She was still asleep when we alighted, her soft lips so tender on mine, I wonder what's going on in that beautiful mind. She was gorgeous and I would trade anything just to stare. This apartment we were about to enter would be our home. But I still have dark memories hanging over my head like angry rain clouds. But whatever the future holds was worth it. I had to push away....
"Are we home?" that question was heavy with sentiment, the way she said it, she said 'home' instead of 'your apartment 'or some other funny question. My heart skipped eight beats at once the calmed to a steady rhythm.
I answered in a simple Yes, then unfastened my seat belt, she unbuckled hers and I was already at her passenger side and opened for her the gentleman way.
I got the bags out of the trunk, she was stretching, damn she was beautiful. She yawned and came to the door and remembered I had the key but the damn door wasn't locked. She pushed it open and slid in, two quick seconds later, she came out. Shock written all over her cute face, what has she seen?
"Are you okay?" I reached out to her hands but she didn't take mine. She just stood there looking at me like I had grown an extra head. I was hurt and stormed to the apartment. Shit! Someone was here, I found shoes, bags and some documents on the floor. I wonder who was here and why. I shuffled through the stuff and noticed some were a bit familiar, I recognised a particular dress, it was red and short, silky in texture, almost never worn. It was a gift I had bought Val. Was she here?
I looked around nervously, blinking my eyelids so rapidly I thought I heard them making some 'pop' sounds. My head was running wild on whatever that was making me this way. My hands trembling as I dropped the contents to the floor one after another, I scanned them again. Hurt registering in my mind. I don't know why, but I was really worried about all this. I couldn't make up anything.
And where was Muffin? "Charlotte!" I called out my voice almost inaudible from the anger choking me. I was just about to walk out when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up so slowly like in horror movies, I was disoriented and lacked focus, too angry to think clearly when her face registered in my mind.
"Val?" Why was the devil testing me this way, why did she just show up now, I was moved on, I had absolutely no time for her. Simply wanted nothing to do with her and yet here she is, looking down at me on the floor, I peeled my eyes away and thought 'why?' a trillion times. I was watching everything go down the drain, every little bit I thought I had in place now came tumbling down. Not everything was under control, and I wasn't indestructible. My heart hurt. Tears cascading down and I felt weak in front of her.
I was mad at her for not showing up earlier, I was losing myself.
"I'm back home, plus I know you came looking for me."Her voice unaffected, how did she do that? She was too composed and it was driving me crazy. When it came to her, it was almost un heard of to say no. I was now in a jam I created myself.
"I'm not ready to play games with you, so just exit my life the way you came. Adios" I said not looking at her not even once. I wiped my tears dry, she didn't deserve to see me break down any more, I wasn't hers, and she wasn't mine.
"Just listen to me..." I got up and looked at her in those eyes that once made me weak and she trailed off. She had no power.
I gave myself a pat at the back. I gestured her to leave. I had more pressing issues, and where on earth was Muffin? I had no time for more drama, I picked up the damn bags, shoved everything inside not caring if they fit, I just wanted her out of my life. This was it.
"Can we just talk at least?" She was pleading at the same time collecting whatever was left of hers, and shoved the car keys to her pocket, she was still stunning with her looks but I was done with her. Why in the world would she admit that she knew I looked for her, why did she not try to reach out for me? These maddening questions fueled my anger the more and pushed her out of my house, my life and more importantly out of my head.
"And say what, that I wasn't made for you and make me feel pity for you, not happening princess." I smirked and her tears threatened to pour and flood my space. I had no room for someone who made me wander like a homeless man looking for his imaginary house keys. I wandered why she had come.
" I just... I just need... Can we at least...? " She trailed off weakly and turned to leave. I felt hurt I had to be so mean. But it is what it is. Can't heal a heartbreak with a handshake.
**
My fists hurt from punching the floor, the wall and everything I laid my eyes on. I simply trashed the damn apartment. My woman was now gone, she had seen the biiger picture and saw we could not fit. I was hurt, my eyes hurt, my heart hurt and every molecule that made me hurt. I was counting on heaven to heal me. I was watching the sunset but it didn't have the same effect as when we were together watching, Val wasn't picking my calls, she wasn't returning any, no texts replied and I felt my heart fall and sink into my stomach.
Sad songs played in my trashed apartment, it was dark like the doomsday, I had played a dangerous game and got hurt in the process. The many unanswered questions still linger in my head.
Just when I thought I had my heart in control, it went ahead to love the unlovable and stick to them, I had failed in this romantic strife. Maybe I'm chosen by romantics that are hopeless.