Night. I've always loved the night. I usually spent the whole afternoon napping, so I found it difficult to go to bed after dinner. In the morning I found it hard to wake up, and most of the time with the result of being late for school. Of course Yoichi knew that, and sometimes he would even try to change my routine, but it only lasted for a couple of days and then it was back to the way it was before. To be honest, I preferred the night to the day, I felt more comfortable. I knew that everyone was sleeping, and that made me feel a sense of superiority, as if at that moment I could do whatever I wanted. Unlike most people, I was not at all afraid of the dark. Some say they're afraid of what is hidden in the shadows, but few know how to take advantage of being in them. I felt invisible, completely unreachable. But now perhaps the night and what it brings with it is my greatest fear.
***
I slowly opened my eyes, even though it cost me a lot of effort. Every muscle in my body seemed numb, but at the same time it hurt so much that I couldn't move. My ears were plugged, I could only hear the muffled sound of the machines next to me. My throat hurt so much, I couldn't even swallow without gasping.
It was all very confusing, or at least until I closed my eyes again.
Suddenly I heard agonizing screams and distant laughter as blurred, unclear images flowed before my eyes. Yet I was able to understand them immediately. They were my memories.
My breath hitched as I remembered everything that happened. I immediately felt a pain in my chest, even though I couldn't really tell if it was only my imagination. I wanted to try to get away, to escape, but my muscles were too sore to afford it. A couple of tears stroked my cheeks, even though I knew that crying wouldn't help.
For a moment I remained breathless. Everything that had happened was true, not a simple nightmare. I remembered the pain I felt, the agonizing screams, Mikami's smiling face, even the warmth of my skin. That's why my throat ached, why I couldn't even talk.
I gasped in silence, trembling from head to toe. I felt pitiful. But the most pathetic part was that only the thought of seeing Mikami again made me shake in fear.
What was going to happen after that? Was that part of Ishida's program? I really hoped not, but I knew that I was just lying to myself.
I suddenly hated the blonde-haired scientist more than ever. It was a different kind of hatred from the one I felt for Ishida, it was much deeper and desperate. I saw him smiling when I was screaming and twisting on that mattress. He tried to offload the blame on Ishida, who was in Russia at that moment. I couldn't call him a human being anymore, not after what happened.
But the most important thing right now was finding out what happened after I passed out. Sure, I was scared and confused, but a little part of my brain still worked correctly.
I was in my ordinary laboratory, but I noticed that there were a few more machines from the other time. I was still tied up to the bed, but that time the leather straps were much tighter.
I had a bad headache, but I knew that I wasn't in the position to ask for some painkillers.
A desperate laugh escaped my lips. I was going to die in that place by the hand of Mikami, and there was nothing I could do. Things like that happened only in cheap Hollywood films and books, not in real life. I started to think that maybe it was all a big nightmare. Maybe I was still at home, lying on my bed, waiting for being woken up by someone.
Suddenly, I recalled the conversation I had with Mikami: "In his last studies, he affirms that our brain continuously shifts in other realities, but that our "mind frequency", that's how he called it, it's set on a specific one. From what I understood, we're like radios: always ready to change the channel."
That was it. I didn't really understand what that meant or what was the final goal of Ishida, but it all had something to do with "mind" and "reality". Were they messing up my brain? I hoped not, since the only thing that I was still able to do was thinking.
Not even Mikami believed in Ishida's theory, but as far as I could tell no one cared that much. I knew that I was only a lab rat, destined to die from the beginning, but being killed just for a fantasy like that made me tear up.
I felt like a bird in a cage, mostly because that's what I really was. There was no doubt that Mikami was a real monster, but what about Ishida, the man who controlled everything behind the scenes? Thinking about him was like listening to an old ghost's voice. I could even imagine the brown-haired man in front of me, smiling gently while talking about the last book he read.
I couldn't even tell if that memory was a pleasant one or not. I was pitiful, yes, but now the only thing I could care about was how much I missed Ishida. The truth was that I wanted him to come back, I wanted to be treated like when he was there.
But in reality I was only desperate. I thought that maybe dying by the hand of someone who slightly cared about me was better than being killed by a sadistic scientist who liked playing chemistry set with my brain.
I was ashamed of my own thoughts, and still, I kept raising useless hope.
Only then I noticed the surveillance cameras in each corner of the room. My eyes widened in realization. In the past week I didn't even notice that my every move was constantly observed by someone. Still, I couldn't do much about that, and the only thing that came up to my mind it that moment was shooting a dirty look through the screen.
I tried to speak, just to verify, but the only thing that came out was a little moan. I could have asked for a glass of water, but I highly doubted that Miami would have blessed me with some actual food.
I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh, already despising the way my hospital-like gown smelled. My lips curled in a wry smirk as I recalled my last memories. What an awful ending for me.
From when I was little I was raised to be the best. During elementary school I was quite the popular kid, the teachers admired how much I studied at home and my father praised me during dinner. I was always considered above average, well, at least until high school. After my fifteenth birthday I decided that being a goody-two-shoes didn't make me happy, and so I decided to change my way of living. No one really cared, not even my own family. Maybe Yoichi was the only one that seemed somewhat disappointed, but I never really expected anything from him. Yeah, that's probably what anyone would call a loser's life. Well, I AM a loser, it was enough to look at the situation I was in to understand it.
While I brooded over my pitiful life, the door suddenly opened.
All of a sudden I wasn't able to move. My hands started trembling against my will and all I could do was to stare at the blonde-haired devil in front of me. It must have been a nightmare.
I didn't know how many hours passed since I woke up, but I had a hard time not thinking about what happened to me in the other laboratory. While clenching my jaw, I looked at Mikami straight in the eyes in an attempt to regain some confidence. Well, it didn't work.
