Zac's POV
An old friend of mine once said that 'if you love something, learn to let it go.' I thought that they only exist in romance movies and cringy novels like this one. But, the more I look into the world, the more it makes sense.
Because in this world, nothing ever stays the same.
Those who were born must die. Those who went up must come down. Those who went in will eventually get out.
But, he also said one thing that deeply affected my life.
'Remember, life happens for us, not to us.'
Puffs of white clouds exited my lips before dissipated in thin air. The chattering and loud noises reminded me of how vibrant things were in the city.
The loud honking of the car, the clattering noises from the restaurant nearby, and the soft music playing in the background.
Since it's weekend, I thought that a little walk around after dinner would be lovely. Dad was all against it since the 'hacking incident' but after some mild persuasion, he let me go.
But, I only got two hours before he ordered someone to escort me home.
Maybe that's how my life is.
Forced to do things that I don't want to and forced to avoid things that I dread to do. One of the little things that I want to do was live like normal people, like Ariel. She can do whatever she wanted to and her parents supported her all the way.
I want to talk casually to everyone with no uncertainty and with full confidence.
Maybe I just saw my pain?
Well, maybe...
But, if I just saw my pain, why the hell does it hurt so much?
My feet were instinctively walking at their own pace and I absentmindedly stared at the gliding pavement underneath my shoes.
Why are you being like this Zac?
"Maybe because you broke our promise." I hinted with sarcasm in my tone.
I said I'm sorry.
"Sorry won't do anything now, is it?"
Some people stared at me with bewilderment in their eyes.
I darted my eyes to where I am right now and to my surprise, I was in front of a familiar-looking cafe.
Without wasting any more time, I pushed the door open to reveal such a calming vibe from the interior alone.
The lighting gives an aesthetic feeling and I found the smell of freshly brewed coffee was oddly therapeutic.
His eyes still glued to the cash register machine.
"What can I get you?" He asked before he turned his head and his eyes looked at me.
Instantly, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes widened in surprise.
"Zac?"
"Is it so surprising?" I asked, not expecting that a quick trip for a walk would be a sudden encounter with a face that was more than familiar to me.
He chuckled lightly.
"Sorry, do you wanna drink?" Rafiq added and suddenly the door behind the counter swung open, revealing a blond lady with a notepad in her hand.
"Oh, Angel. You can go back to your station. I'll handle this one." She said as she walked towards the counter.
She looks like the cashier, but I don't think she is.
"What can I get you, sweetie?" She cooed while tapping against the old rickety cash register machine.
"Um... Can I have the salted caramel latte? Order for take-out," I pointed out.
"Right away," she prepared my order and I paid for it. After a few minutes, she handed me the drink.
Before my hands could reach the handle, my feet froze in place.
I turned my head around and sneak a peek at where Rafiq was standing just to found out he was staring at me.
I stood on my tippy-toe to get a better view of the cafe, looking for an empty seat. And to my delight, a grumpy looking man stood up from his seat and walked out of the building.
I made my way to his seat and quickly sat down. My eyes trailed at Rafiq, who was still staring at me.
My taste buds were sparked by the immense flavor of the latte that I was sipping. Sweet and salty but at the same time crisp and creamy.
My memories decided to aggravate my emotions even more as I remembered about 'that thing' earlier.
Tangles of thoughts keep me thinking to myself but through some time, I still baffled for why I acted that way. The way he bits his lower lips and his eyes literally pulling me closer towards him.
His ivory skin that glistened under the sunlight and his hair waved underneath the wind made me felt hot inside.
I didn't even realize that our lips were almost touching before his breath tickled my cheeks.
After a few minutes, Rafiq walked right at me.
"Are you okay sitting here alone? My shift end in like ten minutes if you want some company." He smiled.
I coughed the thoughts out of my head.
"That won't hurt." I tilted my head to the side to look at his perfectly chiseled face. He retreated back to his station and served the oncoming customer.
My mind made a conclusion that it was a shocking discovery that people still came for coffee at this time.
My gaze followed every step that Rafiq took. I watched how he roll up his sleeves and how concentrated he looks when he was watching the coffee brewing.
I could see the veins popping on his forearms and I involuntarily gulped.
Somehow, I found that his outfit was pleasing to the eyes. The way the black apron hugs his frame flawlessly and the cap that brings out his features.
