They say that those in pain want nothing more than the happiness of others once healed. As for me, well, I'm neither a pacifist nor a saint, so I don't know what it feels like not to blame anyone. They say that destiny is created by our choices, yet not until that moment had I never done such evil acts as to lead me to such an epilogue. Could it have been my lack of judgment? I don't know, and I'll probably never find out. The one thing I am sure of is that most of the time the sufferer shifts the blame on someone else, and that's what I did too. Hating others is always easier than hating yourself.
***
I was in pain. Every single muscle in my body felt numb. I was breathing hard, and I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't even remember where I was or what had happened. I probably injured myself while playing baseball and now I found myself in the hospital with perhaps a head injury and some bruises.
Yet I was sure I hadn't been doing sports that day.
In addition to the physical pain, there was something else that prevented me from moving. I had a tingling sensation in my wrists, as my legs were so numb they seemed non-existent.
I could hear the noise of some machinery in the distance, and the more time passed the louder the sound became.
After a while, I don't know how much exactly, but I was pretty sure it had been at least half an hour, I was finally able to slightly open my eyes.
I was immediately dazzled by a white light above me, which seemed to have been pointed at my eyes.
After several failed attempts I managed to open my eyes again, but what I saw was far more disturbing than the feeling of weakness I felt up to that moment.
All around me there was machinery unknown to me and several metal tables. Only then did I realize I was lying on a mattress similar to the ones they use in hospitals. Everything was blurred like there was some kind of fog parting me from my surroundings.
But when I tried to push a few strands of hair away from my face, I found out that I couldn't move my arms. Raising my head slightly, I immediately noticed sturdy leather straps that kept me tied to the bed by my wrists and ankles and a white hospital gown I was wearing.
Panicking, I began to struggle against the restrictions, but it didn't help. Looking around frantically, I searched for anything that might have allowed me to escape. Unfortunately, on the metal table next to me, there was nothing but a stack of papers and books.
I tried to scream several times, but my voice didn't come out. Every single cry died on my lips.
My head was spinning, and I knew I wouldn't have the energy to escape from that place anyway. Now resigned, I began to think about how I got there.
After many minutes spent in silence, some memories came back to my mind.
The last thing I remembered was walking along with a young man in a dark corridor.
Suddenly, I remembered going to Skyard Inc. for my new job and taking the elevator with someone else.
There must have been an error.
I came there because I was going to work with some scientists.
The more I thought about it, the more I remembered.
I recalled opening a heavy, metallic door and seeing some flashing lights.
That was it. I was walking towards the laboratory where Doctor Ishida was waiting for me before passing out.
A soporific dart. That's all that came to my mind when I tried to remember what happened. I only saw these in action movies, not even in real life.
"There must be a mistake..." I thought as I started panicking again.
Why did someone shoot me? Where was I and why was I chained to a bed? Did I do something wrong?
All those questions remained unanswered, but the feeling of anxiety that I had since I woke up quickly raised inside my chest, leaving me breathless. But even if I searched in my memory for something bad, I would have found nothing.
This wasn't a dream but at the same time, it felt ridiculously different from reality.
For the next five minutes, I desperately tried to wriggle against my restraints, only with the result of hurting myself.
Just when I thought that I would have stayed there until I died of hunger or thirst, the door swung open, revealing three people wearing long white coats.
On the verge of tears, I smiled, full of hope. They came to save me. They realized there was a mistake and had come to take me away from that hell.
The man in the center, the one who seemed to be speaking softly to the other two, smiled kindly and walked over to me. He was young, he must have been in his late twenties, his brown hair covered his forehead but left a pair of caramel-colored eyes uncovered.
I still couldn't speak, but I did my best to express my gratitude with a smile.
But my expression changed immediately as soon as the man sat down on a stool in front of me and took a small notebook that was placed on the table.
The bit of hope that was slowly growing inside me was blown away like a sandcastle at the mercy of the wind. I could feel the muscles in my face tighten, erasing the smile I had until a few seconds before.
They weren't there to save me.
The man in front of me was scribbling in his notebook, while the other two were standing in the corner of the room, away from me.
Shivers run down my spine as I quietly shook in my place, not daring to look away from the man in a white coat.
