Sometimes when I walked into a room, there's only black and white. Only shadows lurking around, waiting the right time to strike. The people around me were just silhouettes that I failed to recognize and I just simply standing in the middle of the crashing ocean.
7 billion people in the world but I felt like abandoned starlight in the deepest night.
But then, since I met him in the midst of winter. Things change, the dark gloomy air brightens, the raging sky break, and the world somehow shifted.
I shine a little bit brighter, I dream a little bit wilder, and I smile a little bit wider.
Little by little, the world somehow shifted.
And so do I.
"Hey, dumbass!" Ariel snapped her fingers to alleviate me from my trance.
Startled, my eyes darted over her. "What?"
She raised both of her hands in disbelief. "You weren't even listening! I cannot believe this human." She grumbled angrily in the midst of the loud chattering noises.
"Sorry, I had a lot in mind." My eyes returned to Rafiq.
A perfect girl for him, sitting across from him. A girl that has a great reputation, perfect success, and really beautiful features.
Chloe Moonlight.
Maybe this is just a fit of simple jealousy? As he stared at her with a smile stuck on his face while she was throwing a fit of laughter because of his jokes.
But why would I be jealous? I don't like him.
He already had a date with my best friend, he had all the pretty girls literally on his feet. I'm nothing compared to them.
What in the hell am I thinking?!
"Is it about him? Do you like him?" She grinned ear to ear.
"W-who? Rafiq? No!" I protested with a sheepish smile.
"You do like him."
Cause not even in a million years that he would look at me the same way he's looking at the girl he was staring at.
"What are you talking about?!" I scoffed.
"Then how do you know I was talking about Rafiq?"
But why I get the feeling, after all those millions of years, I would still be standing; waiting for him?
I gulped. "A lucky guess..."
She propped both of her elbows on the table. "Tell me everything."
"I don't know. There's a lot of questions around him."
"You're curious about him?"
"I was wondering about his life outside of the school. His home, his part-time job, and his family."
"You want me to ask him?"
"W-what?! No!" I urged as I looked at her straight in her eyes.
"Sure?"
"Positive!"
"Why not you become friends with him? That way you can just ask him."
My gaze returned over him. "To be honest, I don't know what to ask."
The way Chloe was looking at him made my stomach churned in agony. There's something about it that made me felt nauseous.
I darted my eyes on Ariel. "Enough about me. How's the date?"
She tsked, frustrated. "I thought you'll forget about it, goddammit!"
"I never forget things."
She sighed in surrender. "It was fine. We went for dinner in this cute little restaurant near the-"
"Wait a minute! Dinner?!" I cut her short.
Flustered, her eyes went wide open. "Yes...?"
"I met Rafiq at 10 am in the morning after his date. I thought you're 'the girlfriend.'"
"What?! Rafiq is not my date." She scoffed.
"Then who is?"
"It was Dean. Dean Raven!" She shrugged before continued. "I am not a hoe, Zachary Starr. I won't steal your man."
Without hesitation, I replied. "He is not my man."
"Yeah, right."
My eyes caught a tall and towering silhouette walking right towards us. "Speaking of which, Dean is walking right at us."
"Really?!" She abruptly turned around.
He smiled sweetly when they made eye contact. "Hey, guys. Mind if I join in?"
"Knock yourself out." I waved him off.
"Hey, babe." He kissed Ari, which caused her to giggle like a little girl.
"This is shocking news," I stated bluntly.
"I'm sorry. I was gonna tell you but I didn't expect things escalate quickly." She gave an apologetic look.
"It's okay tho."
Quickly, she raised. "You're mad."
"No, I wasn't."
"Oh god, I should've known this. Zac, I'm so sorry for not telling you." Her voice started to break and tears began welling in the rim of her eyes.
"Ari, it's okay. I'm not mad, you're just overthinking." I pressed.
"Hey, it's alright. He's not mad at you." Dean soothed while rubbing her back up and down.
A slight hint of pressure was present underneath my chest. Aching severely like it was stabbed millions of times. The way Dean was able to comfort Ariel made me feel that way.
I envied my best friend for she had found a caring man for herself. I envied her for I never found the meaning of true love. I envied his boyfriend for he got the most amazing woman I've ever seen.
It was not the envy that could lead to hatred but rather cause me to feel hopeful. Hopeful that someone might do the same for me. Care for me as much as the two souls in front of me now.
She wiped the tears off her cheeks before chuckled sheepishly. "Oh gosh. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick."
So, she stood up and went to the bathroom, leaving only the two of us.
Once she was out of sight, I smirked at the figure in front of me. "So, you and Ari huh?"
"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
"Tell me, how did all of these happen right underneath my nose without me realizing them?"
At first, he gulped.
He was hesitant to answer my question but then his eyes found my cold glare and he quickly straightened his back.
"I had a crush on her since sophomore but I never really got the chance to get close to her. That is until the assignment that Mr. Johnson gave us. I confessed to her and asked her out."
I let out a nonchalant smile. "Congratulations. She likes you too."
"Really?! She never told me that." He seems surprised.
"She talked a lot about you. She said that you're cute, hot, and funny." I lied.
I only did this to calm him down, it's the silence before the storm.
"On a side note, she is my friend. My best friend. So if you're thinking about playing her, I'll come and get you." His face fell down to a pale color.
"Break her heart, and I'll break your legs. Not only that, but I can also break your scholarship too." There were beads of sweat on his forehead.
He nodded profoundly.
The clicks of her heels indicating that Ariel had returned from the bathroom.
"Sorry, I did my makeup." She slid to the seat next to Dean.