There's something interesting about how he walked across the room without a hitch. It's just like the moonlight colored his footsteps in a serene shade, creating an angelic sight to witness.
Once, I dream of having a part-time job like this. Just a humble job in a plain vanilla place.
Well, we all know that's impossible, right.
I sipped the last remaining of my drink and slouched back onto the seats.
After a few minutes, he went to the staff door and returned back after a while with his usual outfits, which were denim and hoodie.
He walked, albeit still limping, with a smile carved on his face.
The heat from my neck crept up to my neck as I saw his perfectly white pearls.
"Did you waited long?" He grinned.
Back then, I somehow saw this would come. A day when we were smiling together, looking at each other like stupid people.
A day when I can move on.
"Um- A-are you alright?" Rafiq's voice broke me from my private monologue with a concerned look.
I blinked vigorously into reality.
"You look red. Do you have a fever?" He walked with a slow and calm pace until he's standing right in front of me before crouching down to eye level.
He placed his hand on my forehead and my breath hitched upon his touch.
I could feel my heart actually slamming against my rib cage, realizing how close are we at this moment.
I just shook my head.
"I'm fine, just some home works." I smiled at him, reassuringly.
"Sure?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
His eyes stayed with mine for a moment before they slide towards the empty cup on the table.
"Looks like you already finish it without me."
"Why should I wait for you?" I snorted.
"Because you love me too much." He smugged triumphantly.
Did he just... said that?
As much as I wanted to smack him in his face, I don't want to see that bright happy smile faded.
His words weren't true but they're not totally wrong too.
I squinted my eye in annoyance and crossed my arms on my chest. Slumping against the chair, giving up.
"You know, for someone who had the name Angel, you're quite demonic."
He softly chuckled.
"Come on Starr, we need to get out of here. Sam wants to close the shop now." He stood up and hold out his hand.
I just gawked at his big muscular hand and gulped in awe.
I took his hand and he pulled me to stand up. His hands felt so warm with heat radiating from them, rough but gentle at the same time.
I took my leather gloves from my pocket and inserted my hands in it, to protect me from the breeze of the night.
"It's not that cold, you won't need that." He reassured me.
"It cold for me."
He turned his head outside, looking at the weather.
"You did come with a car, right?" He asked.
I shook my head profoundly.
"No, I didn't. I walk around the city whenever I got something on my mind. The busy people and the beautiful lights just kept me distracted." I hide my hands in my pea coat's pocket to preserve the heat.
He pushed the door and let me walk out first.
"Sooo you walked like what, two miles just to calm your nerves?!" He chuckled.
I nodded sheepishly.
"What happened?" His voice suddenly sounded serious so I spare a moment to look at him and he was staring right ahead, not making eye contact with me.
"They are something that you shouldn't concern about," I explained calmly.
"Tell me then." He abruptly turned to face me.
"Even if I do, you can't help me."
"Well, I can try." He shrugged triumphantly.
I found a soul, which his eyes were completely filled with warmth that never ends.
I exhaled softly. "What would you do if your future was predetermined?"
He stayed silent for a while while he thought to himself.
"I lived my whole life in a prison that I can't escape." He continued walking.
He smiled at me."But that doesn't mean I can't do anything about it. If I try to bust out and got caught, I would do them again, over and over again, until I'm free."
One story could have thousands of truth behind them. One word could hold thousands of emotions on them. One soul could hide thousands of pain inside them.
He might be playing tricks on me but I found no lies in his eyes.
"Why? Is this about your father?"
I looked down at the ground. "Yeah, kinda."
"So, I guess you're gonna be his successor?"
I slowly nodded in silence.
"I failed to see the problem." His voice sounded baffled.
Instead of looking at him, I raised my gaze to the stars above. "I'd love to live not knowing what's gonna happen tomorrow."
"You'll become a chairman of the most successful food company in the country. What's there not to like?"
"I know that I might sound so selfish and stupid but I never ask for these. I just want a simple comfortable life."
"Well, you may not have a 'simple life' part but you sure had a very comfortable life."
I chuckled half-heartedly. "If you want to spend your money just to distract yourself, I'd be happy to trade with you any day."
The reply was almost instantaneous. "Can we do it now?"
"I mean, you have everything one could ask for. A big house, money, loving family and many friends. Not to mention you're smart."