Strangely, the man didn't even spare me a look, he just kept reading his notebook while opening some drawers under the metallic table next o me. I even tried to stabilize my erratic breath just to avoid drawing attention.
The last thing I wanted was to listen to him or worse, become his subject again. I was desperate, not dumb.
Sadly, my inner peace didn't last long.
"Finally awake, huh?" suddenly asked the blonde-haired man.
I frowned. His happy voice didn't quite match with his serious expression, but I couldn't talk so the only option was to stay silent and listen. Only then I realized that since I was kidnapped the number of times in which I wasn't able to talk largely increased. When I was still "free" no one ever prohibited me to speak.
I shot Mikami a dirty look, even though he couldn't see me.
"I must admit that you were really... how should I say? Ah, yes, really fortunate. Not many had the lack of passing out like you." he said before turning around.
My eyes widened. So there were others like me? My blood suddenly ran cold. Other people were in the same situation, even though Ishida told me I was the only one. They must have found others while I just laid aimlessly on a stupid mattress.
I stared at him wide-eyed, unable to think of anything if not about how many innocents were going to die like me.
I've never been a selfless guy, hell no, but seeing other suffer didn't make me happy either. And knowing that we've been through the same thing made me feel even worse.
Mikami just kept looking quizzically at me "I wonder what you're thinking about. I've never been good at reading people, but that's another thing we have in common I guess."
I didn't want to be associated with that monster. It was even more painful than comparing me to Ishida.
The blonde-haired man let out a deep sigh "Such a shame, really. At first, I thought you were some kind of scrapper, someone hard to break, but I guess I was wrong from the beginning. Too bad."
I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn't do anything if not thinking about my damaged pride. Mikami kept looking at me with a little grin, probably knowing that I was unable to talk. Being powerless isn't good, and it surely doesn't make you feel better.
Then, I saw the scientist picking a little needle from a set of at least twelve and coming towards me. I must have been looking quite scared since the man chuckled to himself. Was he going to do something like the previous time again? I was sure I wasn't going to survive if that was the case.
I started panicking, but I couldn't move so all I managed to do was just wriggling against my restraints like some kind of fish. I didn't even try to scream, nothing would have come out of my mouth even if I tried.
The man suddenly grabbed my bare arm and put a tourniquet around it. I gasped in shock as my muscles stiffened immediately. I found myself staring at Mikami in the eyes, finally aware of how much I feared him. His gray orbs were fixed on my arm, unlike the other day he didn't seem in the mood to talk.
"Don't worry. It's just a normal blood draw, just to check if anything changed. Oh, don't look so scared now, I don't bite." Laughed the man as he quickly took off the tourniquet and disinfected my arm.
I let a little smile spread across my face, but I soon regretted it because Mikami narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms "You know, I don't like speaking to test subjects, but somehow I always end up talking to you most of the time."
I didn't get what he was implying with that sentence, but I continued to look quizzically at him.
Mikami let out a little sigh "Yesterday I received a message from Dr. Ishida. It looks like in a few weeks he'll return here to check out some things before going away again. You must be happy, he'll probably come to see you too. The message was pretty long, and the only important thing he said was to check the blood pressure of the subjects every hour. Tch, that annoying prat, he just keeps bothering me. He kept asking if his dear Yuuya was doing well and how I planned to treat him. Pathetic. But you're doing fine, aren't ya? Now you're not even screaming like every time we see."
I wasn't listening to him anymore. Ishida was coming back. It was a pitiful belief, but maybe he could have done something for me. And being tortured by him instead of Mikami seemed more appealing than everything at that moment. It wasn't a pleasant kind of happiness, more like a desperate one. It didn't bring any joy, just a bit of hope. Miserable, yes, and I was really ashamed of thinking that, but at that moment it was all I could ask for.
Yes, Ishida would have treated me better than Mikami. I never thought that I could have actually stopped wishing for his disappearance, but there I was, hoping for his return.
I wouldn't say that I missed him, but that's the best way to describe how I felt.
I was a bird in a cage, waiting for his owner to come back.
Suddenly, Mikami clasped his hands and shot me an amused glance "Oh, you're so lucky. Not only you've got the possibility to meet your dear Hayato again, but you'll also see that guy, number 3 I think."
My eyes suddenly widened.
"W-Wilson... K-Kane...?" I managed to murmur. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to say sorry, even if I didn't do anything wrong. But that was pretty relieving: he was still alive. A companion in that unlucky imprisonment.
Mikami nodded a few times "Yeah, that's it. You must feel pretty bad for him, huh? I can't really blame you. He's going to spend his life here, and probably die in these laboratories too. You're both pathetic now, both pitiful beings forgot by society."
I did my best to clench my fists while biting my tongue so that I wouldn't have said anything stupid. That was really a low blow.
"T-They'll c-come to s-save me... m-my father's-" I started to whisper, but I was immediately interrupted by a dark giggle.
"Who? Your father? Aha, I didn't realize you were such a helpless brat. Do you really think Ishida planned to kidnap you without any plan? Are you still believing that everyone thinks about you just as "gone missing"? No, dear God no, your father is already aware of your unfortunate accident just next to Skyard Inc., where a drunk driver accidentally ran over a boy who was crossing the street." he said with a chilling voice.
I clenched my jaw, not even intentioned to say something. I had the feeling that no one knew about what happened, but I've never been sure until that moment.
"And the funniest part? Akira Kuroyami didn't even want to attend the autopsy. What a terrible son you must have been to not be missed by anyone even when dead?" he finished.
I stared at him wide-eyed, unable to breathe correctly. It was painful. My father never really loved me, I knew that, but I never thought he'd be indifferent to my death.
Was I really that miserable? I already knew the answer, but I was far too coward to admit it.