When you meet someone you're hesitating to trust them enough. But life is life. Destiny will meddle with your life as you don't wanted it. Every chapter in your life is already destined. And you can't do anything about it.
Later on you are now going with the flow. A flow that you don't know when it ends or if will end. But what if you can now see the end. And that end is impossible in the reality.
I have a long time crush now. Until now I am hoping to love back. But I can't easily confess since he already told me that he wants friendship not a relationship... with me. That time my heart shattered into pieces.
I couldn't move, literally I was glued. I wanted to cry but I don't want him to see me broken or vulnerable. And the worst, I don't want to him to see me affected in give some conclusions on my emotions.
That time I controlled myself. I smiled then with shaking hands I lift my pinky finger to form a pinky swear. As the new bestfriend's do. Thankfully, I did it.
That made promise we do is the start of my tragic one sided love. I pray harder, always and desperately to Him that give the man that I love. Everyday, every seconds, every minutes and every hours... I pray.
But one day, one nightmare day... my prayers come true. But it's too late. Too late to be with him.
I met an car accident that my life is at risk. I am now battling with my own life. I prayed again... but this time I pray for myself's lives.
So thankful that He heard me.
I thought I will meet the end... the impossible end. But I'm wrong. That's just the start. The start of my big problems.
I was comatose for 3 years. We left our home to go to America to have a better medication. Yes I survived. But not that long. Because the Doctor said that I'm not surely be awaken. Because the car accident hit really hard on me. So that's why they can't a sure me and my family where I will be awake.
When I was comatose I heard him. I felt his hands on my hands. Gripping it and I felt a drop of water falls down continuiously. That time my heart beats wildly. Memories flashing but it's blurred. I saw a man handing my hand and whispering that 'I am only yours'.
I was happy because finally I'm awake. Finally I am now at the end of that 'impossible'. But sadly, my mind shut down. But not my heart.
The doctor said I have an amnesia. I thought it's the end. But like the other thoughts and hopes. I'm wrong again. I want to remember especially him.
Even my mind or my brain couldn't recognise him. I know in my heart... I recognise him.
I'm happy when he was there when I woke up. When the Doctor said that I have an amnesia. When I'm dealing with my loss self. When a little bit of memories flashing. When I'm struggling to remember again. And when I can remember again. He was there.
I remember him struggling and has a lot of patience when I'm in pain because a past sudden flash. When I'm bossy or dealing with stress because I'm frustrated to remember again. He was there to guide me and be with me.
I'm thankful that God gave him to me. Everyday is a torture since I couldn't remember even a single bit. But he was there smiling and saying that someday I can remember.
That smile... that's the sign I've been waiting for. I'll fight not because I want to remember my past... but I want to remember again to remember him.
Day by day my memories coming back. Each passing day my memories flaunting. Sadly, I can't remember him fully or a tiny single detail.
I was frustrated and angry again. I tried to remember him but ended up in the hospital bed. My eyes is still close but my soul is a wake when I heard a voices whispering.
And to my shock I heard a commotion. And that's the cue of my pretending to be asleep. And to my horror I saw him blood scattered at the wall and in his fist has a blood also. And then I realized what's happening.
I can't remember him because my brain automatically shut down with the bad memories I have. And that bad news is him. So that's why I he punched the wall.
I couldn't react since I don't know what to react though. But the heart's knows best when you are broken.
And suddenly my head ache so bad that I can't stop it. One week had passed that I missed important events because I lost conscious.
His father died because of car accident. Like what happened to me but I survived and his father is not. And he was broken. And after his father died her mother is not in a good condition due to depression. His mother was depressed to the sudden loss of his father.
That one week is a nightmare to him. And added more burden inside his chest when suddenly my heart beats stop. No responds when the Doctors reviving me.
Memories flashing and this time my memory with him. The memory when we first met. When we first made a pinky swears to each other. When we ride a horse for the first time. When we had a fight but he immediately apologize even when I'm at fault. He lowered his pride to be in good terms with me. He is the man that I wanted to be mine. The man that I want to be forever. The man that I will only love even I'm not sure he is the 'end' that 'impossible'.
But I keep going... straight and never look away to not go with deviation. I want to focus to that particular end. Just there even it's impossible.
I don't know that I added a burden in his chest when I'm at risk. If I knew I'd fight to be alive. I prayed again but He did not heard me.
That time I already give up but to my surprise I heard him again uttering a sweet words and the words I always wanted to hear him saying it...
"Please wake up... you wanted me to be yours right? Then please wake up to hear my answer for your question. Danae please... I'm begging... if you want to heart it out now just to be a wake then I'll answer you now..."
"I am only yours..."