I raised my finger to stop him. "Correction, I live in a big empty house, I rarely use my money, my family's always at work and I don't have friends."
"Well, maybe I can help!"
"And how are you gonna do that?" My eyebrow raised.
"Come on." He tugged gently on my hand.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
********
We continued to walk down the city with my feet grew lighter with each step, seeing him next to me. We passed so many people, the city was full of life, people were hustling, and the stores were decorated by the blinking lights.
"Are you cold?"
I turned my head to face him only to found that his eyes were on me the whole time.
"I thought I already mentioned that." I spat nonchalantly, narrowing my eyes.
"Sorry." He chuckled lightly as he began rubbing his hands together vigorously.
Then he wrapped his hands on mine and I was engulfed in his warmth. He then warmed my hands using his hot breath.
A warmth that just comforting, it felt so right like rays of the sun and the shine of the moon.
I embrace his gentle touch and pleasingly closed my eyes, savoring every moment of it.
Relief, warm, gentle. A touch of comfort, a blanket of warmth, and a beat of love.
I was taken back by his actions but at the same time, my heart wished that we stayed like this forever.
"Come on." He winked as he made a slight tug with my hand still in his.
He smiled triumphantly while the blue-green eyes stared right into my silver grey ones.
"My hands got cold easily alright? It's not my fault that I'm not a living heater like you. Don't judge me." We continued walking.
He shrugged. "Well, I don't mind. I got to hold your hands."
He clicked his tongue.
I shook my head despite there's a small chuckle escaped from my lips. A sudden but subtle heat was radiating from the base of my neck, slowly crawling to my face.
"They say those who kind always had cold hands." He broke the uninvited silence.
"Now where did you learned that?" I laughed.
"My mother told me when I was young. Never thought it was true until this very day." He nodded.
"How come?"
"Well, you're kind."
He stopped his tracks, dragging me with him.
His blue-green orbs met with my questioning silver gaze.
"You might not know this, but I saw them. Deep down, you have a kind heart. A really gentle soul hiding inside you." He squeezed my hand, gently.
"You're a very kind person Zac Starr. I can see that right through you just like a star in the night sky."
At that very moment, I could hear the smile on his face, and my heart flattered by the warm fuzzy feelings that emitted from this sudden reaction from his affection.
At that time, I only saw his face.
I only heard his voice.
I only felt his heart.
********
As time passed in reality, outside of our consciousness, I realized that we're in front of a hospital.
I turned my head towards him in bewilderment.
"Why are we here?"
"To meet your new friend." He was about to enter the building but I stop him shortly after.
"It's way past the visiting hours."
Surprisingly, he fished out a silver pass out of his pocket. "I have a special pass."
I mouthed a simple 'oh' and continued walking beside him.
I remember the feeling when I came here once. It's like a throbbing pain in my chest that grew heavier each second I was in the building. I pretended to put up a smile, trying my best to hold my tears from falling apart.
I remember my hands were trembling and shaking out of anxiety. The barren whisper and the faint scuffle spread across the room as the doctor announced his death.
My eyes gazed at the room in front of me.
It's just a simple small room, like a typical hospital room. The agonizing smell of antiseptics and the blank white sheet aggravating the eery sensation lingering in the air around.
But, Rafiq paid no attention to any of it. Instead, he swiftly checks up on the figure lying on the bed.
He tucked the blanket, to avoid the chilly air from touching the girl.
He then sat down next to her as he brushed a few strands of her hair.
"Hi, Hailey." He whispered softly.
"I brought a friend. You don't mind, right?" He paused for a second.
He looked at me while smiling like an idiot. "Yeah, I think he looks stupid too just standing by the door."
Realizing that I have been staring for too long, I took a few steps forward to reduce the distance between us before I closed the door behind me.
"What happened to her?"
He scoffed. "Aren't you even gonna ask who she is?"
"I tend to prioritize things that are important."
Without even spending a glimpse at me, he replied. "She's my sister."
"알아" I cross my arms on my chest while my eyes stared at the unfortunate girl.
(A/N: I know)
"She had Batten disease. It's a rare disease, I'm pretty sure you've never..."
Quickly, I cut him off. "How old is she?"
"She's twelve." He seems a bit baffled as he looked at me with a confused expression.
I only nodded yet I bite my cheeks when I hear his reply.
