The sunlight makes me open my eyes. I sit up slowly. I don't have an energy to make anything so I sit in the silence. The past memories are eating me alive. Then I remember that nightmare and my body trembles. My hands become cold and I feel a hot tears sliding on my cheeks and then disappearing in my shirt. It's raining outside. I let out a shaky breath.
I hear footsteps and then I look away at the direction of the sound. Its him. Noah.. He sits next to me, he is looking outside of the window. I feel a new wave of tears build up. The fragments of memories of yesterday flashes in my mind. I grab a pillow and hug it. I feel unsecured and the emotions are swallowing me. Emotions, which I was hiding so good until he appeared in my life. He looks at me after a few moments of staring, then opens his arms and waits for me to hug him. I hug him and I could not dare to make a sound.
-Let it all out, until it eats you inside...
His voice is so calm and full of warmth. It was all I needed. I start to cry aloud and hug him, murmuring quietly not to leave me with this feelings, which were built for years. I cry for everything. From anger, sadness, for the hell I was trying to erase from my memory. From the pain I was hiding all this time.
After some hours of crying I stop feeling that heaviness. My head is on his legs and he rubs my hair softly. He is quietly singing some song that comforts me.
-I have a feeling I know you...
I say quietly. He stops for a moment, then continues. I turn over to look at his face. He smiles slowly, but it contains pain, sadness and guilt.
-I am sorry...
He says it so quiet I barely can hear. His eyes get teary and he closes them, trying to calm himself. Than he tries to get up but I make him stay in the place. I feel a little bit dizzy because of the fast movement and shut my eyes for a second. He is not looking at me. He gets up again now escaping and goes to the door.
-Noah..
I say weakly getting up, but I can't stand and start to fall down. He grabs me until I fall.
-I should not come..
-Why are you..
He cuts me off and when he says that sentence, it causes deep pain in my chest.
-You don't understand...
His tears escape from his eyes and his voice is so broken, but next sentence makes me cry..
-I can't lose you again... I can't survive that pain again... Not again... please...
He cries and sits on his knees, I grab his head and place on my legs. I try to calm him. I rub his black hair softly.
We are in silence for hours until someone knocks at the door. He gets up slowly and goes to the door. He talks with someone, but I can't hear because I am drown in my ocean of thoughts. I flinch when he grabs me in his hands placing me on bed. Then he leans on to the commode and I see two plates of soup. He gives me one and we start to eat. I am not hesitating to eat it. But I try to swallow it not tasting. He smiles at my behavior and so am I.
After finishing our dinner we get in the bed covers. His head is on my chest and I am rubbing his hair again knowing that he likes it. Then I hear him sobbing.
-I am so sorry... I am really sorry Al... I...
I was murmuring in his ears soft and comforting words until he fell asleep. I was thinking about everything. But mostly my mind was occupied by him. His behaviors scared me so much. His mood was like an ocean. Sometimes he was so calm and next time he was a tsunami. But like every ocean, he was deep and mystic. I could drown in him and never regret for my actions. I knew from the first time I saw him I was going to fall in love with him. I don't know when I fall asleep, but something warm brushes on my chin and I slowly open my eyes. I smile when I see him smiling too saying that its already a noon. We are laughing, smiling and have a war of pillows. I feel alive and I don't want to awake from this beautiful dream. But... every dream ends... I couldn't imagine that just a happiness for an hours was forbidden for me...
That night my one of the most horrible nightmare become alive...
***
He mentioned at my scar on my belly, which was way to deep and long cut , then he asked me who did it. I was silent for a long time and with a shaky voice I said that I couldn't tell him. He was going to say something, when someone knocked at the door. It was Jayden.
-Hi beautiful.
I rolled my eyes, which made both of them smile at me. They were talking about something, but my thoughts were somewhere else.
-Lets change and go to the living room, we should talk about something with my members.
-Okay.
***
-Would you go with me at ball-masquerade?
-Why are they inviting you?
-Because of my business. Are you coming or should I find a new partner?
He smirked at my already angry face. He smiled and went out of the room. I was going to go back to my room, when Jayden called me.
-Hey, wait a minute please. So, what I was going to say?! ooh.. Yes. Could you and Sapha go together for shopping? Please, the bodyguards will be by your side.
-Why don't you go with her?
-I have a lot more things to do, like seeing my dog. Please?!
He was hoping I would agree with it, if he mentioned a dog?! What an idiot.
I had a long, unpleasant and painful conversation ahead, so I went to the bathroom to take a bath to calm my nerves, which were already torn apart by the thought that she will hate me after this conversation.