"Hello there, how are you?" asked the young man after posing the notebook on the table.
My eyes widened in surprise. His tone was friendly like I was some kind of little child that lost his parents in the crowd.
I couldn't talk and neither I wanted to, so I just silently gazed at his figure. After a few seconds, the man chuckled out loud and scratched his head. He could have been called cute, the way his cheeks became pink as he laughed was really adorable. I obviously didn't notice that at first, though.
"You must feel tired, Yuuya."
At those words, I started shaking violently. There was something wrong with the way he smiled. I couldn't think straight, my mind was fuzzy and all I was able to do was just listen and observe.
Then, the young man slightly stroked my hair. His fingers were warm against my freezing forehead, but it only made me shiver even more than before.
"From now on you can call me Hayato, pleased to meet you."
I wanted to scream, to ask him how he knew my name, but I couldn't move. That man, he was already aware of my name and acted like we already met in the past. My mind had gone blank, but I could still feel fear overflowing from every inch of my body. Unable to scream or think straight, I just stared motionlessly at the man who presented himself as "Hayato".
"You must be confused right now. Who wouldn't be?" he asked rhetorically. I just stared at him wide-eyed, paralyzed by the feeling of pure terror that was overwhelming every other rational thought.
"Well, Yuuya, let me briefly explain what's happening."
It took all my willpower to nod, and I wasn't even sure if he noticed my movement.
"Our team, formed by me and a few other scientists, is searching for another type of human evolution. There are people, in this world, that possess some genetic qualities that will prove our speculations to be true, and you are the first human being found by us. See this as a little science project in the name of evolution, sinning for a greater good." he explained with a soft voice.
My hands were trembling in fear, but all I could do was furrow my brows and listen to everything he said.
"I was extremely happy when I saw your blood draw results when you first came to Skyard Inc. Uh, that's right, your hand ached a little after that, didn't it?"
His expression completely changed from happy to concerned. It was like seeing my mother after I hurt myself while playing football.
I managed to nod, and Hayato smiled again, this time relieved.
"Good, just as expected. I heard you caused some problems at school in the past few years, but it won't be a problem. It may not seem, but I was a bit of a troublemaker myself when I was younger. It can't be helped, can't it?"
Something in his whole persona made me feel safe as if he genuinely cared about my well-being. But there I was again, sympathizing for someone who just admitted that they were the ones who locked me inside a room.
"Yuuya, I know you're scared, but I really want to be your friend, okay?"
But I didn't. I didn't need a friend, especially if that friend was a creepy stranger who worked for the "greater good".
"You're very special to me, and I hope you understand it. " he said, "I'm a believer, Yuuya, and I love humanity more than anyone else in this room. I like thinking that people like you and me can change the world, and to prove that I and my colleagues created a new theory. I've been called a heretic by many and a genius by a few, but the truth is that I'm just a normal guy who wants to change the world. But I need to finish this job in order to realize my dream."
I wasn't understanding a thing he said anymore. It was like listening to the radio while driving a car: you could hear it, but barely paid attention.
Hayato sighed out loud and clasped his hands together "But I guess that my little aspirations ain't on your list of priorities right now. What I'm trying to say, Yuuya, is that you are like a rare piece of an existential puzzle: essential to finish the whole picture. That's why we need more people like you, but unfortunately, only a few have the right qualities to finally evolve. Your cooperation is what I'm aiming for, but humans are short-minded, not everyone is willing to suffer for a greater good."
Suffer for a greater good? It sounded like only something a maniac would say. But the man in front of me didn't look like a crazy sociopath.
And it was at that moment that I realized the cruel faith that awaited me.
Hayato was willing to sin for the greater good, and someone had to suffer. He talked about evolution, at first I didn't understand what he was implying in those words, but the more he talked the more I seemed to realize. I was special, but only as a key piece in his little experimental game.
The truth is that I wasn't willing to suffer for anything other than myself. I didn't give a damn about the "greater good".
Just as I was about to scream, Hayato sat up from the stool and sweetly pinched my cheek "I don't want you to hate me, but I guess that everyone has to make some sacrifices in the name of science."
This time, his touch disgusted me. I observed as the three men made their way out of the room, shutting the door close as they disappeared.
A single hot tear stroke down my cheek.