"Why?"
I live in a life where I don't want to be alive, I only live just because I can't die whereas she lives in a life where she can't even be alive, she only lives just because she has to die.
"... N-nothing. Just curious." I stuttered before I approached her bed and stood near the footboard.
I cleared my throat as a disguise for my curiosity. "I-is she um... sleeping?"
"Right now? Well, yeah she's sleeping."
" 다행이다" I expressed a relief sigh.
(A/N: Thank god.)
He gently caressed her cheeks. "She said she wants to meet her mother."
My eyes widened upon hearing the words. "She never met her?"
"No..." His gaze darted to the windows.
"How come?"
"She... not really always around."
I was kinda shocked that he said that. It sounds... broken like there's a really dark story behind those words. Somehow, his eyes showing no emotion yet I felt a tremendous pain surging across the room.
"Then who paid for her hospital fees?"
He just kept staring at the night sky silently, avoiding my question.
"Is this why you said that your scholarship wasn't enough?" I deadpanned.
Slowly, he nodded as if he's ashamed of them.
The air got quiet for a while. The uninvited silence wrapped us in a blanket of an awkward peace. The only ones who accompanied us were the whispering winds and the occasionally faint footsteps on the other side of the door.
"Strange..."
"What was that?" He turned to look at me.
"Your sister had a terminal disease and can't do many things on her own yet your mother still thinks it's fit to leave her with you, who still have school to finish."
"Um... H-her schedule was quite packed. I know that she's a pretty busy woman. She had a lot of meetings, works, and sometimes site visiting to do." He nodded while fiddling with the blanket.
I narrowed my eyes menacingly. "You said that you didn't know much about her because you guys are not that close."
"R-really? I don't recall saying such things." He nervously chuckled.
"Rafiq Damien Angel, one thing you should know about me." I leaned closer to him, my nose almost touched his.
"I remember everything. I never forget things."
At first, his eyes staggered in shock. But in a glimpse, he smirked triumphantly.
"Should we test that?"
I cocked one of my eyebrows. "Yes, but not now."
"Why not?"
"Because I know you're trying to distract me. You can't outwit me Ry, I know how life works." I took a step back as I crossed my hands on my chest.
His smirk fell to a frown. I dare my eyes to gaze at him, looking at his perfectly sculpted face and smooth glistening skin underneath the moonlight.
His hands fell to his side. "If you know how life works, can you tell me something?"
Not uttering a single word, I remained silent.
His voice came so softly that I thought that he was whispering something. "Do you know how to find someone who doesn't want to be found?"
"I do. But usually, it took a long time."
He nodded while he pursed his lips.
"Who are you looking for?" I asked.
For once in my life, I saw someone that was living in a nightmare even though he was not dreaming.
"My mother."
I opened my mouth to ask something but he cut me off.
"My real mother." He pressed.
I averted my gaze to Hailey.
She looked so pure and innocent, just like his brother. Sleeping softly while the whole world was against her.
Do you know that she doesn't have much time left or you're pretending not to know?
*********
"Then, what happened?"
My eyes remained on the untouched lunch. Call me an ungrateful asshole but it looks like it was made by a financially unstable and emotionally drunk cook.
"We said goodbyes and went home," I said, unfazed by Ariel's excitement.
Ariel looked at me with her eyes widened. "What? No making out on hospital beds?!"
My gaze fell onto Dean, mouth hung agape with my eyebrows furrowed together.
"First of all, that's horrible. Secondly, we're just friends."
"Yeah, right." She huffed sarcastically.
"Zac, friends don't try to kiss each other." Dean propped his arms on the table with his serious look.
"We've kissed." I gestured toward his girlfriend. Ariel gave me a threatening look.
"Really?" He spun abruptly that I fear that he might break his neck.
"It was spin the bottle, okay? That doesn't count." She huffed.
" Well, then this is also a one-time thing, okay?! I didn't do it on purpose."
Ariel sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Zac, you have to be honest. Did you like him?"
"N-no." I spat out.
I saw Ariel's eyes trailed towards behind me and I followed her gaze.
The sun was shining perfectly onto his face, embellish his facial features. His vehement footsteps echoed in my ears, muffling other noises from the outside world.
I once lived in a world in black and white but since I met him, the ocean dreams from his eyes filled the world with various heavenly colors around me.
