"Would you mind if we become friends? I'd love to have your number." Asin, who am I not to give you my number. Don't you know you are like the manner God sent from heaven? I quickly stretched my hand to input my whatsApp number on her phone. I mean, we guys can be so so cheap ehnnn. She walked away promising to call me. It was not long to that time when I dashed home like how fast Usain bolt can be and started spying on my phone like a vigilante guarding a street. When this bea go call na? call me na.
At exactly 7pm my phone, asin she don call o. my heart begin dey dance like say my mind be the DJ. I reached out my hand to pick the call and I saw it was kemi. Oh, why this girl call me na? hmmm...but, I fit just do this girl commot eye o. asin I will just delete her face, imagine say na another face. She kukuma get kekpus na abi, shebi she get sharper wey fit sharpen my pencil. Na in the night the package go make sense well well. Asin na in the night e go sweet make she unpeel my cassava and eat it raw without cooking. Oya make I pick her call.
"hello kemi"
"you ehn... you promised you would call but it was only a lie"
"ah! It is not like that o... honestly, I have been so broke these days and lectures have been tight too. You are always on my mind and I am the happiest guy that you called this evening. I have been thinking of how to reach you. "
"So, my whatsapp no dey work again since you no get card abi?"
"Kemi, you mean me o, oya come my side let us see."
"okay" it wasn't long, perhaps less than 30min kemi had reached my place. This she looked better than the last time. She wore a trouser and a top some sort of a singlet. I could see vividly the color of bra she was wearing and in same manner I was able to deduce that she was a typical example of the Naire Marley was signing about. "A so po to yii, aso lefi bo" you know the song na. in same way, I was able to see from her trouser that her buttocks rounded like that of a water melon such big and structured. Ah! Wait shey I blind before ni?
"kemi will you eat beans?"
"hmmm... who prepared it?"
"me na. who else? I am a very good cook o"
"oya keep me small, let me taste." I gave her some beans and she ate and requested for more.
"Funky, be like say your talent na to dey cook beans"
"ehn ehn... lemme o, is it your talent?" I dished her another plate of beans and while handing it to her I hold her hand to come sit on the bed and she did. Ehn ehn, na signal be this o. Normally, she suppose question me na but she no do. Kikiki make I advance my strategy. I waited patiently for her to finish her food while I was seeing some videos on my phone. Immediately she finished eating. I quickly off my sim just in case Jeruel will come and call and spoil my mission. I mean no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper. So I began.
"kemi, I like your hair o. what's the name of this style" I placed my hand stylishly on her hair I began to rub it back and forth
"Its boom. Hmmm it has been long I did it self. I need to do another hair" I marveled in my mind asin see me see trouble. Who is asking you story. Who tell you your hair fine gan... if not for kongi, E no go better for kongi! I moved closer to her In a way our body could feel each other. we laid on the bed and I placed her head on my chest.
"so, since when have you plaited this hair"
"since last two weeks o. I should just see money do another one. Funky come and do hair for me na" I laughed like an Hyena again. asin if I lambam you slap, your eyes will somersault like car wey get accident. Asin, do you know me? Me know you? Know me you? Don't get me started o.
"how much is the hair?"
"just 1,500k"
"ok... I will give you on Saturday."
"hmmmm... thank you dear" see this one. If I give you make I die, make trailer jam me make I no enter heaven. Me give you...weytin? You don't know, Ooin!
"why is your lips so tender and soft, also the aroma that shower from your body is sweet just like a rose oil." I began to slowly rub my hands gently on her lips and before she knew what was up I am already kissing her. At first she wasn't kissing back.
"funky stop, mmmm stop,stop.."
stop weytin make I stop make I catch leprosy. Today na today no be tomorrow. Emi irumole, I gently placed my hand on her bress and rubbing it back and forth. We sha unbolito ourselves. We fired for three rounds nonstop. Its 10pm now and she was already fast sleeping. Lobatan this girl go sleep for my side. Hope no be say this girl dey think say she don get boyfriend liadis? Wo! No go dey think weytin no possible o. asin it is just like future present impossible tense. It wasn't long I laid my head and slept off too.
The next morning I had walked Kemi home and was already dressing to go out when I remembered my sim had been turned off and I was expecting a call from Jeruel. It wasn't up to 5 seconds when I turned on my sim that a message came through. It was from Jeruel and it reads; "hey! Its Jereul. I tried your line severally but it's off. Guessed your battery is down. When you get this message call me." Why I come dey suddenly happy liadis? Something dey worry me? Why I dey happy na? kikikii she don reach me o, she reach me o. I quickly called her.
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Glossary
Asin– As in
Dating–dating– Date
I no fit– I no fit
Japa– gone
Wey– who
Go dey– will
How far– how are you?
Bobo– Guy
I no get– I don't have
Dey– is
No lele na– no problem
Throw me abeg– give me
Make we see how she go be– let us see how she will look like
Run like goat wey Dem dey chase– run like a goat on pursue
If the girl no fine nko?– what if she is not beautiful?
She no kuku Sabi my face– she can't recognize me
Na to turn back run sharperly– just take a run for it.
Where you dey na– where are you?
Emi ika– evil me
Na weytin I wan hear be that– that's all I want to hear
I just long neck my head– I took a look from afar
Dey shake like agama lizard– shaking like agama lizard
Begin dey roll my eyes– rolling my eyes
Like say e be CCTV camera– like it's a CCTV camera
Swear down– swear
Werey–mad
Ogun– a god
Mtchew– hissed
Suya– meat
Garri– local food
Temi taa paa bi guguru– I am doomed
Vex– angry
Sango– a god
Kukuma –has
Ketpus– virginal
Unpeel my cassava– off my pant
Eat it raw without cooking– suck my dick
Lemme– leave me
Kongi– dick
Lambam you slap– heavy slap
Weytin– what
Emi irunmole– evil me
Liadis– like this
Unbolito– sex