CHARLIE
The next day, precisely after lunch I came up the huge Victorian sidewalk, my movements slowed by the snow baked paths. It was finally snowing properly, and the Christmas chill hung about, lighting an overexcited puddle down my spine. It was certainly refreshing to know that the year was closely drawing to an end.
Standing on tiptoe, I carefully inserted the fresh stacks of letters into the blue flapped mailbox, sighing as I looked up to the entrance door expectantly. It opened almost as once - Carlie stepping out into the porch only on tight shorts. An unusual sight. I felt my greeting get caught in my throat, the area around my crotch tightening.
I blinked back my shock as he came down slowly toward me. He looked so surreal, with his auburn locks sticking to his temples.
He'd just been out the shower.
"Hi, Carl." I beamed, fighting against my willpower not to let my eyes trail down his slender body. It was useless, if not impossible and at the last minute, I just had to dart my eyes down to his clingy shorts.
They hugged his pale thighs so much that I couldn't withhold a lust-filled gasp.
Pathetic.
"It's finally snowing!!" he exclaimed, spreading his arms out joyously. "I'd felt it coming for days."
"I thought you hated the snow," I frowned at him worriedly. He pouted, giving my outstretched arm a spank. "Live or learn young man."
I guffawed quietly, retrieving my hand back to my sides. "I think you should go back in and put on some thick clothes. I wouldn't want you to fall sick because of me."
"You don't have to care, Charlie." he muttered, then glanced up to meet my blank eyes. "Trust me, there are a lot more things hurting me right now than this stupid cold,"
I stiffened at this, his words sinking in. He stared straight ahead, the tension and distinct sensation between us beginning to grapple. He was beautiful, and I very much knew he loved me so why was he saying all these?
"I don't quite get why you're speaking to me this way. Honestly, I feel there is no need for it, let things remain the same between us both."
"That's the problem there Charlie," his voice gathered a louder momentum then fell. "You should know I'm the least good at pretending. I can't keep convincing myself that things would change, I mean I want things to change but you don't. I can't ignore the feelings anymore, I can't stop thinking about being with you for every single minute. Believe me, it hurts. And you know nothing about it." he turned partly away from me.
I sighed, still awestruck by his much too blunt revelation. Surely it'd feel irking to hear someone confess so plainly about how they felt but it only becomes better with time.
"Forgive me, Carlie. I really couldn't understand all these while. But now I do, and I respect you for that. I respect your courage."
He rubbed at his temples for a few minutes. "It's alright. I wouldn't have expected you to. Maybe I need to fix myself. So, I met Gin a few days ago and she told me about Freddie instructing her to remove her pregnancy,"
"Damn," I cussed in disbelief. "When was this? Besides Freddie's visiting his Mom down at Bald Rope. He won't come back till Tuesday and he certainly didn't mention anything about Gin."
"About two days ago. They both seem estranged and Gin wouldn't talk to me. It's getting depressing, really." he whispered the last part, wringing his fingers intermittently.
I nodded slowly. "I'll see how I can reach out to him. And you're right, they are estranged. Been through a lot and Freddie won't let go."
"Please, we could help them. I'll see how I can check up on Gin later on." he turned back to the house, then stopped as though recollecting something. "Um... and Charlie." I paused as we both locked eyes momentarily. A communal silence latched onto the atmosphere. "Could we both stay away from each other? Just for the time being. We both need to reconsider our choices, find a new meaning for our actions. I'm so sorry but I feel it's just the only way for me out of this."
His eyes held compassion. A muffled one he was trying so hard to suppress, one I may not return. It caused a strange stirring deep down within and just when he shut the door, disappearing further into the house, I was left with a dawning realization.
I did like him, but perhaps I was starting to like him a little bit more than I should.
‡‡
"Give me one hell of a reason why I should listen to whatever crap you've got to say right now? What's the matter with you?! You've got him right there on the hip. Tell me what's stopping you??" Carter yelled, throwing his arms up in frustration.
"I've got a ton of reasons," I sat cross-legged across from him, unfazed by his petty tantrum. "You for one. Honestly, you've got to give up this idea of yours that somehow Charlie would be able to reciprocate my feelings. He's so not gay and I hate thinking about how much time we'd have when there's nothing vital to expect. It's time to move on."
"There, there you have it. You're so faithless that it ticks me off every single time. Oh, and here was I thinking we're finally getting somewhere with this."
"Charlie's gonna avoid me next if I hadn't done this. So, he finds out I love him. Big deal, what did he do? He backed off. He didn't even speak to me last time. This is the reason I never wanted you to advise me in the first place. I figured it'd come down to this."
He huffed, chin up defiantly. "You're just being a chicken,"
"Maybe I am, or am not. What I want you to do is stop telling me what needs to be done, or how to handle my private life. It doesn't work. Soon all these will blow over and we'd go back to how we've been before."
"One thing you shouldn't underestimate is change, Carlie. It comes as a soft feeling, a tingling sensation that with time makes it's way out. I'll be here till it comes. Only afterward will I finally leave you."