"It's okay." He replied with a smile.
Ariel had a concerned eyes over Dean as he fiddled with his fingers. "Dean, are you alright? You look pale."
"Y-yeah! I'm alright." He was quick to reply.
Her eyes trailed towards me.
"Zac, what did you told him?" Ariel asked.
A smile etched up my face. "Just a little heads up."
"'Heads-up' as in warning or 'heads-up' off of his shoulders?" She lifted one of her eyebrows.
I only shrugged as a response and grinned deviously at Dean.
**********
These days, I always think about Rafiq.
I wonder...
If his smile causes a spark to ignite in me. If his laugh was contagious enough to make me smile. If the very existence of him was the essence of my peace.
I wonder...
If he's the deep night that brightens my starlight. If he's the very fire to lift my spirit. If he's the very ocean that calms my thunderstorm.
I wonder...
If we're being very light for each other.
The gust of the cold air gushed on my skin as my eyes stayed statically on the target board.
Deep breath, inhale.
Exhale and release!
A whoosh sound was heard as the arrow cut through the air in a swift motion before a soft thunk as the arrow hits the ground instead of the target.
"Fuck!" I said between clenched teeth.
"Whoa! Language, young man." Ms. Watson hit me with her clipboard.
"Sorry, Coach."
"I thought you said you never miss." She teased with a smile.
"Well... there's a first thing for everything right?"
"That's the fifth time you missed in a row." She gave me an apologetic smile.
"I know."
"Are you okay?"Her voice turned into a concerned one.
I only nodded to reassure her.
She nodded while she pursed her lips before she blew the whistle three times. We took her sign and went to pick up the arrows.
The archery team always practice near the woods as there would be no one walking by.
I don't know why but being here in the field made me calm. The serene sound of the rustling leaves as the breeze passed by, the quiet cool air, and the peaceful lights from the edge of the woods.
On my way back to my lane, a cheerful voice came interrupting my quiet peace.
"Hi!" He beamed repeatedly as I ignored him.
I was standing in my stance and he was still talking. "How come the legendary Starr missed?"
"I'm not Hawkeye, you know." I simply replied as I snapped the nock onto the bowstring.
"But still, you're one of the best."
"Why are we talking?" I draw the arrow onto my anchor point before I aim at the center of the target.
There's a silent pause for a moment and I assumed that he realizes that I want to be left alone.
"I-I will be your subs for the next game." Startled, I unintentionally released the grip of my finger.
The arrow hit the center of the target, earning 10 points.
But it was another's target, next to mine.
"WHAT?!" I exclaimed in rage.
His smile fell down into a frightened frown. "D-didn't Coach tell you?"
"Apparently..." I muttered to no one as I trudged my way to Ms. Watson.
"I was replaced?!" I demanded.
She seems a little taken aback. "Oh, I was gonna tell you that. Yes, Damien's gonna replace you for the game next week."
"Why?"
"Your father told me to. I thought you already knew." Her forehead creased.
I closed my eyes as I mentally groaned.
"Can you revoke it?" My voice came out almost like a desperate plead.
"Sorry, Zac. Parents' consent is a must if you're conforming to a match." She gave me a sad smile.
********
The orange canary slowly dropping low, nudging the violet iris tinted sky.
I felt like a part of me was attached to them through some sort of connection that I can't see. But I can feel in my blood as if the walls of my veins fused with theirs, their very existence was the very essence of my happiness.
I placed the bow and quiver of arrows in the trunk with a sigh. Ariel chucked her duffle bag into the trunk before she made herself comfortable in the passenger seat.
The third silhouette passed by me without saying a word and sat down in the backseat quietly.
I climbed on the driver's seat before turning the engine into loud revs.
All of us just had training; Ariel had cheerleading, I had archery and the third guy had football.
"I love this new car." She threw her gaze to every corner of the car.
"Volkswagen Arteon. My dad just bought it."
"You're one lucky bitch." She nudged my arms.
"I like my old car better but he insisted on taking it." I rolled my eyes.
"Why?"
"He told Coach Watson to disqualified me and I got subbed by a sophomore!"
"At least, you got a new car."
I bit my lower lips as I drove out of the school ground.
Suddenly, Ari grabbed my hand. "Stop, stop, stop! Isn't that Rafiq?"
I squinted my eyes to get a better look. "Yes, it's him."
He was walking alone on the sidewalk, eyes on his phone.
"So?"
"So?"
"Give him a ride home, asshole!"
"We already have a stray." I pointed my thumb towards the backseat.
I looked at Dean through the rearview mirror. He was apparently nervous as he was sweating and his skin was white as a sheet.
"Is your boyfriend's constipated?" I whispered to Ari.
She turned around to take a peek before returned back to me. "I think so." She whispered.
"But anyhow, the more the merrier. Right?" She was basically pleading me.
"Fine, you ask him," And with that, she quickly got out of the car and approached Rafiq.
It didn't take a long before Rafiq was following behind Ari.
"Thanks, Zac." Rafiq thanked me as soon as he closed the door of the passenger door.
"You can drop me at the cafe." He mentioned.
I gave him a simple nod.
I sneak a peek through the rearview mirror just to found Ari was comforting Dean by holding his hand.
Again, that feeling.
I ignored the thoughts as I kept my focus on the road.
I don't know what I felt. I was confused either it was the envy or hope that I feel when I saw them both.
Envy of what they had or hopeful of what I might have.
My eyes found Rafiq's. The twinkling lights inside his eyes.
I was confused...
But when I looked at him, I know what I felt.