As usual, Panda King corners me when I am least prepared.
Ever since I returned, I've been spending any free time I have, cooking and doing random chores to keep my thoughts away.
As I clean the chicken meat with the biggest kitchen knife, I hear his voice from behind me.
"Why have you been avoiding me?"
I hack away as I answer without turning around, "I haven't."
"So why have we not spoken properly in a week?"
"It doesn't bother me." I shrug as I continue slicing.
"Tin Gold!" He shouts into my ear and I jump, the huge knife still in my hand. His ocean eyes stare in horror at the knife. When did he come and stand next to me?
"What?" I ask in boredom.
"C-can you put that away first?" He hasn't taken his eyes off the knife.
I grin and put it aside. "Sorry Pan."
"You've been acting weird." He says after making sure he is out of danger of being attacked with the knife.
"What do you mean?"
"You cook more than usual, you do the servants' chores and you don't eat like you used to." He says in concern.
My face heats up. When did he start paying so much attention to my habits?
"I–I just want to be useful." I smile shakily.
I feel his arms around me as he hugs me from behind. My entire body is on fire at his touch and closeness. Does he do this to his other male friends too? I should ask Wade.
"You're already my bodyguard. You don't need to do anything extra." His breath inside my ear makes me shiver in his arms.
What is this reaction? Why is my body liking this more than I should? Without realising it, I am already leaning back into him.
"I just don't want to be alone." I confess. Why am I suddenly telling him? Is it this strange atmosphere around us which is making my mouth blurt things out?
"You're not alone Tin." His arms tighten, "I'm here."
I nod and my heart is overwhelmed with emotions at his words. "Thank you Pan." I sniff.
"Are you crying?" He asks in surprise.
"N–no. It's the onions." I lie.
"You haven't cut the onions yet."
I laugh, "I thought you were going to continue being sentimental."
"You're not angry with me anymore are you?" Pan says quietly.
I shake my head, "I was never angry at you Pan. I just had a lot of personal things to deal with and I didn't want to burden you." I half-lie.
The main reason was because I was scared he might have heard my conversation with Wade that day and found out that I was a woman. That's my biggest fear now. I've been his bodyguard for almost a year now.
"Pan."
"Yes?"
"I need to continue cooking." I say, staring down at his hands.
"Oh sorry." He says quickly, removing his arms.
I smile to myself. Is Pan embarrassed?
***
Meeting Hans for the first time since I returned as Pan's bodyguard feels comforting. Hans has always been close to my family and I. Mum and Dad used to joke that he was their third son.
Without Hans' moral support, I wouldn't have been able to pull myself together after my mother's funeral. I have come to realise how much I rely and am dependant on him.
"Your hair looks longer." Hans smiles as he sits opposite me. I touch my hair. He is right. It's almost shoulder length now.
"I'm surprised. I thought it would get worse after..."
"Maybe it's your mother's wish from heaven to give you healthy hair." Hans smiles warmly. He always knows what to say.
"Maybe." I grin.
"What did Panda King say about the Theodore Emmet case?" Hans asks.
"Theodore managed to get away by bribing the police." I reply. "Which means Pan is in danger right now because a man like Theodore Emmet won't sit still and let him live happily."
Hans' green eyes stare at me seriously, "You're really worried about him."
"What do you mean?"
"You worry about Panda King as more than his bodyguard." Hans states.
Confused at Hans' words and behaviour, I shrug, "We're more like friends these days."
"I don't think so." Hans' face is still serious as he speaks, "Don't tell me you have feelings for him?"
I laugh awkwardly, "No way! Why would I? For that kind of person?"
"Don't lie to me Tin. How long have we been friends? I can read your face like a children's book."
"I promise, I don't feel anything." I lie through my teeth, crossing my fingers behind my back. It's not like Pan will find out my true feelings about him anyway.
Hans relaxes, "That's good."
"I'm worried about Dad and Mint. Can you keep an eye over them whilst I'm at work please?" I say. I've spoken to Dad through Pan's phone but ever since Mum's passing, I know Dad has been feeling lonely.
Mum and Dad have always loved each other deeply. We might not have been rich, but my parents always emphasised that love is enough for them.
Although I might seem money hungry, as long as I can help my family, I am satisfied enough. I know Mum was wishing for me to find someone who is sincere and will love me honestly. That is the reason why I have to get rid of these feelings for Panda King. He will definitely hate me once he finds out that I have lied to him about my entire identity.
"What are you thinking about so deeply?"
"Nothing." I give Hans a small smile.
Yes, I should forget about my futile feelings for Panda King before anyone realises.