"Hi, sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?" He chucked his bag onto the floor beside him and took a seat next to me.
"Oh, yeah. You miss a lot. Zac is telling us about how well his weekend was." She sarcastically mocked me.
"She's lying. I'm so sorry on her behalf because of her immense stupidity."
"Where have you been?" Dean changed the attention to himself.
"Did some extra assignment to raise my grades up with Mr. Johnson."
"Wow, impressive Rafiq! Maybe you can make it into the rank." Dean praised with a wink.
"Seeing someone that has a passion for studying is so hot." Ariel fanning herself.
"I'm right here!" Dean exclaimed.
Ariel pinched his cheeks. "Awww babe. You're hot too. But he's a little bit hotter."
"That's it. I'm breaking up with you!"
Ariel quickly wrapped her arms around him, keeping him from escaping.
"I smell jealousy." I chuckled underneath my breath.
"Yeah, you'll feel it too when you're together with Rafiq." Dean grinned.
My eyes widened in shock. "I-I'm not..."
"It's not like that! It's more of like..." Rafiq intercepted with a nervous voice.
"We're not- we're just frie-"
"Right! We're just friends."
"I know, I know. I'm just messing around with you guys."
"Oh, I almost forgot, Rafiq. Here." Dean handed Ry a piece of grey cloth. I failed to identify the material.
"What's that?" Ariel took a peek.
"Oh, that's knee support," Dean explained.
"You have a knee problem?"
"No. I felt a slight pain in my knee last week after some training. Don't worry tho, I'm fine." Rafiq waved it off.
I looked at him and fortunately enough, he was staring at me.
I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling concerned about him. He reassured me with a nod and a soft blink.
"You guys had a game tomorrow. How could the coach put you guys on some intense training like this?" Ariel protested.
"Come again?!" I asked.
"W-what?" Ariel seems confused.
"You guys have a game tomorrow?"
"Yeah, in Ottawa," Rafiq replied.
Dean gave me a weird look. "U-um, our Toronto Stallions are against the Ottawa Fleet. I thought Rafiq would tell you about this."
Ariel grumbled. "How come you not know about this? It's everywhere."
"I was too caught up with my team's performance."
"If you're that worried about your team, don't be. I'll keep an eye on the Apollos." Dean winked.
"So the football team would get on the same bus with the archery team?"
"Technically, the archery team only had seven people so it's quite inconvenient to give a whole bus to themselves. Plus, cheerleaders coming too." He high-fived Rafiq and I felt a slight tug in my chest.
A slight strain in my lungs and a tight feeling in my stomach.
**********
"You sure I can't convince you to bail out?" Dad gently patted my head.
"Positive!"
"Stay safe, alright?"
"Dad, for your information, no one sends two bodyguards to a high-school archery competition."
"I don't take risks."
"That's a very un-business thing to say." I deadpanned.
Seeing worries in his eyes, I pursed my lips and took his hands.
"I'll be fine, I promise," I reassured him.
"We're ready to go!" Brandon, the new bodyguard, said.
My head turned to dad.
"I'll get going then."
He hugged me. "Stay safe."
"Don't do anything stupid, okay? I asked the maids and your secretaries to keep an eye on you." I winked and instantly, he looked slightly pale.
I waved him goodbye before the car moved and soon enough, he disappeared from my vision.
Because of my additional luxuries, I won't take the bus like other students. Instead, these two bodyguards will be coming with me so we need our own means of transportation.
I opened my phone and called Coach Watson.
"Hi, Coach. Um, you guys can go on first without me. I have my own transport because I had a few 'technical' problems."
"Oh, that is great news! Could you take Rafiq Angel with you?" She sounded thrilled but distraught at the same time.
Before I even had the time to ask the reason, she had already continued.
"He had an urgent matter in the hospital. We have to go now or else we don't have enough time to practice ."
"H-he was late?"
"Yeah. I heard you guys are friends. Can you wait for him?"
"Y-yeah! Of course, Coach Watson."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."
I hung up the phone and Brandon looked at me with a questioning expression.
"Jim, go to the hospital first," I ordered.
"Are you feeling sick?" Jim asked with concerns.
"No no. I have to pick up a stray." I replied nonchalantly.
I threw my gaze outside, looking at the buildings that slide across the car window.
He was late??!