that I would leave this time. I loves you for enough time. It's time for me to move on. To be happy again.. but not with you.
As I was walking to what seemed to be to nowhere rain had started to fall. I didn't seem to care, then I found myself at the old baseball field. Everything seemed to be taken over by grass and a lot of vines. I layed down as I let the rain fall on me like a soft cold blanket. I closed my eyes as I felt myself get more distended, as I could hear someone's footsteps get closer and closer. I could care less I felt my heart scattered around but as well I felt light lifted from such a heavy weight. Hearing those footsteps stopped as the person layed next to me. "Your still beautiful like the day I met you." His voice.. it was so similar and gentle with a soft tone. "Are you feeling better after you spoke to him?" I nodded knowing that I felt free. "Your still just as kinda as ever.." I truned and smiled as I opened my eyes to see it was Dorian there were purple flowers between us. "Honestly I've only ever been nice to you." He chuckled lightly as he smiled to me. "Just relax your heart for a while. And let your mind go blank. He looked up as the rain hit us softly we both had our eyes closed he stayed close. "Dorin I remember you were there to pick me up when I was heart broken about David. And here you are again.. always there to catch me when I fall. Thank you for everything you ever did for me Dorin. "I felt the light rian on my face as me and Dorin stayed laying down feeling the cold mist air smelling the wet moist grass. I felt at peace it was a feeling I was longing for.